Chapter 49
Bea
It wouldn’t be an understatement to say that Bea’s emotions were a mess.
What should she be feeling? There was the good news that readers were responding favourably to her short story.
That brought the possibility the book would be popular.
She’d been waiting for validation like this for years.
But the fact that she appeared to have upset Cal by using him as inspiration completely took the edge off.
Bea couldn’t understand why it bothered him as much as it did.
Did he like to be in control of things? Was it about power?
He liked to pay for things. Maybe it was more to do with him not wanting a woman who was successful: he wanted to show he was the boss, even if it was only for a short period of time.
Cal first decided when they would kiss, he’d shown her his country, paid for the lodge and lunch.
But she had decided to put him in one of her stories, and he hadn’t had a choice.
Is he bothered by the lack of control he had over that situation? Well, if that’s the case, then I’m sad.
‘By the way,’ Cal said. ‘Really well done on the story. As much as I’m peeved at certain aspects, I know this is a massive deal for you, and I don’t want to chuck water on your bonfire. You work hard and deserve every success you get.’
Holy moly. Cancel all those thoughts about him being a power tripper.
Cal had the good grace to congratulate her and be pleased for her.
He wasn’t a control freak; he was one of the good guys.
It was Bea who needed to get a grip and get over the fact that her experiences with Josh were colouring the way she saw Cal.
Cal was more than honourable. The paying for things was generosity, the deciding when they kissed, well that was him trying to maintain professional boundaries but being unable to resist the physical chemistry so evident between them.
And as for why the story upset him: well, that was the only thing she couldn’t work out.
Wouldn’t most guys love being immortalised in a complimentary way in the pages of a novel.
It was surely an ego boost, and the perfect memory of a short-term but fun fling.
But maybe Cal didn’t want any memory of their time together, but instead to move on and forget about it once she went back to the States.
A new feeling grew inside Bea. A slow tearing in her heart.
What had she done by writing this story, by committing to the novel?
That’s right, she’d made a deal to write about Cal Butler and relive the time they spent together for a long time.
She would have to talk to fans about him, discuss her inspiration, remember every moment, except only on the page because she would be long gone from the man himself.
The thought of it was devastating. In a few weeks’ time, the only part of Cal she would still have would be the memories.
Memories that would be too upsetting to recall because of what she would have lost. Bea had come here to get over a broken heart, and all she had done was head towards another one.
She was in love with Cal Butler and destined to make one of two dreadful decisions.
Either go home in a few weeks and have to relive the book for a long time but potentially find success as a writer, or go home but start the book again with a different male lead.
The latter option would mean less heartache, but it could also mean stymieing her career the minute it might be going places.
There was one other option, but Bea wasn’t even going to entertain that. There was no way she would step out on the line and tell Cal that she was in love with him, that the thought of heading back to the States and leaving him filled her with a sorrow heavier than the Edinburgh rainclouds.
‘Hey, are you okay?’ Cal noticed Bea’s faraway thoughts. ‘Come here.’ He slipped his arms around her waist and drew their bodies together. ‘You’re beautiful, talented and my mum likes you. How am I going to let you go?’
What did he mean? Was he going to find this as hard to let go of as she was? Bea bit her lip and scrutinised Cal’s face for signs he felt the same way she did, but she couldn’t work anything out.
‘Hey, sorry.’ He clocked Bea’s confusion. ‘I didn’t mean to sound possessive or like I want to try to keep you in Scotland against your will. It’s just that you’ve lit up my life and I want you to know that you won’t be forgotten in a hurry.’
Cal’s words were lovely, but they made Bea’s pain worse.
Knowing he’d had a good time with her was great.
But she needed to hear more than that. Bea needed to know that he liked her like she did him, that he was besotted with her too.
But if Cal carried the same sentiment in his heart, he didn’t reveal it.
And Bea was a staunch believer that if a man had strong feelings for a woman, he admitted them.
She clearly wasn’t enough for Cal Butler, and she didn’t want to be with another man for whom she didn’t meet his criteria; she would settle for nothing but complete adoration from now on.
But the most heartbreaking thing of all was that Bea wasn’t sure if you ever felt that way about someone more than once in your life.
Was this chance – the only chance that she would get – going to slip through the net and be lost forever?