Swan (Hawks MC (next generation) #4)

Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

I ’d lost count of how often friends and family greeted me as I stood leaning against the wall in the Hawks’ clubhouse. I loved this place and the people, but growing up in the club was hectic—sometimes suffocating yet comforting.

Hectic with constant parties, birthdays, and gatherings—plus trouble from outsiders, rival clubs, and even people here at the club and in town.

The suffocation came from growing up as a princess of the club. Everyone protected you. You couldn’t go far without a brother knowing about it.

I’d long ago given up on dating. Besides the fact my nerves got the better of me, which made me quiet and shy, any interested guys ended up running scared when they found out my father was vice president of the club.

The only exception was Lockland, my best friend.

But back to the comfort of the club and how they accepted me for me.

I never had to push a conversation when I didn’t want to. I could stand here and be quiet, and no one judged me. No one thought I was rude or cold if I read a book instead of socialising.

Which was why I put up with the overwhelming protection of my beautiful, crazy, loud family and friends.

Having their support had helped when I used to hear my peers’ whispers and judgement when at school.

“She doesn’t like anyone.”

“There’s the ice queen.”

“At least she’d be a silent fuck.”

All of it had rolled off my back because none of it mattered. I was happy. Nothing outside my world of Lockland, family, and club existed.

Then Lockland’s mum, Alisa Humphrey, sent a video of her fifteen-year-old son singing to a talent agent in America, and he got picked up.

The sun had dulled the day he told me they were moving overseas.

It dimmed even more when he left.

But everything darkened after he stopped communicating with me altogether two years later.

I’d tried everything to find out why. I’d called, emailed, texted. Contacted his mother and agent. All they told me was that he had to concentrate on his career, and he’d contact me when he could.

I understood he was a big deal—his voice was beyond amazing. Deep, rough, and used in a way that would attract millions.

His singing career had skyrocketed not long after he moved, and it was still going strong.

So yes, I really did comprehend how busy he could be.

But I never believed he wouldn’t have time for me.

We’d met when his family moved in next door to mine, and we’d become fast friends and inseparable after figuring out our common love of comics and 2 Minute Noodles with peanut butter.

Even after he moved, I managed to have him as mine for a couple of years—until everything changed. What hurt the most was that there’d been no explanation.

Even though the hurt was a constant stab to my stomach, I continued to watch his growth and supported his music. I also had a dream that when he toured Australia, he’d see me in the audience and realise he’d been an utter dick for forgetting about me.

His best friend.

Sighing, I shook my head.

I wasn’t delusional. Having that dream come true would be like having the brothers of the Hawks Motorcycle Club wearing tutus while riding their bikes.

Impossible. Fantastical. Unimaginable.

I believed our distance wasn’t just from his days being consumed by other people, concerts, writing, recording, and tours. There was something else that made him cut off all contact with me—or else I worried that our friendship didn’t mean as much to him as it did to me.

Not that I had the courage to ever confront and ask him.

I wasn’t even sure if I should go to the rescheduled concert.

Not now.

When he’d first organised a tour five years ago, I’d been a mixed bag of excited and nervous. Then any tours for him had been cancelled due to his father becoming ill and passing, and he’d only just started up travelling again.

With now years between us, it was probably for the best if we didn’t see each other.

He obviously didn’t want anything to do with me.

Then again, if I did attend his new concert next weekend, it wasn’t like he’d spot me out of thousands. I hadn’t bought the tickets to begin with, since I wasn’t going to go, but Maya had surprised me with some, and I didn’t want her money to go to waste. However, she could take her husband or even her sister, who was only two years younger than me.

But knowing Maya, she wouldn’t let me back out of it because she also believed in fantastical dreams. Only hers had come true when her husband, Texas, finally opened his eyes and pulled his thumb out of his butt to woo her five years ago.

Maya had always thought Lockland wanted to be more than friends with me—not that she’d shared her thoughts with me when Lockland was still here. She’d waited until we’d been away on our trip to Queensland when I’d turned eighteen. I’d also told her I hadn’t even worked out that my feelings for Lockland had run deeper than friendship until after he was gone.

I was in love with my best friend, and it only took me a week of missing him to realise this.

Yet, my feelings were something I’d kept to myself even when we’d still been communicating. No way had I wanted to come between him and his stardom.

Not that I thought I would in the end.

He would never see me as something more.

None of it mattered now anyway.

Sighing again, I rolled my eyes at myself.

My thoughts had been too consumed by him lately. I’d put it down to the approaching concert, although it could have to do with seemingly everyone around me settling down into a loving relationship.

