Chapter Eleven
LIAM
W aking up next to Ella is definitely making it on my list of top ten favorite things. Her soft, lush body is snuggled close to me, her lips are slightly parted as she breathes, and an expression of pure peace is on her face.
This is what we should have had last time. We would have woken up together, maybe had sex again, and then I would have ordered her breakfast. We would have exchanged information and made plans to see each other again.
Or, after her accident, we should have had a chance for me to bring her greasy fast food breakfast while she recovered. To sit and laugh at one of the bad reality shows that would have inevitably been playing on the TV. But we didn’t get any of that. Because of Harvey. The memory of that revelation from last night sends my blood boiling, but then my anger turns inwards, at myself.
I’m not blameless in this either. If I just had kept my cool and asked her directly what was going on, all of this could have been avoided. I was too caught up in my emotions to think clearly though, and now we’re all paying for it.
My mind is racing, and I find myself needing to take a calming breath. In and out, in and out, until I feel my pulse start to slow.
We can’t do anything to change the past. But I can make her breakfast today and we can figure out where to go from here. I’ve known from the minute I saw her in the hospital in Boston that I would do anything to have her back again.
Checking the clock on the nightstand, I see that it’s only seven in the morning before I quietly detangle myself from her embrace. Ella doesn’t have to leave here until eight thirty, and my shift isn’t until ten, so I have time to make breakfast. I pull on my underwear and jeans and creep out of the room. Once in the hallway, I gently close her door and start walking down the hall to the kitchen.
A photo on the wall catches my eye. A large framed photo, with Ella in a cap and gown, surrounded by her family. Her parents stand behind her. Her mother I recognize immediately since I saw her only a few days ago, and her dad I vaguely remember from the waiting room of the hospital all those years ago. I didn’t get a good look at him then, but now it’s obvious to see the resemblance.
There are two men on either side of her that must be her brothers. The one on the left has dirty blond hair that hits his ears and a carefree grin, the one on the right has short, buzzed brown hair in a similar shade to Ella’s, and a scruff of a beard. They all look so… happy.
My eyes travel to the picture next to it, one that has to be Macie as a baby, maybe around a year old. Her dark brown curls hit her ears, and her gray-blue eyes are looking straight at the camera that caught her mid-laugh. She’s in this little white frock of a dress that let her little chubby baby legs peek out, her feet encased in frilly socks and pink Mary Janes.
But it’s her face that captures my attention. The eyes, the shape of her face, the little dip of her chin…
She looks… just like me.
Then I remember what Ella’s mom said at the hospital, about Macie’s dad being a “one-time thing.”
Another picture catches my attention: one of Macie at maybe six months, in the bathtub in one of those baby seats, bubbles everywhere, some even stacked on top of her head. My mom has almost the exact same picture of me when I was that age, and if it wasn’t totally insane, I’d be convinced Ella somehow stole it and put it on her wall.
That’s how much she looks like me.
What if… what if she is mine? A swoop of excitement at the thought takes me by surprise, making me realize… I think I want her to be mine. Remembering Macie’s chart from the hospital, her birthday was listed as being in February. I quickly do the math in my head, going back nine months, and my mouth goes dry. May.
The sound of Ella’s door opening startles me slightly, but I don’t move, my eyes staying on the picture. A moment later, I feel her arm brush mine as she looks at the picture with me.
We’re silent for a moment, both staring at the photo of Macie, when my voice breaks the silence. “Is Macie mine?”
There’s no sharp intake of breath, no slight jump, nothing to indicate that she’s the least bit surprised by my question. I slowly turn to face her, to see her looking at me with unshed tears in her eyes.
“Yes,” she whispers, nodding once.
“Why…” I trail off, shaking my head, trying to make sense of everything. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She takes a step back and leans against the wall of the hallway, looking down. “Last night, before Harvey showed up… that’s what I was literally about to tell you.”
I do remember she sounded like she had something important to say, but I forgot all about it as soon as he showed up.
“I tried to find you after,” she says softly, looking at me. “When I first found out. I harassed the hospital for months, looking for an EMT named Liam, but nobody could tell me anything.” She sniffs, and the guilt hits me. Would she have been able to find me if I had told her my real name? Of course she would have. “Everyone convinced me that I was crazy, that you weren’t the one who pulled me out of the car. That I had hit my head and had seen things. After a while… Well, I started to believe them. I had given up hope of ever finding you again, and then I saw you in Boston, and I… I got scared.”
