15. Shante #2
“You think the baby gone look like me or you?” he grinned.
I forced a smile. “Probably you.”
“Good.”
I laughed. “Why good?”
“Cause you hardheaded.”
After dinner, Malik stretched out on the couch pulling me against his chest while some random movie played on TV. And for a little while I just laid there listening to his heartbeat. Trying not to think or drown in guilt again.
Then suddenly his hand slid across my stomach slowly and this time the baby moved. It was a small little flutter, but enough for me to feel it clearly. My entire body froze that was the strongest movement I felt so far.
“You okay?” Malik asked noticing my expression.
I grabbed his wrist quickly, placing his hand lower. “Right there, Wait.”
“What?” He asked while looking down at my stomach.
Then the baby moved again, Malik whole face changed with pure shock and excitement. “OH SHIT.”
I laughed while tears filled my eyes again.
“That’s my baby?” he asked looking amazed.
Lord, forgive me for lying to this man. “Yeah,” I whispered weakly.
Lie after lie after lie. Malik sat up immediately grinning like a little kid.
“Nah that’s crazy.” Then he bent down pressing his face against my stomach.
“Aye little man.”
I closed my eyes because emotionally, I couldn’t handle this shit much longer.
“You hear me in there?” Malik laughed softly rubbing my stomach. “I’m your pops.”
Tears slid quietly down my face before I could stop them and thankfully he ain’t notice. He was too busy falling in love with a child he believed belonged to him.
A few days later, pregnancy was still kicking my ass. I stayed tired, hot, hungry and emotional. My body ain’t even feel like my own no more. Little mama or little man had officially started moving around enough to remind me every five damn minutes that this situation was real.
That morning I laid across the couch in one of Malik hoodies watching reality TV while eating pickles dipped in ranch. Disgusting I know, but pregnancy had my taste buds behaving like crackheads lately.
Then suddenly somebody started beating on my front door. Not knocking but beating. Immediately I groaned. “Ain’t nobody got time for this.”
I dragged myself up slowly rubbing my stomach before opening the door. There stood Alisha smiling hard as hell with Starbucks in her hand.
“Well damn,” she laughed, looking me up and down. “You look homeless.”
“Girl fuck you.”
She pushed past me anyway. The second her perfume hit my nose, I realized how much I missed her. Before all this mess me and Alisha talked every day. I been avoiding her so much it was becoming obvious.
“You ain’t answering your phone,” she complained walking toward my kitchen.
“I been tired.”
“You been acting different.”
I tried ignoring the guilt while taking the Starbucks from her. “What you doing here?”
“Get dressed.”
I frowned. “For what?”
“Cause I feel like spending money on my niece or nephew.”
“Ali…”
“Nope,” she cut me off. “I’m not taking no for an answer either.”
“I really don’t feel like…”
“And I really don’t care, Shante,” she continued, “I miss my best friend.”
Damn.
“I see you less than I see celebrities on Instagram.”
I looked down at my cup quickly because guilt punched me right in the chest again because she ain’t deserve this.
“We used to talk all day, now I gotta damn near stalk you.”
“I’m sorry.” I frowned.
Alisha expression softened. “I know pregnancy got you tired.”
If only that was all it was. About thirty minutes later, I finally dragged myself into the shower while Alisha sat in my room talking shit through the bathroom door.
Hearing her voice again felt normal and comforting, like old times.
Which made me feel worse. The warm water rolled down my body while I rubbed slowly over my stomach.
I closed my eyes trying not to think about the fact that I was lying to one of the few people who genuinely loved me unconditionally.
“You almost done?” Alisha yelled. “Girl hurry up before the mall crowded.”
I rolled my eyes laughing softly.
Getting dressed turned into a damn workout though. Nothing fit right anymore, not my jeans or cute dresses.
“These leggings too tight,” I complained stepping out the closet.
Alisha looked up from her phone. “Cause your ass pregnant.”
“I hate this.”
“No you don’t.”
I sucked my teeth dramatically before changing again. Eventually I settled on black maternity leggings, a graphic T-shirt, and some new balances, something simple and comfortable.
The drive to Twelve Oaks Mall actually felt nice.
Detroit traffic moved steadily and me and Alisha talked like old times again.
For a little while I almost forgot how fucked up everything really was.
