Elle
“So you weren’t just acting?” Stassi asks curiously after the video replays for a third time, and I stop it before it can pan to Madame’s face again. “You really didn’t know?”
For the second time that day, I want to vomit, shit, piss, and have my period all at once.
I want to evacuate my own body along with all of its bodily functions.
“No.” I shake my head, trying to stave off the lightheadedness threatening to consume me. “When I last saw Madame, she was very much alive.”
I sway on my feet, grabbing onto the vanity for support.
“That was…” I stare at the blank phone screen, unable to think of a fitting word. It went far past horrible…if I could barely look at the footage, how must Gant feel to have it undoubtedly scorched into his memory? He was awake in the video. Not lucid, but awake.
Then Stassi said it leaked a few weeks ago. Why? Why after two years?
So now Gant has his memories, along with the actual footage, to haunt him.
I can’t…I can’t believe I’m feeling sympathy for the boy who just used his dick as a water pistol on me. Who spit in my face.
“Indescribable,” Stassi finishes for me quietly. “When the email went out, she and Gant fled the studio. Gant thinks she wanted to grab their passports and flee town until things cooled off.”
“But she was too distracted to drive,” Aria says softly. “Her nerves were already shot and someone tried to overtake them. You can only see a black blur in the video, and they never caught the driver despite the Auclairs offering such a massive reward. Anyway, you saw the rest and, obviously, Gant survived.”
I take a deep breath, trying to formulate my words because, despite it all, the last thing I want is to come across as insensitive. “So Gant blames me because the email leak sent his mom into a panic? Maybe a panic that wouldn’t have been so intense if she wasn’t outed so publicly?”
“That’s only half of it,” Stassi says.
“He hates you because he never got to clear his name,” Aria says. “His mum died believing he’d been the one to betray her. Now that she’s dead, he can never have a resolution.”
“And it’s all my fault,” I whisper more to myself as my legs turn to jelly. “I have to sit down.”
I brush past Stassi, who grabs my arm before I can collapse on the bathroom floor. She guides me to my bed where I crumble and cling onto the knot in my towel like a damn tether to the earthly realm.
I get it now.
The lengths he went to to create the fake scholarship to lure me to Beaulieu.
The golden shower in the auditorium.
The spit.
I could never justify the act of spitting on anyone and yet my conscience is suspended between revulsion and understanding.
I’d hate me too.
Not Jarett but me.
“Yeah, I don’t think she’s acting,” Aria says, coming into the bedroom and staring down at me pitifully.
I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the diamond pane window behind her. My outer reflection perfectly captures my inner turmoil because I barely look human. Wet, puffy, and lobster red, I’m more akin to a skinned, drowned ginger rat.
This must be how Gant sees me. How the entire school views me.
But another thought intercepts my self-loathing.
“If Madame was running away, even if only temporarily, I take it Gant’s father, her husband, is pretty intense?” I know all about intense fathers. Maybe Mum had been right about the Auclairs all along.
Aria and Stassi exchange a look.
“Brutal.” Stassi nods. “If he hadn’t found out about the affair in such a public way, Gant thinks his mom wouldn’t have panicked so much. He says she was petrified.”
“With such a psychotic husband, it makes you wonder why she played such a dangerous game,” Aria says. “Especially in such a public place. I mean, the studio where she works?”
“Don’t blame the victim—” Stassi begins.
“I’m not.” Aria shrugs. “I just wonder what she was thinking?”
Stassi shifts uncomfortably, but I’d been thinking along the same lines as Aria since I walked in on their screw session. It didn’t make sense why Madame would choose to do that in a place where anyone could walk in.
Sure, it was a transitional period. A break where the last class was gone and the later classes wouldn’t arrive for roughly a half hour, but still.
It’s like she was asking to be caught and by minors no less.
Don’t blame the victim. But it is a valid question.
“If her husband’s a tyrant, then I wonder what she saw in my abusive father?” I say more to myself again. “Jarett sounds so similar to her husband that I can’t imagine he was much of an escape?”
Mum said Dad was a terrible actor, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe under the right circumstances, with just the right amount of time, Jarett was able to become a chameleon. Maybe he was able to become what Madame needed or wanted. We can all pretend for an hour, can’t we?
It’s the only thing that makes sense. Madame must’ve seen something in Jarett that she didn’t see in her own husband, even if it was just pure, primal lust.
“Your father?!” Aria and Stassi ask in unison.
“Gant never mentioned that the guy was your dad,” Stassi says wide-eyed. “No wonder he hates you so much.”
Another tremor goes through me as Gant’s dark, murderous gaze creeps into my mind’s eye.
