Chapter 15
Autumn’s body hummed while Soulara rested her head on Autumn’s chest and her tail lazily slapped the shallow water.
“I’ve never done that before,” Soulara murmured, her chest rising and falling in a gentle pattern.
“Well…” Autumn laughed, the sound strange but beautiful to her ears. “I suppose being the first human you’ve ever fucked that’s sort of expected.”
Blood rushed from her face as she remembered how Soulara had been in her mind, had known her thoughts. Had she heard how stupid Autumn was to not understand?
“What’s wrong?” Soulara shifted her weight against Autumn’s body as her eyes searched her face, roaming from forehead to chin.
“Can…” The word squeaked out, and Autumn swallowed before trying again. “Can you still hear my thoughts?”
“Oh, no.” Soulara relaxed into Autumn’s side. “I don’t like to use that magic. It’s too invasive and everyone deserves privacy. I removed myself from your mind once we were both satisfied.”
Autumn pressed her face into Soulara’s drying hair, kissing the top of her head before closing her eyes.
They fell back into silence. Autumn was used to silence. As her mind pondered the reality outside of orgasmic bliss with a mermaid, she knew their bubble would burst soon. It tore at her insides like a caged animal—or what she imagined a caged animal might feel like. She had seen old footage of animals, caged and not caged. But until she left her home planet, she had never seen any living creature other than humans.
Autumn looked up at the sky. It had darkened, but she noticed clouds that hung around in the distance, not dark enough to guarantee the idea germinating in her mind, but they were far from white.
“Does it rain here?” The thought filled her with hope.
“Reine? That’s my home. I don’t understand the question.” Soulara snuggled in closer, her breath brushing over Autumn’s nipples and distracting her thoughts momentarily.
“We call water that falls from the sky rain.”
“Oh.” Soulara shuffled away from Autumn now, sitting back and curling her tail next to her. “I’m not certain. I haven’t been on land when it’s done that. And my people don’t often come to the surface.”
Autumn’s hopes deflated before the idea had truly taken form in her mind. “It used to rain back home. There are stories of there being so much rain that it washed away houses. But I guess I was stupid to think the answer could be as simple as rain.”
“I think it’s interesting that you name the one thing that could save your people the same name as our home.” Soulara trailed her fingers in delicate circles over Autumn’s abdomen.
“Interesting?” Autumn shivered without Soulara’s body pressed against her own. She stood and with a heaviness to her limbs started dressing again.
“Maybe there is something to it?”
“Them both being named rain?”
“It seems far too connected to be dismissed.”
“You believe in fate?” Autumn hadn’t guessed that would be the case with Soulara. Then again, they hardly knew each other yet. If a human had said such a thing to her she would have mocked them. Heck, she had done that very thing in the past. Belief wasn’t something Autumn had any faith in.
But this was Soulara. She hadn’t been ravaged by her own people’s foolishness and greed. She hadn’t had her world destroyed, clinging to existence through more greed and barbaric actions taken by her people.
Autumn had never liked her people’s tactics, but she had understood them. Desperation. Survival. And she had justified their theft because she had read all the reports. All the reports that stated in black and white.
No Life.
But had they lied? Was this the first planet her people had come to that held life? And how many of them knew?
Tears burned at the back of her eyes.
“Of course I believe in fate. How else can you explain us meeting?” Soulara pushed up on her hip, still half-lying in the sand with her gorgeous long tail disappearing into the dark water. She must have noticed something wrong, because Soulara’s face morphed into concern.
“I’m sorry.” Autumn brushed tears from beneath her eyes. “I know I’m not supposed to cry.”
“Why?” Soulara cocked her head, curious. She was so much more alive than Autumn would ever be.
She hadn’t had to see everything she held dear die and crumble.
Not yet.
The idea of Soulara losing that spark crushed Autumn’s chest.
“I don’t know how to stop them, Soulara.” Now dressed, she sat on the beach, knees tucked to her chest.
It already felt so natural for her to sit and watch the water. Even as the movement was hard to see in the darkness. The sound of the water coming in and out, foaming as it stretched as far as it could on the sand before it rushed away, lulled Autumn.
“We’re stronger than your people imagine. The water is vast, and we have many tribes.”
“I wish that mattered.” Autumn fought against herself. Her heart wanted to tell Soulara everything. Everything about herself and everything she knew about her people and their ruthlessness.
“You don’t think they’ll leave if we show them our full strength?”
Autumn couldn’t speak over the lump in her throat, but she shook her head back and forth.
Silence fell again, but she wasn’t alone. Soulara’s tail disappeared, and her legs returned. She moved to Autumn’s side and wrapped herself around her.
