Chapter 20
“You want me to pay for water that falls freely from the sky? Linda, this cannot be true.” Feryn stared at Nan.
Nan opened her mouth but didn’t get the chance to talk as the building inspector jumped in.
“It’s not about the water, exactly. It’s about maintaining the pipes and making sure the water is safe to drink. And I don’t know what kind of pipes you have in the palace. Are they made of lead?” The building inspector avoided looking at Feryn as he spoke.
“No, they are not made of lead. They are carved into the marble.”
“Right.” The building inspector checked his tablet. “Without water and sewage, people shouldn’t be living in there.”
“And where would you like me to live?” Feryn said with his fangs down. The pretense of polite conversation was long gone.
Noah wasn’t sure if he should say something or keep silent. He glanced at Pan, who was wearing the knitted hat. When he didn’t want humans to realize what he was, the hat was firmly in place.
The building inspector took a step back and glanced at Mr. Roberts for support.
“We aren’t going to kick you out because Linda has generously been allowing you to use her water.
But that can’t go on forever. At some point, all buildings will have to be connected or abandoned.
For buildings to be connected, the owner must… um…pay rates and have a job.”
“I have a job. I am Lord of Beita. My job is to ensure that my people are safe and taken care of. I negotiate trade deals with neighboring cities and ensure that we have enough teachers and builders and not too many silversmiths. I ensure food supply and distribution.”
“And how did you get paid?” Mr. Roberts asked.
Feryn blinked. “Do you not have taxes or money?”
“Of course we do.”
“Then you understand how I was paid.”
“Yes, but you can’t collect taxes here. In fact, you probably need to pay taxes to the council for your castle.”
“It’s a palace. Castles are fortified,” Feryn said as if explaining the difference to a two-year-old.
Pan stepped forward. “I think part of the problem we have is that mythological people may find it difficult to work. We have builders who are willing to help, but no one wants to deal with them.”
The building inspector puffed his chest. “They don’t speak English or Welsh.”
“Linda has been teaching them English, and it is not hard to learn a new language.” Pan smiled, but his lips were a tight thin line as if he were also about to snap, which would not help the situation.
Noah had the feeling that both these men might have found themselves tripping over pebbles for the rest of their lives if Pan had magic.
“Well, they certainly don’t have any qualifications.” The building inspector nodded and looked at Linda and Noah for confirmation.
“They have their own apprenticeships. Why don’t you assess the build quality of some of their houses?
Perhaps, when you get desperate for extra labor, humans will consider employing them, but until they have jobs, they can’t pay rates or water bills.
They can’t buy food…so I guess the government is going to have to put them on welfare… which sounds expensive.”
Mr. Roberts gave what Noah thought of as a placatory customer service smile.
He didn’t want to be dealing with this shit, but there was plenty more where it came from.
“Look, we do understand the situation, even though it is not ideal. Linda, the bar may be reopened, but you cannot allow humans into the palace. Those doors”—he pointed at the palace doors—“need to remain shut during opening hours.”
“And are the vampires allowed to be on this side, or are we supposed to be shut away as well?” Feryn growled.
Mr. Roberts swallowed and glanced at Nan. “Whatever you feel is best.”
Nan smiled as if this were all amusing. She usually smiled at people until they gave in and gave her what she wanted, and Noah hadn’t seen it fail. “Oh, I don’t have a problem with the vampires. They have the most fascinating stories.”
“The other problem is the dragons in your car park. They are a public hazard,” Mr. Robert said as if it were a fact and not his opinion.
“How so?” Nan smiled even though Noah knew exactly where this was going.
“People might get eaten.”
Pan snorted. “The dragons are not going to eat people unless they are attacked.”
“We can’t have wild animals in the middle of the city.”
“Why not?” Feryn demanded. “They are minding their own business while the female recovers. They are being well fed by farmers with dead livestock. They are no more of a hazard to public safety than your cars, which rely on the assumed reflexes of the operator.”
Noah scrubbed his hand over his face. Explaining cars to Feryn might have been a bad idea.
“We’ve gone wildly off topic here. Nan can reopen the bar as long as the palace doors are closed.
