Chapter 25 Dillan
DILLAN
What do you want more than anything else in the world?
You.
—Text from Dillan to Rome.
Iwalk inside the house later that night, completely spent and emotionally wrung out in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever been before.
But also feeling strangely good about it, like a weight’s been lifted.
I’m not naive enough to think I did this on my own.
I had help, and I’m a woman on a mission to find my helper.
“Rome,” I call out as I walk around the cabin, coming up empty.
He’s not in the office or the gym. The first floor is empty.
Sports Center isn’t even playing on the television.
From here, I can see the lofted bedroom is empty and dark.
Maybe he’s in the shower . . . By the time I get halfway up the open staircase, I can see the bathroom door open and feel the cool breeze chilling the air.
What in the world?
As I step into the bedroom, Rome comes into focus through the open balcony doors, seated on the chaise lounge. The blanket from his bed is wrapped around his shoulders, and binoculars are in his hands as he stares up at the starry sky.
“Hey, stellina.” He smiles, and I melt. “Come here.”
He opens his arms and makes room for me in front of him as I slide into his body and let him wrap me in the blanket, my back against his chest and my head against his shoulder. Body to body, fitting together like two puzzle pieces. Rome kisses my temple, and I hum in unbelievable contentment.
“What are you doing out here?” I ask, gazing up at him as he stares at the stars.
“The aurora borealis is supposed to be passing by tonight. Thought I’d watch.”
My heart skips a beat, and I fall a little harder.
“How was dinner with your mom and sister?” He tucks the blanket around us, and his heat envelops me even as the cool wind whips against my cheeks.
“I talked to them . . .” I whisper and let the words drift away with the wind.
“Yeah . . . ?” He holds me a little tighter, his hands smoothing up and down my arms. “You okay?”
Am I okay?
I’ve basically been asking myself that since I dropped Lilah back off at her house.
I’m not sure how I expected the conversation to go, but I’m pretty sure it went better than I’d hoped.
“I think I am . . .” I tell him softly, leaning my head against his cheek. “You were right. I needed to do that. Thank you for giving me the push I needed.”
“Does that mean it went well?” He turns and presses a kiss to the top of my head, and an almost irrational sense of security washes over me.
“There were a lot of tears . . . from all of us, but I think we understand each other a little better than we did before.” I kiss his jaw and wrap my arms around his waist. “I told them about the books.”
“Damn, you really went for it, baby.” Rome’s voice is soft and teasing and so perfectly him.
I love that he doesn’t harp on what I haven’t shared yet. Just supports what I have.
“I did.” I settle into his embrace and relax with his warmth and spicy scent invading every single one of my senses. “My mom asked if she could set up a meeting with her agent and publicist. She thinks I need a team to protect me, whether I choose to out myself or not.”
“And do you think you need that?” How can he be this perfect, and how did I never see it? “Do you even want that?”
God, this man.
“Thank you for not telling me what to do. Thank you for asking me what I want and how I feel.” I slide over to his side and curl up in a ball next to him, my cheek to his chest, and an arm thrown over his abdomen, just like we lie in bed.
Letting his closeness ground me in the chaos currently roaring loudly in my head. Letting him be my peace.
“You don’t need another person telling you what to do, Dillan. You know what you want. My job is to remind you to follow your gut and keep you safe while you do it.”
“And exactly how long do you think you’re going to continue enjoying this job?” I ask hesitantly and slide my cold hand under his sweatshirt, loving the way his muscles bunch under the touch of my cool skin against his. “How long until it gets old?”
He covers my hand with his and moves it over his hard dick. “Pretty sure this is one of those things, kinda like a royal title. It’s bestowed on you for life,” he murmurs with his lips pressed against my temple.
“Sounds almost noble,” I tease.
“I wouldn’t go that far.” He slides my hand down his body and over his hard cock. “Just a man who wants you happy and who always fucking wants you.”
I squeeze and feel my clit throb as Rome groans.
“I told her to set up the meeting,” I tell him, backtracking to answer his question as I stroke him through his sweats. “I’m going to meet them before we leave for your fight.”
“You sure you want to come with me?” He drops his head back against the chair and closes his eyes as he breathes in and out in time with my hand.
