29. Monroe
twenty-nine
Monroe
Mid-October
T he first game of the pre-season was on home soil. Well, home ice anyway. The rink was packed to the rafters. The crowd was chanting louder than anything I’d ever heard before. I was buzzing. The whole arena was. It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. Seals fans were officially nuts in the best possible way.
I was probably the worst of them.
My voice was hoarse, and my ears were ringing. I was riding a high, and it wasn’t even me on the ice.
Our guy was out there, and I wanted everyone in that stadium to know he was the best around. I may have been a little biased, but I wasn’t the only one—Cara was just as blinded by his light.
It wasn’t only us either. The arena was full of fans chanting his name. They meant the world to Alec. He was a private person; he hated being in the limelight. But he’d do anything for his fans.
But it was no longer out of a desperation to be accepted. A hell of a lot of therapy had given him the tools to disassociate public opinion from his fears of abandonment. He wanted to contribute to his community, but he also didn’t want it to turn into a media storm. So he’d opted for doing it his way. Privately.
Alec had started volunteering at an LGBTQIA youth centre. He’d gone in there wanting to make a difference. His experiences weren’t unique, and he wanted to lend an ear to the ones who suffered the same fate as him and give them a soft landing. He wanted to help them achieve their dreams like his nan had done for him. But he also wanted to talk to them about the good things—living authentically and being proud of the person they saw in the mirror. It was an intensely personal thing for Alec, and I was so proud of him for taking the step.
He’d decided that coming out could wait. He just wanted to live his life and be happy. Some days he wanted to announce it to the world so kids could see themselves in him. Other days he enjoyed our runs together without all the speculation of whether or not we were together. One day he would come out, but he wasn’t ready yet, and that was okay. The social media trolls had made him gun-shy, and his therapist suggested going slow.
Alec had spent a lot of time over the summer with Gauthier, his agent, and Keeley. He’d helped out with projects they were working on—causes that were a little less personal for him—and his public perception was being repaired one good deed at a time. It sucked that he even needed to do it, but there were still so many people who didn’t believe Minns’s statement when he and Kam had finally come forward. The masses thought the team had forced them into it, then put Minns on the player assistance program. It had blown everything up again, and Cara and I were powerless to help, stuck on the other side of the world while waiting for our visas to come through. We’d hated every minute of being apart from Alec, but our relationship was stronger now. Talking did that for you.
But all the PR bullshit was working. There were thousands of number 10 jerseys in the crowd, and we all cheered harder when Alec’s name was announced.
Watching the team bring home the W was the icing on the cake.
The Seals were facing off against Las Vegas. It was a scrappy game, more of a dogfight than that easy grace I’d seen from them while playing Los Angeles. But it was a hard-fought victory, and it seemed all the sweeter for it.
The boys were clearly ecstatic. They’d worked hard to get back to peak performance before the beginning of the pre-season. Their fitness wasn’t their only focus either—gelling in their new roles had needed work too. Minns taking time away had necessitated a changeup in their lines. They were still settling into things, but they looked strong.
It was early days—literally the first pre-season game—but something in my gut told me this season was going to be good. Excellent, in fact. God forbid I actually voice anything out loud—these hockey players were ridiculously superstitious—but I didn’t need to say the words. All I had to do was close my eyes, and I could picture Gauthier hoisting that cup above his head, the team surrounding him as the crowd roared.
I wanted it for Alec. Hell, I wanted it for all the guys. The trip to Aus had started off rocky. Gauthier had admitted he’d been concerned about Alec’s safety, especially from Mironov and to a lesser extent Sawchuck. But as the trip progressed, they seemed to turn a corner. I’d noticed it too. They’d become less hostile toward Alec, and he’d unclenched.
Then, on the plane back home, Minns had admitted to the others that Alec and his wife weren’t cheating. He’d asked the team to keep the news private—he was going through some shit, and he needed to deal with it rather than stuffing it away like he had been. Minns had told them about going on leave, and he’d asked them to look after Alec because nothing was his fault. The team hadn’t pushed him to divulge details. Instead, they’d pulled together and supported both Alec and Minns.
It was the push Alec needed to really get past the hurt Minns and Kamirah had inflicted on him. He knew, deep down, that they were better off being teammates, and he wanted that back. Alec was determined to see Minns play again. I think Alec needed it as much as Minns did, and as queer guys in pro sports—even if Minns couldn’t admit it—Alec wanted to be there for him the same way Gauthier had been there for him.
The drive from the arena to Skyline—the team’s official celebration partner located in one of the tallest buildings in San Diego—was short and loud. We had a carful of people, all of us high from the Seals’ win, ready to get their party on. Minns had ferried us around in his giant SUV, but even though he had been at the game, cheering for the team right next to us, he didn’t stay. He wanted to let the boys keep bonding with their linemates.
Now all we needed to really get the celebration started was for Alec and Gauthier to finally arrive. They’d been the star players tonight, so they’d been asked to front the media after the game.
I wrapped Cara a little tighter in my arms and looked around the bar in the clouds. The view during the day was incredible, and at night it was magical. The city sprawled out below us and to the east, lights as far as the eye could see. To the darkened west was the Pacific, only the moonlight reflecting off its surface.