Moments passed, and Autumn wanted nothing more than to stay there forever, even knowing she risked reprimand and potential dismissal for being away from camp at all, let alone missing for so long.
But she couldn’t leave Soulara. She had no idea what her people had planned, and what if she never got to see Soulara again? That last thought sent a lash of fear through her.
“No.” The word came out with a conviction she didn’t even know she possessed. She had to be honest, to Soulara and to herself. “I’ve never known for sure. I still don’t have proof.”
Autumn took a deep breath. Was she really doing this? Was she really going to voice those fears that she barely acknowledged, even to herself?
“Proof about what?” Soulara pressed gently.
This would doom Autumn’s career if anyone found out, and they would. Autumn was choosing Soulara over her own people. And the stunning part was the decision wasn’t a hard one to make.
“It always seemed strange to me. I mean, why aren’t we allowed to explore the planets while we’re on mission? They say they’ve already scanned for life and there’s none present. So why keep us locked in as though anything outside presented danger?” Autumn rested her head on Soulara’s shoulder and closed her eyes.
“They told you there was no life here? That we don’t exist.”
Autumn nodded and leaned into Soulara’s strong arms. She’d never understood what home meant. Not in the ways she had heard others speak of it, not in the ways she had heard from the old stories. But here, in Soulara’s arms, was this home?
“They lied to you.”
The accusation was such a flip from where their time together had begun. Soulara was tense again, but not in the same way, not as if she had been the one betrayed.
“I don’t know,” Autumn said. But something inside of her knew that wasn’t quite true. “Well, I don’t think everyone has. I don’t know how far it goes, but I have a feeling that someone here knows your people are there. They just don’t care.”
“How can you keep fighting for them?” Soulara placed her hand over Autumn’s, lacing their fingers in a tender move.
Did she know how difficult this was to talk about? Autumn had never joined the military to fight. She’d joined to escape, and she had gotten exactly what she’d signed up for.
“It doesn’t matter what I do or don’t do. It never has.” Autumn bit the inside of her cheek, trying to find the rest of the words she was searching for.
“You think you have no agency in this?” Soulara’s words had a sharp bite to them, accusation at its finest.
Autumn twisted in Soulara’s arms so she could look at her beautiful face and find strength in those impossibly pale eyes.
“Why do you think you’re irrelevant?” Soulara’s question might have hurt more had her fingers not brushed against Autumn’s cheek in such a soft and loving caress. All the accusation and anger was gone, leaving gentle exploration and curiosity behind.
“Because I’ve only ever been someone to be put up with. I told you I joined to get away from that place, to escape.”
“I remember.”
“My family wasn’t just unkind. They were cruel and vicious. They took pleasure in seeing me hurt.” Tears burned in Autumn’s eyes again. But she didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to feel the pain of memories tearing through her.
“Why would anyone be so cruel?”
“Because my people have gotten hard in order to survive.” Autumn shrugged, knowing it was hardly an excuse, but if she had been soft, she wouldn’t have survived the abuse from her family let alone the forces she now served.
“You aren’t like them.”
“I don’t want to be. But I’m not kind and gentle like you either, Soulara.” Autumn flopped onto her back and stared up at the dark sky. Stars sprinkled over it. Was Earth one of them? Autumn nearly snorted. Why was she being so nostalgic for a place that held nothing for her?
“You are.” Soulara held Autumn closer, as if her mere presence would prove her point. “I’ve been inside your mind, and I’ve seen your kindness.”
“But I’ve also been cruel. I justify it as the only way to survive. But we’re not good people. We destroyed our planet, and instead of changing our ways and improving the lives of the next generation we took to the stars and have destroyed planet after planet.”
The tension between them was fraught. Autumn knew what Soulara was thinking. This was the first time she’d been this honest about what they were doing on the planet. About what would happen to Soulara’s world when she left.
“Destroyed?” Soulara’s voice broke on the word.
“We don’t just take the water. We take everything we can. We take anything we can use to survive, and what we can’t use, we take anyway in the hopes of being able to barter for what we can use later.” Autumn detached from what she was saying. She didn’t want the full brunt of her honesty to hit either of them.
“You keep saying we.” Soulara kissed Autumn’s shoulder, the movement a caress in the midst of all this pain.
“Because I’m not faultless. I didn’t question anything, even when I knew something was going on that I didn’t understand.” Guilt hammered in her stomach. She was the cause of this. The burden was on her. Not that she could have changed the entire regiment she was with, but she could have at least not participated. She could have made different choices.
“Were you taught to question?” Soulara pressed another kiss to Autumn’s cheek this time.
Autumn didn’t deserve Soulara’s kindness. “Why does that matter?”
“It matters, trust me. You’ve never questioned things, but now you are. Why?” Another kiss, one after the other along Autumn’s cheek to her jaw.
