SIXTEEN
Jaxson
Fighting the jackhammer attempting to break through my skull, I manage to pull myself out of bed and wonder if this shit’s really worth it.
As I pull on some boxers, I look at the girl in my bed.
She’s the same as all the others. Girls eager to screw a hot bartender. They don’t give a fuck about me. It’s mutual. I don’t ask their names; I won’t remember their faces. The alcohol guarantees that. I barely remember getting off at all.
Last night’s memories are hazy at best.
No, definitely not worth it.
Guilt starts to set in—misplaced as it may be—and I know that I can’t keep doing this shit. It doesn’t help. I shouldn’t feel guilty. I’m not doing anything wrong. I still can’t help feeling like I’m doing something I shouldn’t. Like I’m cheating on Madelyn. Betraying her in some way. Impossible—I know—seeing as how we haven’t been together for a long time now.
My heart doesn’t care. It will always belong to her.
Sitting at the end of the bed, I hang my head and look at my hands.
These hands can’t touch another female without me thinking about Madelyn. Wishing it was her skin beneath my fingertips. Her body writhing beneath my touch.
Fuck. Will these feelings ever go away?
Two and a half years and she still has this hold on me.
What will it take for me to be able to move on?
Frustrated, I run my hand through my hair, tugging at the ends.
Lost in my head, I hadn’t realized last night’s hookup was awake. Her hands trail down the muscles in my back, but her touch feels wrong. Pulling away, I stand quickly, grab some clothes, and head for the bathroom.
“Last night was fun, Sugar, but it’s over. You need to be gone by the time I finish my shower.”
Not sparing her another glance, I close the bathroom door right before something hits it with a thud.
I’m an asshole, but I can’t find it in me this morning to give a fuck.
The apartment is empty by the time I’ve showered and dressed.
Following my normal routine, I clean up the apartment and head out. Normally I head home to nap and sleep off my hangover. Sometimes I go grab food or hang out with the guys. But I have a different destination in mind today.
The Sweet Spot.
I’m a glutton for punishment. Tell me something I don’t know.
I just need to see her. A single glimpse. That’s all.
Not wanting to bother with my truck, I decide to walk the few blocks to the bakery. The fresh air might do me some good, might help shake off the lingering effects of my hangover.
It only takes a few minutes to get there. When I do, I walk right in. To hell with pretenses. I want to see her, so I will. I don’t care if she ignores me, but I won’t hide in the shadows like a stalker. Her family was once my family too. I promised Grams I wouldn’t stay away.
The bakery is starting to slow down after the morning rush.
Grams is nowhere to be found. Neither is Madelyn.
There’s a new face behind the counter today. A face I don’t recognize at all.
She’s obviously a new hire, but I’m pretty sure she’s new to town as well. I’d remember her face had I seen it before. She’s beautiful, a short little brunette with killer curves. I’d bet money that Holden has tried to hook up with her.
Grinning at the thought, I step up to the counter and introduce myself.
“Morning, sweetheart. I’m Jaxson. Is Grams around?”
She returns my smile, “She had to step out for a few minutes, but she should be back soon. I can tell her you stopped by, if you’d like?”
“I think I’ll wait. Can I get a large coffee and two muffins, please...?” I trail off, waiting for her name.
“Hailee,” she says with a polite smile. “What flavors do you want?”
“Surprise me.”
With a small laugh and a shake of her head, she turns to get my coffee. It’s not until now that I notice the way her shirt stretches across her tiny stomach. She’s obviously pregnant and while I know it can be seen as rude to ask, I don’t let it stop me.
“Congratulations. How far along are you?”
Looking back over her shoulder, she says, “Not far enough.”
I chuckle, letting it go because despite her polite smiles, it’s obvious she’d rather not get personal.
She hands me the steaming cup of coffee and a plate with two muffins. Taking both, I thank her and go make myself comfortable at Grams’ favorite table in the back. I laugh to myself when I notice the muffins she gave me. Both are pumpkin spice.
Makes me wonder if Grams has shared my secret. Not likely, given the fact that the new girl is watching me like a hawk. I’m sure she did it as a joke. Give the big, tattooed guy the official favorite of basic white girls everywhere to see how he reacts. Joke’s on her. I love these fuckin’ things.
Looking directly at her, I remove the paper from one of the muffins and take a huge bite, winking at her as I chew. Her cheeks flame and she turns away, busying herself with something behind the counter. Smiling to myself, I chuckle and take another bite. This bite doesn’t go down so easily because a hand connects with the back of my head.
“Jaxson Jameson Blackwood, I sure as hell hope you aren’t sitting in my bakery flirting with my new baker!”
I look up to find Grams giving me a look that would scare the Devil himself.
“Never, Grams. You know there’s only one girl for me. I’d never disrespect her like that.”
Her expression softens and she joins me at the table.
“I love my granddaughter, but she’s a damn fool,” she mutters.
Not wanting to get into that particular topic, I ignore her comment and tell her about Hailee’s low-key sass.
“Pretty sure your new baker tried to be funny, but it backfired. I told her to surprise me and she gave me two pumpkin spice muffins.”
A sly smile crosses her face. “I knew that one had some sass hidden behind that shy personality. Maybe she’ll eventually come out of her shell. I bet she’s a real spitfire.”
“I’m sure you’re right.”
Grams has always been a good judge of character. She either likes someone or she doesn’t. Those she likes, she treats like family. I have a feeling that she’s already placed Hailee into that category, just as she did with me a long time ago.
“You finally decide to stop avoiding this place?”
“I promised I’d come in more, didn’t I?”
“You sure as shit did, but that was two months ago, and I haven’t seen you since.”
“I don’t want to make things any more difficult.”
“For you, or her?” she asks, already knowing the answer.
She sees right through me. Always has. Grams isn’t about bullshit, so she’ll always give it to you straight.
Huffing out a breath, I tell her what’s on my mind. “Is it ever going to get any better? Any easier? I swear, Grams. I can’t go a day without thinking of her. She doesn’t think of me at all anymore, but I can’t get her out of my head. That’s why I came here. She was on my mind all morning and I just wanted to see her. Even for a second. I’ve tried to move on, but it’s impossible when she’s the only one I want. It still feels wrong to think of being with someone else when my heart still belongs to her.”
With glistening eyes and a soft smile, she reaches across the table and takes my hand.
“I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, okay? Madelyn thinks of you more often than she’d like anyone to believe.”
The crease in my brows gives away my confusion.
“Did she—”
“No, but I know my granddaughter. The love she has for you is still in there somewhere. It’s just buried beneath the hurt and pain she was never able to let go. Madelyn left too many things unresolved when she left town.”
“Maybe things would have been easier if we’d gotten closure. But she moved on easily enough.”
Grams stands, moving to wrap her arms around me. As she leans in, she whispers something that leaves me wondering.
“Things aren’t always what they appear to be, Jaxson. Remember that.”