If you have a brilliant idea about how to relocate dragons, please let me know, because so far, we have been unsuccessful.
If you don’t, then there’s nothing we can do, and the dragon’s stay. ”
“We can close the car park, it’s not as though anybody is driving around at the moment,” Nan said. “Given the state of the roads. I can only drive halfway here, and then I have to walk.”
Mr. Roberts pulled a pained expression and glanced at the building inspector.
But Nan was not about to be deterred. “Why don’t we have a talk about the water and sewerage issue later…perhaps because the palace is on my land, I could simply have a plumber come out and connect with the two buildings.”
“I will not allow you to pay for the palace water.” Feryn shook his head. Pan said something in Tarikian and Feryn sighed. “Though I appreciate the offer, and I’m sure my people would as well, perhaps I can find a way to repay you so it’s not to be a burden.” His smile was forced and fangy.
Noah suspected Feryn would prefer to rip the throat out of both humans than continue this conversation, and the only reason he hadn’t was because Pan and Linda were watching.
“So we can have the party here?” Noah asked, wanting to get back to the point before anyone was murdered for breathing wrong.
Mr. Roberts studied his papers. “Erm, well, you’ll have to ask the other local businesses…and then there’s the maximum occupancy you’re allowed in this building which—”
“I’m well aware of the occupancy requirements and will ensure they are maintained the same way I have for the last forty years.” Nan crossed her arms, though her smile remained in place.
They were trying to do the right thing, but even that wasn’t good enough.
It was like the people in charge wanted to find a reason to say no because it would make their lives easier.
Because this wasn’t the way things were done.
Noah didn’t know how to deal with those kinds of roadblocks.
He’d never had to deal with local councils and building inspectors.
Without his grandmother, they’d be screwed.
“Not only that, but most of the businesses on the street are closed due to damage. I don’t think anyone is going to complain if some of the mythological people come to the palace—the center of their town and a landmark—to celebrate a culturally significant date to them.
If you really want, we can block the street. ”
“You’ll definitely need council approval for that.”
Noah stared at Mr. Roberts. “Are you kidding? Vehicles can’t even get through the center of town because of the damaged roads. Who exactly will we be inconveniencing when the cops have blocked off most of the area anyway? Did they get council approval?”
“Well, that’s different. You see, because they’re the police.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And you can’t be selling them drinks and letting them drink on the street. That’ll breach your liquor licensing regulations.” Mr. Roberts tapped his papers.
Nan sighed. “They don’t have any money, so how will I be selling them anything?”
“Then what is your role in all of this?” Mr. Roberts frowned as if confused about why anyone would want to be involved.
“Because the palace is attached to my bloody pub, in case you hadn’t noticed. So I am facilitating a meeting between Lord Feryn and you, so they can have a party for the dead and see in their New Year.”
Pan muttered something else to Feryn, and while Noah still didn’t understand the exact words his tone was clear. Pan thought Mr. Roberts deserved to be eaten by dragons even though the dragons had better taste. Feryn smiled as if contemplating how to make that happen.
“Look, if there’s nothing else for me to do here, I need to move on to the next job. Best of luck. I think you’ll need it.” The building inspector took a step back. “I will send you a copy of my official report.”
“Thank you.” Nan widened her smile before turning her attention to Mr. Roberts, who was behaving as though being the sand in the gears was the most important part of the process.
“I think perhaps the council needs to consider that things have changed and find a way to smooth the process of recovery instead of gumming it up. If we keep doing things the way we have always done, it’s going to take decades.
I don’t know about you, but I’d rather speed things along so we can return to some semblance of normality. ”
Mr. Roberts shook his head. “We can’t half arse things.”
“You would deny a starving man because all you have is day old bread with no butter?” Pan tilted his head.
Mr. Roberts frowned. “No.”
“Then why prevent repairs on the basis that they are not perfect? If the truck can use the roads, then is that good enough for the moment if it will enable all supplies to move faster? If the house is livable, and will not fall down, then is it good enough for the moment? I am sure that, if you asked, people would much rather return to their homes and fetch water from a communal source than be sleeping in the primary school gym.”
“No. We cannot allow that. They need electricity and sewage.”