27. Declan
Chapter twenty-seven
Declan
" I got in!" Serenity shouts before launching herself into my arms.
I hold her flush against my body a second longer than appropriate. My body wars with my mind. My body wants to hold her, keep her close, touch her some more where my mind recognizes I need to keep my space, so she doesn't develop feelings.
"What?" It registers that I have no idea what she's talking about.
She steps back, looking sheepish and shy. "Into Georgetown business school."
Oh. Oh!
"I didn't know you'd applied. I know we talked about it, but I was going to help you with your applications."
She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "I know. I wanted to surprise you."
Pride swells my chest.
"Congratulations. We must do something to celebrate."
She's still not looking at me when her cheeks flush and I catch a naughty edge to her smile.
I swallow my chuckle.
Of course, my first thought is a romantic dinner and an orgasm or two, but I remind myself we're not doing feelings. We can't do anything that would remotely look like a date.
"How about I arrange a girls' night out? You're friends with Miss Caldwell, right?"
I can see the disappointment she's trying to cover up, but it's better to put some distance between us.
She nods. "Anyone else?"
I'm already texting Cas for Miss Caldwell's phone number
"Um... Nina? From the Red Side? And Benji?"
I nod, asking for Nina and Benji's numbers too, and texting Joseph, asking if he can escort the girls. After her attack a few months ago, I'm not letting her go anywhere without protection.
I text Cooper too, to reserve a table at The Hamilton. She stands there silently, hands clasped together, and within a few minutes I have reservations and confirmations from everyone.
"Alright, I have Joseph picking up you and your friends tonight at six for dinner at The Hamilton and then The Vault after. You still have my card?"
She gives me a small smile and a nod.
"Go get dressed, he'll be here soon."
***
But as I watch her hug her friends and walk out the front door, I know I've made a mistake. She wanted to celebrate with me. She wanted to explore more in bed, but I pushed her away. I pushed her out the door into who knows what kind of danger, and possibly into the arms of another man. Who's to say she doesn't find someone her age at the club? Go home with him tonight? Give some stupid stranger her precious virginity.
It's not even her hymen I give a shit about, it's the trust, the vulnerability, the opportunity for someone to hurt her if they're not careful.
I sip my whiskey neat in the darkened front room, glaring at my front door as if it sent her away instead of me.
Just after eleven, a key enters the lock and the door creaks open.
Serenity tiptoes inside, toeing off her heels and closing the door quietly behind her.
"Have fun?" My voice has far too much anger and bitterness in it, and I know she doesn't deserve it.
She jumps with a gasp, hand flying to her chest. "Dec! You can't do that to me! I'm jumpy enough as it is."
She flicks on the light now, knowing she doesn't have to be quiet. But when she looks at me, I know she sees how angry I am.
I'm not angry at her. I'm angry at myself. That I would push her into the arms of someone else. That I'm too much of a coward to tell her that I want her, only her, all of her. Angry that I have a beautiful, sweet, smart girl who wants me and I... what? Push her away so she doesn't fall in love with me? How fucking arrogant.
She tilts her head at me before slowly approaching. "I did have fun. Thank you for the girls' night. I've never really had friends, so it was definitely new."
One hand comes to rest on my shoulder, the other hand rests on my other one, but I'm tense - unsure of what she's going to do.
Slowly, she lifts one leg and places her knee next to my hip. "But you know I wanted to celebrate another way..." Her other leg kneels next to me now too, until she's straddling my lap.
"You're drunk," I grumble, even as I pull her close enough to rest my face against her chest. I'm angry with her. We've talked about how alcohol can increase ADHD symptoms. How the quick hit of dopamine can cause her dopamine to crash even more afterwards as the body tries to balance it out.
"Didn't have a drop."
I grumble again, but the gentle way she's stroking the hair on the back of my head has my body relaxing.
"I don't have an ID, remember?"
I glare up at her. Why hasn't she gotten a new one yet?
Irritation flares inside of me. "Enjoy getting groped all night by horny teenagers?" I know I'm being ridiculous, but logic and self-control tend to evaporate when she's near.
She nods and I'm tempted to throw her off of me. "Ella did get a bit handsy towards the end..."
She's fucking teasing me, but it does help me relax when I get confirmation that she didn't dance with other guys, just her girls.
She pulls back just enough to take my face in her hands. "Do you really think I'd dance with any random man, when the one I want to celebrate with was waiting for me at home?"
I run my hands up and down her back, her waist, her hips. Touching her helps ease the anger. She's here. She's safe. She didn't spend the night with some random asshole. And if her breath is any indication, she didn't drink tonight. She wasn't reckless, like I'd feared. She wasn't pimping herself out to any man who would look at her. She did exactly what I had hoped she would. And she wasn't even put off by my shitty demeanor.
It took all of the fight out of me.
"How did you want to celebrate?" I ask, finally able to look at her without any residual anger. She leans forward and whispers against the shell of my ear.
"Should we find my list and check off some boxes tonight?"
I grunt. Fuck. The kink list.
My gut instinct is to throw her onto the floor and make her come on my tongue. I don't want to do anything penetrative yet, but I could tongue fuck her into oblivion. But this girl deserves better.
"Hey," I whisper, letting her know how serious I am in this moment. Regret is a quick blow to my chest. I know I acted like a beast, and she deserves better than me sending her away, and then barking at her when she does exactly as I told her to. "I'm sorry."
She smiles brightly, before kissing my cheek, my chin, my nose. "I know," she whispers back.
And with that accepted apology, I stand, hands under her ass so I can keep her against me and walk a happily squealing Serenity to our bedroom.