Chapter 23
“You came back.” Autumn stood at attention as Soulara walked toward her through the waves. Her entire body had tensed when she saw Soulara’s head pop up in the water, and she’d held her breath most of the way as Soulara swam closer.
Soulara stopped short of touching her, probably sensing Autumn’s tension. “I did. So did you.”
“I’ve walked this beach so many times wanting to see you,” Autumn whispered. She sounded pathetic, but who else was she supposed to talk to? Marshall had all but shut off communication after the debacle. He looked at her with every suspicion in the book now.
“We shouldn’t talk in the open,” Soulara murmured, snagging Autumn’s hand and immediately walking into the small clearing where they’d first met.
Autumn followed dutifully, but something pulled at her heart, like this shouldn’t be happening. Soulara wasn’t really here. It was all a dream, a fantasy. Autumn was flat out losing her mind. No one had really confirmed the mermaids’ existence, so that could totally be the case. Maybe she’d swallowed too much of the sea water and it was making her crazy.
“What’s been happening?” Soulara turned on Autumn as soon as they were in a more secluded spot.
Autumn’s heart clenched. She really should have paid better attention, right? Because as much as she’d done with Soulara, wasn’t she the enemy at this point? Autumn rubbed her lips together, not sure what to say. Did she share more information or did she keep it all in?
“Autumn,” Soulara’s smooth tones reached her ears. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Autumn said automatically.
“Forgive me for not believing you. You’re so tense.” Soulara slid a hand up Autumn’s shoulder to her neck, cupping the back of it. She dug her thumb into the tight muscles, and Autumn groaned at the instant relief she felt. “I’m here for you.”
Tears sprung up in Autumn’s eyes. How did she tell Soulara that she had a target on her back? That she’d managed to make even more enemies in the short time since they’d seen each other last? That the last week had been absolute hell while she tried to find someone who was safe or who knew something or who would even listen to her, and came up completely empty?
“Oh, Autumn.” Soulara reached in, wrapping her arms around Autumn’s shoulders and tugging her in for a hug.
Autumn’s face fell to Soulara’s shoulder, and she turned her nose into her neck, breathing in her pure, damp, salty scent. It was beyond comforting. Autumn relaxed, moving her arms around Soulara’s back and pulling Soulara to her. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks, wetting Soulara’s already damp skin.
This wasn’t right.
Was it?
The air was thick with tension, fraught with thoughts that spun through Autumn’s mind—thoughts she couldn’t control and thoughts she hated. Why couldn’t life ever be easy for her? She’d thought joining the military would be the easy out, but then all of this happened.
“Are you in my head?” Autumn murmured, the question clear.
Soulara tightened her grasp. “No. I wouldn’t do that unless I had to.”
Autumn nodded, keeping her eyes closed. Would that be easier? Or would it be harder on Soulara? Could Autumn dare herself to give Soulara such a full and complete understanding of the last week? Autumn tightened her grasp around Soulara’s waist and breathed her in again.
This was Soulara.
The mermaid who could walk and breathe air.
The mermaid who had shared so much with her.
Autumn pressed her lips in a kiss against Soulara’s cool skin and settled into the fact that this was going to happen. “Can you?”
“Can I what?” Soulara ran her hands up and down Autumn’s back.
“Read my mind.”
“Are you sure?” Soulara shifted as if she was trying to look into Autumn’s eyes, but Autumn refused to budge. If she kept her eyes closed, then maybe it would keep them connected. Maybe it would keep the real world from slamming into her.
“Yes.” Autumn tightened her grasp, awaiting the intrusion.
Soulara held her tightly. At first Autumn didn’t feel anything, and she couldn’t even tell if Soulara had started or not. Could Soulara read her mind without Autumn knowing?
“Bring forth what you want me to see,” Soulara murmured into Autumn’s hair. “I don’t want to see more than you want me to.”
That brought a wave of comfort to Autumn, and it wrapped her up and coiled around her. Soulara did care, and she just had to remember that. The first memory Autumn recalled was from the water collector, from her sabotaging her own machine to save Soulara, of pulling Soulara away from them.
Soulara hummed and kissed Autumn’s cheek. “Thank you.”
