NINE
Jaxson
A couple hours later, it’s almost closing time and Holden finally makes an appearance. I leave my spot behind the bar and head back to the office. He follows without question.
I grab the bottle of whiskey off the desk and pour us both a drink. I need to liquor up my boy before I tell him what went down. If not, it might take more than just me to hold him back when he flies off the handle and wants to go straight to his sister’s house. I doubt that’ll do any good tonight.
I haven’t said a word since he got here and he’s watching me closely. His expression is a mixture of curiosity and caution. I don’t know what he sees on my face, but his body tenses, his jaw tightens. He throws his drink back like a shot, downing it all in one big gulp before locking his eyes to mine.
“You have my attention. Hit me with it.”
I open my mouth to speak, but quickly close it. I take a deep breath, then let him have it.
“I had to have Gabriel remove your new brother-in-law from the bar tonight.”
He curses under his breath, shaking his head before looking back at me.
“What the hell happened?”
I take another deep breath, then start talking.
As I replay the events of tonight, I watch as my friend struggles not to lose his shit. As I tell him every word that was said, those same words burn on my tongue. I hated hearing them but speaking them is like acid in my mouth. By the time I’m finished, he’s seething.
I expected a big blow up. Yelling, anger, punches being thrown...anything. But...nothing. He remains in the chair, his hands gripping the arms so tightly his knuckles are turning white. His jaw is clenched so tightly I can hear his teeth grinding together. He’s going to lose it. I know it.
So, I sit back and wait.
“I knew I hated that slimy little bastard!” He yells.
Say what?!
That is...not exactly what I was expecting.
I mean, I knew he’d blow up. The yelling. I expected it. But...he doesn’t even like the guy? Say what?
He springs up out of his seat and throws his fist through the wall.
Now that. That definitely meets my expectations.
“Dude. You’re paying for that.” I raise a brow and point at the hole in the wall.
My smartass comment breaks the tension a bit and he sits back down. He sighs, shoulders slumping as he releases a deep breath.
“I fucking hate this, bro.”
I grunt. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
“Seriously. I know there’s something off about that guy, but I can never quite put my finger on it.” He drags his hand down his face and blows another heavy breath. “Mads is stubborn though, ya know? I’ve never liked David. He rubs me the wrong way, but Mads? She doesn’t see it. And trying to talk her out of something only makes her want it that much more. She’s fighting so hard to prove...well, I don’t really know what the hell she’s trying to prove. But she’s trying to prove something to herself and she’s making all kinds of mistakes. I’m supposed to look out for her. Protect her. Take care of her. That’s my baby sister. But how can I do that when she’s so fucking determined to go at everything alone?
“Jesus, man. I had no idea you didn’t like the guy.”
I don’t know what to say about the rest. I won’t argue with him, because what he’s said about Madelyn is true. She’s stubborn to a fault and she hates feeling out of control.
“I don’t know him well, to tell you the truth. He could be a good guy.” He shrugs his shoulders. “But he’s not right for her. I don’t honestly believe she’s happy, but she won’t hear any of it. She’s sabotaging herself and I don’t know what to do.”
I’m silent. I’m at a loss here. I want to rush in, save the day, and steal her away, but I know I can’t. Like Holden, I know Madelyn. I know that once she sets her mind to something, there’s no changing it. She gets so far inside her head she won’t listen to reason.
He starts talking again, “I don’t think she really wanted to get married. Something wasn’t right the day of the wedding. We all knew it. We tried to give her an out—me and Cami—but she wouldn’t take it.”
I cock my head to the side. This is new information. All of it is, really.
“So maybe I should have interrupted the ceremony.”
His eyes shoot up to mine, I see the sadness there. The stress. This is weighing heavily on him.
“It wouldn’t have made a difference.”
I know he’s right, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.
“I don’t know what to do. And this shit tonight? Damn.” Shaking his head, he keeps talking, but at first, I think he’s talking more to himself than to me. “Do I tell her? Is he going to? I mean, you throwing him out...I get it, but I don’t want her to not come around here because he’s not allowed, ya know? We just got her back and I don’t want her to run and hide again.”
I hate seeing the worry and pain in his eyes.
Madelyn didn’t just walk away from me. She left everyone. She spent two years away, communicating with her family as little as possible. She only saw her family when they gave her no choice. She pushed everyone away.
“Look. I don’t care if they come in here, but maybe only when you’re here. And not him alone.” I look at him pointedly. “I won’t stand by quietly while he spews shit about her and throws out threats. I won’t do it and you shouldn’t ask me to. I can only tolerate so much bullshit before I explode. That motherfucker is lucky I didn’t knock his teeth down his fucking throat tonight.”
“I hear you, and I agree. I’ll talk to him and let him know what’s up. He won’t come in here and do that shit again or else I’m gonna hit him. He damn sure won’t keep disrespecting my sister.”
“I know you’re in a shitty position. I hate that part of it is because of me, but I’m just trying to survive here, man.”
We both stand. He hugs me and claps my back.
I know, bro. You didn’t ask for any of this shit. None of us did. I love my sister, but she’s been so blind, not seeing things clearly. Honestly? You’re dealing with this shit a fuck of a lot better than I would be.”
With that, he leaves.
I can’t help but laugh to myself.
Dealing better than he would? Please. I’m not dealing at all. I feel like a hamster on one of those little wheels.
I might be moving, but I’m not fucking getting anywhere.