Something I was sure I’d never have.

But hadn’t I told myself just the other day that I wanted to give up on dating? Hadn’t I accepted my fate of being with no one since it would be easier?

“There’s my pretty little birdy,” Drake said as he leaned his shoulder into the wall beside me.

Drake Marcus was the son to the president, twin to Ruby, younger brother to Coyote and Maya, and the biggest flirt I’d ever met.

“Hi, Drake,” I replied, gaze roaming around the room as my cheeks heated from his words.

I hated how easily I blushed at everything.

“When are you gonna marry me, beautiful?”

Smiling, I shook my head and looked to the floor. I’d lost count of how many times he’d asked me this in the last year. For some insane reason, he loved to try his flirting techniques on me, and it made me flustered. Heck, any attention from the opposite sex spiked my nerves. Even when the women talked about anything sexual, I flushed like a virgin. Didn’t matter I was one.

“You’ll grow bored of me.” It was my usual response.

He clutched his heart. “I could never, my lovebug.” When I glanced at him, the humour faded. “You okay?” he asked.

At the sudden seriousness from him, I swallowed thickly as my emotions rose.

Lock it down, Swan.

Lock it the hell down. You will not cry at the compound.

Seriously, I must have been drawing closer to that time of the month with how quickly I was ready to bawl like a baby.

And over what?

It couldn’t be from the thoughts of my childhood friend.

Maybe it was just the loneliness.

Because even though I was surrounded by people who loved me, I didn’t have that special someone who just got me. Who wanted me for me, flaws and all.

Straightening from the wall, I cleared my throat and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“My mum and sisters have always told me that when a woman says they’re fine, they’re actually not.” My heart rattled my ribs when his fingers grazed down my arm before he pulled them away. “I’m a good listener.”

I believed he was. He was also a very sweet, nice, charming, and good-looking man.

I bet he could pick me up and kiss me wild, then throw me on a bed and teach me how to have amazing sex.

I quickly looked away from Drake.

I shouldn’t be thinking those things and looking at him like that in the first place.

Drake was like family.

It was wrong to think something like that about a biker brother.

Drake and I had grown up together, like a lot of the kids in the club. We were all close. I should not be attracted to him, especially while I was still mixed up in the head about Lockland.

I was tired and stressed; it was the only reason those thoughts about Drake slipped through.

I snorted to myself, which had his brows dipping in worry.

Shaking my head, I told him, “Don’t worry about me. I’m just in my head like always. I might go and find a quiet space to read a book.”

With his arms down at his sides, his fingers tapped against his thighs as he studied me. “There anyone I need to take care of?”

These men were always willing to fight your demons.

No matter what kind they were.

“There’s no one.”

No one.

I’ve had no one love me like the love I see constantly around here. How Dad loves Mum, Coyote loves Channa, Texas loves Maya, and Wolf loves Ruin.

God, I sound pathetic.

Love wasn’t everything.

I could have a happy, single life.

I didn’t need a man, and I had to stop thinking about a certain rock star who didn’t remember I existed.

“Birdy—”

“Drake… sorry, I mean Dragon.” I had to remember he had a club name since he’d patched in as a full member. That was after two years of prospecting when he turned eighteen. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’m f—all right.” I glanced to the floor and up again, blowing out a silent breath. “I just have a lot going on with work.”

“Anythin’ I can help with?”

If Lockland hadn’t stolen my heart a long time ago and crushed it so it didn’t beat for anyone else, I could have given it to this kind man.

A blush bloomed over my cheeks at the thought.

What was up with me and thinking about Drake as more than a friend? You would have thought I’d learned my lesson by now.

I shook my head. “Thank you, but I’ll handle it.”

“What’s goin’ on?” Coyote asked with an easy smile as he wound an arm around his brother’s neck and pulled him close to mess Drake’s black hair.

Drake cursed and shoved at him. “Nothin’. Now you can kindly fuck off. Swan and I were talkin’.”

“Hey,” Maya called as she approached with Texas at her side holding her hand.

Drake groaned. Dropping his head back, he said, “All I need is Ruby to show up and?—”

“What are we talking about?”

At Ruby’s sudden appearance, I burst out laughing. Everyone stared.

I pressed a hand to my stomach and shook my head while I used the other to pat Drake’s shoulder. “Have fun. I’m off to tuck myself into a corner and finish the book I was reading earlier.”

Drake grinned and winked. “My job is done.” With that, he walked off.

“What was that about?” Coyote asked.

