TWENTY-THREE
Madelyn
(Seven months later)
Sitting alone in the bathroom, staring down at the little white stick in my hand, I have a hard time catching my breath.
No, no, no….no. This cannot be happening.
Those two pink lines mock me.
Hastily swiping the tears from my cheeks, I grab the other box from the counter and rip open the box. This first one has to be wrong. It has to be.
False positives happen, right?
Through a mess of tears, I pee on the second stick. The digital test I bought just in case. The instructions say to wait for at least two minutes, but I don’t have to. It’s right there in unmistakable lettering.
Pregnant.
People always say that life won’t give you anything more than you can handle. My life has been one big series of hurdles, but this...this I can’t handle. This is practically a death sentence.
My relationship with David is already volatile. He’s angry, violent, and unpredictable. And that’s on a good day. Other days, he’s the worst kind of nightmare. I’ve wanted to leave—so many times—but I can’t. Not only has he threatened my life, he’s threatened to hurt the ones that I love. I could never forgive myself if that happened.
Avoiding his anger is impossible and this new development will only make things worse. If he finds out I’m pregnant it will send him careening over the edge. There’s no coming back from this.
Over the course of our marriage he’s made one thing explicitly clear.
Absolutely no children. Ever.
He’ll kill me if he finds out.
The thought instantly sobers me.
I have to get the fuck out of here.
I’ve spent too much time on the receiving end of his abuse. I could never chance subjecting a child to it, to him. Though I fear it would never get that far. If I know my husband at all, the baby wouldn’t survive the pregnancy. David would make sure of it.
I can’t let that happen. I’ve lost one baby already and it almost broke me. I’ll do whatever I can to make sure that doesn’t happen again. I’m not sure I could survive another loss.
I need to leave, but I can’t just walk out the door. It’s not that simple.
It’s going to take a little time and planning, but somehow, I’ll find a way to get free of him.
I have no choice.
Our lives depend on it.
Today is the day.
It’s been two weeks since I found out I’m pregnant. Two extremely long weeks of walking on eggshells, of trying to avoid David’s fists and anger. Two weeks of secrets and lies while I devised a plan to get me and my baby to safety.
Today...we’re free.
I’ve got a bag packed with only necessities. Money isn’t an issue thanks to Grams insisting I keep a separate bank account for the bakery. My saving grace is the file tucked safely in the bottom of my bag. The file containing photographs and written statements of every incident with David. Every fight. Every time he raised his hands to me. Every single fucking time he’s touched me when I’ve told him no. It’s my insurance policy. My guarantee that he’ll have no choice but to grant me a divorce. I’ve been compiling evidence against him for the last six months.
It may have seemed hopeless that I would ever get out, but it wasn’t.
Somehow, I held onto the hope that one day I’d be free of him.
Today is that day.
Taking advantage of his early shift at the restaurant, I quickly gather my things and head for the door. I don’t look back as I leave. There are no happy memories here. I’m leaving my pain and suffering behind.
I drive to The Sweet Spot like it’s another normal day.
When I arrive, Hailee is waiting for me with a smile on her face. She helps me transfer my meager belongings from my car to hers. Handing me her keys, she nods as I slide into the driver’s seat.
“Thank you,” I tell her, my voice cracking with emotion.
She throws me a wink. “See ya in a bit.”
Hailee has been a godsend. When she suspected the abuse, she offered me a safe haven with no questions asked. I guess she knew that one day I would come to my senses and finally leave David. She was right. I only wish I hadn’t waited so long. Better late than never.
I can’t leave town without any explanation, and aside from my sisters my family remains unaware. The plan is to hide in plain sight. Blackwood is a small town, so it’s not like I don’t expect David to find me, but I’m hoping to have some time to collect myself and go through the proper channels before he can make a move. It’s the only way I can protect myself, and the baby growing inside of me that still no one knows about.
I drive straight to Hailee’s apartment and let myself in using her key. She promised to meet me here in a couple hours. I have the difficult task of calling my brother. It’s time to let him know what’s going on. Hailee promised to be my strength and moral support, to hold my hand while I tell my brother the horrendous details of my marriage.
I’m a coward, doing it over the phone, but I can’t look my brother in the eyes while I tell him my husband has been beating me our entire marriage, and raping me almost as long. I can’t bear to see his disgust and disappointment when he realizes what I’ve become.
Standing in front of the mirror in Hailee’s bathroom, I can finally breathe.
Taking in my reflection, I don’t recognize the woman staring back at me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t understand how I could let him abuse me for so long. I feel dirty, damaged...pathetic.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
With a force I didn’t know I possessed, I slap my hand against the mirror and the glass shatters, raining down in glittering shards all over the bathroom.
“Shit!” I yell, looking at all the broken pieces.
It takes me a minute to even realize that I’m bleeding. I’ve got nicks and cuts all over my palm. Turning on the tap, I run my hand under the water to rinse away the blood. I don’t see any glass stuck in my hand, so there’s that. I wrap a towel around my hand, grab the trash can and start cleaning up the glass.
“Mads? Please tell me you’re here?” Hailee calls out, her voice muffled by the closed door.
“In the bathroom!” I holler back.
I finish cleaning the mess I made and head out to talk to Hailee.
“Hey Hails. I owe you a new hand towel for your bathroom.” She quirks a brow and looks down at my hand. “I’ll also pay to replace your mirror. I...um...had a moment.”
The confusion clears from her expression as she puts two and two together.
“No worries, Mads. I’m just glad you’re here and finally safe. I know the apartment is small, but you can stay as long as you need.”
She’s sweet to offer, but I can’t accept it.
She just had a baby a few months ago. My being here puts both of them in danger if David finds out. He’s not going to be happy when he realizes I’ve left. I know that without a doubt. What I don’t know is what he’s going to do about it. I love her for her generosity, but I won’t put her in that position. I won’t endanger her and the baby.
“I appreciate that, Hails. You’ve done so much to help me and I’m grateful to have you in my life, but I can’t stay here. I’m scared of what would happen if David found out and showed up here. I don’t want him to hurt you, or worse, Elijah. As much as I don’t want to, it’s time to call my brother and tell him what’s going on.”
Biting her lip, she nods. “He can protect you better than I can. Just remember that I’m always here for you...for anything you need.”
I wrap her in a hug. “You’re the best, Hails. Thank you for everything.”
I met her less than a year ago, but Hailee has become a big part of my life. I dubbed her my best friend less than a month after she came to Blackwood and our friendship has only gotten stronger. I may already have two, but she’s my sister in every way that counts. I don’t know what I’d do without her love, understanding, and support.
Hailee offering me a safe place for the in between means everything, but it’s time to pull my big girl panties up and call my brother.
This isn’t going to be an easy conversation to have, but I need him.
More than I’ve ever needed him before.