Chapter Eighteen
When they got home, Ryan took care of paying Whitney while Aria checked on Sophie. She hadn’t even tried to get him to let her pay since she knew it was futile. Especially since he’d asked her to the fundraiser so she knew he’d consider paying the sitter was on him.
Speaking of the fundraiser, she’d been shocked to discover that Ryan was jealous.
Not that he’d had reason to be, but she supposed Ted acting as if Ryan wasn’t even there was enough to trigger anyone’s ire.
She’d known Ted casually for several years and he’d hit on her a number of times, but she’d never been interested.
His ego was a little too inflated for her liking.
But that Ryan—Ryan who could have and had had almost any woman he wanted—was jealous had surprised her.
She hated to admit that it had also given her a little thrill.
She’d had relationships before, of course, but Ryan had been the longest and most serious.
He’d never given her reason to suspect he wasn’t faithful while they’d been together, and to find out he’d been celibate since he left her had made her happier than it should have.
After all, they’d both been free to have other relationships in the months since he’d left.
But she hadn’t wanted to and to find out that neither had he made her look at him in a different light.
“Sophie’s sound asleep,” she told Ryan as she walked into the bedroom.
“Good.” He held out a hand and she took it. “Are you tired?”
“A little.” She kicked off her heels. “But I’m not too tired if you know what I mean.”
He gave her a wicked smile. “I hope I do.”
She led him to the bed and made him sit. Leaned down and kissed him before stepping back and reaching for the hem of her dress. Grasping it, she raised it very slowly, revealing flesh with each torturous inch. Ryan hadn’t said anything but she had his complete attention.
Finally, she pulled the dress off over her head, turned it right side out and walked over to a chair to lay it carefully over the back. Looking back over her shoulder she said, “Why are you still wearing so many clothes?”
“I was mesmerized and couldn’t move.” He unbuttoned his shirt and stripped it off.
He’d taken off his jacket, tie, cummerbund, and socks when he first came in.
Standing, he went to work on his pants, shoving them down along with his boxers.
He stood naked, with a smile and a very proud erection, and crooked a finger at her.
She sauntered over to him, unhooked her bra and dropped it on the floor. “Can I do something for you?”
He laughed and pulled her into his arms. “You bet.”
They kissed hungrily, never breaking contact as they landed on the bed with him beneath her.
Taking advantage of his position, she climbed on top, straddling him.
Now there was only her tiny panties between them.
She rubbed against him, watching his eyes cross as he moaned. “You’re killing me,” he panted.
“That’s the plan.” She leaned down and kissed him again, gasping into his mouth when his hands covered her breasts and he rubbed her nipples, which had been hard points since she’d stripped.
Aria wasn’t usually the aggressor in their lovemaking, and she’d forgotten how it made her feel.
Strong, in control. Sexy. If the look in his eyes and the feel of his hands caressing her was any clue, that’s how he felt too.
They teased, touched, and caressed each other until Aria couldn’t wait any longer.
Ryan had long since ripped off her panties and she raised herself until she was poised over him.
Their gazes met and she slowly lowered until his cock was seated fully inside her.
He helped her ride him with his hands on her hips.
It went on and on as her inner muscles tightened, pushing both of them toward release.
Then she was coming and he was coming and she exploded along with him in a chaos of emotion. Boneless, she lay on top of him, unable to move. She started to force herself to move but he stopped her. “Don’t. I like you here.”
“I’m squashing you.”
She felt him laugh as well as heard him. “We discussed that before. You’re way too light to squash me.”
So she stayed where she was for a while longer. Eventually she moved and he went to the bathroom to clean up. She took her turn after him and when she returned he patted the bed beside him. “Come lie with me.”
She smiled and climbed in beside him. They lay side by side with her head on Ryan’s shoulder, totally spent from making love.
“I love you, Aria.”
Maybe he really did. He certainly acted like he loved her. He obviously loved Sophie. No one could fake his expression when he looked at his baby. The pride. The awe. Pure happiness. Love.
“I love you, too, Ryan.”
He went very still. “That’s the first time you’ve ever said those words to me.”
“Yes. But it’s not the first time I’ve thought them.”
He shifted to lie on top of her. Looked deep into her eyes, searching for … what? To be sure? He kissed her, slow and sweet. “It feels like forever that I’ve been waiting to hear you tell me you loved me.”
“I was afraid to admit it.”
“But you’re not anymore?”
“A little,” she said honestly. “But I’m tired of not accepting what I’ve been given. Our baby. And a chance with you.”
He kissed her again and they made love. Slowly, touching each other with wonder and joy. And when he was inside her at last, he said it again. “I love you. So much.”
*
The next couple of weeks as summer settled in were some of the best Ryan could remember.
He loved his job. He’d always liked his profession, other than the times he lost a patient or couldn’t do anything to help them.
Even during the war, surgery had been satisfying.
Usually. But Marietta Hospital was by far his favorite place to work since he’d left the army.
There were many reasons for that. A lot of them because of the town itself.
It was a friendly town, the people going out of their way to welcome newcomers.
Although he couldn’t be called a newcomer anymore.
And even though the hospital drew patients from a larger area, the town itself was still small with a small-town vibe. Which he liked a lot.
But the main reason he was happy in Marietta had nothing to do with any of that.
What made him happy were Aria and Sophie.
Ryan had never expected that he’d be fortunate enough to have a family.
He’d never realized how absorbing a baby could be.
And being able to share her, to share in his delight with every milestone reached, and every smile and babbled sound was a miracle.
