TWENTY-FIVE
Madelyn
I never thought I’d find myself in Jaxson’s arms again.
I had no idea that Holden would bring him along tonight, but when Jaxson walked into the room, I didn’t think twice before going to him. Despite the anger radiating from him and the murderous look in his eyes, my body instinctively moved towards his.
Having his strong arms wrapped around me, his scent—a mixture of cologne and whiskey— enveloping me, it felt like home. A true sense of safety washed over me for the first time in almost two years.
Maybe I should have pulled away sooner, but I selfishly held onto him, soaking up the comfort I felt in his familiar touch.
Sitting here now, safe in his arms again, my emotions catch up to me and I can only cry. Overwhelming tears of joy and relief. Tears of regret and pain. I’m finally free of David, free of the torment and abuse I’ve suffered. I’m not ignorant enough to believe that it’s over—no, he won’t let me go so easily—but here and now, I’m safe.
A mess of chaotic thoughts and emotions swirl through my mind.
One thought remains at the forefront of them all. How can Jaxson be here providing me comfort after everything I’ve put him through?
God, Jaxson should be repulsed by me. I’ve treated him like shit. Pushed him away. He should hate me for the things I’ve done, for the way I’ve treated him. Yet here he is, comforting me like no time has passed at all, like we’ve never been apart.
Clearing his throat, Holden bursts the bubble around me and Jaxson.
“Mads, we should probably get moving. Get you home.”
My body stiffens at his words, eyes widening in fear.
He must see my panic because he clarifies, “My home, baby girl. Relax.”
Jaxson’s hand moves up my spine in a soft caress, but he makes no move to release me.
Holden watches the two of us with an expression I can’t read. Standing, he crosses the short distance between us and kisses the top of my head. “Let’s go, so Hailee can get back to the bakery. It’ll look suspicious if he shows up and neither of you are there.” Grabbing my bags, he heads for the door.
Jaxson stands with me in his arms, then slowly lowers me until my feet touch the floor. I resist the urge to latch onto him. Barely. He moves to follow Holden, looking back at me when he realizes I haven’t moved. A few quick strides puts him back in front of me. Jaxson takes my hand.
“C’mon. We’ll get you settled in and order some Chinese.”
Of course he remembers my favorite comfort food.
With the hint of a smile and a small glimmer of hope, I follow.
The ride to Holden’s apartment isn’t as comforting.
I sit alone in the back while Jaxson drives.
Ignoring my aversion to his questions, Holden turns around in the passenger seat and peppers me with them the entire ten-minute drive. I’ve told him everything, except the details. He doesn’t need those, no one does. He knows enough. Knowing the exact ways that David tormented me won’t do anyone any good.
I refuse to answer his questions until he asks one that makes my stomach sink.
“Are you telling mom and dad, or am I?”
Hesitantly, I give him the truth. “Honestly, I wasn’t planning on telling them at all.”
That’s all it takes. That calm that my brother was holding onto is gone. He explodes.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Madelyn? You can’t be serious with this shit. This isn’t something you should keep from them! It’s bad enough that you stayed there and suffered through it for almost two goddamn years. You should have told someone. You should have come to me! I could have helped you sooner!”
He doesn’t hear the hitch in my breath over his anger, but Jaxson does. His eyes flit to the rearview mirror and his gaze finds mine.
“Easy, man. This isn’t the time.”
“This isn’t the time? When is the fucking time, Jaxson? Did you see her face? The marks around her neck? I’m supposed to ignore that?”
“Of course not, but right now, I think we just need to—”
“Better yet, Jaxson. Why are you defending her? You’re so quick to jump in and play hero for someone who’s treated you like garbage. Why are you even here?”
Darkness clouds Jaxson’s eyes and I break.
I lose myself to sobs in the backseat of Jaxson’s truck.
He’s right. Everything Holden said, as hurtful as it may be, is absolutely fucking right.
Even I want to know the answers to those questions because I meant what I said earlier.
I don’t deserve a man like Jaxson.
Not after the mistakes I’ve made. The secrets. The lies.
I finally accept that I’m not at fault for the abuse, and not to blame for David’s wrath. But I am responsible for the things that have happened with Jaxson. Those choices were mine and mine alone.
“Shit, Mads.” Holden breathes out a heavy sigh. I open my eyes to see him drag his hand down his face. “I’m an asshole. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry anymore.”
“But you’re right,” I cry out. “I-I’ve b-been horrible to everyone!”
