THIRTY
Jaxson
It kills me to see Madelyn so depressed.
Ever since the doctor gave her the news about her probable inability to have a baby, she’s been quiet and withdrawn. It’s understandable, because she’s been through hell. But just because I understand it, doesn’t mean I have to like it. I’d give anything to erase her pain.
It’s torture watching her, knowing that she’s beating herself up for everything that happened. Putting all the blame on herself even though there’s only one person responsible. The guilt she feels is eating her alive and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to take it away.
Her entire family has tried to get me to take a break, to leave the hospital room for a while. I refuse every time. I will not leave her side—not until she tells me, and it doesn’t seem like that’ll happen any time soon. Part of it is my need to be her source of comfort and protection. Even after all this time, it’s clear that Madelyn finds a sense of both when she’s in my arms. If she needs me, I want to be right here waiting.
The other part—a big part—is my deep-seated fear of history repeating itself. I’m afraid that if I leave, I’ll be prevented from coming back. Like last time. I won’t go through that again. I need to be here for her, and she needs me just as much. I’ll never let anyone keep us apart again.
The four days she slept were agonizing.
I watched her, obsessively, afraid she would slip away when I wasn’t looking. Afraid to lose the reason I breathe. I didn’t eat, barely slept, only taking my eyes off her when I had no other choice. I’ve been lost for the last few years without her, but the thought of her not breathing...it absolutely gutted me. I can’t survive in a world where she doesn’t exist.
Now that she’s been awake for a couple of days, the doctors have talked about releasing her. Physically, she’s doing incredible. There have been no signs of infection, and no lasting effects from her head injury. Mentally, she’s a mess, but it’s to be expected. We were given the names of a few local therapists and have been encouraging her to talk to someone. Her physical wounds will heal, but her emotional scars will be long lasting. She needs time.
The only unknown right now is David.
The night he attacked Madelyn, Holden and I didn’t stick around to find out what happened. She was our first and only priority. The only thing that mattered. The police came to the hospital a couple times those first few days, but they wouldn’t tell us anything. All they would say is that David isn’t a threat anymore and Madelyn has no need to be worried. The details, well, those are part of an ongoing investigation and they won’t provide any until after they’ve spoken to Madelyn.
They haven’t been back since she woke up. The doctors told them to give her some time, but it looks like time has run out.
A knock on the door is followed by two officers entering the hospital room.
The woman steps forward first, introducing herself as Officer Bartlett and her male counterpart as Officer Morris.
“It’s so good to see you awake, Mrs. Sterling. If you’re up for it, we’d like to ask you a few questions.”
Madelyn hasn’t talked to anyone about what happened that night. Not for lack of trying. Her entire family has tried to get her to open up to no avail. Knowing this and knowing that talking about it is going to be difficult for her, I offer to wait outside. I’m dying to know what happened, but I don’t want to make things hard for her. Her comfort comes before my selfish curiosity.
“No, Jax. Please stay.” Her voice trembles, cracking with emotion. “I need you.”
Christ. I’ve waited so long to hear her speak those words.
“Then I’m here, baby.”
I lean down, kissing her forehead softly and taking a seat at her side. Madelyn grabs my hand, holding it like a lifeline. Right now, maybe it is.
We both turn our attention to the officers, who waste no time.
“David Williams was your husband, correct?” Officer Bartlett asks.
“Yes, we’ve been married for two years, but we were separated. I left him a week before…” She trails off, not wanting to say the word.
“That answers our next question.” The officer nods, looking down at a notepad. “While searching the crime scene, we found a file containing what appears to be records of abuse. Dates, descriptions, photos…”
“Right. David started abusing me about a week after we got married. Eventually, I started keeping records. I wanted to leave him, and I knew it would help me make a clean break. He found me before I got a chance to file a report.”
“He found you?”
“The apartment...my brother’s apartment. David didn’t know where he lived, or at least I thought he didn’t. I thought I was safe there.” Her voice quivers.
“Can you tell me what happened that night? We couldn’t find any signs of forced entry.”
Madelyn looks to me, a lone tear trailing down her cheek. I wipe it away with a gentle smile.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m right here.” I slowly rub my palm up and down her spine, a show of comfort.
“I was alone that night, my siblings all at work. I decided to order some food. When I heard the knock on the door, I looked through the peephole and saw who I thought was the delivery driver.”
“What do you mean, who you thought?” asks Officer Morris.
“I couldn’t see his face, but he was wearing the restaurant’s hat and had a bag of food in his hand.”
Nodding, he writes something down and gestures for her to continue.
Madelyn tells them everything. She never wavers. Never backs down. She tells them every word he said, every hit she took, how she tried to fight to keep her baby safe. My anger grows as I listen to her recount how he believed her to be pregnant with my baby. She explains how she tried to get away, but he pulled a gun on her.
