Chapter 23
WAYNE
The love of my life leaves me standing in the parking lot of her apartment building, staring after her and gaping with desperation like a fish flung out of the water and watching the waves receding away from him.
I feel about as strangled as that fish, too. My wobbly legs nearly cause me to collapse onto the pavement. My vision blurs. Panic overwhelms me. The only thing that keeps me conscious is the knowledge that I have to stop her.
I get in my car and rush to the airport.
By the time I’ve parked, raced inside, and stormed to the desk with my heart pounding, a realization sets in.
I’m already too late. Traffic was insane.
I check my phone, and if I’m correct about the flight she’s on, there’s nothing I can do.
Her plane left 10 minutes ago. With a sigh of exhaustion, I collapsed on the nearest bench and break down sobbing.
Everything hits me all at once—loss, understanding, anger. I’ve fucked myself over before, but never to this extent. Never about something I cared so much about. My tendency to be a selfish, childish asshole has never threatened to ruin me like this. Something needs to change.
I need to change.
I can’t bear to lose Katie.
There’s no one to blame here but me, and the guilt gnaws ceaselessly at my heart.
I’ve made a million empty promises to her, pretty words that I didn’t understand even as I whispered them into her ear.
Begging her to come back like this will only throw us right back into the same turmoil.
I keep making the same mistake of swearing to give her the world but always keeping my own little piece of it just a little bit private.
I can’t do that anymore. If I’m going to commit, I need to give my 100 percent.
No holding back. No limits. And I need to prove to her that I can truly do it this time, which means…
I need to give her something of value to come back to. The me that I am now isn’t worth that. Nothing but real action will do. I need tangible proof that I’m changing.
I walk back to my car. I don’t have a full plan yet, but something is brewing. It’s time to win her back—for real, and forever.
I allow myself one full day to panic and grieve.
No one pays much attention when I lock myself in my room and spend my time oscillating between crying into my sheets and hiding my tears under the spray of the shower.
I emerge from my room the next day with bags under bloodshot eyes, but all Mary does is slide me a cup of coffee.
Some sympathy would be nice, but I’ve done nothing to earn it. Hell, I haven’t even earned the coffee.
The important thing is that I have a plan.
I have something I can fix. Something I’m good at.
I bury myself in the lawsuit that lost Katie her job.
Her old coworkers are surprised to see me when I show up and ask for her client notes, but no one questions me when I say I’m taking the case on pro bono. David Chase’s lawyers are good at their jobs, and they’re good at stalling, too, but I manage to get Katie’s case notes admitted into evidence.
I have to be careful with my approach: I can’t actually be her lawyer, per se, without her signing me on. But what I can do is get under the skin of these people suing her, make them think I’m taking her case officially, and get them to back down.
So, I start getting under their skin. I make waves. And sure enough, they start getting very, very nervous.
Three weeks go by. As frustrating as the length of time is, I relish watching every failure of my opponents. Their case crumbles against the evidence I provide. Mission accomplished.
The next morning, as I sip another of Mary’s coffees and check my emails on my laptop, I realize news of my legal success has spread across the area.
Suddenly, my email is flooded with responses to months-old queries for work.
Apparently, the people who had been suing Katie were some serious big shots, and getting them to back down before a trial occurred is unheard of.
My old bosses even reach out with an offer to return, contingent on an apology to the clients I offended in the first place.
I go back to Billings in person and offer the clients a heartfelt apology for my immaturity. My old bosses are shocked when I take my leave immediately after.
Maybe it’s stupid to turn down the kind of money I was making, the career I was building, but I’ve found something that matters more.
I have new plans for my life, and they don’t involve an expensive, lonely apartment far away from my family. My relationship with Katie isn’t the only thing I want to fix. There are a lot of things in my life that I’ve neglected until now.
Mary finds me working at the kitchen table when I return from Billings that night. I’m nervous about her approach, but I have to admit I’m at this point far more comfortable talking to her than either of the people I’m actually related to in this house.