Throbbing head. Dry mouth.
Someone pounding on the door.
Hello, hangover, my new friend.
I should probably get up and answer it, but I don’t move. Not yet. Not until the pounding gets louder and syncs with the throbbing at my temples.
“I’m coming, fuck!” I shout, hoping they hear me.
Groaning, I roll over and dislodge myself from the girl that has her arms wrapped around me like tentacles.
I really need to stop letting them sleep here.
I stumble across the apartment and open the door, squinting my eyes to block out the harsh light from the sun.
“Fuck, man! Cover that shit up!”
Drake shoulders me out of the way, followed closely behind by a glowering Holden.
I close the door behind them and turn, scratching my head. A pair of sweatpants nail me in the face.
“Put those on. Can’t fuckin’ believe you answered the door with your dick out,” Holden complains, shaking his head in disgust...disappointment?
I don’t fucking know and I’m too hungover to tell the difference. I quickly slide the pants on and head for the bathroom.
Coming back into the room, I’m faced with my two best friends and octopus-girl. All three angry. All three glaring at me.
Holden looks to the girl, lip curling in disgust. Yeah, that one’s definitely disgust.
“Time to go, sweetheart.”
“Ugh.” She stomps her foot like a child and crosses her arms across her chest. Jutting out her chin in defiance, she turns to me.
“Are you really going to let him kick me out like this?”
Little does she know, her foot stomping and pouting have zero effect on me.
Why the hell do girls do this? It’s not cute.
I simply grin.
“You know the rules, Sugar.”
She glances around, looking at all of us like she expects one of us to tell her to stay. Holden stares her down with a bored expression. Drake smirks. My eyes shift to the door.
She huffs and angrily grabs her purse, slamming the door behind her on the way out.
My mood immediately deflates. It always does. The pain and regret always settle in as soon as they’re out the door. It’s only been a couple weeks. Only a few girls. But I’m over it already. I don’t know how guys do this shit.
I run my hand through my hair and down my face before dropping to the couch. I close my eyes, hating how shitty I feel after a one-night stand.
“You gotta stop this shit, man.”
Rolling my head to the side across the back of the couch, I open one eye to look at Holden. Drake sits next to me silently.
This conversation is not one I want to have. Count on my boys to call me out on my shit, though. Fuck it. I’ll just play stupid. Maybe they’ll give up and drop it.
“What shit?” I ask, letting my eye drift closed.
I try and fail to simultaneously avoid this conversation and ignore the steady beats of the drumline inside my skull.
“The drinking. The girls. It’s not you.” Drake answers the question for Holden.
Frustration laces my reply. “What would you have me do? Go back to pining after Madelyn? Sit around like a sad fuck and feel sorry for myself? Newsflash! She doesn’t fucking want me, guys! She made that blatantly clear. Left no room for doubt. I’m just trying to move the fuck on.”
“Christ, Jax. You’re not moving on. You’re drowning yourself in booze and babes. How many girls have you fucked in the last couple weeks? Since Mads?”
Hearing her name stokes the guilt that always surfaces after I touch another female. Guilt I shouldn’t feel.
How many? Not as many as they think. Most nights I go home alone and drink myself to sleep. Last night was only the third time I’ve stayed at the bar to drink, ending my night with a stranger in my bed. I’m not gonna tell them that little tidbit. They can think whatever they want.
They don’t need to know my guilt. My regret. That I hate myself a little more each time I wake up with a nameless girl in my bed. I’m sure they have names—they must—but I don’t ask. They’re all “Sugar” to me.
“Why is it your business who I’m fucking? I’m not the only one that has one-night stands.”
I look pointedly at Holden. He’s the playboy of the three of us.
“Forget the girls for a minute—” He starts.
“Already forgotten.”
Holden rolls his eyes at my snark. Drake chuckles.
They have this whole good cop, bad cop thing going. It’s obvious Holden is the one running the show since he’s doing the majority of the talking. Drake is here for support, but I’m not sure even he knows which one of us he’s supporting. I’m pretty sure he’s amused more than anything.
“The drinking has to stop. You’ve got too much going for you right now to throw it away because of alcohol.”
Holden doesn’t stop there.
“But back to the girls. We gotta talk about your standards. That last one looked like she just came down from a week-long bender in a whore house. You’re gonna end up catching something you can’t get rid of.”
What my friends don’t realize is that there would be no girls without the booze. My heart still beats for Madelyn. Drinking makes me numb. Masks the pain. Allows me to throw caution to the wind and bring a girl back to this apartment. Without the alcohol, I can’t ignore the guilt and self-loathing I feel any time I so much as think about touching another girl.
Holden has only had one relationship. It ended in a spectacularly fucked up fashion, but he went right back to his old ways. Drake has never been in a serious relationship, so I know he doesn’t understand. Hell, I don’t even understand. Rather than try to explain, I manage to muster up all the cockiness I possibly can. I’ve had enough of this conversation.
“Fine. I’ll stop drinking so much, but the girls? Pussy is pussy, man. I don’t care what she looks like. I just need a tight, wet hole to get off in.”
It’s almost comical the way their jaws drop, and their eyes almost pop out of their heads.
I’m pretty sure neither of them ever expected anything like that to come out of my mouth. They don’t believe the shit I’m spouting off. Truthfully, neither do I. Even as the words leave my lips, I know I’m full of shit. I can’t pull off that type of attitude.