“It-it was nothing.”
“You risked your life for me. That’s not nothing, Autumn.” Soulara pulled Autumn’s chin up and pressed their mouths together gently. “It’ll never be nothing.”
Autumn leaned into the moment, using the physical touch to center herself. This was what she’d been longing for. It was easier to make Soulara do the work, but it was more than that. Autumn had to be the one to share. Pulling away slightly, Autumn locked her eyes on Soulara’s.
“They suspect me.”
“Suspect you of what?” Soulara’s brow furrowed in concern.
“Being a traitor or at least an objector.” Autumn touched Soulara’s shoulders, using that to center herself. Why hadn’t she tried this before? “I went to check in with Marshall, he was still sick from the sudden rise of the water collector, and I asked him about the mermaids. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with the mission anymore.”
Soulara tensed.
“It’s genocide,” Autumn stated firmly. She believed that without a doubt. “We’re committing genocide.”
“W-what’s that?” Soulara pressed, sliding her hand down to lace their fingers together.
Autumn stared down at their intertwined hands. This was the connection she was missing. The support and comfort she needed to be able to make decisions. But to turn against her entire people? Was she ready to do that?
“Genocide is the complete annihilation of another race.” Autumn looked directly into those blue eyes. “We kill all of you.”
Soulara paled. Rightfully so. Autumn would likely do the same if she’d heard those words about humans. Autumn stayed where she was, making sure she took in every change in Soulara.
“We’ll fight back,” Soulara answered.
“You’re mermaids. We have the upper hand, and humans are ruthless. We always have been.” Autumn could see it now, the planet drained of water, and the mermaids’ bodies laid out for the sun to consume. Humans would destroy everything. “They don’t care about you. I’m pretty fucking sure they knew you were here and they’re hiding it from the rest of us. They don’t care that they’ll kill you.”
Soulara’s lips pressed into a thin line. “We’ll fight back, Autumn. You have to trust that we’ll put everything we have into this war.”
Autumn started and stopped. War? Were they moving into active battles and away from simply collecting water? Would Chalmers see it that way? Probably not. But if enough of the soldiers knew about the mermaids would that even change their minds?
“There are other humans that don’t want to kill the mermaids,” Autumn said, though she wasn’t sure she believed it. Trent wouldn’t give a flying fuck if he killed a mermaid. He’d probably have a belt with notches on it. But Marshall? Thinking back on everything, he’d seemed almost as pained as Autumn had at the thought of what was happening.
“How many?” Soulara asked.
“I…I don’t know.” Autumn was caught in the lie. Or was it really a lie? “Marshall seems partial.”
“Partial? What does that mean?”
“He seems like he might be on our side.”
Soulara shook her head slowly. “Might be? I can’t plan an attack on maybes and suspicions. I can’t plan a negotiation on maybe one more person being sympathetic.”
Autumn understood that deeply. She hated it, but she understood it. She’d done the same with her own family back home, making sure that they left her alone, that she didn’t go back for even one person because one would try to drag her into the hell of the rest. She’d cut them all out of her life. It had been hard, painful, trying at times. But in the end, it had been so worth it.
“Marshall told me they would kill me.”
“What?” Soulara’s eyes widened in fear.
“They’ll kill me if I try to leave, if I make a fuss about it. They’ll make me be quiet, permanently.” That thought sank in even more. Instead of drowning, she now had to watch her back every second she was on base. They had to have suspicions about her doubts already. There was always someone watching in those places.
Did they already know about her relationship with Soulara?
Fuck.
Had Autumn led them directly to the enemy?
No. That’s not what it was. Had Autumn led the enemy straight to the mermaids?
That shift, now solidified, was mind-blowing. Humans were the enemy. They were the reason this war was happening, the reason no one could have peace.
“Were you peaceful before we came?” Autumn asked.
Soulara nodded. “Yes. We weren’t unified, but peaceful. We all had an understanding of each other.”
Autumn bit her lip, not wanting to ask more questions than she should. The more information she had, the more Chalmers could use it against the mermaids. She had to keep what she knew to a minimum in order to protect Soulara and her people.
