Chapter 46
Bea
Once they were out on the road, Bea thought about the message from Amira.
Thankfully, Amira had said it was nothing to do with her banking/romance crisis, so that only left something to do with Bea’s family or the books and the website.
But what could have gone wrong? Had readers left her a hundred bad reviews online?
Were her fans fighting with each other? Maybe they weren’t happy with her taking a vacation and were demanding the new book ASAP.
But that wasn’t like her fans; they were unwaveringly supportive.
She could look and see but the thought terrified her.
‘Are you alright?’ Cal clearly noticed Bea’s distraction. ‘You’re very quiet. And you’ve been watching that phone like a hawk since we left the lodge.’
‘I know.’ Bea turned the phone face down on her lap. ‘I’m sorry. It’s rude of me. I’m just worried about Amira’s missed call and hoping she might be awake and call me.’
‘I’m sure it’s all fine. If she called you now, you’d only get cut off due to a dodgy signal. And she’s probably asleep, like you said.’
‘Yeah, you’re right,’ said Bea. ‘I need to relax and enjoy the day. I’m sorry. You’ve been pointing things out and I’ve only been half-listening.’
‘Don’t worry, you’ve not missed too much. Just a couple of pheasants and an old man skinny-dipping in the loch.’
‘What?! I missed that?’ Bea peered out the window.
Cal laughed. ‘Nope. I just wanted to get your full attention back.’
‘Okay, well you have it now.’ Warmth encircled Bea’s heart. She loved Cal’s company and his humour, and that was what she needed to focus on today. Amira was asleep, so whatever it was would have to wait. She put her phone back in her purse and tried to bring the customary perk back into her voice.
‘So, what’s next on the agenda?’ she asked.
Cal pointed out lots of fascinating Scottish sights as they drove on through winding roads alongside what seemed like an infinite number of lochs.
More pheasants popped up with their plump autumnal plumage, blue-green necks and cute red faces; shaggy brown Highland cows or ‘heilan coos’, as Cal referred to them, grazed in green fields, and copious russet and crimson trees lined the way.
After an hour or so, they stopped for a break and walked through a wooded glade where Bea photographed the tranquil surroundings, remarking on her inner peace. Cal took her hand as they strolled along the woodland path and she squeezed it to thank him for bringing her here.
At around one o’clock Cal parked up at a long building with a gabled roof set against the backdrop of a rich green mountain. The signage across the gable end said Oyster Bar and Restaurant.
‘Oh, wow, it’s so pretty,’ Bea remarked. ‘And I love oysters.’
‘Phew. I took a bit of a gamble. Best oysters in Scotland here. Come on, I got in early a few days ago and booked us the best table.’
At these words, an inkling of unease set in again.
Cal had booked this place, so it wasn’t going to be cheap.
Bea had rankled at not being allowed to pay for things, but could she even afford half of this, especially since much of her funds had gone on helping Amira?
She didn’t want to bring it up before they even sat down and ruin Cal’s good intentions, because he wasn’t doing any of this out of anything but a desire to please her, but her enjoyment was cancelled out by the concern that she couldn’t pay her way.
‘Hey.’ Cal glanced up from perusing the menu. ‘You’re not still worrying about Amira, are you?’
‘Hmm, oh a little,’ Bea lied, when, in fact, her mind was focused entirely on the prices here. It would be stupid if she asked Cal to pay for it all. There was no way she could do that. So, after he convinced her to order oysters to share, Bea decided to have another starter as a main.
‘Are you not hungry?’
‘I don’t have to be hungry all the time, do I?’
‘No, of course not. It’s just that…’ Cal appeared little taken aback and a cut of guilt sliced through Bea.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I…’ But she couldn’t face bringing up money again.
All it would do was to elicit guilt in Cal for wanting to please her by choosing a nice place for lunch and she’d have to admit that she’d given most of her money away.
It didn’t matter that had she not done that, she might be able to pay; the inadequacy ran far deeper.
Tears nipped at Bea. This was such a frustrating situation.
She hated feeling like all she could give Cal was her company and sex. Despised the cheapness of it all.
‘So, I know you wanted to go Dutch, but I am more than happy to pay for this as it’s quite pricey and I didn’t give you a choice of venue.
’ Cal paused to let his words settle and searched Bea’s face, as if expecting an argument, but she knew that she couldn’t offer one.
It was so frustrating. She worked her butt off in the bar then wrote for hours, yet she had so little money.
‘Sure.’ Bea bit back tears. ‘Thank you so much.’ She thanked him again when they were out in the car park and she’d gathered herself a little.
‘You’re more than welcome.’ Cal wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. ‘Thanks for letting me spoil you. You know, I’m worried. You don’t seem your usual vibrant self.’
Bea forced herself to look happy. ‘I’m good.
’ She hated that the ordinarily divine experience of being held in Cal’s arms was making her sad and low.
She tried to tell herself that she could easily be an earning woman and still let a man treat her for the weekend, but it was no use.
Josh had inflicted damage too many times.
Damn him. How was she going to get over this?
The best thing, she decided, was to remind herself that this thing with Cal was short-term. It wasn’t like they were laying the groundwork for the future. When pay day came round, she would have some money. All she had to do right now was hold it together for the rest of the weekend.