“Goddamn it, Holden! I know you’re angry, but this is not fucking helping! If you can’t reign it in, I’ll drop you off and take her home with me. There will be plenty of time to hash shit out later, but right now she needs her loving big brother. Not a fucking lecture.”
I don’t hear Holden’s murmured reply, but Jaxson puts the truck into park in front of Holden’s building. Both men get out, arguing with each other across the hood of the truck. I stay put, not sure I can handle anymore anger today.
A few minutes later, Jaxson walks around the truck, moving closer to Holden. They're no longer yelling. Jax says something that takes the fight right out of him. His head drops, his shoulders slump, and he nods at whatever Jaxson is telling him, but his eyes don't leave the ground.
Jaxson pulls Holden into a hug, clasping a hand on the back of his neck, and doesn’t let go. I watch as my brother lays his head on Jaxson's shoulder. I bite my lip when I see his body start to shake. I shed more tears when I realize that my big, strong brother is crying...because of me.
How many more times am I going to hurt the people I love?
A dam breaks somewhere inside of me and emotions rush in like a flood, completely overwhelming me. My heartbeat races, heart pounding like a drum in my chest. Chills skitter across the surface of my skin, moving inward to the bone. A wave of dizziness washes over me and I know instantly that something is wrong.
I recognize what’s happening, but I can’t seem to calm myself. I can’t catch my breath. It feels like the whole world is closing in on me.
Somehow, I manage to call out.
Two sets of worried eyes snap to mine.
They’re the last thing I see before everything goes black.
When I come to, my body stiffens in response to the sensation of falling.
“Shhh. I’ve got you, baby girl. I’m just laying you on the couch. You’re okay.”
Now that he’s spoken, I can feel his arms—one under my knees, the other around my upper back—until he releases me.
Opening my eyes, I see my brother on his knees in front of me. He brushes my hair back from my face and runs his fingertips gently down my bruised cheek.
“I should have been there to protect you. This should never have happened.”
Reaching out, I use my thumb to smooth the frown lines in his forehead, but it doesn’t erase the anguish in his eyes.
“It’s not your fault Holden,” I say, giving him what I hope is a comforting smile. “You can’t protect me from everything. Besides...I brought this on myself.”
He jerks back, looking at me in disbelief.
“How can you even think that, Mads?”
“I stayed. That choice was mine.” A rueful chuckle leaves my lips. “Seems all I ever do is make one bad choice after another.”
Holden tries to argue, but the facts can’t be disputed. My life has been a series of wrong choices, starting with leaving Jaxson.
A shake of my head is all it takes to stop his response.
I try to sit up, but another wave of dizziness sends my head spinning and makes my stomach churn.
“Whoa. Easy now. You fainted, sis. Take it easy.”
“Did I hit my head?” I ask.
“I don’t think so, but I’m not positive. We can take you to the hospital to get checked out if you want. Your call.”
The hospital is the last place I want to go. I’ve spent too much time there already. I’ve had an emotional, nerve wracking day so far. I’m not in the mood to try to come up with excuses for the bruises that cover my body right now.
“No, it’s just a little headache. I’ll be fine.”
He looks like he’s not sure whether or not to believe me, which is fair. I’ve been lying to him for years.
“Really, Holden. I’m—” My stomach growls loudly. “Hungry. Apparently. I haven’t eaten since yesterday. I was too nervous this morning, worrying about David catching me trying to leave.”
It’s not a lie. It’s just not the entire truth. I was scared shitless, but I’ve also been dealing with some killer morning sickness and just the thought of food this morning was too much. But I’m not ready to tell him that.
“I’m not gonna give you a hard time. Jax went to grab food. He should be back anytime.”
No sooner than the words were spoken, he walks through the door. The scent of Chinese food reaches my nostrils and my stomach growls again.
Chuckling, Holden stands up, holding out a hand to help me to a sitting position. “Stay here. I’d prefer if you didn’t move around just yet.”
He disappears around the corner to the kitchen.
The guys come back with plates piled high with food. All of my favorites and then some. They both take a seat on either side of me, and Holden starts flipping through Netflix to find a movie. He always seems to know what I need.
We watch a movie and I eat until I’m stuffed.
For the rest of the night, I rest easy knowing that I’m surrounded by the comfort and protection of my big brother, and the man who secretly holds my heart.
Nonchalantly placing my hand over my stomach, I rest my head against Jaxson’s shoulder and drift off to sleep.