24. Ashlie
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
ASHLIE
Me
Merry Christmas, Hunt!
Surviving the fam?
“ T his is so bizarre,” Willa whispers, unwrapping another gift. I glance at her as she juts her chin toward our parents. With their feet propped up on their worn brown recliners, they squint at the instructions for their new fitness trackers. My eyes wander to the old family picture hanging over the brick mantle. I think that might have been the last time we were all together like this. It’s nice having the four of us under one roof again. Weird, since it hasn’t happened for ten years, but still nice. “They haven’t asked us any questions about life in LA.”
“Huh,” I say distractedly, turning back to my laptop. “You’re right.” I’ll lose my nerve if I don’t focus on the swim director application on the screen. Ever since we got here, I’ve been working up the courage to fill it out. I think when I stood my ground with grad school, and Hunter and Willa backed me up, it gave me the little bit of confidence I needed to open the email again. Granted, I’ve stared at the blank form for two days now, nervous as hell.
Here we go…
I type my name into the first box and get a rush. My name is in there . I actually did it . I stifle the excited yip in my throat, keeping this milestone to myself for now. Feeling unstoppable, I cruise through the personal information section like I’ve never been anxious a day in my life. And then it asks about my prior swimming experience.
A thick coil forms in my throat, my stuttered breath racing along with my pounding heart. My eyes flick to the bookshelf where my old medals hang around a few small trophies, and I cringe. You’re not that person anymore . I quietly close my laptop and move it to the end table as a dark realization settles over me. Who was I kidding ? I can’t even look at a pool, let alone teach someone else to swim. You’re such a disappointment .
“You don’t think this is weird?” she whispers, snapping me out of my quick spiral. “It’s been five days, and everything is still light and fluffy…”
I crisscross my legs on the brown floral sofa and squint across the room, hoping to hide the melancholy growing inside. Failure .
“No lectures, no arguing. I haven’t left yet. You’re not crying.”
“Hey!” I whip around to glare at her. “I don’t cry every time…”
“Yeah, but you want to.” She bumps my shoulder and grins as she unwraps her last gift. I like the sisterly teasing we have now. All we did was fight growing up. I was sure she hated me, and was so hurt when she left, I didn’t reach out for years. It was only when we both ended up in LA that we reconnected, and I finally found out I wasn’t the reason she left Fort Bender.
“Okay, parentals,” Willa calls across the room. “What’s going on? We haven’t had a single lecture, and we leave for LA tomorrow.”
“I’m sure I could figure out a lecture if you really want one, Wilhelmina .” Mom peers over her glasses.
Willa throws a hand to her chest, gasping dramatically. “Not my government name! That was uncalled for.”
Mom tries to hide her amusement with a roll of her eyes, but it’s clear as day she’s enjoying this back and forth by the smile twitching at the corners of her mouth.
“We figured it would be better to have a nice holiday than to pick at you,” Dad says, dousing Mom’s attitude as it hangs in the air. The lamp beside him gives a lustrous shine to his bald head, spotlighting his dark brown skin.
“You two are grown and can make your own decisions.” Mom’s carefully measured words don’t match the pinched restraint on her face.
“If you want to share parts of your life with us, great. But we don’t want you to feel pressured, and we don’t want you to stay away for another ten years,” Dad adds.
“Who are you, and what have you done with Robert and Jackeline Willis?” Willa teasingly cocks her head to the side. “Ash, I think there’s something in the water. Do you feel okay?” She smacks my forehead with the back of her hand, pretending to check my temperature.
“Ha. Ha.” Mom crosses her arms. “We’re serious. We’re turning a new leaf. As long as you’re happy and healthy, then we’re happy. You know you can always come to us for advice.”
I look between my parents, then turn wide-eyed to Willa. “I think it’s body snatchers. Willa, I’m scared!” Covering my mouth in mock horror, I curl into her. Mom rolls her eyes, and Willa’s shoulder shakes against mine while we laugh.
“You two are so silly,” Mom says, failing to keep her giggles from escaping.
Dad smiles at the three of us for a while. “I’m glad you two made it home. I’ve missed this.”