Fuck, that’s hot. “It’s being broadcast internationally.
The press is going to be all over. The entire ticket is stacked, and my fight is the main event. ”
“I’m coming.” I don’t hesitate. Don’t give myself time to think it through or chicken out.
“If we’re going to be together, I have to learn to deal with the publicity that comes with it at some point.
I’m not saying I want to willingly put myself out there constantly, but if it matters to you, I’ll be there because I’m not letting them win. I’m not giving you up, Beneventi.”
“Keep talking like that, and we’re going to miss the sky, stellina.”
“Your nicknames are growing on me, psycho.” I turn in his arms and kiss him so thoroughly, I never want to stop. “All of them.”
“You are my Theia, Dillan. My goddess of the fucking sky. The star I worship. Fuck, baby. I love you.”
My world stops spinning, and my balance wobbles as gravity ceases to exist, and I stare up at him in shock.
Unsure how this beautiful man can love me. “How can you love me? I’m such a mess.”
“Show me someone who isn’t a mess, and I’ll show you someone wearing a mask.
We’re all broken, Dillan. No one makes it through this life unscathed.
It’s how you live that determines who you are and what life you lead.
And you, baby, are so fucking strong and beautiful and kind .
. . You’re the best of us, and I’m going to keep telling you that—showing you that—until you start believing it too. ”
I sit up, throwing my legs over Rome’s lap and take his face in my hands. “I’ve never felt as seen, as real, or as whole as I do when I’m with you. Like I was made to be yours. Like it was written in the stars.”
“Because it was.” He takes my lips with his, and I sink into him, loved and safe and happier than I ever thought possible.
“I love you, Rome.”
“I know,” my cocky psycho answers back, and I smile against his lips.
The first flakes of snow fall around us, but we don’t move as the sky above changes color. Dark pinks and purples swirl together and take my breath away, reminding me of just how small and insignificant we really are in the universe.
How lucky we are to be here, in this moment.
To have found each other, not once but twice.
And it’s then that some fractured part of my heart heals in a way I didn’t know it needed. Because Rome Beneventi loves me, and I think I’m finally ready to accept that I also love myself.
Iwake the next morning to a text from Mom.
Mom
Any chance you’re free tomorrow afternoon?
I look at the shop’s calendar and smile. Kaleigh’s in the rest of this week, so I should be good.
Dillan
I think that should work. What time?
Mom
Two?
Dillan
Okay. Your house?
Mom
Unless you want us to come to yours.
My house . . . Is this my house?
My mind whirls as I think about all the steps Rome and I jumped over to get here and hope like hell we didn’t screw ourselves in the process by moving too fast.
Dillan
I’ll come to you.
Mom
Will Rome be with you?
Dillan
At two? No. He’s in camp, Mom. His fight is this weekend.
Mom
Oh, that makes sense. Okay. You come to my house, and my agent and publicist will be here. Do you want them to sign NDAs?
Dillan
Where do I get NDAs?
Mom
It’s up to you, sweetheart. Your aunt’s firm still handles all that stuff for me.
I’m sure she could take care of it for you too.
But that’s telling another person, and I don’t want to push you into anything you might not be ready for.
I promised you this all happens on your time.
Your father and I are here to support you, however you need.
I hadn’t thought about NDAs, but now that I have, I’m mad at myself for ignoring the obvious need. One more person knowing doesn’t feel like the end of the world, but it feels like one more chance of my secret blowing up in my face, and I’m not sure which is worse.
But what alternative do I have?
I don’t know another lawyer.
Dillan
Okay. But please ask her not to say anything.
Mom
You can’t ask her to keep that from your uncle, honey.
Dillan
But if they both know, there’s no way Jamie doesn’t find out, and then we’re basically writing it in the sky with one of those planes you see on the beach in the summer.
I wish I was exaggerating, but I’m not. This town is the definition of six degrees of separation, and every degree has a bigger mouth than the last.
Dillan
How long have you worked with your team?
Mom
Twenty years.
Dillan
Do you trust them?
Mom
Yes. Implicitly.
Dillan
Okay. No NDAs. I’ll see you tomorrow.