Chapter 11
The stiff swing of Autumn’s arms and the stomp of her feet shouted nothing but frustration. Eyes avoided her own, which was nothing new, but over it all lay a tension that worried at the back of her mind.
Was she just being paranoid or did they all look at her as if they knew how she truly felt about this mission? Did they know she cared more about Soulara than she did about them? Did she though? Soulara, yes. But the military had saved her. It had taken her from the hellhole that was her life before.
She scoffed under her breath.
Autumn had always been alone. Even back on Earth, surrounded by all those strangers who just happened to share her blood. Sure, over the years it had caused a physical ache in her chest, but she had never felt more alone than this.
Nothing had changed. Not really. And yet.
The ache burned in the center of her chest.
She turned the corner and saw the empty corridor in front of her which led to the female barracks. With relief, she slowed her steps and let the weight of her arms pull a little from her shoulders. Breakfast had been the usual affair. Every morning she ate alone, bussed her dishes, and left before half of her fellow troops had made their way to the mess hall.
“Walton.”
So much for alone and relaxed.
Autumn stopped in her tracks, trained like Pavlov’s dog, and moved to the command in the General’s voice. She closed her eyes and pivoted on her toes. Turning to the sound of the voice, she stood at attention. Arms down by her side, shoulders squared, and chin raised just enough.
“Yes, sir?” Autumn asked, hoping her resentment of his bark didn’t come through.
Maybe she had been on tour for too long. She had heard of other soldiers getting duty fatigued. But even as the thought crossed her mind, she knew her own inner turmoil was far greater than that.
“You’re on the next three-day dive into sector twenty-eight. All tasks for the next two days are on hold while you prepare.” He glanced at her and then returned his attention to the digital display he held in his hand. Thick fingers jabbed at the screen as though the harder he hit it, the more it understood that he meant business and he was in charge.
All of his subordinates were like that, weren’t they?
“I didn’t put my name down for another deeper dive.” Autumn groaned internally as soon as the words left her mouth. She was going to get it this time.
What was wrong with her?
“Did you just talk back to me, soldier?” The digital display no longer held his interest. Autumn got the distinct feeling his finger itched to poke into her shoulder and remind her of the same lessons he had been teaching the tech.
“No, sir.” Autumn pulled on her training, stood taller, and let the words come out sharp and confident.
“I didn’t think so.” He took a step closer, his breath fluttering against her cheeks as he spoke in her face. “Don’t get too comfortable here, Walton.”
“No, sir.” She stared ahead and refused to let herself think about what the words might imply.
“You’ll report to Marshall at oh six hundred tomorrow for a briefing.”
“Yes, sir.”
Without another word, he turned on his toes and walked away.
Autumn waited until she could no longer see his back.
“Fuck,” she muttered and walked past her barracks, intent on visiting the beach before the sun reached midday.
Another deep dive.
It had been a week since the altercation on the beach. Since she was almost speared through by another mermaid. She swallowed the lump in her throat. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t been trained for combat. She’d even been in her own fair share of fights. But it had been so unexpected.
Her skin tingled as she stepped through the trees and into the open space of the beach.
The water beckoned, and Autumn’s skin heated with the memories of its grasp around her, of Soulara’s. It hadn’t been the embrace she had imagined at Soulara’s description but something else entirely. Add in the soft touches, the kisses—Autumn’s cheeks heated.
Even after the tension and issues that had arisen since, she could imagine being surrounded by the soft brush of water once more. As long as Soulara was with her.
She needed to tell Soulara about the next mission.
This could be devastating for both of them.
Autumn worried at her bottom lip. When any issues had arisen with someone else, Autumn had shrugged and brushed it off. She had never cared.
But she cared about Soulara.
On the one hand it pissed her off. She shouldn’t care about an alien on another planet she had kissed once. But Soulara had shown her more care in the few times they had met than anyone else in Autumn’s life.
Not just the kisses.
Soulara had protected her.
Soulara had fought for her.
Soulara had shown her that she mattered.
“What’s wrong?”
Autumn jerked toward the water.
Soulara stood like the day she was born, clear water dripping from her body, over the line of her neck to her pert breasts. A droplet clung to her hardened nipple, threatening to drop at any second. Autumn held a groan in.
This was just lust. It was always just lust, wasn’t it? Distracting herself, Autumn closed her eyes to focus. “How do you always know when I’m here?”
