Chapter 6
6
I jolt awake to the sound of gunshots. My pulse skyrockets, my skin heats, and the hairs on my neck prickle as adrenaline shoots through me. Something’s gone wrong.
I trip over myself as I scramble to get dressed, pulling on my cargo pants and wrenching a black t-shirt over my head. I don’t even lace my boots before dashing out of my tent toward the pop-pop of discharged firearms. I have a horrible vision of Darcie losing her mind in the fashion of a horror film, stealing Ben’s gun, and going on a rampage through camp.
I’m just sprinting past the main tent when I hear laughter. Darcie’s laughter is open and generous, more like a guffaw than anything. Then Julian’s irritable voice and Ben’s low rumble. I slow to a walk, my chest heaving.
Christ almighty.
“You assholes nearly gave me a heart attack!” I call out, rounding the main tent to see them all gathered at the edge of the plain.
The three assholes turn as one, and Darcie waves, smiling brightly. “Rise and shine!” she shouts.
“It’s literally…” I check my watch, turning a dial to the time setting, “Six-thirty in the morning. Why are we playing with guns?”
“I blackmailed Ben into teaching me how to shoot,” Julian announces from where they’re crouched on trampled grass, their elbows braced on a crate, a gun in their hands. Ben crouches next to them in just his cargoes and t-shirt, one hand braced on the crate, silver dog tag chain winking against the back of his tan neck. The other hand holds a mug of coffee.
“You slept too late,” Darcie says, sipping from her own mug. “We figured this was just as good as an alarm.”
“An alarm that takes five years from your life,” I mutter. I give her a sidelong glance. “You’re not bothered by this?”
“By what?” She raises her eyebrows, daring me to elaborate.
I shrug. I won’t say anything in front of Ben. He never connected with Darcie and Julian like I did, never stayed up until the small hours of the morning sharing baggage like it was show-and-tell. Darcie doesn’t like to talk about her ex, what he did to her, or what she did to him when it all got to be too much — I’m surprised she’s okay being this close to an active gun.
“What you need is caffeine,” Darcie says, turning away. “I’m assuming you slept badly?”
“I didn’t sleep at all ,” Julian declares like it’s a bragging right. “In fact, I should submit a complaint against Benjamin for letting me handle a live weapon in such a state.”
Ben takes a long-suffering drag of coffee.
“I see you’ve changed your tune,” I say, moving closer to Darcie and wiggling my fingers. She hands me her coffee, and I take a long swig. “Suddenly pro-gun now, are we?”
“Oh, yes,” Julian says, all focus as they line up their aim. “I’ve already set up a monthly donation to the Earth Rifle Association.”
“Gentle,” Ben says, all his focus on Julian. “Let your hands drift. Both eyes open.”
“I know ,” Julian grumbles.
“You’re too stiff,” says Ben. “Squeeze the trigger slow. Gentle. No sudden movements.”
“This is fascinating,” Darcie breathes, yanking her coffee out of my grasp. “Julian, suddenly addicted to guns? Who would have thought.”
“It’s for protection,” Julian snaps.
“Against?” Darcie asks.
“The Man.”
“Which man?”
“Me, obviously,” Ben says, distracted. “No, no, don’t—”
Pop!
Julian fires the gun, and their hands fly back, almost hitting their chin.
“We’ll work on controlling the recoil,” says Ben with a sigh. “And what did I say about gentle ?”
“Yeah yeah, Dad,” Julian says.
“What are you aiming at?” I ask. I’ve been trying to figure it out. They seem to be firing into the empty plain.
“That tree,” Darcie says, downing the last of her mug’s contents. “More coffee?”
The tree can’t be less than three hundred meters away. “ That one?” I point.
“Yeah. The only one. I’m getting more coffee, want some?”
“How the hell is Jules meant to hit that?”
Julian chuckles. “Oh, Jill. Sweet, innocent Jill. This isn’t just some random gun for criminals and layabouts. This is a military gun.”
Ben gives me a look. “It’s a precision M28, pocket sniper model, with heat signature guidance. Helps you shoot human targets in the heart.”
I feel slightly ill. “Then why is Jules shooting at a tree?”
“Do you see any other viable targets?” Julian says.
Ben stands and walks over to me. He continues to watch Julian with a critical eye but leans toward me so only I can hear his words. “I suggested we set up tin cans. Fleming wasn’t interested. Wanted a distant target. I have a feeling they don’t actually want to hit anything.”
Oh, Julian. Soft-hearted, cantankerous Julian. I feel a sudden fondness for them, and I wonder if this is their way of bonding with Ben without admitting it.
