Chapter 10
LEA
Ididn’t think I was ever going to forgive myself.
I should have been paying more attention. Should have cut Beau off as soon as I saw him swaying on his stool, his brown eyes glazed and shiny in his drunkenness. And where was I? Talking to some jackass because the sight of Beau constantly smiling was doing devastating things to my heart.
Fuck. It was my bar. I was the one who’d invited him out. How could I let something like that happen? The guilt was so all-encompassing it felt like I would never know anything but the weight of it.
Beau mumbled something against my shoulder, and I stopped walking. We were almost back at the apartment, I could see it only half a block away, and I was desperate to get him home and ply him with water before he passed out.
“What was that?” I asked, slipping the hand that wasn’t around his waist under his chin, nudging it up. It was my burned hand, and it had started throbbing back in the bar from carrying Beau earlier, but I didn’t care. The pain was a good distraction from how much of an absolute failure I was.
Beau’s eyes were half-lidded when they met mine, and there was a dazed smile on his face. “Said you smell good,” he mumbled. “Like…cotton candy.”
A laugh slipped out of me, and I tugged him closer. “I guess I’ll take that. Come on, we’re almost there.”
Beau barely made it through the front entrance before he really began sagging, so I hoisted him up over my shoulder. That woke him up a bit, and his hands fisted in the back of my shirt as he let out a soft groan.
He was deceptively heavy, and by the time we were at the door, my shoulder was aching. I carefully set him back on his feet and he tipped forward, burying his face in my chest. I kept my hand at his lower back to steady him as I dug my key out and unlocked the door.
His hands were all over me as I ushered him to his room, grasping and clinging as he stumbled over his feet, and the guilt deepened. This was not how I’d wanted the night to go. Not at all. If I’d just paid more attention to him…
I pushed away my glum thoughts and focused on getting Beau into bed. Once in his room, he stumbled forward and caught himself with a hand braced on the bed. I helped him sit down, then said, “I’m gonna go get you some water, okay? Just stay here. Don’t move.”
I watched him for a moment to make sure he was okay, and he swayed gently, staring at me.
My chest tightened, and I hurried down the hall to the kitchen and poured two glasses of water.
When I got back to his room, he was lying flat on his back with his eyes closed.
I set one glass on his nightstand, then sat beside him on the bed.
“Beau,” I said. “Hey, wake up. Just for a little bit.” I ran my fingers through his hair, and he moaned. Was he feeling sick again? “Beau, come on, sit up for me. Can you sit up for me?” I braced my hand under his shoulders and tried to push. He got the hint, his eyes blinking open as he sat up.
“Lea?” he croaked, those big brown eyes sliding over me.
“Yeah, babe, I’m here. I brought you some water. I want you to drink it for me. Can you do that?” I asked softly.
He nodded, whispered, “Babe,” almost reverently, and I held the glass with him as he gulped down most of it in one go.
He pushed the glass away, panting, then grabbed the hem of his shirt and dragged it over his head.
I swallowed hard when he tossed it onto the floor.
His fingers went to the button on his jeans, fumbling with it until a frustrated sound rumbled from his chest, and I set the glass I was still holding down on the nightstand.
“Here,” I said. “I’ll help you.” My own fingers were shaking as I undid the button.
I let him drag the zipper down, and then he was grappling with his pants, wobbling as he yanked each leg off.
He was still in those blue boxers from earlier, and I had to forcibly tear my eyes from all the freckled skin he’d just uncovered.
I looked up to find him staring at me. My heart raced when he scooted closer, then jolted when he grasped my upper arms in a firm grip, keeping that intense, half-lidded gaze locked on mine.
“You’re a good person, Lea,” he said with an adorable pout, his words drawn out. His face dropped against my chest, as if his head was too heavy to hold up any longer, and he mumbled, “As good as you are beautiful.”
There was a roaring in my ears as my blood pounded through my veins. He slowly stroked my arm, like he was petting me.
“Come on. Let’s get you under the covers.” I pulled down one side and gently pressed his chest, urging him to lie back.
He grabbed my arms, looking panicked. “Don’t go,” he whispered. “Please don’t leave.”
My heart thumped hard as I stared into those pleading brown eyes. No matter how drunk he was, no matter if he remembered it or not, he still had someone come on to him tonight. Someone who wasn’t listening to his very clear stop.