“But why’d you do it?” Aria asks, leaning forward. “Why’d you spread your dad’s sex tape around?”
“It was an accident,” I say, my voice breaking. “Gant had everything wrong that day. He thinks I wanted to blackmail his mother into giving me lessons and in hindsight, I can’t say I blame him. I hated Madame, I’d even told him as much. Of course, I had no idea she was his mother.”
“Then?” Stassi lifts a brow.
“All I wanted to do was break my parents up.” I can barely hold my tears anymore, but I tilt my head back and gaze up at the ceiling so gravity can’t win. Not yet anyway. “My father was, is, toxic, but my mother refuses to leave him. I thought if she saw the tape, it’d finally snap her out of this trance Jarett had over her. I thought if Jarett was gone, she could finally focus on me. On us.”
I squeeze the knot on my towel tighter and take deep breaths to stave off the hyperventilation I feel coming. When I calm down enough, I go on.
“Gant saw me record their encounter in the showers. He wrestled my phone away from me and when I wouldn’t give him the passcode to delete the video, he broke it but not before sending the video to his number. I just couldn’t let it go. I needed that video. So when I saw him at the studio again, I lured him away from his phone, got the video and emailed it myself. Well, I tried too—”
“But you sent it to Beaussip instead?” Aria asks.
I nod. “Our emails both start with B’s and it just dropped down from his list. I got spooked and clicked it by accident. Given the context clues, I’m going to assume Beaussip stands for Beaulieu and gossip? The academy’s gossip site?”
Stassi nods. “Bingo.”
I shake my head. “It was just a massive mistake. I didn’t want to cause any drama for Madame, despite what Gant thinks. I was only going to show my mum the video from my phone if he hadn’t broken it. I swear.”
Stass and Aria look unsure.
“Breaking someone’s phone is exactly something Gant would do,” Aria says finally to Stassi.
“Regardless, Gant doesn’t believe her. So what does it matter?”
“B-but I never got a chance to explain any of that to him. When the email went out, I got scared and ran away. If I can speak to him, maybe he’ll understand. Accident or not, I know it was a shitty thing to do. He probably took all the blame, especially from his father...I have to find a way to make this right.”
The tiny bit of hope that blooms in my chest withers and dies as Aria snorts and Stassi shakes her head like I’ve said the most ridiculous thing ever.
“The Untouchable boys are the most unreasonable sons of bitches you’ll ever meet,” Aria says. “And it’s not just Gant you have to worry about. If Gant has a vendetta against you, they all do, but it’s not for the same reasons as Gant. Well, not entirely. They hate you because you took him away from them.”
“Gant hasn’t been the same since the accident. Since his fixation on you started,” Stassi explains. “If Gant needs to ruin you as his own personal therapy to get better, they see nothing wrong with it.”
“Zero sympathy,” Aria says. “Your apology won’t mean jack shit to anyone unless Gant accepts it and calls his dogs off.”
“And he won’t accept it,” Stassi says. “Not yet. If ever.”
I swallow. “Then what do I do in the meantime?”
“Let him break you,” Aria says, and a hiss escapes my lips.
“That’s not an option.”
“She means, let him think he’s broken you first,” Stassi chimes in. “A simple apology now won’t turn him off go. You have to suffer first, so for now, do nothing.”I’d done nothing with Jarett my entire life. If I do nothing, how can I expect anything to change?
“I can’t just be a sitting duck,” I say, brows wrinkled. “I’m sure if I can just talk to him, we can sort this all out.”
Aria looks at me like I’m Miss Dumb Bitch Universe. “He put his fucking boot on your head. He pissed and spit in your face.”
As if I needed reminding.
“Do you want a repeat of what just happened in the auditorium? He’ll humiliate you all over again.” Stassi shudders. “I don’t even want to see Beaussip’s article tomorrow.”
“Do you know who runs it?” I ask miserably. I’m assuming that’s another person I’ll need to steer clear of for now.
“I have an idea. That bitch Rin,” Aria says before glaring at Stassi. “I can’t believe you let her into our room.”
Stassi rolls her eyes. “No one knows for sure, but we all have our theories. Regardless, Beaussip should be the least of your worries right now. The way I see it, you have two options. One, avoid Gant like the plague for a few weeks until he shimmers down—”
“She can’t do that,” Aria says, crossing to her side of the room. “I’ve seen both of their schedules. They’re nearly identical. Gant’s made sure of it.”
“When did you have time to see their schedules today?” Stassi raises a brow.
“Never mind that. When I saw them, I didn’t know what he was doing at the time. Now I know he was plotting.”
