30. Declan
Chapter thirty
Declan
T he compulsion to make things right with Serenity tugs at my guts. The same impulsion that makes me want to hoard her and provide for her and protect her is gnawing at me because I made her flinch.
That's not what we do. That's not who I am to her. I'm a safe space for her. Flinching is unacceptable. Yes, I'm possessive and controlling and am prone to anger - I always have been. But she knows by now that I would never hurt her, right?
And the same twisting in my gut that demands I soothe things over with her is laced with a hint of lust. Okay, more than a hint. My resolve to resist her has been weakening every day I watch her sweet lips and big eyes and precious curves. It cracks when I sleep next to her at night, knowing she's at her most vulnerable and trusting. It wavers every time she smiles at me and completely evaporates every time I make her come.
Today, whatever resolve I had this morning is dust easily swept under the rug with the intention of making her feel safe again.
Or, at least, that's what I tell myself.
"So, your list..." I start, wanting to give this scene as much time to evolve as necessary.
She has a terrible poker face. Her eyes say everything that her mouth doesn't.
At first, she's confused, then she remembers, then she's intrigued and maybe slightly turned on.
Whatever she's feeling, fear isn't it, and I puff out my chest knowing I did that.b
"My list..." she volleys back, voice laced with eager curiosity.
"One of the things listed was submission..."
She nods and swallows.
"And giving head..."
She licks her lips and nods.
"Come here," I command, and like the perfect little thing she is, she obeys.
I know we've been tiptoeing around this very dangerous part of us. Sex, combined with submission, is a battle I may not win. How can I put up walls and boundaries again when she shows me exactly how perfect she is for me?
Until today, the sex and the submission have been two separate things - easy to compartmentalize. But combining them? Yeah, it'd be the end of everything I thought I wanted.
But just as much as I know it'll ruin me, it feels inevitable. In what scenario would I continue to live and work with my Serenity, and we not end up here?
And if it's something we both want? Who am I to deny us?
I guide her so she's standing between my legs while I'm sitting in my office chair.
"Is this alright?" I ask, looking up at her and snaking my hands around her hips.
She swallows nervously but nods.
I take my time running my hands up and down the backs of her thighs, her ass, her waist, letting her get used to the feel of me again.
I feel like I need to take this time to reintroduce my touch to her body and catalogue every breath, every twitch, every blink to ensure she's receptive.
She's nervous. That much is obvious. But the flush on her neck and her sparkling eyes lets me know she wants this.
I lean back and widen my legs, assuming a position of detached power.
"On your knees," I command, pointing a finger downwards towards the floor.
Advanced doms and subs can communicate with simple hand gestures. I don't know if we'll ever get that far, her and I, but I'd like to set the groundwork for it.
She kneels beautifully; eyes cast downward.
"Take me out, Serenity."
Her eyes lock to my belt-buckle before she undoes it. She fumbles a little bit with my button and zipper, but I wait patiently. My cock strains against my boxer briefs, but this experience is about her, not me.
I can be patient.
I lift my hips so she can tug my boxer briefs and slacks down around my knees.
She pauses, licks her fucking lips while staring at my dick, and then looks up at me for permission, eyes hooded, pupils blown in lust.
For a brief moment I want to pause her, to memorize her like this, to immortalize her in this very moment, because she's breathtaking.
Instead, I swallow unsteadily and nod.
A small, soft hand wraps around the base of my cock and tentatively strokes it. She's being too gentle, but I don't bother correcting her. Being touched by her sends a shimmer just underneath my skin.
"Can you teach me?" the softest, sweetest, most precious voice in the world asks me. In the quiet of my home office, it sounds sacred.
I clear my throat and re-open my eyes. I hadn't realized I'd closed them, but my entire existence had reduced down to where my Serenity was touching me.
And it's in this moment I realize I would do anything for this girl, this woman. Money? Vacations? Ten college degrees? A penthouse? A kid or two?
A shiver works its way down my spine as the severity of my feelings for her hits me.
I shake my head, clearing away my thoughts and focusing on the angel kneeling sweetly beneath me. Unaffected dom mask back on, I lower my voice.
"Lick the tip."
And she does.
"Take me in your mouth."
And she does.
I flex my thighs to slow down the torrent of lust rushing through me. It's been months since I've gotten off with a woman and I'm dangerously close to blowing quickly. I tilt my head to the ceiling and blow out a long, tormented breath.
And then I make the mistake of looking back down at her. Her earnest blue eyes, eager for praise, eager to please have my balls tightening.
"Stop!"
This time she doesn't flinch, but she does back up, dropping me from her mouth. My chest is heaving. I'm still right on the edge of coming, but she wants to learn. This is for her. It would be so easy to get off on her warm, wet mouth and her eager submission, but that's not what she needs.
After I'm certain I won't blow and the need to come recedes, I continue our scene.
"Take just the tip in your mouth."
And she does.
"Swirl your tongue around it."
And she does.
"Fuck," I grunt out as her tongue flicks the underside of the head. "Do that again." My dom voice is slipping into something that sounds more like begging than dominating.
My girl must know I'm lost to this because she sucks on the tip and brings her hand to my shaft before I can tell her to. Strictly speaking in the sub scene, she's not supposed to initiate anything, but that's where everything is always blurred between us. She's not my sub, but she wants to learn how to sub.
The idea that I'm teaching her to submit to someone other than me has my hands reaching to the back of her head roughly and has my hips thrusting into her mouth.
I don't mean to be rough with her, but unfettered possession has my caveman wanting to mark every inch of her throat with my cock until it's memorized every vein.
Me. Only me.
She chokes a little but doesn't back out for air or tap me or struggle. She doubles down and tries to take me further, working her tongue and throat through her gag reflex.
I have half a thought about teaching her afterwards not to initiate without being told during a scene. I have half a thought about making her mine, and it's that thought that finally sends me over the edge.
I know it's an asshole move to come without warning her. But my need to make her mine, make sure her body remembers mine, and craves only mine, is overriding any sense of propriety I might have had.
I come with rough jerks of my hips and a long, low groan. I release the death grip I have on the back of her head and soothe her hair back down.
She gently backs off of my deflating cock, sits back on her heels and then does the absolutely last thing I expected of her.
She opens her mouth, sticks her tongue out, and shows me the cum she's collected on her tongue.
I know cum play was on her list but fuck, I didn't think we were doing that now.
" Jesus, fuck , Ser."
She sits and waits for my command; my logical brain has barely taken back over. I feel like I have to violently pull myself back into the scene.
"What a good fucking girl you are, holding my cum on your tongue." I caress her hair again and she leans into my touch, eyes fluttering shut, as if my cum, a touch and a little bit of praise is everything she could ever want.
"Do you want to swallow? Keep it all for yourself?"
The gleam in her eye is intense, determined, demanding.
"You may swallow, Ser," I say before murmuring another "Good fucking girl."
She doesn't know the kind of instinctual, possessive, caveman thoughts I had as I came.
And she can never know.