“Long day?” she asks casually.
I’m sure I look like shit, even in my button down and fitted slacks. There’s an air of exhaustion so thick that even I can see it staring back at me in the mirror these days.
“I officially cut ties in Billings. A lot of goodbyes and a lot of apologies.”
She whistles under her breath and leans back in her chair. There’s a sense that she understands this — and I think maybe she does. I don’t know what brought her to my dad, exactly, but I wonder if she maybe went through something similar. “Hey, I hear that,” she says. “Where to from here, then?”
I knew I wasn’t going back to Billings, but saying it out loud is going to make it real. I built an entire life for myself there. And now I’ve given it all up.
“Nowhere.” I snap the lid of my laptop closed and shift my attention to her. “I’m staying here. Not at the ranch, I mean. I know I’ve worn out my welcome here, but I’m not leaving town. I’m going to start my own practice.”
The floor creaks behind me.
“You haven’t worn out your welcome, kid,” Dad says, entering the room. He clasps my shoulder for a brief moment, and despite myself, I feel tears in my eyes. He hasn’t done that a long, long time.
Too long.
When I whirl to face him, he looks just as weary as I do. There’s a softness about him that I’m not used to, and it throws me a little off center.
“Sure about that?” I say with a grin. “I know I’m a pain in the ass.”
“Sure are.” Dad steps over to Mary’s side and crosses his arms, but there’s a hint of a smile on his face. “And starting up here might be hard,” he continues, “Not the caseload you’re used to, I’d imagine. What’s got you wanting to stay close to home?”
He pulls a chair out next to Mary and slouches down into it.
I expect him to look argumentative, accusing, something, but he just seems genuinely curious.
There’s an air of wariness about him, like he’s worried this will turn into a fight, but I don’t have the energy for that.
It’s past-time for me to forgive him for my own pain.
He’s put in the effort to change, and I’m finally doing the same.
“There’s plenty of folks who need counsel.
Baby stuff, really, compared to the high-profile cases I was doing before …
but I was always good with the basics. And these people really need help.
” I glance back at my computer, remember the emails.
It might be boring to look over contracts and clarify jargon all day, but it’ll be worth it.
It’ll feel good. “And it’s about time I settle down, don’t you think?
The party-boy lifestyle is getting old.”
Mary raises a brow at me in reproach, and I immediately flush in shame. Looks like it’s easier to slip into my old habits than I expected, especially when I’m already on edge.
I take a deep breath. I stare at Dad for a second. Then, I let the words spill out. “Katie’s pregnant.”
The words fall into deafening silence, and I stare down at the table, afraid to meet my father’s eyes.
He always wanted me to be responsible, and getting a girl pregnant when I’m jobless and have no idea what I’m doing with my life is pretty much the opposite of that.
As tension courses through me, my mouth starts running—as usual.
” “I was stupid,” I say, “and I didn’t take things seriously enough.
She had a lot going on, and I didn’t step up to help her.
I’m trying to make things right. She left, and I want her to have something worth coming back to. I want to prove myself.”
Quiet stretches out between the three of us for long enough that my vision starts to blur with anxiety.
I’m released from my panic, finally, when my dad reaches out and squeezes my hand.
There’s a gentle, tentative smile on his stubbled face.
It makes my heart ache a little, seeing just how raw we both are with each other.
Have we really just been tiptoeing around the fact that we both wanted forgiveness this whole time?
“I’m proud of you, Wayne.” His voice shakes when he says it, and the enormity of the statement steals my breath from my lungs.
It’s the first time he’s said that to me since I was a kid.
“I’m sorry for being so hard on you all this time.
I’ve been a bitter old man, but I wanted so badly for you to do better than I did.
You’re making a place for yourself in the world, and you’re taking things with Katie seriously, even if it took some fucking up to make it happen.
I remember being a stupid kid, and I remember meeting your mom and how quickly everything changed.
