Chapter 2 #2
“That’s okay,” I said. “We’ll get you next time.
Hey, do you like lemon meringue? One of our bartenders gave me a whole batch of it yesterday and I won’t be able to eat it all, so it’s just been sitting in the fridge.
Help yourself if you want some. You can help yourself to anything in here, actually. What’s mine is now yours.”
“Um. Sure. Thank you.” He looked up at me, then at Shea, who was scrolling on his phone. “Shea?”
“Hm?” Shea raised his brows and turned his attention to his brother.
“I only saw two rooms, and I…are you—” He flushed, and Shea leaned forward, blocking Beau from my sight.
“Am I what?” he asked gently.
Beau’s voice was soft and quiet. “Where will you be sleeping? Are you—do you and Lea—”
“Oh, god, no, I would never sleep with Lea,” Shea said in an offended tone.
“Why not? I’m the best little spoon in the business,” I retorted.
Shea ignored me. “I’ll be staying at Monroe’s for a few days, then I have to go up to Newark for a little bit for work.
I had to switch with Moe so I could make it to the funeral.
I’m not around a lot, though, especially during the summer.
I’m going out to sea for two months after I get back from Newark, so you’ll have the room all to yourself. ”
There was a long, long pause, and if Shea and I had been alone, I would’ve smacked him upside the head for not telling Beau he’d hardly ever be here.
I was coming to realize the divide between these two was much deeper than I thought, and my heart ached for them.
It would be ideal if Shea didn’t have to travel so much during the summer for work.
The timing of Beau moving here was suboptimal, to say the least.
I’d have to make up for his absence.
I wished I could see Beau’s face right now, was telepathically trying to get Shea to sit back again, when his incredulous words slipped softly past his lips. “You’re not going to be here?”
Shea worked for the Blue Harbor Institute of Ocean Sciences and was at sea doing research far more than he was on shore. He traveled up and down the coast a lot, too. Beau didn’t know that, either?
Shea scooted closer to Beau, and I was finally able to see him again. His eyes were wide and fearful, his face pale. He was staring at Shea like he’d just shoved a knife in his gut.
Shea placed his hand on top of Beau’s trembling fingers.
“I’ll be here sometimes, but work is really busy over the summer and I’m not usually on shore or here in town most of the time.
I tried to get someone to cover for me this week, but no one was available.
I’m so sorry, Beau, but I promise you I’ll be here every chance I get.
And after summer’s over, things will slow down and I’ll be around a lot more. You’ll get sick of me really fast.”
Beau’s eyes abruptly cut to mine, startling me. He had such expressive eyes—well, his entire demeanor was expressive, actually. But those big brown eyes were brimming with uncertainty that bordered on pure panic.
I smiled at him, hoping it was reassuring, and when he flushed the deepest scarlet, I was now the one averting my gaze because fuck.
I wasn’t sure how this was going to work out, given the fact that my first meeting with Beau had been fueled by an intense attraction to him. I could cry all I wanted about how I didn’t know he was Shea’s brother at the time, but it didn’t change the fact that it’d happened.
And there was no way in hell I was ever telling Shea that. Unless Beau already told him? It didn’t seem like it.
Well, if he wanted to, he could, but I wasn’t going to mention it first. No, I would just let this momentary…thing, whatever it was, fade away. No one needed to know.
I sighed and leaned back in my chair.
This little meet-and-greet was getting painful. Not for me, no. I could thrive in any social situation, no matter how reserved someone was. In fact, the more reserved they were, the more I enjoyed trying to bring them out of their shell.
But it was evident that Beau would rather be anywhere else than here with us, and he’d had a long day of travel—on top of dealing with the death of his mom—so I gave him an out.
I slapped my thighs and said loudly, “Well! How about we call it a night and let Beau get back to unpacking. You’re probably really exhausted.” I lifted a brow at Beau. “Just let me know if you need anything, okay? I’m right next door.”
Beau turned thankful eyes to me and stood up, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. “Yeah, sorry. I will. Thanks again, Lea, it was really nice to—to meet you.”
With his head down and shoulders bowed, like he was trying to seem as small as possible, he walked out of the room and disappeared down the hall.
I stared hard at Shea, who was scrolling on his phone. “Shea.”
He grunted.
“Shea bae.”
“Mm.”
“My Shea-rona.”
“What?” He finally looked at me.
“I really don’t think he wants to be here, hon.”
“Where else is he gonna go? Riley and I are staying with Monroe now, and I refuse to even consider Monroe. He’d scare the shit out of Beau.
Can you just…” Shea’s shoulders slumped and he let his head fall to the back of the couch, closing his eyes.
He sighed. “Please. Please just play nice. I’ll find him his own place when summer is over, but in the meantime, just…
” He shook his head, rolling it against the plush cushion.
I stood up. “You know I would do anything for you. I don’t mind him being here, I was just saying. You want him to be comfortable, but he’s clearly not.”
“I don’t think he even knows how to be, honestly.” The weary resignation in his voice tugged at my shriveled empathy.
“Well, I promise to put clothes on and be as nice as I can. But I can’t promise he won’t be bothered anyway.”
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “Thanks.”
The atmosphere in here was way too dour. “Come on. Let’s go get drunk and listen to some cover bands.”
“They’re so good!” Riley shouted over the loud music. His eyes were lit up as he watched the duo on stage sing “Whiskey Lullaby”—probably one of the most depressing songs ever—and he had a big smile on his face.
I loved him.
Riley was our resident himbo, had the personality of a golden retriever, and was just as consistently happy as one. Of course he would be grinning while listening to this song.
Shea nudged my arm, and when I looked at him, he slid his gaze down the bar with a little head nod. “That guy’s been eyeing you up all night.”