Even though Aria had admitted she loved him, something he couldn’t believe he was lucky enough to have happen, he knew she was still holding back a part of herself.
She didn’t fully trust him and he wasn’t sure she ever would.
Then there was the fact that he couldn’t figure out a way to convince her he had no intention of leaving her, or Sophie, or Marietta.
He could ask her to marry him. Which, he realized, he’d do in a heartbeat if he thought she’d agree. But he didn’t believe she would. So he’d wait. He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for other than a sign that she was finally starting to trust him again. Really trust him.
Other than time passing, he didn’t know how to convince her of his sincerity. Be happy with what you have, he lectured himself. She said she loved you. She’s sharing Sophie with you. Those are big commitments in themselves. Give her time.
He was considering if there was any way to convince Aria of his sincerity when he got to her house after work.
Whitney was with the baby and told him Aria was at the greenhouse, so after kissing Sophie hello, he went out the back to the greenhouse.
He was amazed at how quickly the place had come together.
He knew she didn’t have all the plants she wanted yet, but it looked as if it was ready for business.
When he opened the door, Aria said, “Thank God you got here. I need—” She broke off when she saw it was him. “Oh, Ryan. I thought you were Rodney.”
“Is he your new part-time hire?”
“He was. Not anymore. This is the third time he didn’t show up when he was supposed to. Three strikes.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Nothing. Why don’t you go play with Sophie? I’ll be in shortly.”
“Whitney’s got her. Let me help you.”
Before long he was helping her propagate a plant, putting each cutting in a small plastic container filled with soil. “Thanks,” she said when they finished. “That would have taken me twice as long without your help.”
“You were at least twice as fast as I was.”
“Practice.” She went to the sink to wash her hands and he followed. Drying her hands she said, “I have a question for you.”
“Okay, shoot.”
“I feel like I should call my father but I still have unresolved feelings about all this. A part of me wants to forgive him and a part of me can’t.”
“Is it the PTSD? You still don’t know what to think about it?”
“I guess. I’ve heard a lot about it and I’ve read some too. Especially since he told me about it. But other than my father when I was too young to realize it, I’ve never been around it firsthand. You have.”
“Yes, both when I was in the army and since I left. PTS or PTSD is different for each person. PTS can often be resolved without psychiatric help. PTSD is more severe and requires more therapy and often hospital stays. Some people can live an almost normal life.” Like me.
“Others need a lot of therapy but eventually can cope. Mostly, anyway. A large number of those who suffer PTS or PTSD are homeless. And then there are people who simply can’t live with it.
Did you know there are over seventeen veteran suicides a day? ”
“I’d heard it was more.”
“It was twenty-two a couple of years ago but it’s come down. Still far too many.”
“You think I should forgive him, don’t you?”
“It’s not my place to tell you whether you should or shouldn’t forgive him. But let me ask you something. What do you gain by not forgiving him? By not taking the time you have left with him and having a relationship?”
“I don’t know. It’s not like I get pleasure out of it. But on the other hand if I can forgive him how do I deal with the pain I lived with all these years?”
*
Aria started feeling bad mid-morning. Whitney was there but she had to leave early for an appointment.
The woman never asked for time off so Aria didn’t feel like she could ask her to stay.
Besides, what was Whitney going to do for her?
Take care of the baby? Surely she could manage that. It was probably just an upset stomach.
As the morning wore on she felt worse and worse. She hoped she didn’t have the flu again. She hadn’t felt this bad with the flu. Had she?
She put her mask on and made sure to wash her hands before she fed the baby or picked her up.
She wanted to call Ryan. It worried her that she turned to him so readily.
But it didn’t matter if she wanted to talk to him.
He’d told her he had a full schedule of surgeries today.
Which meant she needed to suck it up, take some aspirin or something for her stomach, and get on with it.
She tried. But as the day wore on she only felt worse.
It was all she could do to feed and change the baby.
She lay on the floor, curled in a fetal position, and watched Sophie play with her baby gym.
The only respite she’d had for hours was when Sophie finally managed to roll from her back to her stomach.
Ryan was the one who’d first seen her trying.
If she’d had the energy she’d have found her phone and taken a video.
Sophie was so pleased with herself, she could see the pride in her baby’s face.
Finally, in the late afternoon, the pain subsided a little.
She was at least able to get up and walk around and care for the baby.
She’d never thrown up, even though she’d felt terrible and wanted to, but it hadn’t happened.
Then the pain started again. Mostly on the right side of her stomach, down low.
It finally dawned on her what she’d heard about appendicitis.
Right lower quadrant pain. Nausea. Fever?
She didn’t know and, besides, she couldn’t have found her thermometer if it was in front of her face.
Surely Ryan would be home soon.
But it’s not his home. Maybe he’ll go to his place instead. But he’s been coming here after work every day when he could.
She had to call Ryan or, God help her, 911.
But if she called 911 she’d have to take the baby to the hospital, which was the very last place she wanted to take her.
God only knew what germs floated around ready to jump on her precious baby.
Of course, the same thing applied to Ryan.
He’d have to bring the baby with him if he came to the hospital.
Maybe she could convince him to stay here with Sophie.
Rock. Hard place. She lay on the floor patting the baby’s back and tried her best not to cry. It seemed like hours later when she heard the back door open and close.
“Aria, I’m home. Where are you?” Ryan walked into the den saying, “Damn, it was a busy day. I haven’t had a bite to eat—” He broke off and stared at her. “What’s wrong?”
She burst into tears.