I couldn’t believe my life—I wanted to pinch myself most days. If I’d been asked about my plans six months ago, I would have said work, a trip up north fishing for barramundi in the Gulf or on the Reef, and time with Zali and her boys. Instead, I was standing in a bar with a bunch of professional hockey players, their partners, and the odd flatmate.
In San Diego.
“Mum looks like she’s having fun, doesn’t she?” Cara commented, a smile in her voice.
I nodded and grinned. “She absolutely does.”
Carina was good people. I credited her with smoothing things over with David, Cara’s dad, for us. Cara was an adult—he couldn’t very well stop her from leaving the country—but none of us wanted her relationship with him to suffer any more than it already had because of his actions. Understandably, he was worried about her moving halfway across the world with two men he’d never even heard of, one of whom was old enough to be her father.
But Carina had defended Cara, and her absolute faith in our girl had gone a long way toward alleviating his fears. She’d also told him what Cara’s true passion was, a secret that came as no surprise to David. He not only insisted on helping finance Cara’s living expenses while she was trying to get her writing career off the ground, but he also gifted her a third of the money for the house.
It helped that Carina was spending time in the US too. But none of us, including Carina, expected that she’d end up in San Diego. She’d gone to stay with Gauthier’s parents in Seattle. But a week after Carina had arrived, Sophia had received a call from her mother. Her father had fallen and broken his hip and would need months of rehab as well as emergency home renovations so he could return home after his operation. Gauthier’s parents had hopped straight on a plane back to Canada. Carina didn’t want to be alone in Seattle, so she’d accepted Jacques’s invitation to spend the summer with him and his flatmates.
Except I suspected they weren’t just friends at all—there was something more going on between them if the way they looked at each other like their next meal was anything to go by. Every time we’d seen them in the weeks we’d been here, both Gauthier and his friends had doted on Carina, and the sexual tension between the four of them was so thick, it was palpable. Alec and I both had a feeling it was because Gauthier, Trav, and Rusty were showing Carina exactly how gorgeous they thought she was. Carina’s smile was multiplied tenfold on Cara—she was ecstatic that her mum was smiling again.
“Do you like it here?” I asked Cara, not just referring to the bar.
She looked out over the lights of the city, and a slow smile tilted her lips up. She was radiant.
“I love living here. The city is incredible. I love how we can explore it together and find new things every time.”
“The food is so good,” I agreed. But it was so much more than those little things. It was so much bigger than that. I was happy. We were happy.
Our life together was better than I could have ever imagined.
Coming home to Cara and Alec after a day at the marina was indescribable. I hadn’t realized how lonely my life had become before them. I’d missed living with people. I’d missed pillow talk and the intimacy that came with being in love. I’d missed that jittery feeling of butterflies swooping in my belly when I thought about Cara and Alec. I’d closed myself off after I’d lost Rosa and Ash. I’d been too scared to open myself up and be vulnerable again. I’d been watching my life pass me by. I’d simply been existing. I wasn’t thriving. I wasn’t even really living. I was merely there. Each day I put one foot in front of the other and just plodded along.
I’d been young when I’d fallen for Rosa, and after losing her and Ash, I’d been deep in an abyss. My heart had been broken, shattered in the worst possible way. I was a shell of a man. I was hollow inside. I hadn’t seen daylight for a decade.
Then Zali became involved with Tarnished Crown. They’d discovered the truth of what had happened and given me back my boy. I’d been able to say goodbye to him. I’d found peace. I’d begun healing.
Then I’d met Cara.
She was like sunshine after a rainy day. She filled my life with rainbows of the most spectacular colours. From the moment I met her, I knew she was special. She taught me that I was capable of falling in love again.
At first, I hadn’t understood what my feelings for Alec were. It’d started off as helping Cara feel comfortable, showing her the ropes of sorts, which I had been, but I’d fallen for him at the same time.
The want and the need to touch him had sideswiped me, knocking me flat on my ass. But what we had was real and true. He’d taught me something about myself that I’d never even known existed—I had a serious thing for tall, dark, and broody hockey players. Who knew?
We were like pineapple on pizza—perfect. Some people hated it, but we didn’t give a fuck what they thought. We worked. We laughed, we loved, and we were happy. They were it for me. They were my whole heart.
Now we were living together halfway across the world, and it was incredible. Being in the US was an adventure. We were having a blast. I’d found work straight away, and the company I worked for wasn’t half bad.
It hadn’t taken long to find a place together too. It was close enough to both the marina and the practice rink but out of the main part of town in a more residential part of the city. It suited us to a T. We were at home there from the moment we’d walked in the front door. Actually, it was from the moment we turned into the drive.
The yard was private. The house was beautiful. Every room along the western part of the house had uninterrupted views of the Pacific Ocean. Cara’s eyes had lit up when she saw the outlook from the office. She instantly went to the desk and touched it reverently. She looked at me with wonder in her eyes and said, “This is where I want to write my bestseller.” I’d known it was home.