Darcie reappears with coffee, handing me a mug. Ben returns to Julian’s side, this time showing them how to safely load and unload a clip. The morning is quiet, chilly, but not so cold that I’m uncomfortable. I sip my coffee, and the warmth spreads through me pleasingly. We’re in no great hurry today. The tech tent will take hours to set up, and it’s important to get our bearings before we enter the field.
Darcie nudges me. “Ben’s kinda hot when he’s handling a gun.”
“Is he?” I sip my coffee.
Darcie shoots me a look. “Oh, shut up. I know you’re seeing those arms in that tight t-shirt .”
“I maintain a professional opinion of each of my teammates,” I say.
“Yeah, okay, whatever. Don’t think I didn’t notice you two leaving the tent together last night.”
I make a sound of incredulity. “Darce! We were talking.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I don’t even like the guy.”
“Then you won’t mind if I…?” She smirks.
“Not at all,” I say, taking a long sip of coffee, long enough that I have time to swallow my protest. “Have at it.”
Darcie eyes me beadily but says nothing.
A soft ping cuts through the quiet morning.
Ben stands abruptly, looking at his watch. “Anomalous reading,” he says. “Same as last night.”
I move toward him, immediately interested. “From the same location?”
He nods, looking up at me. “I’m gonna check it out.”
“I’ll come,” I offer, unthinking.
Julian sidles over, leaving the gun abandoned on its crate. “You guys were taking anomalous readings last night? Alone ?”
“What did I say ,” Darcie whispers loudly.
“No, no,” Ben says in response to my offer, waving me off. He ignores Julian and Darcie’s insinuations, thank God. But the concern in his expression sets me on edge. “It’s not far, just a few klicks. I’ll be back well before lunchtime.”
“Wait,” Darcie says. “What is this anomaly? Why haven’t we heard about it until now?”
“Because it might be nothing,” Ben answers. “Listen, if any of you want to go out in the field while I’m gone, fine. But don’t go alone. I still want to check the perimeters today before I okay solo work.”
“Yeah, fine,” Julian says, yawning. “Darce, you got any more of that coffee?”
She nods, and they head back to the main tent.
Ben and I are left alone together. He gathers up the gun, shoving it unceremoniously into a thigh holster. He turns and sees me watching. “What’s up, Jones?”
I start, realizing I’ve been staring. “Oh, um. You sure you don’t want me to come with you? I could use a walk.”
He hesitates. I almost think he’ll say yes. Then, “Nah. I could use the time alone. Try to rest today, yeah? See if there’s more Napa wine to go with dinner.” He grins, walks backward a few paces, then turns to stride out into the plain, the grasses following in his wake. Lazily, he puts out a hand, his palm brushing the grass.
I shiver, then shake my head to clear it. He’s not even my type .
The sound of Darcie and Julian’s bickering drifts toward me from the main tent, and I turn toward it, distracted. Maybe I’ll have some breakfast and check out the lab tent. I’m sure most of the equipment must be old and probably needs cleaning at the very least. I brought most of what I’ll need, but I’m curious to see what can be salvaged from the last expedition.
I go back to my tent and brush my teeth, then I shrug on my jacket and lace my boots up properly. I affix my walkie-talkie to my jacket and smooth my hair, tucking it behind my ears in a hopeless effort to feel put together. Grabbing a nutrient bar from my pack, I head out toward the lab tent.
A flock of birds rises from the tree line beyond camp, small shapes against the sky. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think they were Earth birds. Not that I’ve ever seen those outside of recordings or shitty VR. But something deep inside me rises to meet the birds as they go, wishing I could reach up and hold their tails, let them take me somewhere far away. To the ocean’s crashing waves, to the snow-encrusted mountaintops.
We’re supposed to be taking samples, conducting tests. Scientific work to determine the Planet’s viability. But aren’t we explorers, too? Don’t we deserve to feed our sense of wonder?
I pause, turning out toward the rippling plain. It’s quiet. So green. It looks like a dream, a desire turned from pang to atom, forming and solidifying and laid out before me. How can I not be entranced? It’s only for a second. I’ll go to the lab tent after this.
Awash with something like euphoria, I walk out into the plain. Cool morning breeze greets me and lifts my hair, brushing the nape of my neck, my jaw, my face. I close my eyes, breathing deeply. This is the cleanest air I’ve ever tasted.
Further, further. I want to be surrounded by this.
I wonder if it was like this for my mother. Her expedition must not have been much different. They landed here when she was only twenty-three, the best botanist humanity had to offer. I wonder if she looked up at this same clear sky and felt tears gather at the corners of her eyes. If she touched the grass and felt infinite.
I walk slowly, knowing I should stay within sight of camp. But it’s only for a minute. And who could blame me, the way the grass follows me, welcoming me just like the breeze? It kisses me gently. Cool beads of dew drip from bent blades, wetting my fingers.
Just a little further.
I just need a second.