45. Ember
EMBER
Every night I spend with the men is bittersweet now.
It’s becoming more and more apparent that this all needs to stop, but how, and when?
If I were having sex with them as a group, it might be easier to draw a line under it. I could have one spectacular night with them, a grand finale of sorts. But spending nights with them individually makes it impossible, because who should be last?
Or maybe that’s just the excuse I’m using to keep it all going.
Because I can’t stand the thought of waking up without a big, strong, warm body in bed with me.
Zeb burrows under the covers as I come awake. His fingers tenderly probe the area around my new tattoos. I can’t see him, but it feels like he’s giving it an inspection.
Apparently satisfied, his hands find something else to do. Then his tongue gets involved, and I’m on an expressway from dreamland to ecstasyville.
My last thought before my mind goes off to another dimension entirely is that it’s no wonder I can’t bear to end things.
Even though I’m still feeling pretty damn blissful when I go into the kitchen for coffee, I seem to be the only one.
Frank looks tired, and Griffin’s body language, stiff with his shoulders back, instantly puts me on edge. He’s glaring at Zeb, and the silence that fills the room makes me think I just missed another round of head butting.
As Frank fills my mug, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I slide it out to find a message from Abby: “I’m 100% done with my boyfriend, and I have a good lead on a new place. Are you in?”
I must linger too long on the screen, or make a face, because Frank asks me if anything’s wrong.
It’s time. I have all three men in one room. At work, it’ll be hard to find a moment to talk to them all at once without anyone else around.
“Nothing’s wrong …but could we all talk a minute before we go?”
Frank’s eyes go from weary to wary as Griffin and Zeb turn toward me with similar expressions.
“What’s up?” Griffin’s voice is hoarse.
I take a sip of coffee so I can quickly collect my thoughts. “I don’t have all the details, but there’s a good chance I’ll be moving back in with my old roommate. I just wanted to let you know I’ll probably be moving out soon.”
Frank reaches for my arm. “Ember, there’s no need for you to leave.”
“What kind of place is it? Not the same building, right?” Zeb’s jaw is tight.
“I don’t have all the information yet. But me staying here was only supposed to be temporary. I really appreciate you taking me in, but it wasn’t supposed to go on so long.”
Griffin looks like I’ve kicked him, but he sounds much more clear and firm when he says, “Let’s talk more about it over dinner tonight, Ember. Don’t rush into anything.”
The first part of our short ride into work is quiet and feels tense, but then Griffin tells us about something funny he watched last night, and things feel a bit more normal.
The workday passes like usual, and though I don’t make any decisions, I do get more information from Abby. The place she’s found is a little nicer than our old place, but also slightly more expensive. The main drawback is that it’s farther from the shop, but not completely unmanageable. It’s available immediately, and she’s going to check it out tomorrow morning.
I give her a maybe for now, and tell her I’ll have a decision by tomorrow. I’m fairly certain I’ll be saying yes, but part of me hopes that somehow Griffin will come up with a magical solution, where I can keep living with the three of them with no strife among them, no secrecy needed, and some way where my heart won’t get broken if I continue sleeping with them.
I’ve moved on from dreamland to fantasyland.
I catch the three men huddled together a couple of times during the day, and all of them go out at different times for their lunch breaks, rather than eating in as they often do.
Back at the house, I do schoolwork in my room until Zeb comes to tell me it’s time for dinner. He waits for me to finish up, then leads me to the dining room, where I’m surprised by a fancy spread.
The flowers catch my eye first, a big vase of red, white, and pink blooms in front of the place where I usually sit. There are also two wine bottles on the table and wine glasses at every setting, and a couple of platters of fancy-looking appetizers.
Despite Zeb’s delicious cooking, our meals never look like this.
“What’s the occasion?” I ask.
Griffin pulls out my chair and gestures for me to sit. “We’re celebrating Convince Ember to Stay Day. It’s a big occasion.”
“Oh.” A jumble of emotions run through me as I take the seat. I’m flattered, of course, and somewhat confused, and also a tiny bit irritated.
