Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Laura glanced over her shoulder, unaccustomed to having her husband nearby for so long. But Nash was still there, following her about today, revealing no emotion.
Usually, he would have run off the minute she turned her back. She’d seen no sign of him yesterday after her bath or even heard him in his chambers later that evening.
After they married, after he’d left her bed, he rarely seemed to give her a second thought until the dinner hour or later that night. He was in for a rude shock if he thought she would ever welcome his company now, though.
It was only the current duke’s order that he remain by her side—fulfilling a duty imposed on him, rather than harboring any genuine desire to be near her or their children. She had the distinct impression he feared she had been about to run off with them today though.
She would not do that to them. She could not support three children or offer them a home of their own. No. They had to stay with their father, no matter how much it pained her. Perhaps he would change for them in the years ahead. She hoped he could.
But their entire marriage had been years of loneliness for her . Nash had forever been a dutiful son to the late Duke of Ravenswood and loyal brother to his three siblings. He did what he was told, and he was still doing that for the new duke, too.
She didn’t expect him to change for her anymore. He’d never put her first or been the devoted husband she’d so hoped for. He’d shown his true colors last year at the masquerade ball, when she’d discovered the gold band she’d placed on his ring finger on their wedding day had been removed.
It was still missing.
That made things crystal clear. Why should she feel guilty for wanting a formal separation when he’d left her, too?
It didn’t matter that Laura had spent another night with him since fleeing the estate. Nash had displayed no hesitation to be unfaithful to her at that masquerade ball.
Laura had known all along that she was with Nash and, at that time, she’d been feeling foolishly sentimental. When she’d seen him standing apart from everyone, she’d had second thoughts about leaving him. She had considered a return to their marriage, but had wanted to know what she would face.
But then he’d seen her, and everyone else in that masquerade had faded away. Her good sense, too. He’d crooked his finger, and she’d almost run across the ballroom to reach him.
Laura had lost the fight with her need for his arms wrapped around, and when he’d held her close and kissed her soundly, she was swept back to those long-ago heated nights in her bed. She had done one last selfish act.
She glanced down at her daughter now and sighed. Look at what sentimentality and desire had done to her. Another babe. Not that she could ever regretted Isabelle’s existence.
A daughter was a gift, a treasure. But the pregnancy had made her future more difficult to face, especially so when neighbors had asked where the child had come from.
A return to Ravenswood had been inevitable, to request the recognition that should have been Isabelle’s all along.
She wished she had the funds to raise Isabelle and the boys away from here. But she had already taken as much charity as she dared take from anyone. She had so wanted to see her children grow up and have the life they deserved. The boys had already grown so tall and sturdy. They had not suffered for her absence. She was glad of that.
Yet the issue that still concerned her with divorcing Nash was the difficulty she might have in seeing her children in the future. She did not want to walk away from this marriage without some assurances, in writing, that she could remain part of their lives in some fashion.
She turned back to her husband, causing Nash to stop suddenly, almost on top of her. She looked up into his eyes and her breath caught again. She still was affected by him. But she could not afford to make another mistake and wisely took a step back. “I think we can both agree the duke is in error in believing our children need both of us every moment of every day until he decides to support the divorce.”
Nash frowned, still towering over her. “Is that right?”
“Well, of course I’m right,” she insisted, holding her ground. She could not let her husband intimidate her.
He bent slightly toward her and held her gaze. “What do you propose we do about this error of his?”
“Well, you go about your usual business while I go about mine,” she suggested, momentarily disconcerted by the drop of his gaze to her lips.
He wet his own. “I’m curious to know what you think is my business?”
She cleared her throat and waved her hand about in the air, fighting the pull of attraction she should not be feeling around Nash. It was easier to be near him when they were arguing. “I hardly know or care to find out now. Whatever you normally do while the sun shines? Something involving the duke, no doubt.”
He pursed his lips, clearly considering the idea. But then he frowned again. “What will you be doing today?”
She smiled. “Getting reacquainted with my sons.”
His eyes dipped to Isabelle’s wriggling arms. “What of Isabelle?”
“She will be with me, of course,” she promised.
As soon as she finished speaking, he nodded and took the child from her. He turned Isabelle around to face him, holding her in midair and studying her face. “She has your eyes.”
“Yes,” Laura agreed, reaching for the girl.
Nash ignored her, turning Isabelle this way and that as he studied her. “My ears.”
Her gaze was drawn to the ears in discussion. He was right. “Yes.”
He sighed and drew Isabelle against his chest. “The boys have your ears, not mine.”
“They have your eyes,” Laura admitted.
“It is interesting, is it not? I wonder which of us she will take after when she is fully grown.”
“Does it matter?”
“No, it doesn’t. But I hope she takes after you more than me.” He handed Isabelle back to her. “You’re much easier on the eye.”
She did not know what to say to that and fussed with straightening their daughter’s smock instead. Nash stepped back, and she sighed in relief. It was much too late for him to compliment her looks. “Goodbye then.”
“No. I will escort you both to the nursery first,” he murmured.
Laura needed no escort, least of all his. She had not forgotten how to navigate the palace’s many corridors and hidden staircases. Wishing to return to a combative footing, she scoffed, “I know where the nursery is, but I wonder if you have forgotten?”
“I have certainly visited the nursery more often than you have in the last few years,” he complained.
“Well, that is something positive to come from my leaving. When we were married, you never ventured to the third floor if you could help it. You were too busy chasing your father around.”
“I chase no one,” he hissed, eyes flashing with anger now. “My family appreciates my efforts, unlike someone I could name.”
“I will never understand why your wife and children had to come second to an estate that will never be yours,” she hissed. “But by all means, go find your brother and make him proud of your dedication.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Madam, let me make one thing clear: everything I have ever done is for you and our children, and we are still married, so I will escort you anywhere I damn well please.”