The mall was packed, families everywhere.
Teenagers running around loud as hell. Women carrying shopping bags.
Alisha went completely crazy inside Carter’s.
I don’t think she looked at one damn price tag.
“Ooooh this cute,” she squealed, grabbing tiny Nike sets.
“Ali…”
“What?”
“You doing too much.”
“No, I’m not.”
Yes, the hell she was.
“This baby gone know me before it knows you,” she laughed, tossing more clothes into the basket. I felt bad because she was genuinely excited. Meanwhile I felt like the grimiest person alive.
At one point she held up a tiny pair of baby Jordans near her chest dramatically. “Oh my God imagine little fat baby feet in these.”
I laughed. “You stupid.”
“No seriously.” Then she paused suddenly. “You think it’s a boy or girl?”
“I don’t know.”
“I hope it’s a girl.” She said.
“Why?”
“So me and Brittany can spoil her.”
We kept shopping for another hour until bags overloaded both our arms. I ain’t bought not one thing myself. Alisha bought everything, outfits, pacifiers. She was going full auntie mode. Then while we walked past one of the jewelry stores, Alisha's mood changed suddenly.
I looked over at her. “What?”
She glanced behind us briefly then back at me. “You notice dude behind us?”
Once she pointed him out, I noticed him too.
Tall white man, ball cap, dark jacket. He walked too damn casually, but he was definitely watching us.
“That’s weird,” I whispered.
Alisha grabbed my arm. “Let’s go.”
My mind immediately went toward Deuce and the FBI. At this point paranoia had become normal around all of us. We hurried toward the exit and then the man disappeared. The entire situation made my nerves bad all over again.
“I’m hungry,” Alisha announced once we made it outside.
“When you not hungry?”
“Girl shut up.” She laughed.
We ended up driving over to Sedona Taphouse in Novi. The restaurant was nice and quiet compared to the mall chaos; it was just a calm vibe. I needed that, once we got seated Alisha immediately grabbed the drink menu before stopping herself dramatically.
“Damn. You can’t drink.”
I smiled. “You can still drink.”
“Nah I’m supporting you.” Alisha smiled.
That made me smile even harder. Little stuff like that reminded me why I loved her so much. Halfway through dinner, she suddenly smiled across the table.
“What?” I asked.
“I decided something.” She said.
Lord. “What now?” I groaned.
“When y’all find out the sex of the baby I wanna be there.” Alisha said excitedly.
I blinked
“I’m throwing y’all a gender reveal party.”
“Oh God. Alisha, you don’t gotta do all that.” I snapped.
Immediately she frowned. “Pregnancy got you fucked up.”
I laughed weakly. “I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
Then she leaned forward, pointing at me. “You forgot everything you did when I was pregnant with Brittany?”
Memories started flooding back of me rubbing her feet. Helping decorate Brittany nursery, her late-night cravings. Hospital visits and me holding her hand through contractions.
“You were there for me through all that,” Alisha continued. “So why wouldn’t I be there for you?”
I wanted to tell her everything so bad, but instead I just nodded quietly, and hated myself a little more.
The ride back home felt softer emotionally.
More nostalgic, especially once Dale’s “Soulful Moaning” came on through the speakers.
Both of us started singing the lyrics off key.
Laughing and reminiscing about old house parties and old heartbreaks.
Back when life felt simpler. Before secrets started ruining everything.
“You remember when you cried over Terrence?” Alisha laughed.
“Bitch shut up!”
“That man cheated with your cousin!”
“And you fought her.”
We both started hollering laughing after that. The type we used to have all the time. By the time we pulled into my driveway, it was dark outside. We carried all the baby bags inside together while Alisha kept talking excitedly about nursery themes.
At the door, she hugged me tight. “You feeling better?”
“Yeah.” That was a damn lie.
“I missed you,” she whispered.
“I missed you too.” That part was painfully real.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” she smiled heading back toward her car.
“Okay.”
The second I closed the front door behind me silence swallowed the house whole.
I looked around slowly at all the baby bags scattered across my living room floor.
I couldn’t hold it together no more. I slid slowly down the wall until I hit the floor then the crying came hard.
The type that shook through your whole body.
No matter how much I tried justifying this situation I knew one thing for certain Alisha genuinely loved me and when the truth finally came out, I was going to lose her forever.