“We’ll see how long it lasts,” Willa murmurs, giving me a look that conveys her skepticism.
My phone buzzes near my feet, and I dig through the shredded wrapping paper, tossing aside shiny ribbon fragments until I find it. Hunter still hasn’t answered my texts from this morning. His phone hardly ever leaves his hands, so with each new message I receive that isn’t from him, I get more and more anxious. He always answers me. Always.
I can’t even attribute this to what happened at the lodge, considering we’ve been fine since getting back to LA. The plane ride after Thanksgiving was quiet and awkward, with Hunter and me trying not to brush against one another. But by the time our Wednesday lunch rolled around, everything was back to normal. He may have kept a wider distance between us when walking to the restaurant, but our easy, joking banter was back with a vengeance. This delayed response from him is freaking me out.
My phone buzzes again, and my fingers finally grip the rubberized case. I expect some snarky sentence fragment from Hunter, but it’s not him. The disappointment that washes over me comes as a surprise.
Trevor
Merry Christmas!
Can’t wait to see you next week, pretty lady
Me
Merry Christmas. How’s the corn?
Trevor
It’s too EAR-ly to tell *wink*
Me
LMAO! That was so bad, Trev.
Trevor
Bet it made you smile though! Get anything good?
I did, actually. A package from Hunter showed up on my parents’ doorstep yesterday. Since I’m trying out old hobbies, he got me a few thriller novels, along with a gift card to Board’n’Books. It was a really sweet surprise.
“You okay?” Willa asks, watching me from her side of the couch. “Your face is all frowned up like you just smelled Mom’s mac and cheese.”
“Hey! I heard that.” Mom glares at us.
Fixing my face, I flash a grin. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I don’t know why I made that expression when I read the message. I like Trev; he’s the nice guy I should be looking for. But a message from him isn’t what I wanted to see right now. I shoot off another round of texts to Hunter.
Me
Did you lose your phone?
Should I be worried?
HUNTER…
“You sure you’re good?” Willa asks.
“Yeah. It was Trevor, actually.”
“Uh-oh. I thought you liked him…”
“No, I do. I just…was expecting it to be Hunter. He hasn’t answered any of my messages, and it’s almost lunchtime.”
“I’m sure he’s just busy with family stuff…”
“That’s what makes me nervous. I’ve seen the dynamic between him and his mom. I’m worried he’s spiraling.”
My phone rings in my hand, which is surprising since the only people who call me are sitting in this room. Kayla ? She definitely doesn’t call me .
“Hello?” I say slowly, convinced I’m the victim of a pocket dial.
“Ash, hey, um, Merry Christmas…” There’s a nervous edge to her voice.
“Kay, what’s up? Why’d you call? Is everything okay?”
“Um…” She takes a beat before sharing the news. “Hunter’s in the hospital.”
“ What ?” Jumping from the couch, I knock wrapping paper and bows to the floor. I’m across the room and on the carpeted staircase before I realize I’m climbing it. “What happened?”
“Well, we don’t really know yet. Artie called me sobbing, and Chase and I are headed there now. I just didn’t want you to find out some other way. We’re pulling into the parking garage, so I’ll call you when I have more info.”
I hear the line go dead, but the phone is still up to my ear while I throw clothes into my suitcase one-handed. I have to get back to LA. Make sure Hunter’s all right. Tell him… shit . Tears run down my face, splashing onto the clothes spilling out of my bag as I realize what I want to tell him.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Willa asks from the door. My back is to her, so she doesn’t see the steady stream leaking from my eyes. When I turn to face her, I’m a sobbing wreck, trying to get the words out through snot and tears.
“Hunter…hospital…love…” I choke out, covering my face with my hands. Her arms wrap around me, and I cling to her as I try to regain control of myself. I can’t see through the blurriness, can’t think through my racing thoughts. My body just needs to move. Pulling away, I turn back to my bag and throw things inside. I don’t even know what I’m putting in there, but it was full when I came and needs to be full when I leave.
“Whoa. Hey. Slow down. What happened?”
I wipe my face, shaking my head as I scurry around my bedroom to add more items to the suitcase. “I have to get to the airport,” I say, maneuvering around her confusion.
