Chapter 5
5
EVIE
“ I t’s late. Let’s get you set up for the night so you can rest.”
God, he was so attentive and thoughtful. He pulled back and cupped the sides of my face, and when he leaned down and kissed my forehead, I found that I was disappointed. I realized I wanted his lips on mine.
I swallowed and nodded, pretending like I hadn’t just been watching him, pretending like I didn’t suddenly feel too aware of my own body.
“Come on,” he whispered and pulled back.
I instantly felt chilled, but I followed him toward the hallway that led to the stairs to the room I stayed in. The night had been long, and exhaustion clung to my bones, but something else stirred beneath it, something I couldn’t quite put a name to, because it terrified me.
Ash’s footsteps were heavy but measured. When we reached my door, he opened it for me, stepped aside, and said, “Get some rest.”
He turned to leave, but before I could think, before I could talk myself out of it, I reached out and curled my fingers around his wrist. “Ash.”
He stilled. The air around us thickened, energy humming between us. When he turned back to me, his eyes searched mine as if reading something in my expression I wasn’t sure I wanted anyone to see.
“Will you stay?” I whispered.
A muscle in his jaw ticked, and he glanced down, his gaze focused on where I held on to him. Then he slowly lifted his head and looked at my face. “That’s what you want?”
I nodded, not even pausing to question it. “I don’t want to be alone. I want to be with you.”
His hesitation lasted all of two seconds before he exhaled sharply and gave a small nod. “Okay, Evie. If that's what you want.”
I smiled and let out my held-in breath while I stepped inside.
Ash followed me before closing the door behind us. His presence filled the space in a way that should’ve made me uneasy, but it didn’t.
He walked over to the couch and sat down. “Want me to see if I can get a movie to play on this old-ass thing?”
I smiled again and nodded. “I’ll get a snack for us.”
He reached for the remote, and I grabbed a bag of chips from the cupboard. It was something he brought me earlier with all the other groceries he insisted on getting me. The memory of that sweet gesture made my chest tight as I sank onto the couch beside him.
He flipped through the channels, most of them static, before landing on a rerun of some classic TV comedy. It was the kind of old-school show I used to love… before being happy about anything turned into something I could only remember.
We sat in silence, the flickering screen casting soft shadows across the walls.
I stared at my hands, tracing the outline of my fingers as if I could find the words I wanted to say to Ash buried beneath my skin. The room was dim, the TV still murmuring in the background, but the air between us was thick, waiting.
“I didn’t always hate him,” I finally said, my voice quiet, almost too small for the weight of what I was about to say. “That’s the part that still messes with my head. I thought what I felt was affection, maybe even something that could grow into love.”
Ash didn’t speak. Didn’t press me to keep going. He just waited, letting the silence be mine to fill. But I felt his gaze locked on me, unwavering.
I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat too big and heavy. “At first, he was... great. Charming. Attentive. The kind of man who made you feel like the world revolved around you.” I laughed humorlessly. “I learned fast it was all fake with Brady. But until then, he let me believe everything was great. Let me believe that we had something good. Something real.”
Ash placed his hand over mine, and I stared at where we touched.
I let out a slow, shaking breath. “But I realized too late I was locked in a cage.” I rubbed my free hand on my thigh, my body suddenly feeling too cold. “It got to where I just stayed inside, locked away from society and the friends I once had. He knew what he was doing,” I said bitterly as I stared at the television. “No family. No friends. He thought I was weak because of that. Easy prey,” I whispered.
I clenched my hand into a fist, nails digging into my palm, closed my eyes, and breathed out, feeling stronger for saying all of this out loud.
“And the thing is… he never had to hit me. He never even had to yell. He just made me believe no one else would love me the way he did. That everything he did do was because he cared for me.” I let out a bitter laugh, shaking my head. “I was a fool.”
Ash’s presence beside me was solid, unmoving, like an anchor I hadn’t realized I needed. I missed feeling this.
But I’ve never felt anything like this .