She had to breathe through the calm touches, the pure connection she felt even without Soulara being in her brain. Concentrate, Walton. “Because I can’t hide behind ignorance anymore.”
“I don’t think you had a reason to fight before now.” Soulara licked a line up Autumn’s neck to her ear, sucking on her lobe.
Autumn shuddered as pleasure coursed through her again. “Are you saying this is all because of you?”
“No, I’m not.” Soulara deliberately turned Autumn’s face to look directly into her eyes. “I’m saying it’s because you changed since coming here. Whether or not that had anything to do with me and our relationship is moot. You’re different. You changed. You know now that you have a voice and that someone is willing to listen.”
Autumn froze. Her breathing was slow, rhythmic. Her eyes were locked on Soulara’s face, the kindness and love that radiated from her. This was so much more than lust. Taking that fact into her heart, Autumn nodded and whispered, “We need to stop them.”
Without a doubt, Autumn wanted that more than anything. She wanted to know that even if she couldn’t be with Soulara, when she left the planet, Soulara and her people would be safe.
What she wanted more than anything else in the world was to stay. But she knew that was beyond any dreams or hopes. Knowing Soulara lived would have to be enough.
“Don’t give up, Autumn. Don’t underestimate me and my people.” Soulara held their positions, so close and yet not quite touching.
“I’m more concerned about you underestimating mine.” Autumn moved in, brushing their mouths together in a sweet and short embrace.
“I shouldn’t trust you.” Soulara’s words shocked Autumn. Despite the weight of despair that had lowered itself onto her shoulders, she had still been detached enough from them to still ride the endorphin high of their lovemaking. But Soulara’s words stung. Because Autumn knew Soulara was right. Soulara shouldn’t trust her, or any human for that matter.
Wait, lovemaking? When did that happen? When had her attraction and connection turned into something deeper?
She wanted it. But she feared the heartbreak that would inevitably snap her. No matter how this war ended, it would end.
“Why do you trust me then?” Autumn wanted to taste Soulara’s salty lips again, feel the coolness of Soulara’s skin against her own body.
“Because you have value as an individual. You aren’t just your people. And I’m not just my people.” Soulara’s lips curled up slightly, her eyes wrinkling at the corners as the smile took over her entire face. “Because you won’t betray me.”
Soulara’s faith hurt more than betrayal, because if there was one thing Autumn understood clearly, it was that she’d fail to meet those expectations. Without even trying, she would shatter Soulara’s belief in her. “Your people don’t hurt others for the sheer joy of it.”
“It’s true that I don’t and nor do many of my people.” Soulara placed kisses on Autumn’s cheeks, one after the other. “We hold life as far more precious than your own seem to. But we’re not all the same. Tribes hold different values as do individuals.”
“Will they all fight with you to save your home?” Just how ruthless could the merpeople be?
“Perhaps,” Soulara said. “We have some of the tech from the kraken that was destroyed in the deep soundings. And I can be a convincing diplomat when I need to be.”
“What?” Autumn’s head spun with the sudden change of topic.
“The tribe the three kraken attacked retaliated and destroyed one of your machines.” Soulara kissed Autumn’s nose.
Autumn nodded. She’d heard about it, along with the two soldiers who had perished in the mission.
“Will that help your people?” Autumn didn’t want more humans to die. She just wanted the war to stop. How many of them had been just following orders like she had all these years? Did they really deserve to pay for the lies they’d been told? When had water collecting become a battle?
“I think so.” Soulara nodded, her eyes focusing on something Autumn couldn’t see.
“I could get you the plans as well,” Autumn said without hesitation. Sure, why wouldn’t she give up the plans of their most important technology to aliens. Especially when she’d fucked one and the other had tried to throw a spear through her heart. “If you think your people will be able to use it. Do you have people who can understand machines and technology like the water collectors?”
“I work with technology. It’s one of my many passions.” Soulara’s cheeks pinked slightly, and the modesty behind it warmed Autumn’s heart. She had never imagined this fearless woman could express such a humble perspective. Or was that a tease and a flirt Autumn hadn’t been expecting?
“One of your passions?” Autumn smiled, remembering some of the more recent passions she had discovered.
“Oh yes, I have many skills, Autumn.” Soulara’s voice filled with innuendo was accompanied by fingers running up and down Autumn’s arms.
These words and tone were more like what Autumn had come to expect. Autumn slid into it, wanting to forget that she’d offered to betray her entire race for one good fuck.
“Can you tell what I’m thinking about now?” Autumn purred in return.
“Oh, I don’t need to be in your mind to know exactly what you’re thinking.” Soulara’s mouth was against hers, hot, wanting, desperate.