Chapter 24 Dillan
DILLAN
Sometimes you have to make a decision to embrace the fear in order to sustain the peace.
—Dillan’s Secret Thoughts
Mom
Your father is out of town for the next two days, and I have vanilla bean ice cream, super sweet strawberries, and homemade chocolate syrup. Who wants to watch The Wizard of Oz with me?
Lilah
Homemade as in you made it?
Dillan
That could legit be the deal-breaker, Mom.
Mom
Why?
Lilah
Let’s just say you should leave the baking to Amelia.
Mom
I can melt chocolate, Lilah.
Dillan
Can you though? I’m pretty sure you burned it last year.
Mom
That was one time, and your father distracted me. He won’t be here, but I’m hoping my daughters will be.
Dillan
I can come after work. Want me to pick up sandwiches from The Busy Bee?
Lilah
Ohh . . . yes! Can I have a chicken Caesar salad wrap with truffle fries and a strawberry shake?
Mom
Sweetie . . .
Lilah
I’m thirty-three weeks pregnant. Not a word.
Mom
I was just going to say that sounds great.
Dillan
Sure you were.
Mom
So you’ll both come?
Dillan
See you at six, Mom.
Lilah
Want to pick me up? I barely fit behind the damn wheel these days.
Dillan
Sure. I’ll swing by after I pick up the food.
Mom
Love you girls.
Lilah
There’s no place like home!
Dillan
Kiss ass.
“Hey, baby.” Rome walks into the kitchen, where I’m nursing my coffee, and drops a kiss on my head before he wipes his face with the bottom of his T-shirt, giving me a delicious glimpse of his abdominals. God bless the way this man runs every morning.
“Morning,” I murmur, reminding myself I do not have time to ravage him today.
He pulls a premade protein shake from the fridge and shakes it up. “What’s with the face?”
Oops. Guess I was making it obvious. “Just thinking about how much I’d like to drop to my knees right now, but I can’t.
” I look at the time on my phone. “I don’t have time.
I’ve got a Zoom meeting scheduled with my editor in thirty minutes, and I need to take it at the shop because Kaleigh needed today off. ”
“Baby,” he whines as he moves in front of me. “It’s not nice to tease a man like that.”
“Sorry.” I shrug and smile. “You’ve got to get to Crucible anyway.”
“I’ll always have time for you on your knees, Dillan.” Pretty sure he’s not lying about that. And yes, that thought makes me so damn happy, I kinda wonder who I am and what I did with the real Dillan Ryan.
I shove my laptop in my bag and grab an apple from the bowl on the counter before I press my lips to his and back up, already tempted to take this further than I have time for. “I’m going to be late tonight.”
“Oh yeah? Everything okay?” he asks as he pulls me back to him, and fuck if I don’t go willingly because this man is impossible to resist.
I nod and close my eyes, inhaling him for a moment. “Promised Mom and Lilah I’d come over for dinner and a little Wizard of Oz.”
“Like ‘Follow the Yellow Brick Road’?” he asks and lifts me up, planting my ass on the counter so we’re almost at the same height. God, I love the way this man manhandles me. It probably shouldn’t be hot, but it really is. Who knew . . . ?
“Yup,” I smile and press another kiss to the corner of his lips.
“It’s our thing. Always has been. When we were little and Dad would be traveling with the team, Mom would put it on and pop popcorn, then while it was still hot, she’d toss in a handful of chocolate chips so they could melt.
Dad and the boys hated the movie, so even when Noah and Asher were home, they never watched it with us.
But Lilah and I loved it and loved having the girl time with Mom.
I kinda can’t wait to watch it in a few years after Lilah has her baby and she’s old enough to enjoy it too. ”
“So your dad and brothers won’t be there?” he asks, but I can tell he wants to say something else.
I run a finger over his lips and shake my head. “Nope. Just us girls. Why? You thinking about crashing girls’ night?”
I can think of a few ways to make better use of the chocolate.
“No, that’s all you.” His tone grows serious, and my spine straightens, suddenly unsure where he’s going. “But can I ask you something?”
“Well that doesn’t sound good,” I tell him and watch as something flashes on Rome’s face. Something that makes me uncomfortable. “Just say it, whatever it is.”
I brace for the hit I fear is coming, but Rome runs a soft hand over my hair, soothing my nerves.
“Have you considered talking to your mom and sister about your career or why you want to keep your identity quiet? I’m not going to tell you what to do, but, Dillan, you should be so damn proud of yourself, and I know your family. They would also be so proud of you.”