Willa grabs my arms and holds me in place until I look at her. “Ashlie. What. Happened?”
I open my mouth to answer, but collapse in her arms with another sob. She shoves my luggage to the floor, contents toppling out as she sets me on the bed next to her.
Rubbing circles on my back, she offers soothing instructions. “In through the nose, out through the mouth. Good. Now, what happened?”
“Hunter’s-in-the-hospital-and-I-have-to-fly-back-to-LA-to-make-sure-he’s-okay-because-I-love-him.” The words tumble out so fast, my tongue has a hard time keeping up.
“You—okay... Let’s back up. What happened to Hunter?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I have to go. I have to fly back to LA and find out what happened and make sure he’s okay and?—”
“And taking your old penguin alarm clock is going to help with that?” She points to the mess on my fuzzy pink rug. Sure enough, there’s Pengie, next to my hair bonnet and a pair of high tops. She bumps my shoulder playfully, and I laugh, wiping a stray tear from my cheek.
“I don’t know. I was just throwing shit in there.”
“Girl, I can tell. You have half your bedroom in that bag. How about we wait to hear back from Kayla before hopping on a plane, hmm?”
“But what if?—”
“Exactly. What if he’s fine, and you rush out there for no reason? We leave first thing in the morning. There’s nothing you can do for him better than a hospital can, anyway.” She stares at me like she’s trying to send the logic through brainwaves with her eye contact. “If it turns out to be something bigger, I’ll leave with you tonight. But for now, let’s just wait.”
I nod, glancing at the phone still in my hands. No new messages.
“Now for the other thing…” She squints at me.
“What other thing?”
“The ‘I love Hunter’ thing.”
I shake my head emphatically, refusing to believe those words came out of my mouth. “I didn’t say that.”
“Ash, you literally said you had to make sure he’s okay because you love him.”
“No”—my voice trills nervously—“I don’t think so.” I thought it before, but I didn’t say it out loud. Right ?
“You’re so distraught at the thought of him being hurt, you’re panic packing your entire childhood bedroom to get back to him. That’s not love?” She tilts her head to the side. “You love him.”
“I…” I breathe out a shaky breath, coming to terms with the jumbled mess in my head. “…I think so. Shit. No ... I can’t.”
Willa chuckles. “What do you mean ‘you can’t’? It doesn’t sound like you have much of a choice.”
“I…he…we… No !” The last word is guttural as I turn my wide-eyed panic to Willa. And she’s laughing. Laughing . As if this isn’t the most infuriating situation I’ve found myself in. Like it’s not the stupidest conclusion for me to come to.
“Ash, you love him. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not .” I slap an outraged hand on the bed. “You can love someone and know they’re no good for you. That’s Hunter. He’s a one-way ticket to Hurtsville, and I don’t want to take any more trips out there. I can’t .”
“Hurtsville? Are you a country singer now?” Her brow raises over the teasing look in her eyes.
“ Ugh , this is serious, Wills. Hunter’s just like Marcus.”
“And Trevor is just like Bryan.”
“Wha—no he’s not.” I glare at her.
“Don’t give me that look. You know I’m right. He may not be controlling like Bryan, but Trevor’s safe, predictable, and checks off all the boxes you think you’re supposed to check off.” I roll my eyes, and she bumps me with her shoulder. “And Hunter’s not like Marcus. Maybe he is with every other woman, but not with you. He’s some third, unknown anomaly with you, and only you, and that’s what has you scared right now.”
“ Oh, okay,” I scoff. “ So what do I do, Willa the Wise?” I scowl at her know-it-all ass calling me scared. Even though I am—terrified, really, about something I can’t put my finger on—I don’t need her telling me.
“You, my sweet sister, are the only one who can decide if you’re going to keep playing it safe, or if you’re ready to go for what you really want.” With a sigh, she pats my knee and walks to the door. When she stops in the doorway, she turns and points right at me. “And don’t get used to the hugging.” She shivers.
I start to laugh, but my phone buzzes in my hand, and it’s pressed against my ear impossibly fast. “Kayla,” I say, staring at Willa as I listen to the update about my best friend who, apparently, I’m in love with.