Soulara moved closer, stepping fully onto the sand. Fuck, this woman was stunning. She had curves in all the right places, she oozed confidence, and she knew exactly what she was doing, didn’t she?
“I’m here a lot.” Soulara’s answer carried to Autumn’s ears, snapping her attention back to Soulara’s face.
When had she started looking her over again?
Autumn cringed. She was becoming one of those leering soldiers she despised. She looked deep into Soulara’s eyes, focusing there. Those pale blue eyes that shouldn’t exist in the real world. But here they were. Mermaid and human, standing toe to toe on the water’s edge.
Soulara blinked.
Sadness.
Autumn would recognize it anywhere. It had been her companion for so long, this unwavering sense of loneliness that she could never get rid of. Autumn reached out, her fingers skimming along Soulara’s damp arm, down to her fingers, twining them together.
“What’s wrong?” Autumn asked softly, staring down at their joined hands. Soulara’s skin wasn’t pink like hers. But it was stunning, and with the water drying, it almost shimmered in the light.
“Nothing’s wrong.” Soulara stiffened. Then she sighed heavily. “No, that’s not true.”
Autumn raised her gaze, looking deeply into Soulara’s eyes. Soulara had protected her against that other mermaid. Surely Autumn could do something in return for that. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Well, you’re royalty.” Autumn nearly choked on that word. It had barely made a dent in her brain until now. Soulara was just Soulara until the other week. And now she was a princess. “I guess that comes with the territory.”
“It does.” Soulara sighed heavily and gestured to the sand. “Want to sit?”
Autumn didn’t really answer, but she moved to sit in the sand. The sound of the waves was no longer foreign to her, and it had a calming effect she’d never managed before. Or maybe that was Soulara’s presence.
“I’m not just a princess, Autumn. I’m heir to the throne.”
“What throne?” Autumn churned all the possibilities in her head, but the concept of a kingdom was foreign to her.
“Reine. That’s the name of my home.” Soulara let out a wan smile. “There are many tribes of mermaids in the waters. My home is Reine. And we all have peace. There hasn’t been war between us in many seasons.” Soulara covered Autumn’s fingers with her own. “It’s my duty to protect my people.”
“That’s what I do, you know, protect people.”
“While killing them.” The vehemence in Soulara’s tone was unmistakable.
“Surely you’ve had something similar in your past.”
Soulara’s jaw clenched.
“I saw that woman, Honour. She was ready to kill me.”
“Honour is my general.” Soulara’s chin raised up. “And my friend.”
“You can’t be friends with your subordinates.” Autumn flicked her fingers through the sand. No one had ever befriended her on her tour. She’d always been the lonely outcast.
“Sure you can.” Soulara reached for Autumn’s hand and wove their fingers together. “Friends are what make the fighting worth it.”
“I’m friends with no one in my troop.” Autumn swallowed hard, realizing just how true that statement was. She had wanted to be friends with someone, maybe Marshall. They were on a good basis with each other, but that didn’t mean he thought of her as anything other than a coworker. One he didn’t even have a choice about working with, either.
“We’re friends.” Soulara’s lips curled upward, the sentiment lighting her eyes in the way that had been missing before that. Soulara was being genuine. “Even if it hurts my people. I won’t deny that we’re friends.”
Autumn melted. Tears stung her eyes, and she stared at her toes. She felt the same. As much as she knew she shouldn’t, as much as she knew they definitely shouldn’t be talking, she felt the same kind of kindred spirit connection with Soulara. And she believed that Soulara was being truthful.
“Why didn’t you tell me in the beginning then?” Autumn asked.
“Tell you what?” Soulara frowned.
“That you’re the princess.”
“Oh.” Soulara wrinkled her nose, and it was the most adorable thing Autumn had ever seen. “I just wanted to be me. Without the title, without the responsibilities, without the shadow of the crown. I’ve never been able to escape that before, even with Honour or Zendalia.”
“Zendalia?”
“My best friend.” Soulara squeezed Autumn’s hand tenderly. “But with you, I could—at least while it lasted.”
“Yeah. I guess.” Autumn mulled that over. She’d never been able to escape who she was. “I tried to do that. It’s why I joined the military.” Autumn brushed her thumb in a circle along Soulara’s palm. “To escape my family, to start new and fresh. But it didn’t really work out. I am who I am.”
“I get what you mean.” Soulara turned and faced her, her lips still bowed. It was as if she was always smiling, no matter what. Autumn’s personal ray of sunshine.