“All I remember is the loud bang and the pain. It was excruciating. Then another bang and sirens. I thought I heard another shot, but the doctor said I only got shot twice, so maybe he missed. Or maybe I was mistaken, I was pretty out of it at that point.” Madelyn shrugs, wiping the tears that escaped during her explanation. “I don’t remember anything after that until I woke up here in the hospital.”
“You’re an incredibly strong woman, Madelyn.” Officer Bartlett smiles at her. “Your story matches the evidence we found and answered a couple of unknowns. It’s an open and shut case, so I feel comfortable telling you the rest.”
“You did hear a third shot, Madelyn. But he didn’t miss,” Officer Morris says.
Madelyn and I look at him in confusion. Suddenly it hits me, right as Officer Bartlett starts to explain.
Was. They asked if David was her husband.
“The third gunshot was self-inflicted. David did not survive.”
Madelyn covers her mouth as she gasps. “Oh my God! He killed himself?”
Her question is confirmed with a nod from both officers.
Madelyn lets out a choked sob and breaks down in tears. There’s no getting through to her, so the police officers give me a card and let me know we can contact them if we have any questions. I take it and watch as they leave, trying to hold back my frustration.
Why is she crying? Is she upset that he’s dead? Hell, I’m upset that he’s dead, but only because I can't kill the motherfucker myself.
Rather than torture myself thinking the worst, I decide to see if she’ll talk to me.
Gripping her chin, I hold her face in my trembling hand and search the depths of her eyes.
“Mads, baby. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours. Why are you crying?”
“He’s gone, Jaxson.”
I almost get angry, but I bite it back.
“Gonna have to give me a bit more than that, baby.”
“He can never hurt me again. I’m finally free.” Her tone borders on disbelief, but her tears slow, and a small smile appears on her lips. “I have nothing left to fear.”
“So, you’re not sad?” I ask, wanting absolute clarity.
“Sad? God no, Jaxson. I’m relieved.”
She’s not the only one.
“Maybe I should be upset...because I loved David once, but...the man I married wasn’t the same man that cared for me when I left Blackwood. That man was replaced with a monster and I can’t bring myself to be sad that he’s gone. All he ever did was cause me pain.”
It hurts to hear her say that she loved him, but I push it aside. It’s all in the past and there’s nothing we can do to change any of it. Maybe it’s fucked up, but I’m relieved that she doesn’t count him as another loss to mourn. She has enough grieving and healing to do without that asshole taking up her headspace.
“I’m so fucking proud of you, baby,” I say, pulling her against my chest.
This is the most open she’s been since admitting the truth to Holden. Hopefully once we leave the hospital, she’ll agree to talk to a therapist. The signs of improvement are there, but she’s been through too much. She may be okay in this moment, but it’s only one of many. She’s gonna need a lot of love and support to get through this.
Luckily, she’s got a lot of people ready to give her just that.
Discharge papers in hand, Madelyn sits as comfortably as possible in a wheelchair, waiting to be wheeled out of the hospital. It’s been a week since she was brought in—beaten and barely alive—and now she finally gets to go home.
A nurse waits off to the side, ready to escort Madelyn outside.
The entire family is here to see her home, but everyone has a different opinion on where “home” should be. Madelyn has already explained that she has no desire to go to the house she shared with David. She wants nothing to do with it and I can’t say I blame her. She also doesn’t want to go back to Holden’s apartment. I doubt she’ll ever step foot in there again. Although, from what Holden says, he hasn’t even been back except to pack a bag, either. He’s been staying with their parents and is looking for somewhere else to live.
None of us are truly okay after what happened. The reality of it, the fear of losing Madelyn. Everyone that loves her is traumatized from the experience. Holden and I are the only ones that saw her before surgery, but I saw the most. I still can’t close my eyes without seeing her bloody, battered body as the paramedics fought to keep her alive. The sound of the heart monitor flatlining haunts my dreams.
While almost every single member of the Sterling family discusses where Madelyn should go, and all the reasons their home would be best suited...I watch Madelyn. She doesn’t speak, doesn’t offer an opinion. It’s Grams who finally speaks up.
“Madelyn is a grown woman with her own mind. Why don’t we let her decide where she wants to go?” There’s a twinkle in the old woman’s eyes, as if she knows some secret the rest of us aren’t privy to.
Everyone stops talking and turns to Madelyn, waiting for her to say something.
She looks around at her family and for the first time in a long time, a full-blown, genuine smile crosses her face. It’s a beautiful fucking sight.
“You all know I love you, and I appreciate everything you’ve all done for me, but there’s only one place I want to go. One place I know I’ll feel at home…”
Everyone waits with bated breath for her to continue.
“I’m going home with Jaxson.”
“I...what?” I ask, completely surprised that out of everyone—she chose me.
Her family watches with curious eyes as I walk to her and kneel at her feet.
“Are you sure?” I ask, watching her eyes for any sign of uncertainty.
“Positive.”
No way in hell will I deny her. She can have whatever her heart desires.
“As you wish, baby.” I lean forward and kiss her cheek. “Let’s get you home.”