“I don’t need them to be proud,” I insist, even though I think part of me does. It’s just . . . Fear is so much stronger than the hope I have that they’d understand. “I have thought about it. Honestly, more lately than ever before. I just . . . I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“Why?” he pushes, and I bristle momentarily before pushing my reaction away and giving him room to answer.
Old habits die hard, but I’m trying.
“Because you deserve to live your truth, Dillan. And your mom and sister might just become your biggest allies.” He kisses my temple. “After me, of course. You did something amazing, baby. They might be able to help you deal with it if you tell them instead of lying by omission.”
“I don’t like it when you’re right,” I admit with a pout because, damn it, he is right, and it’s annoying. “But that’s not me saying I’m ready to talk to them about this. Just that I’ll think about it.”
His smile is both parts victor and devil. “You could always punish me when you get home, if it makes you feel better.”
My body perks up with that thought.
Visions of Rome tied up and at my mercy flood my mind. Hmmm . . .
“I’m not sure I’d know how to punish you,” I tease and let my mind run wild.
“So long as it ends with you kissing me to make it better, I’m game.” He captures my mouth with his, and I moan into the kiss, wishing I didn’t have to leave this happy bubble we have within these walls. Ignorance is bliss.
I pull back and smile against his mouth. “See you tonight, handsome.”
“Any idea why Mom called in a Wizard of Oz night?” Lilah asks as she roots through The Busy Bee bag for another fry.
“Dude. We’ll be at Mom’s in three minutes. Stop eating in my car.”
I’m only half serious, but it’s kinda fun to tease her.
Lilah’s eyes well up like I just said she has a fat ass, and there goes my fun. “Whatever,” she grumbles and folds the bag.
“Whatever,” I grumble back at her like we’re six years old. “I don’t know anything either. Your guess is as good as mine.”
She lifts the damn bag and sniffs it like she hasn’t eaten in days, and I give in.
“Fine. But do not get french fries and salt all over my car,” I bitch, hoping she listens.
I never eat in my car.
“Like I’m going to let a single fry go to waste,” she snaps and happily pops another one in. “So how are things with you and Romeo?”
I side-eye her. “Been dying to use that all day, haven’t you?”
“More like the entire past two months,” she giggles. “Now spill before we get to Mom’s. I want the real version. Like everything you’re not going to tell Mom. How does he kiss?”
“What?” I ask, turning my head quickly because I’m so caught off guard. Lilah and I don’t talk like this. Not to each other. “I mean . . .” I stumble over my words. “He’s a good kisser.”
How the heck am I supposed to answer that?
“Come on . . . I’m pregnant and hormonal. Humor me. Is he a face grabber? Killian’s a face grabber, and man, do I love it.”
Jesus, she sounds like . . . What does she sound like?
She’s a woman in love and in lust with her husband.
Why would I begrudge her that?
I think about the way Rome kisses me. About the way he kissed me this morning.
“You’re blushing, little sister,” she teases, and I smile.
“He’s a really good kisser,” I finally give in and share.
“And yeah, he’s a face grabber.” And then, just because I love thinking of him, I add, “He also really likes picking me up to move me where he wants me.” I’m not sure if that’s oversharing or not because this is kinda weird and new territory for us.
“Oh yeah,” she moans around another fry. “It’s a fighter thing. It’s like they have those big muscles and love to show them off.” She sighs a dreamy sound and lays her head back against the headrest as she stares at me. “I love that for us.”
I can’t help my smile. “Yeah . . . me too,” I admit as we pull into Mom and Dad’s driveway.
“You ready for this?” she asks, like she knows something I don’t, and suddenly, I’m not sure I am.
“Should we be worried Lilah’s going to put herself into a sugar coma?” I ask Mom an hour later. My sister has always liked sweets, but at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if she just took a spoon to the chocolate ganache, which thankfully, my mother didn’t make. She picked it up from Amelia.
“Let her embrace it,” Mom tells me as she sits down beside me. “I’m pretty sure it’s the first time in your sister’s life she’s ever let herself indulge.” I bristle at her words, only I think this time Mom notices. “Sweetheart, not all of us are blessed with your metabolism.”
“Blessed.” I laugh softly. “Never really looked at it that way before.”
“Why not? Lord, Dillan, you’re beautiful.” She runs her fingers through my hair and smiles at me. “You look so much like your father, it hurts. You’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen.”
“Mom.” I shrug her off, uncomfortable with the attention.
“What?” She looks at me like I’m crazy. “It’s true.” She wipes a tear I hadn’t realized had fallen from my cheek. “Dillan . . .”
Lilah walks back into the kitchen and looks at me in horror. “Mom . . . what did you say?”
“I—” Mom starts and stops, looking at me. “I’m not sure.”
“Nothing,” I tell them both. “Mom didn’t say anything. It’s me.”