Oh, I was very aware, but I was playing disinterested at the moment. That always ramped up their interest, really made them sweat, made them want it more.
I’d been sneaking him annoyed little looks every now and then, like I found his attention irritating.
I didn’t. I definitely didn’t.
He was exactly the type of man I needed to help me forget that I’d come on way too strong to my best friend’s brother.
“I know,” I said to Shea. “I’ll get him when I’m ready.”
Shea just laughed and shook his head. He leaned over and said something to Monroe, who was glowering at the singers on stage.
Monroe was the yang to Riley’s yin, the grumpiest of grumps to ever grump, and I loved the prickly fucker.
He was one of the most loyal, generous, hard-working people I’d ever met, and we ran this bar like nobody’s business.
Customers loved our dynamic, and I loved that Monroe took care of all the boring parts of running a bar.
I got to be the face of the business and manage the front while he slummed it in the back office.
Although that’s probably not how he would describe it.
He loved being tucked away, controlling everything behind the scenes.
I watched the duo sing the final “la la las” of the song and sipped at my drink. When I felt a hand against my lower back, I smiled.
“I need to clear something up with you,” a deep voice said near my ear. I suppressed a shiver and turned just enough to let his lips brush against my cheek.
“And what would that be?”
The man from down the bar stepped closer, pressing his chest into my back. His hand dipped an inch lower. “I just gotta know if you taste as good as you look,” he murmured into my skin.
As far as pick-up lines went, it wasn’t the worst I’d ever heard, but I wasn’t interested in his conversational skills anyway.
I leaned back and tilted my head. “Maybe I’ll let you find out.”
He smiled, and it was adorably lopsided. “My place or yours?”
“Where are you staying?” No way in hell would I bring anyone home with Beau here now, and most of the people who came here during the summer were just vacationing, which was in my favor.
I didn’t hook up with the same person twice, so having a constant influx of new men to satisfy my needs was a huge advantage of living in Blue Harbor.
“Rented a house on Arbor Lane.”
“Divinely close, you’re perfect.”
His laugh was deep and rough. “Let’s go then.”
Say no more, sexy stranger.
“Maybe next time you’ll actually listen to the person you’re having sex with!” I shouted, pulling my shirt on over my head. “God forbid someone has preferences!”
“Yeah, you prefer to be a fuckin’ tease!” The bastard slammed the door shut behind me, so hard it rattled in its frame. There was muffled shouting from behind the door that gradually faded as he walked away.
What a goddamn prick.
I paused at the top of the porch stairs, patted my pockets to make sure I had my wallet and keys, then jogged down the stone steps as I muttered insults under my breath.
I really knew how to pick them, didn’t I? And since when did no mean eh, that’s just a suggestion, right?
Ugh. I grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it to scrub at my mouth. He’d basically suction-cupped his lips to mine. Even if I wanted to kiss someone—which I didn’t—it definitely wouldn’t be like that.
Was it so hard to respect someone’s wishes? Was it seriously that goddamn hard?
Don’t kiss me.
It was a simple request, one I gave to all my hookups.
Please don’t kiss me. Everything else is on the table.
I didn’t know if he had the memory of a goldfish or if he’d deliberately ignored my request, but it didn’t matter.
He’d put his mouth on mine when it was the one thing I’d explicitly—and repeatedly—told him not to do.
That was the last time I picked up a random guy at a random bar.
I mean, it probably wasn’t, but still. I needed to do a little more vetting before the heavy petting.
I let out a long breath, stuck my hands in my pockets, and turned left down Rothford Street.
Luckily the house my would’ve-been hookup was renting was only four blocks from my apartment. Soon enough I would be sitting on my couch, gorging myself on chocolate, and watching gloriously bad reality shows.
Whether I’d slept with that asshole or been at home watching reality TV, my night would’ve been a mindless blur of pleasure. An endless barrage of dopamine until I passed out, woke up, and did it all over again.
Anything to keep myself from thinking too hard. From letting my thoughts drift deeper to that miserable self-doubt. As long as I kept filling myself up with shallow indulgences, as long as I kept things light and close to the surface, then I was safe.
I closed my eyes and inhaled, catching the faint aroma of fried cake batter. A few blocks away screams of exhilaration punctured the night, coming in waves as the rides in the amusement park took their twists and turns.
Blue Harbor was the perfect place for me. Everyone came here chasing pleasure in some form or another, so it was full of hedonists like me.
Maybe not everyone. Not anymore.
Beau’s face flashed through my mind. No, he didn’t seem like the type to seek out momentary pleasures just for the thrill of it. He was a keeper, that one.
The thought unearthed an ache that never failed to torment me after nights like these, and lately, it was getting harder and harder to ignore. It was like a Charley horse of the soul, and never did it hurt more than when I was left with only myself.
It was a loneliness that was always there, waiting to find me at my most vulnerable moments. It was one of the reasons why I constantly looked for someone to spend the night with—outside of the fact that I loved sex, that was.
Even when I was with my friends, I felt like a critical piece of me was missing. And part of me knew I was denying myself that missing piece. That it was my own fault I was suffering this loneliness, that it was entirely self-imposed.
Ugh, fuck this sad sappy shit.
It was completely dark inside when I got home. Beau was asleep already? It was only eleven.
Well, the poor baby had had a long day, so it wasn’t a surprise.
I walked quietly down to the hall to my room, shut and locked the door, stripped out of my clothes, and headed to my favorite drawer.
My toy box.
Just because I couldn’t get it with a man didn’t mean I had to go completely without. I could love myself just fine when the occasion called for it.
I opened up the long box inside the drawer and pulled out my lube, my favorite vibrating dildo, and then got some hand towels from the closet because this bitch was about to get messy in the best kind of way.