She smiled, glad she’d pushed him enough to become angry with her at last. “Not married for much longer if I have my way. The duke is unhinged if he believes we belong anywhere near each other. You can even tell him I said that when you see him.”
“I assure you the duke is of sound mind,” he said, though his expression might have finally shown just a hint of doubt about that. It was brief but easily swept away by his pride in his family. “However, he likes to have his own way.”
“As do you, but you won’t have it in all things this time with me,” she told him.
His brows drew together. “What do you mean by that?”
Isabelle fussed. Laura bounced the child on her hip, knowing she had to end this conversation soon and put Isabelle down to sleep. But she wanted to leave Nash in no doubt where their marriage was headed. Separation in all things, especially in the bedchamber. “I do not crave your attention anymore.”
He blinked, and his eyes narrowed.
Nash was going to be difficult and pretend he did not understand her meaning. But then, he had always done that when he didn’t like what he heard. He was stubborn. Well, she could be stubborn, too. And when she proved too vexing, no doubt he’d scurry off to where he normally spent his days and leave her alone with the boys.
Yet he continued to stare at her. “I never knew that.”
“Knew what?”
“That you craved my attention,” he drew close, and his hand rose toward her.
She stepped back out of range. “Dear God, you are years too late for that. Many wives want their husbands in the beginning. For companionship. For conversation.”
“For intimacy, too. I gave you that.”
“Nights, and nothing more.”
His jaw set stubbornly for a moment. “I gave you every spare moment I had to give.”
She laughed darkly. “Well, it wasn’t enough for me then, and it certainly isn’t what I desire now. I urge you to do all you can to pursue our divorce with or without the duke’s support. We don’t belong together. Get yourself an easily impressed mistress who will be satisfied with your fleeting attention. But never burden another lady with an offer of marriage. You’ll only make them miserable. One wife so neglected should be enough for any man in his lifetime.”
Nash took a pace toward her again, his expression incredulous and his nostrils flaring in anger. “You go too far, madam.”
Perhaps she had, but their marriage had hardened her. She’d no intention of crossing the threshold into his room or welcoming him to join her in hers. He’d never been forceful about claiming his marital rights. But he had always come to her with one thing on his mind. Sex followed by immediate sleep. It had never been to talk. “I will go as far as I need to secure what’s mine.”
“And what would that be?”
“Peace and the funds I was promised in the marriage contract, should the marriage fail.”
But clearly her demands brought out the beast in him. Nash seized her by both arms, and his touch sent an unexpected surge of excitement trembling through her entire being.
His eyes locked on hers, and her nether regions quivered with an annoying urge to yield to him yet again. She narrowed her eyes at him, fighting that old feeling with all her might. “Let me go.”
“You are my wife.”
“Not for much longer.” After so many years married to him, she did not really fear his displeasure. She wanted it, so he would give her what she needed. Freedom.
Nash however, drew her even closer, trapping Isabelle between their bodies. “Mine for now,” he whispered.
His head began to lower, his intent clear and she panicked and struggled in earnest. “If you’re expecting a warm welcome, you will not find it. Quite the opposite. I will not endure intimate relations with you again.”
He recoiled as if she’d slapped him. “Endure?”
“Yes, endure,” she insisted, trying to make her body believe that was how it had been between them back then. His attentions had been tender and vigorous and at the time, she’d fooled herself into believing he cared.
“I never forced you to do anything you didn’t thoroughly enjoy or beg me for more of,” Nash argued, keeping her close.
That was true, unfortunately.
She pushed him away with one hand, noticing that he was still as heavy and solid as she remembered. “That woman is long gone. I am done with you, Nash.”
She turned her gaze down to Isabelle even as she turned away from Nash, fighting the trembling he caused as she left him standing where he was in the courtyard.
Laura had loved Nash, but she could not permit such foolish sentiment to get the better of her still. She would only be hurt again.
They both had asked for an end to their marriage. It was over.
Passion was a poor substitute for a genuine friendship, an actual marriage. And he’d never once tried for that. Nash had kept her on the outside, separated from his real life in the family, a plaything for when he had a spare moment in the evenings.
She had deserved to be far more than that to him. To anyone. If Nash had ever really needed her in his life, he should have run away with her when she’d suggested it.
Laura hadn’t really made herself hard to find. Another member of the family had found her in less than a month—and then offered her the means to stay hidden from Nash and the rest of the Ravenswood family.
She’d refused at first, of course, suspecting she’d be betrayed and delivered back to Ravenswood. But no one had come in the end and Nash had carried on with his life without a backward glance. She understood her real value to him had only ever been the size of her dowry and her fertile womb. He’d taken everything from her and given back nothing but misery.
By the time Laura reached the stairs, Nash was by her side again, hand sliding around her waist to support her as she began to ascend, carrying Isabelle. Although she tried to avoid his touch, carrying Isabelle up the steep flight was a little difficult in long skirts. She managed the first flight in the end, but at the second, Nash snatched Isabelle from her.
Although she called out for him to stop, he climbed the steeper flight of stairs two at a time, reaching the top where the nursery was well ahead of her. She cursed him under her breath and hurried up as fast as she could, holding up her long skirts and using the handrail.
Nash had waited for her at the top and handed Isabelle back immediately. “In the future, please ask for help with her. She wriggles a great deal.”
“I have always managed on my own with her,” Laura complained.
“My point is you don’t have to. You may not have servants to help, but you still have me,” he said. “Despite your low opinion of me, I wouldn’t want you to fall and be hurt.”
Laura met his gaze. An awkward silence descended over them. “Excuse me.”
She hurried away, and when she slipped through the nursery doorway, she was glad that he did not follow her anymore.