Cara had proven herself right—she’d finished her book, and it was full of all the feels. I’d devoured it in one sitting. She’d reached out to a few agents and was about to sign a contract that would change her life. I couldn’t wait.
Alec couldn’t get past the primary bedroom. Every house we’d looked at was clearly made for two people—two closets, two sinks, two towel hooks. But this one was different. It had his and hers closets in the primary bedroom, and a third reserved for shoes. But renovations were easy. So was adding a third sink to the attached bathroom’s countertop.
I didn’t care about all that, but I did care about Alec’s reaction. He’d exhaled and closed his eyes. His smile was serene when he said that he could see us waking up there every morning. Then the agent showed us the courtyard garden. It was surrounded on three sides by high trees, including a eucalypt of all things. The gardens drew our eyes down to the ocean beyond. It was peaceful and completely private, somewhere Alec could go to recharge. I knew he’d found his place in the world—with us in this oceanfront oasis. It was as if a weight sitting on his shoulders had lifted. He’d smiled again, and I’d swallowed the lump of emotion that got caught in my throat.
Then I’d told the agent that we wanted it.
It was only when I’d walked down to the bottom of the yard to the ocean that our home really called to me. I’d dipped my fingers into the waves lapping at the sandy shoreline and closed my eyes. Asher’s voice filled my ears like he was standing next to me. We were on the opposite side of the ocean to where we’d spread his ashes, but he’d been right there. The connection between us was stronger than it had been since I’d lost him. It was as if the water was a conduit, bringing us closer together. It bridged the continents separating us. I hadn’t had any doubts that the house was for us, but Asher’s blessing had stolen my breath and left me a shaking mess.
“What are you thinking about?” Cara asked me, twisting in my arms until her back was to the view.
She fingered the leather strap around my throat. Suspended from it was a smoothed pebble Asher had found on the beach one day that we’d taken home and drilled a hole through. I thought he’d lost it. But he’d found a leather strap and wrapped the present, ready for my birthday. Ry was holding onto it, and he gave it to me after we’d lost Ash. He’d wanted to surprise me. I’d worn it every day since.
“Us. Ash.” I looked down at her and smiled, the sharp pain of losing him tempered by the sheer joy of having Cara and Alec in my life.
I touched her chin, lifting her lips up to meet mine, and I kissed her tenderly. She tasted of the strawberry daiquiri she’d been drinking, and I was instantly addicted. I tangled my tongue with hers and drew her closer, pressing myself against her soft curves. We broke apart, and I nuzzled her cheek and added, “I love it here with you and Alec, sweet girl. I love our life together. I still can’t believe that the universe gave me a second chance at happiness.”
“You deserved it,” she whispered.
“He deserved what?” Alec asked as he slid in behind Cara and wrapped an arm around her waist. This bar was one of our safe spaces, one of the few places in town that we freely exercised PDA.
Alec kissed Cara soundly, their mouths melding together in a slow dance. I loved watching them. They were so different, but that’s what made them perfect for each other. Cara was sunshine and happiness, and Alec was like a flower reaching up to capture the rays, slowly unfurling and coming alive. He still had his days when he second-guessed his self-worth, but his therapist helped. He was working hard to eliminate the rejection and isolation he’d struggled with for years.
Cara and I did what we could to help. We made sure we showed one another how we felt, and every chance I had, I told them that I loved them. I never wanted Alec or Cara to question what either of them meant to me again. Seeing him in the airport that day, hurting after I’d walked away from them, was something I never wanted to repeat.
I reached for him and tugged the tie free from his hair, letting the soft strands fall around his face. I loved him like that—mussed up, naked, and sleepy was my favourite Alec—but dressed in his suit and tie, he was a knockout.
Cara broke their kiss and smoothed her hand down his tie. Her voice was warm and her smile loving when she responded, saying, “A second chance at happiness. Just like you deserve too.”
Alec cupped her face and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. He breathed her in and turned his gaze to mine. Our eyes locked, and something so much deeper than desire passed through me. It was adoration. It was love and commitment and a promise to be there for one another.
I mouthed the words to Alec, and his eyes lit up, happiness dancing in them. He whispered, “I love you too.”
He grasped my nape and pulled me closer. Then he pressed a slow kiss to my lips, and I melted, needing to get closer to him. I parted for him, our tongues tangling as I explored his mouth. He tasted of mints and that underlying flavour that was so uniquely him. My heart sang and my breath caught. I held Cara tighter, never wanting us to be apart.
They’d put me back together again. They’d mended my jagged pieces. Cara was my sunshine. If Alec was a flower, I was a butterfly. I’d been a chrysalis, trapped in a state of flux. I was neither my old self nor the person I wanted to be. But Cara came along and kickstarted my emergence. Alec taught me to spread my wings, and Cara’s light and warmth gave me the strength to fly. And that’s exactly what I’d been doing from the moment we worked things out. I was riding a high that had lasted for months, and I didn’t see us coming down any time soon. Life was only getting better.
Alec was the first to break away. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes glassy with desire. I wanted to find somewhere quiet to love on both of them, but we had plenty of time for that.
We had forever.
And they lived happily ever after.
***