I reach over and cup her cheek, and she leans into the touch. She takes a shuddering breath.
“At first, I thought you were engaged, and I didn’t want to upend your picture-perfect life—not to mention, I knew nothing about the woman I believed you were engaged to, and some Evil Stepmother scenarios may have played out in my head. Then, you were suddenly here and everything just felt so overwhelming. It’s been just me and her for so long, and I thought if I told you now, it might seem like I was trying to trap you, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to be a father if you don’t want to be one. I don’t want Macie to be the only reason we’re together. Healthy relationships aren’t ones where people are forced into roles they don’t want to play.”
Her words tear at my heart, and I realize that I can say with absolute certainty that nothing she just said applies to me. Tilting her head to meet my eyes, I make sure she hears every word of what I’m about to say. “In the last four years, there has never been a single moment where I’ve forgotten about you. And every moment in your presence since I’ve gotten here has been nothing but a gift. I want you, Ella. That fact does not hinge on Macie’s existence.”
She inhales sharply as her eyes widen, staring at me, but I’m not done talking.
“I want it all, Ell. I want you, and I want to be the dad that Macie deserves. I should have been here from the beginning, and if I just would have stuck around to hear your side of things in that hospital, you wouldn’t have had to spend so many years alone. I’ll never not regret missing out on all this time I could have had with the two of you, watching Macie grow up. But I’m here now, and I want to be a part of her life.”
“I…” she trails off, shaking her head as if coming out of a trance before looking at me again. “You do?”
I can’t help but smile as I nod. “I do. Will you have me?”
“This is more than I had dared to hope for, Liam,” she says, placing a hand on my chest. “But it’s all so overwhelming…”
She’s cut off by her phone going off, and she fishes it out of the pajama pants she put on before coming out here.
“Shoot, it’s work. Hold on.” She holds a finger up to me and disappears into the kitchen, while I go back into her room to grab my shirt. She meets me in the living room after hanging up.
“That was the clinic,” she says, running a hand through her hair. “They want me to come in early, the other vet tech called out today. Can we talk more later?”
“Of course we can.” My heart clenches at the thought of leaving already, but I have a shift in a few hours, anyway. “However much time you need,” I tell her.
She nods, looking relieved. We’ll take it at her pace. I don’t want to rush anything and spook her away. I’m so damn glad I pulled a total stalker move and upended my life to come here, because now I know it was all for a reason. Ella is it for me, and so is Macie.
Then, it really hits me. Macie. Holy shit. I’m actually a dad. That perfect little girl in all of her intelligence and silliness is my daughter. I can’t fucking wait to make up for lost time.
Quickly kissing her as I leave her apartment, I give her hand a squeeze. “I’ll call you later, okay?”
The small smile she gives me makes my stomach swoop, and she nods, biting her lip.
Then, as soon as I’m back in my apartment and the door shuts behind me, my phone goes off like a reminder that life goes on outside the four walls of this apartment complex. Stifling a groan as I check the caller ID, I force myself to be calm as I answer. “Good morning, Mom.”
“Don’t ‘good morning, Mom’ me, William Stokes,” Mom’s voice scolds me from the phone. “You’ve ignored me for a full week, and it’s gone on long enough. Please tell me that you’re over your little temper tantrum and will be home soon.”
Gritting my teeth to bite back what I want to say to her, which is that I’m a grown-ass man and am not “throwing a tantrum,” I instead say something that will probably make her even more angry. “I’m not coming home. I really like it here, and I want to stay.”
The line is silent for far too long and I can just see Mom sitting at her desk, leaning back in her chair as she pinches the bridge of her nose between her fingers. “Liam, darling. You can live out whatever silly little fantasies your mind comes up with after you’re married to a suitable match and after I’ve won the election.”
I open my mouth to protest her ludicrous statement, but then, as if sensing my resistance, she starts talking again. “Oh, by the way, dear, the paparazzi have been in an absolute tizzy looking for you. Make sure you’re keeping up our image, would you?”
Again, before I can answer, she hangs up the phone with no regard for my opinion or thoughts on what she has to say.
My gut sinks as I stare at the phone in my hand, realizing that a secret, out-of-wedlock child does not fit into Mayoral Candidate Allison Stokes’ “image.” I need to tell her the truth as soon as possible before she finds out for herself and makes a mess out of everything.
More importantly, though, I need to tell Ella who I really am and hope she still wants to be with me after finding out I’ve lied for so long.