Chapter 38
Bea
Bea glanced toward the main road. She had seen a bus stop on the way in and it couldn’t be that far. A bus back to Edinburgh would give her the escape she needed, an escape that a walk on the beach would provide only in temporary measures.
As Bea turned right out of the front gate, she sensed someone watching her. Instinctively, she glanced towards the little cottage next to Cal’s but no one was there. She shook off the sensation and headed up the street towards the main road.
The road out of the village was longer than Bea remembered.
She passed a lot of houses she hadn’t noticed on the way in, probably because she was so enthralled being with Cal.
She saw a couple of people taking their dogs to the beach but dipped her head in case they knew Cal and might alert him to her whereabouts if he came looking for her.
The weather until now was clement: a light sea breeze, but also intermittent September sun to take the edge off the early autumnal chill.
But the clouds that the sun was periodically disappearing behind had taken on a more sombre hue and Bea could see that the sky was shifting from blue to grey and the clouds were darkening by the second.
She shivered and hurried along the street.
Where was the bus stop? Surely she hadn’t passed it already.
A blob of rain dropped onto her nose. Oh no.
And another, this time on her shoulder. Then, with an impatience to have their way, the raindrops tumbled down.
Bea was wearing only jeans and a blouse and would get soaked. Time to jog.
By the time she reached the bus stop, Bea’s clothes were soaking wet.
Please let the bus come along soon, because if I have to stand here for too long, I’ll freeze.
As she was rubbing her arms to keep warm, she caught a glimpse of herself in the bus shelter.
What a sight: her clothes were clinging to her in a hideous way, her hair was bedraggled from the earlier saltwater and her expression was miserable.
She felt even worse. At least a bus was due soon and she could get out of here and back to some normality.
That was, if they let her on, sea monster that she was.
‘Bea!’
Bea spun round to see who was calling her name. It could only be one person. Nobody else knew her round here.
And right enough, standing on the other side of the main road was Cal.
He had ditched the wetsuit and apron and was now wearing jeans and a black t-shirt that were drenched and clinging to every last sculpted piece of him.
Bea stared. Even from across the street, his eyes seared into her soul.
He was so beautiful it made her heart ache.
But how she wished he would go away, that he wasn’t heading across the road to the bus stop to stand right in front of her.
‘Bea, what are you doing here? You’re soaked through.’ Cal reached out and touched her arm. His hand was warm, and she wanted him to wrap his whole body around her and heat her to the core. ‘I thought you were going for a walk on the beach.’
Oh, why can’t he see? Why do I need to spell out what’s wrong? It’s too hard.
But Bea couldn’t lie either. Couldn’t pretend she’d come a different route for a walk, got caught in the rain and taken refuge in the bus shelter.
She didn’t feel like pretending. So instead she said nothing.
Stared at Cal until she couldn’t stare at him anymore because concern combined with stupendous handsomeness was too much when you couldn’t have it.
‘Are you going to say anything?’ Cal asked.
Bea found the mettle to let a few words escape her lips. ‘How did you know to find me here?’ she asked.
‘Dorothy said she saw you heading up this way when I went round to fix her tap. You said you were going to the beach, so I thought maybe you’d got lost.’
‘Yes,’ she turned back to him. ‘I got lost.’ This was true. She had got lost. Very lost, but not in the way Cal assumed. She had got lost in her emotions for him. Lost in direction. Lost in love? She glanced along the road and saw the bus approaching.
‘Well, it’s lucky I found you,’ said Cal.
For a split second, Bea allowed herself to indulge in a fantasy of those words meaning something else.
Of Cal expressing how lucky they were to have met each other in this big old world.
But he just meant finding her at the bus stop.
And the bus was even closer now. She pressed the outside of her purse to check her wallet was inside.
As she did so, Cal gripped her arm, pulling her away from the road.
‘Watch out,’ he said. ‘There’s a massive puddle. You don’t want to get soaked when the bus goes past.’
Guilt swiped at Bea as she realised what was happening. Cal thought the bus was driving by. He didn’t suspect that she was planning to get on it. Looking straight at the oncoming vehicle, she stepped to the kerb, alerting the driver to pull in.
‘Bea?’
As she found the courage to lift her eyes, Bea’s voice constricted with emotion.
‘Cal. I have had such a lovely time with you here, but I’ve overstayed my welcome and I need to go back to Edinburgh.
’ She was pretty sure that sounded like the lie that it was.
And Cal’s narrowed gaze told her she was on the money.
‘Are you serious?’
‘I am.’
‘But why?’ Cal asked. ‘Please be honest with me. We were having a great time. Or were you not?’
‘No, I was.’ Bea glanced at the now open bus door, and the driver who was staring expectantly to see if either of them were getting on board.
There were mere seconds to decide. But she could see Cal needed her to say something.
It was almost like he knew the words but needed them to come from her.
Did he know she was upset about the baby?
It seemed obvious, she supposed, because of the timing with Dorothy, but he wouldn’t know what had happened with Josh and how that crushing insignificance she had tried to escape was bearing down again.
He couldn’t possibly understand about her insecurities around motherhood and that they were wrapped up with her burgeoning feelings for him.
‘Are youse getting on or not?’ The bus driver looked at his watch.
‘Could you give me one moment?’ Bea’s voice was trembling, her teeth were chattering. Couldn’t the driver see how important this was? Wasn’t he used to delays because of romantic crises?
As if silently reading her mind and agreeing to meet her halfway, the man shook his head and puffed out a loud sigh, but stayed put, rapping his fingers on the steering wheel.
Bea turned to Cal. She owed him an explanation, but how to do it without revealing that she was falling for him? How could she frame it? What could she tell him? It was impossible.
‘Cal, I… Look…’
But Cal saved her from death by explanation.
‘Bea, please don’t go,’ he implored. ‘Or if you have to, for whatever reason, would you at least come back to the house, get your bag and get showered and warm. If, after that, you still want to go back to Edinburgh then I’ll drive you, no questions asked, okay? ’
Well, how could she say no to that? Yes, the bus was here, and the temptation was to get away immediately, but her belongings were at Cal’s and she was freezing.
And, to be fair, he was good to her. Bea sighed.
She would bear the pain of being near him, caring as she did but not having it requited, for a few more hours.
Tonight, she’d be back in her bed in her crummy apartment and things would be less intense.
‘Sorry,’ she mouthed to the bus driver, whom she could have sworn rolled his eyes before closing the doors and accelerating with an aggressive growl of the engine.
Thankfully, the decision had made one man happy. Cal was beaming, and Bea remarked to herself that she’d never seen such a luminescent smile on anyone’s face. Certainly not his.
‘You know, Dorothy was right,’ he said.
‘Dorothy was right about what?’
‘You. You’re stunning. And standing here soaked through with salt water in your hair, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.’
‘Dorothy said all that?’
Cal laughed. ‘Dorothy said she could tell you were beautiful inside and out.’
‘That was lovely of her to say. But I thought she couldn’t see me.’
‘She saw you from her window once she had her glasses on.’
‘Oh, okay.’
‘She’s an excellent judge of character. She also said that you were a million times nicer than Elisabetta.’
Hearing these words, warmed Bea’s heart. It was a wonderful sentiment, but how she wished that they were coming from Cal, rather than from a lady in her eighties who lived next door to him.