“Who knows when it comes to our brother,” Maya replied.

Ruby nodded. “He’s always been a bit strange.” She smiled and waved to her boyfriend, Dillon, who stood chatting with Talon and my dad.

Maya glanced to me just as I was trying to sneak off. “Do you know what Drake’s going on about? Does he have a job with you? I thought he was working in the garage?”

If I were to guess, he was referring to lifting my mood, but I wasn’t going to voice my thought. Maya and Coyote would only question me about why I’d been down in the first place, and I wasn’t rehashing my thoughts of her brother, my loneliness, and Lockland.

I shrugged. “I’m not sure what he’s saying. Sorry, and bye,” I said and quickly walked away.

I loved my friends, but I was more of a loner.

Books were also my friends.

They gave me what I wanted.

A way to shut off my mind.

To enter another world with other possibilities.

Which was why I’d recently completed my Master of Information Management after finishing my Bachelor of Information Studies to work alongside Mum in the library she managed.

The library was such a beautiful place to work.

I’d only been there for a year, which had flown by.

“Swan, hey. Hello,” Romania called as she raced up to me.

“Hi, Rommy. Are you here with Dodge and Low?”

She nodded, smiling. “Yep. I got to ride my bike down here. Dad nearly shit kittens when a car pulled out of the petrol station right in front of me.” She cackled. “The guy screamed like a banshee when Dad punched in his window to yell at him. Of course, Mum threw some words at him too. It was hard to hear though from the wind and roaring of the bikes. But still, it was funny. What’re you doing?”

I pulled out my phone. “Just sneaking off to read.”

She nodded. “Fair enough. Is it a shifter romance with knotting? Boy, are those books hot.” She fanned herself.

My eyes widened. Rommy was reading knotting romances. As the shock wore off, I reminded myself we were the same age; I just sometimes thought of her as younger.

“It’s not, but I’m always up for recommendations.”

Her smile brightened. “I’ll get a list together, and you can send me some too.” With a quick hug, she skipped off after saying, “Talk soon.”

I waved, not that she would have seen it as she raced up behind her brother, Texas, and jumped on his back.

Her spirit was such a soft and beautiful one. Though she definitely had a wicked side—at least when it came to her romantic reads, apparently.

Smiling to myself, I made my way out of the common room and down the hall towards the kitchen. I should get to know Rommy more. I didn’t even realise she loved reading. I supposed it was harder to be as close to her, like I was with Maya or Ruby, since she lived in Melbourne.

At the kitchen, I peeked inside and only saw a few of the old ladies, who belonged to brothers in the club, milling around. I stepped in, and all eyes went to me.

“One day you’re gonna want to spend time with a real man and not a fictional one,” Mum said with a smirk. The brothers of the club called her Hellmouth. She was quick to swear or snark at anyone she found a problem with. On my first day at the library, the other employees couldn’t believe I was the daughter of Deanna Daniels. We were nothing alike. Well, except for our fierce loyalty to our family and friends. Admittedly, she wasn’t my birth mother. When I’d asked why I didn’t call Deanna Mum, Dad explained to me it was because she hadn’t given birth to me and that my birth mother had passed away, but I could call Deanna Mum if I wanted.

Of course I’d wanted to.

She’d shown me nothing but love and support since I was two years old.

Rolling my eyes, I went to the counter and pinched a salad and meat roll off one of the trays. “I highly doubt it. Fictional men just do it better.” My face flamed at my own words. Mum, Zara, and Ivy laughed.

Emmy smiled softly at me and said, “Leave her be. I would join you if I had a book or my phone with me.”

Mum snorted. “Bullshit. You’ll be taking this bowl of salad back out to the common room and curling up with your man.”

Emmy’s chin tipped up. “Ryan’s out on a job with Violet actually.”

“But I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” Mum teased.

“I’m not joined at the hip with him. I can have time away.”

“Honey, we’re all just as obsessed as you are. There’s nothing wrong with it,” Ivy said, and the women laughed.

“Anyway,” I said, giving Emmy a quick grateful smile. “You know where I’ll be.” I started for the hallway that’d take me into the garage. “I’ll come see you before I leave,” I called.

Entering through the workshop, I made my way to the office. Since it was Sunday, the mechanics business wasn’t operating, so the office was the best quiet place I’d found over the years. And thankfully, gatherings on any other day of the week were held mostly after hours, so again, I got to hide out in there.

Once inside, I took my seat and unwrapped my sandwich as I kicked my feet up on the counter.

This was what I called a good time.