“They’re planning another mission.” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. She knew why she’d told Soulara. It had weighed so heavily that she’d come out here, hoping that Soulara would find her, hoping that they could work through this together to find a solution. Whatever solution might be out there. “Three days this time, which means it’s going to be a big haul.”
Soulara tensed. She canted her head to the side, staring Autumn directly. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because you need to know.” Autumn lifted her face toward the sky, defiance in the move. “Because I’m tired of letting good people get hurt for the benefit of someone else. Because you need to protect your people. Because you’re my friend.” And maybe more. Hopefully more.
Autumn had to hold all of that back. She wouldn’t dare say that. As much as she might feel it, the number of times she had hoped those feelings were reciprocated and then they weren’t were innumerable. No one had ever cared for her. No one had ever been her friend. She’d managed to survive into adulthood without any kind of true relationship.
“When?” Soulara asked on a sigh, staring out at the ocean.
“In a few days. I’ll let you know exactly when we’re set to leave if I can.” Autumn should have talked to Marshall before finding Soulara. She should have gone into this conversation with more information.
“I’ll speak with Honour.” Soulara’s shoulders were so tight.
Autumn wished she could reach forward and massage the tense muscles. “I’m so sorry.”
“What for?” Soulara furrowed her brow. “You haven’t done anything.”
“This hurts you.”
“It does.” Soulara nodded her agreement. “But without that, I wouldn’t have met you.”
Warmth swept through Autumn’s chest and into each of her limbs. She’d never been wanted like that. And she had to hope against hope that Soulara wasn’t just screwing with her to get information. Though she hadn’t asked for anything. She hadn’t pried or forced Autumn to share more than she was willing.
“I’ll be in one of those vessels.”
Soulara sucked in a sharp breath. “I can’t promise anything.”
“I understand why you’d choose your people over me.”
“Autumn,” Soulara’s voice cracked. “I don’t want to have to make that choice. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m not worth being saved,” Autumn whispered, hoping the wind would carry her voice away and that Soulara wouldn’t hear her.
“Oh, you’re worth it.” Soulara turned, brushing their cheeks together. The salty scent, a hint of seaweed mixed in, entranced Autumn. “You better be worth it.”
Was that a threat?
Or the truth?
Or Soulara’s hope?
Autumn bit her lip, pushing her cheek into Soulara’s as her eyes fluttered shut. “I need to get back. Find out more from Marshall.”
“I’ll be around. Just come here, and I’ll meet you as soon as I can.” Soulara pulled away slightly, but not before pressing their lips together.
Autumn gasped. She smiled against Soulara’s mouth, pushing in even more until their tongues touched. She was being seduced by the underwater alien, but in moments like these, even knowing that, she couldn’t bring herself to care. Soulara had shown her so much more compassion than any human she’d ever met.
Soulara bent Autumn back, resting her in the sand. Her hand was under Autumn’s head, cradling her as their mouths moved against each other. If Soulara wanted it, Autumn would let her take her right here. She would revel in the feel of the sand scratching against her skin, knowing that Soulara was there just for her and no one else.
Humming, Autumn pulled back slightly. “Soulara.”
“I know.” Soulara pressed their foreheads together and slowed her breathing. “I know.”
“I promise I’ll see you soon,” Autumn said, hoping she wasn’t lying.
“Not soon enough.” Soulara kissed her again, quickly. “You need to leave.”
“Yes,” Autumn answered, still not moving.
“I’ll protect you as much as I can.” Soulara kissed each of Autumn’s cheeks. “I can’t imagine this world without you.”
“Soulara.” Autumn bucked her hips up, putting space between them. “Go. Just go.”
Soulara seemed stunned, but she slid away and then pulled herself into the water. She put her legs together, the skin morphing into scales, dark navy blue scales that knitted together in a long tail, with fins that had a silvery edge to them.
“You’re so beautiful,” Autumn murmured. “In every form and essence of who you are.”
Soulara’s face broke into a smile. “I think you’re the first person that’s said that and meant it.”
“How could anyone not?”
“I’m royalty, Autumn.” Soulara put her hands up. “Everyone wants a piece of me.”
Without another word, Soulara splashed into the waves.
Autumn stayed and watched her until she disappeared under the surface of the water. A pressure built in her chest, tight and fraught with tension. This wasn’t going to be easy. And they’d be lucky if they both survived.