I looked over at Ash to see he was staring at me.
“Thank you for trusting me with your truth. I’m sorry you had a piece of shit use your emotions against you. I’m sorry some motherfucker was so miserable with who and what he was and made you feel less than,” he told me quietly, and it made more words spring to my lips.
“By the time I realized what he was doing, I wasn’t me anymore. I was… small. Empty. I measured my worth by how well I could keep him happy, by how infrequently I did anything to upset him. And when I finally understood that love wasn’t supposed to feel like that, I knew if I stayed, I wouldn’t survive.”
I blinked, forcing back the sting of tears in my eyes. “I was sick of it, so I left. In the middle of the night. With nothing but my small bag and the last bit of strength I had left.”
Silence stretched between us, but Ash still had his gaze on me, heavy and unreadable. But still somehow gentle.
I wasn’t sure what I expected—pity maybe?
Instead, his voice was steady, low, and threaded with something that made my chest ache. “You never have to feel like that again. I won’t let it happen, Evie.”
I sucked in a breath. So many things coursed through me that I suddenly felt hot and high and bombarded with it all, but I loved every bit of it.
I wasn’t sure when it happened—when the air changed, when my pulse climbed, or when I realized how close we were—but I felt so bare and vulnerable, yet I wanted to delve deeper into what these feelings were.
I could feel the heat of his body, the way his arm rested along the back of the couch close enough that if I leaned just a little, I’d feel it against my shoulders. He still had his other hand over mine, comfortingly, his thumb gently stroking my skin.
Focusing on anything other than Ash was impossible, but suddenly, I was also acutely aware of my body. And God, it had been so long since I’d felt like… me, like myself in my own skin. Which felt too warm now, as something tightly coiled in my belly.
Desire?
Yes .
It grew slowly before curling through my veins.
And I wasn’t afraid.
For the first time in forever, I was in control. And I wanted to see where this could go.
I let my gaze scan Ash’s face, taking in his square jaw with dark scruff covering his flesh. His lips were full, and mine tingled to kiss him, to see if he was as gentle with me there as he had been the rest of the short time I’d known him, despite him seeming like he could be savagely brutal in every other aspect of his life.
I shifted just enough for my knee to brush his. The touch was barely there, light, tentative, but my—his—reaction was instant.
His hand flexed lightly against mine, his big body visibly tensing.
That desire I’d felt taking over inside me grew even more.
The TV droned on in the background, forgotten as I watched Ash’s gaze drop to my lips. For a split second, doubt flickered in his expression. “Evie?—”
I moved before he could finish. My hand lifted, fingers brushing against his jaw, testing, feeling the rough scrape of his stubble beneath my palm. I expected him to pull away, to stop me, to tell me he thought I was too vulnerable because of my past and that this wasn’t a good idea.
But he didn’t move.
His breathing became heavier, his gaze burning into me. “Evie,” he said low and gruffly, so much different than the doubt his voice held only a moment ago. “Are you sure about this?” he asked, sounding strained, clearly seeing the desire on my face and knowing without a doubt what I wanted “this” to be.
“Yes,” I whispered. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
The space between us disappeared when we both leaned in at the same time. His lips met mine, softly at first, testing, waiting for me to pull away. But I didn’t.
I deepened the kiss, shifting in front of Ash, so close my breasts were just a breath away from grazing his chest. I raised my hands and threaded my fingers in his hair. The warmth of his body and the way he let me be the one to control the situation and pace, even as his hands slid up my arms, made me braver.
The heat built between us, slow and deliberate, an erotic tension that became sweltering and stretched tight, ready to snap.
I got lost in the feeling of Ash’s soft lips worshipping mine, our tongues gently swirling around each other, tangled in a slow dance of want and need.
“ Jesus Christ ,” he breathed, resting his forehead against mine. “You taste good, baby.”
At this moment, I realized something profound. I didn’t want to just survive. I wanted to live.
And being with Ash gave me the hope I was headed in the right direction.