“They’re sending water collectors down again in eight days’ time. More than half the fleet.” Autumn straightened her spine. “I won’t be on them—at least that’s not the current plan. They’re still fixing my water collector.”
Soulara nodded sharply. “I have a gift for you.”
Autumn jerked back with a start. This wasn’t the time for gifts. This wasn’t even the time for them to have moments of sweet touches and sweet nothings. Everything needed to be business. Autumn had to pull away from Soulara to help protect her from the coming war.
“Here.” Soulara reached up and unhooked the necklace that sat right in the center of her chest. She immediately moved to clasp it around Autumn’s neck. The moment Soulara pulled away, she dragged her fingers along the chain, her lips slightly quirked into a smile. “It suits you.”
“It’s against regulation,” Autumn answered, reaching up and holding the stone in her fingers.
It was surprisingly warm. She frowned at it, a vibration and heat filling her before it moved throughout her entire body and then centered in the front of her head and her heart. When she blinked, she was confronted with a blue creature that was nose to nose with her.
“What the hell?” Autumn said, jerking back.
“This is Nylah,” Soulara answered, a smile blooming on her lips now. “They’re a soul, and they’re how I’ve managed to know you were at the beach when you needed to see me.”
“A soul?” Autumn looked from Nylah to Soulara. She could see Soulara through the creature, as if Nylah was one step outside the real world.
“Yes. This is a soul stone.” Soulara brushed her fingers over the stone. “I can’t see them anymore, but if you need to speak with me or tell me something, use Nylah.”
“But if you can’t see them…” Autumn trailed off, more confused than ever.
“Nylah has joined me in body. Their soul can communicate with their body and will be able to share things with me.”
This was beyond anything Autumn could imagine. This was more magic than she’d managed to dream of. “I can’t wear the necklace.”
Soulara nodded. “Keep it with you. I can also send you messages, and I have a feeling we’ll need to be able to speak more often and it will be harder for me to come to the surface.”
“Soulara…” Autumn trailed off. “What if I get caught with it?”
“You can’t.” Soulara pressed her palm to the stone. “You can’t let anyone else have this. Ever. It’s Nylah’s soul.”
Autumn nodded slowly, understanding dawning. “And you have their body?”
“Yes.” Soulara smiled again. “It’ll be a way for us to communicate.”
“Right.” Autumn clasped the stone in her hand. “What do we do now?”
“Now you go back to the humans, and I go back to the sea.” Soulara ran her fingers along Autumn’s cheeks, holding the sides of her head. “I don’t know what will become of our future.”
“If there is a future, you mean.” Autumn looked up at her. She hated this. She hated that this couldn’t just be them anymore. Everything had gotten so complicated in the span of a few breaths.
“There’s always a future, even if it’s in the afterlife.” Soulara pressed a kiss to Autumn’s forehead. “But I don’t know what that looks like. And if we’re meant to be, then we’ll find each other there.”
“You say that like we’re not going to see each other again.”
“I don’t know if we will.” Soulara’s lips thinned.
Autumn’s stomach twisted at that thought. This was really happening, wasn’t it? The one person Autumn had trusted in her life was walking away, and Autumn was going to have to willingly let her go.
“I don’t know what the future holds. I wish I did.”
Autumn swallowed hard. “You’re going to war, aren’t you?”
Soulara tensed, her shoulders tightening, her face pinching. “We’re already at war.”
Autumn hated it. But Soulara was a princess, she did have a people to fight for, and Autumn wanted to do anything within her power—which wasn’t much—to help her. As much as Soulara’s comment solidified that fact, it also shattered her.
Autumn would never be one of them.
She’d never be able to swim under the water, live there.
What kind of life could they actually have?
“I understand,” Autumn mumbled. “Hear me when I say this, Soulara, as someone who has been to war before, as someone who has experienced a ravaged planet—war isn’t worth it if there’s nothing left to fight for.”
Soulara’s eyes widened in surprise.
“Don’t lose your people while trying to save them.” Autumn moved in swiftly, kissing Soulara. She held on tightly, lacing her fingers in Soulara’s still-damp hair and sliding her tongue along Soulara’s. Autumn closed her eyes.
This was their last kiss.
She was sure of it.