Chapter 15
LYRIC
I’m not mad. That would be silly. So what if he canceled plans?
He doesn’t owe me anything, not even an explanation.
And so what if I found out from Darcy that he went out with the guys?
He’s allowed to do that. It’s not like I own him.
He’s not even my boyfriend. Besides, it gives me an opportunity for a little girls’ night. And I do mean all the girls.
Darcy and Lou came over and we ordered pizza. While we’re waiting, Lou has decided she should paint our nails after we eat.
“What color would you like?” she asks me, holding open a rather large bag full of an assortment of nail polishes.
“She asked for those for Christmas,” Darcy adds.
“It’s a very impressive collection,” I say. “What do you have in the way of glitter?”
“Hmm,” Lou says, tapping her index finger to her chin. “How about this one?”
She holds up a bottle of super chunky purple glitter polish. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she’s been around me too long.
“I think that’s perfect.”
The pizza shows up a few minutes after Darcy selects a shimmery pastel pink shade. We eat and Lou gets the added treat of an ice-cold Coke while we all scarf down slice after slice. Say what you want, but when girls get together, we can pack away some food.
After my third garlic breadstick, I wash my hands and tell Lou I’m ready for my hand makeover.
Darcy pours two glasses of white wine and a second cup of Coke for Lou, but only after Lou swore not to tell her dad.
Darcy has such a natural motherly energy. God knows she’s been taking care of my hot mess for way too long.
“Do you think you’ll have more kids?” I blurt out the question so fast that I don’t have time to double-check it through my filter.
Darcy checks Lou, who seems too preoccupied with the cheese pull on her slice of pizza to have even heard me. She leans in closer to me, adopting a hushed tone.
“I’m fairly certain I’d already be knocked up if it was up to Ridge,” she says, pressing her lips together mischievously.
“He’s feral, Lyric. And he mentioned something about how hot I will look knocked up with his baby.
But I told him I don’t want to be pregnant on my honeymoon.
I mean, I told him we could start trying on the honeymoon, if he wanted. ”
“Wow, do you guys have a date picked?”
She goes on to explain that she really wants an October wedding, which I already knew, but that it means very soon or too far away, and she’s pretty sure she’s going to tell Ridge it needs to be the date that’s sooner, which is in, like, four months.
Jesus, here I am trying to survive a roommate-hookup situation, and my younger best friend is playing actual real-life house with kids and future plans and everything.
Hell, this time next year she could be very pregnant.
In truth, I’m a little jealous. I’m only where I am and doing what I’m doing because I don’t have what she has.
I want it, is what I mean. Maybe I didn’t know it until this moment, or maybe this is simply the first time I’m willing to admit it to myself, but I know the reason I was so disappointed when Waylon gave me the cold shoulder last year is because I’m ready to have something more, something real and wonderful.
Like my friend. I just didn’t know it yet.
“I’m so happy for you, Darce.” I wrap my arm around her and tug her toward me, giving her a big squeeze.
“Thanks. I’m happy for me too. You know, pretty soon it will be your turn.”
“I seriously doubt that.” I laugh, injecting a heavy dose of self-deprecation.
Then again, why can’t it be my turn soon? I suppose I would have to apply myself a bit more, be willing to actually go out on dates and see where things go. Of course, to do that, I would probably have to stop fucking Waylon.
“I need to tell you something.” My tone turns serious and I give her a look. My eyes shift from her to Lou and back to make my point.
“Lou, how about you go find a movie for us to watch in the living room?” Darcy says, ushering Lou out of the kitchen.
“What’s up?” Darcy asks, only after waiting long enough for the sound of the television to fill the space.
“I did a bad thing,” I say, slapping my hands on either side of my face.
Darcy looks at me with such worry. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”
The way she says that makes me feel like I just called her to hide a body.
“No, no, I mean it’s bad but not risk-of-prison bad.
I”—I lean in close—“I’ve been hooking up with Waylon for like a month, and we swore each other to secrecy, so I didn’t say anything.
But it’s been driving me nuts not to tell you, and now I think I’m at a crossroads and I need your help. ”
She stares at me, wide-eyed and mouth agape, but doesn’t say anything right away. Her head starts to nod slightly but then becomes increasingly more intense until I think she might rock herself right off her stool.
“Please say something.” I place my hands over hers, getting her attention.
“I have several questions that I’m going to skip over for the moment because I can see we’re in crisis,” she says before taking a sip of her wine. “But I will be circling back to them.”
“That’s fair.”
“I take it by ‘crossroads,’ you mean you’re not sure if you want to keep sleeping with him?” she asks.
“Oh no, I do want to. I’m just not sure if I should. Because where I’m beginning to think I’m ready for commitment, that ship with him sailed long ago, if you remember.”
“We shall not revisit the night we shall not mention,” she says, shaking her head.
“I mean, I’m being totally honest here, but Ridge tells me things.
Most notably where Waylon is concerned, it’s the fact that he says he’s nowhere near ready to settle down.
Ridge told me he said he’s at least five years away from wanting to settle down. ”
“Five years?” Fuck.
“I don’t think he’s in the same place you are,” she says, rubbing my forearm. “And I hate saying that because it’s pretty much every girl’s dream to have her best friend be with her boyfriend’s best friend so we can all grow old together.”
“Heh, yeah, well, I guess we will have to find another dream. Matching tattoos perhaps?” I laugh, but it comes out sounding somber and pathetic. “Waylon just isn’t the one.”
Saying the words out loud leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the finality of the statement. Maybe it’s because I had a lot of hope that… he was.
“I think I have to stop sleeping with him.” I sigh loudly. “It’s really, really good, but I’m not going to get any closer to what I really want by continuing to torture myself.”
“How good?” Darcy asks, finally circling back to the question she skipped.
The memory of his hands on my skin comes to the forefront of my mind. His mouth on my skin flashes next. His tongue against mine. Ugh. It’s all so fucking amazing.
“Good enough to make me consider getting a few more rounds in before I give it up.” I slap my hand over my eyes and run it down over my mouth. “But I won’t.”
I’m strong enough. Probably. I’ll just march home, and when he gets there, I’ll tell him. No more hooking up. Simple. Easy. And he’ll be totally fine because this is casual, and it’s not a big deal to him.
And that will be that. At least, I’m pretty sure.