Another tremor racks me. All I want is to dance. How did everything go so wrong in the span of a few hours?
“What’s option two?” I ask Stassi.
“It’s not too late to leave,” she says sympathetically.
Leave. Despite everything, leaving hadn’t crossed my mind. Gant Auclair can’t be worse than my future if I go back home, right? My old school no longer has a dance program. If I return to the apartment with Mum, the only future I can envision on my horizon would be graveyard shifts at the deli.
“I can’t leave,” I rasp. “Look, I may seem like an idiot for staying, but it’s just one year. After high school life goes on, but my life, without Beaulieu’s diploma, is bleak. I can’t expect to get into a good university dance program without it. Even if Gant hates me. Even if he got me here in an unconventional way, he still made my dream come true.”
There’s always a silver lining, right?
“So that he can turn it into a nightmare,” Aria says incredulously before shaking her head at Stassi. “She’s in shock. She doesn’t get it.”
“I don’t care,” I say, though I sound unsure. “I’ve dealt with much worse, and being an outcast is nothing new. I’m not here for friends or Gant. I’m here to become a better dancer. To get opportunities. If that means being a loser for senior year and being hated by everyone, then so be it. I have goals.”
“Being a loser is the least of your worries,” Aria says, pulling a rolling bag out from beneath her desk. It’s framed like a box, but it’s covered in cloth and I can only assume it holds her ice skates. “But I won’t pretend I don’t understand the greater good.”
“Admirable,” Stassi says, blowing out a breath. “Stupid, but admirable.”
As I eye both girls, I’m struck with yet another thought. “You said the boys were male royalty here. What about the girls?”
I already have a good idea who they are, and it hasn’t escaped me that I’m sharing a room with them.
“Me, Aria, and Rin,” Stassi says. “Mostly because of our relation to the boys.”
“Speak for yourself. I’m an ice skating darling, remember? One of Beaulieu’s living trophies.”
“And maybe because of our sports rankings too,” Stassi relents. “Rin’s a little like Gant. Her family gives massive donations to the drama department, plus she’s an overachiever. The bitch is good at almost everything.”
“Besides being likeable,” Aria snorts.
“So do you follow the boys’ vendettas too?” I can’t meet their gazes, but I want to know. Is this whole conversation just to prepare me for what’s to come in the one place that should be my haven? Our room?
“We come up with our own verdicts, despite what the boys think,” Aria says. “After hearing your side, I’d say I’m neutral. For now. Rin though, she’ll fuck with anything just for fun. The facts don’t matter.”
Stassi looks just as surprised at Aria’s stance as I feel. “Then why did you tell Gant that she was our roommate?”
The hair raises on my arms and suddenly I feel just as vulnerable as I did in the shower.
“Two reasons. One, he probably set it up that way and wanted to see if we’d confess unprompted. Two, so he’d think I was on his side, and he’d keep his trap shut,” Aria says, wheeling her bag to the door. “He knows where I was last night.”“Where?” Stassi asks, leaning closer.
“Where were you all summer?” Aria rolls her eyes, which shuts Stassi up. Then she looks at me. “Don’t get confused though, we aren’t friends, and sharing a room doesn’t suddenly make us besties. But… I must say I’m intrigued.”
That surprises me even more.
“You’re the only girl that’s ever gotten under Gant’s skin and that must count for something, right?”
“For something,” Stassi agrees, though I don’t think either girl, nor myself, knows what that something is.
“The way you licked him,” Aria shakes her head with a wicked grin. “And he just let you.”
“I think he was just in shock,” I mutter.
But Aria shakes her head again, faster this time. “No. He let you.”
Whatever that means.
“Legend,” Stassi says.
“Thanks?” I whisper weakly. It isn’t exactly an alliance, but at least I could be somewhat comfortable in my own room.Aria turns the doorknob, and the muted voices drifting from the other doors remind me just how much of a haven I need this room to be.
“I’m going to the rink.”
“Do you want me to—” Stassi’s words are cut off by the door slamming. Sighing, she grabs her purse, mumbles, “latte run,” then leaves.
I wait until I can’t hear her footsteps anymore, before sinking into my pillows under the covers.
Then, I ugly cry my heart out.
For my humiliation.
For my feelings of inadequacy over a fake scholarship that I don’t deserve but I refuse to let go of. Because the truth is, I’m not prideful enough to walk away from the opportunity, regardless of the consequences.
I even cry for…Madame? For Gant? I can’t say.
But I let it all out because tomorrow a single tear wouldn’t escape.
I know the deal and I’m not withdrawing from the game, so come what may.
No matter how brutal.