Telling them it’s time for me to leave wasn’t easy, and they’re apparently going to make it harder, even though they know there are good reasons I can’t stay.
We dig into the food—puff pastry with savory cheese baked inside, mushroom caps, potatoes, and more of Zeb’s expertly-prepared steaks—and it’s all delicious, but my appetite is flagging.
It’s not until dessert, which is chocolate truffles from a local artisan chocolatier, that the conversation turns to the prospect of me leaving.
“Did you find out more about the property?” Zeb asks.
I was about to take a bite of chocolate, but instead, I take a deep breath. “I did.” I give him the pros and cons, and assure him the place looks decent from pictures online.
“It’s farther away,” Griffin says. “Your commute could take a long time.”
I nod. “It could.”
“So why leave?” Frank asks.
“Nothing has changed since we first talked about this,” I say, which is a lie, because so much has changed. The way I feel about these men has deepened into something I never expected, but that doesn’t remove the obstacles between us.
“What we’ve been doing is against work rules, and jeopardizes my job every day. In addition to that, my schoolwork has been suffering from …um … how busy you’ve all been keeping me.”
“We can help you make more time for your schoolwork,” Griffin says.
“Yeah,” Zeb says, “you’ve insisted on helping with the cooking, but you don’t need to. That’ll free up some time.”
“As for work …” Frank’s tone is even more serious than usual, and grabs my attention. “The three of us can transfer back to the main location, leaving you to manage the new one, and eliminating any work conflicts.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to do that. It wouldn’t be fair for you to have a longer commute, and there might not be room there anyway, since they’ve hired new artists.”
“You didn’t ask us to do it,” Griffin says. “But we will.”
“What would you tell Gage and Kai? You want to be farther away from your home, or you want to get away from me? They’ll know something’s up.”
The men don’t have an answer for that.
“Besides, me being here is causing tension between you.” I give Zeb and Griffin pointed looks. “There are just a lot of things that tell me it’s time to move on.”
Griffin frowns. “There was always tension between us. It’s not you.”
“We can do better about that, too,” Zeb says, sounding chastised.
Frank reaches out and takes my hand in his. “Let’s not end a good thing, Ember. All of those issues can be worked out.”
There’s also the concern that I can’t bring myself to voice, and in the scheme of things, it’s irrelevant. Prior to moving in here, I was dating men with the intention of meeting a potential husband. I don’t date anyone now, and obviously, there won’t be marriage or even a serious relationship developing from this fling that the four of us are carrying on.
It’s essentially three separate flings; the men barely want to share me. It’s just fun, but my god, it’s so much fun.
The thought of going back to dating buttoned-up businessmen doesn’t sound appealing at all, even though I know that’s where my future lies.
“We love having you here, Ember,” Griffin says. “You warm this place up, like our own personal sunshine.”
I have to swallow a little lump in my throat before I can respond. “That’s really nice of you to say. I’ve liked being here.”
“Then don’t go.” Zeb sounds forceful about it, and that triggers a reaction between my legs.
Moving out will change everything. No more sex, no more shared meals, no more time getting to know them better.
Once I move out, working with them is going to be torture. I can’t just stop wanting them overnight.
I never knew how nice it could be to live with men, but maybe it’s just these men in particular.
Griffin seems to see that I’m wavering, because he gets up, brings me to my feet, and pulls me into the warmest hug I’ve ever been a part of. His strong arms make me feel like I’m exactly where I need to be.
When he kisses me, I’m a goner. How could I think of leaving?
When we part, Zeb taps my shoulder and brings me close, his body like a drug that seeps in through my clothes. He kisses my neck and whispers in my ear. “Don’t go, Em.”
I’m anticipating Frank as soon as Zeb releases me, and the man doesn’t disappoint. Being pressed against his chest is almost as good as spooning in bed with him, and the way he rubs my back makes me melt into a puddle.
He brushes hair back from my shoulder. “What do you say, Ember?” His thumb strokes my cheek as he looks into my eyes, and there’s only one possible answer.
“I’ll stay.”