” He’s silent for a moment, pensive, and then stares right into my eyes.
“I always knew you’d turn out fine, Wayne, and I’m… I can’t say how proud of you I am.”
Tears are running down my cheeks now, but past the blur, I can see the shine of my dad’s eyes, too. I lean heavily into the hand on my shoulder, a million things said in the simple gesture that I doubt I’ll ever be able to put into words.
“Thanks, Dad,” I choke out.
We sit together in the quiet for a while, the oppressive tension fading away to something that feels a whole hell of a lot like family.
I didn’t think I’d ever share that feeling with my dad again.
“Well.” I clear my throat. “I found a house that I think would be good for us.” It feels weird to talk to him about this, a little too close to normal for it to be comfortable yet.
Maybe that’s changing, though. I want it to.
“My credit’s good, and I could put a pretty solid down payment on it.
I’m waiting to hear back from the agent, but I could see us there, y’know?
As a family, I mean. With nice curtains and matching coffee cups and everything. ”
My dad laughs, but it’s not the cold, hollow laughter I’ve grown used to these last few months. It’s not accusing, not harsh.
He sounds happy again. Like I remember from when I was a kid.
“The enthusiasm is good, son, but I find it’s always a good idea to include the missus in decisions on decor.”
My breath hitches in my chest at hearing him call me son and not sound regretful. He and Mary share a playful look, and I’m taken aback by how natural it all seems. A mess of a family, sure, but we’re doing our best.
Mary laughs. “If you take after your father in terms of taste, you should definitely get Katie’s opinion before you start decorating.”
I laugh along with them, but guilt twinges in my chest. This feels like the day she left all over again, but now I don’t know where to go to knock her door down and demand answers.
“She’s not exactly talking to me.” I curl my hand around the nape of my neck, anxiety and shame eating away at me.
“I can see she reads my texts, but she hasn’t said anything, and she doesn’t pick up when I call.
I don’t know what to do short of hiring someone to find her, but that seems kind of… invasive.”
The face Mary makes at the suggestion is enough to confirm that would definitely be a bad idea. The only issue is that I’m running out of ideas, bad or otherwise.
Dad shuffles in place, just a shift of his weight so subtle that I almost miss it.
I don’t miss the glance he shoots in Mary’s direction.
It’s the same look he used to give Mom when we were kids, checking if he was allowed to spoil a surprise.
He was always the one to break first and tell us about vacations and Christmas presents, but he never said anything without getting the okay from Mom.
Both pain and warmth curl in my gut at the memory, but I push it aside.
There are more important things to focus on.
That looks said one thing—Mary knows where Katie is.
“Please.” If ever a word could sum up everything rioting in my head right now…
I’d probably make a better case for myself if I could come up with a flowery speech, but there’s no space in my mind for frivolities.
“I—look, I know. I’m a mess, and an asshole, and I should’ve done all of this before I gave her a reason to leave.
I’m not asking you to fix it for me, I’m just asking you to tell me where to go.
If I have to scour all of Florida for her, I will, but it’s a big state.
I could use a pointer in the right direction. ”
I sound scared and overwhelmed, even to myself, but I can’t pretend to be anything else. I have no idea what this is going to get me, other than a trip to the East Coast. If Katie told me to fuck off, I’d deserve it, no matter how much work I put into this.
Mary’s resolve wavers, and she glances between me and my dad before sighing.
“She’s in Tampa. I can text you her address.”
Everything goes hazy for a second when she acquiesces, and I have to take several deep breaths to calm myself down.
“Thank you. Both of you.” I put as much sincerity in my voice as I can muster.
My mind is already darting in a million different directions—flights and what to pack and what to say when I get there—and I’m too out of it to pay any attention to the rest of the conversation.
All I know is that I cut it off quickly and rush back to my room to throw a suitcase together. There’s only one thing on my mind now.
I’m going to do everything I can to get my girl back.
It’s time she gets everything she deserves.