When Shea had approached me, pointed down the bar and explained that Beau had clearly had a few too many, that maybe it was time to cut him off, we’d both watched the woman slink up to him. Get too close. Put her hands all over him. Logan called me over, too, so I knew it was bad.
The protectiveness he’d excavated from somewhere deep inside me had ignited. If he was drunk, he really shouldn’t have been doing anything with a stranger.
We’d thought it was a harmless flirtation…until we got closer. Beau clearly told her not to touch him and even pushed her hands away. When she didn’t listen, my vision practically spotted with the rage that flashed through me.
I’d never been so angry in my life. What if we hadn’t seen that? What if she’d gotten him to go with her somewhere? It could have been so, so bad, and it was all my fucking fault for bringing him there in the first place.
So…with Beau staring up at me now, begging me to stay with those eyes, I couldn’t say no. I hadn’t been planning on leaving, anyway. I was gonna sit in his chair and watch over him while he slept in case he got sick.
“Please,” he said again. Softer this time. His eyes rolled shut, then popped open again. He blinked, looking even more distraught than a second ago. “Please?”
“Okay,” I groaned, and kicked my shoes off, sliding in next to him fully clothed. He immediately nestled into my chest as I pulled the covers over us, his fingers loosely holding the material of my shirt, and when he let out a small, contented sigh, I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him.
I was so fucked.
It was the feeling of something hot and hard against my ass that woke me up.
I peeled my eyes open, just staring for a moment at the unfamiliar surroundings in the pale morning light.
Looked down at the freckled hands clutching my chest. At my own hand that was wrapped around one of those freckled wrists.
Beau’s breaths were feather-light against the nape of my neck, his heart a gentle beat against my back. I hadn’t woken up in someone else’s arms in so long that, to be here now, with Beau wrapped around me, was almost surreal.
And terrifying.
Because I liked it.
I liked it way too much. And I could not let myself like being with Beau like this.
I tried to slide away from Beau. His hold on me tightened and one of his legs slid over mine. That move pushed his erection right into the crease of my ass and along my taint.
I froze. Choked on my next inhale. Beau was big, and the feeling of him right there, brushing along all the most sensitive parts of me, sent a burst of pleasure pulsing through me.
I was wearing linen shorts, and he was still in his boxers, but we might as well have been naked for how thin the material of both pieces of clothing were.
When he shifted again and I felt the tip of his cock brush along the back of my balls, a strangled moan erupted from me.
Fuck. Fuck.
Beau rocked his hips, just the tiniest bit, and my eyes rolled back in my head as my hand tightened around his wrist.
“No,” I gasped, trying to untangle myself from his hold. Beau would be horrified if he knew what he was doing. He was still asleep, for fuck’s sake. He was probably dreaming about some pretty Midwestern woman.
I got tangled up in the covers and fell out of the bed, hitting the floor right on my hip bone. A jolt of white-hot pain shot through me. I lay there as my heart raced wildly in my chest, staring up at the ceiling.
“Lea?” Beau’s morning voice was husky and much deeper than normal, and another swift pulse of arousal surged through me. His face appeared over the edge of the bed, his brow furrowed as he stared down at me. “What’s—what are you doing in here?”
“I—” Fuck, breathe, Lea. Get your shit together. “I, um—you don’t remember last night?”
Beau’s brows furrowed even deeper, and when he looked at me, then down at himself, his eyes widened in horror and he inhaled sharply.
“What?” he whispered. He went pale, his mouth opening and closing before he said, “I didn’t—oh my god, did we—” He made a sound in the back of his throat, like he was choking.
“Wait…” I said slowly. “Oh, god, no, Beau—we didn’t—we didn’t do anything, I promise! Nothing like that happened last night,” I rushed to say. “I swear. We came back here and went right to bed. To sleep,” I corrected. “You asked me to stay with you.”
Beau’s eyes were wide, and a flush began to creep across his cheeks. He covered his face with his hands and groaned. “I can’t—I’m so, so sorry, Lea.…”
I stood up on shaky legs as Beau stared at a spot on the floor. “Hey,” I said softly, waiting for him to look at me. But he wouldn’t, and I wondered just how badly I’d fucked up, staying here the whole night. I should’ve just let Shea handle him.
A fierce voice whispered no in my head. I was the one who needed to take care of him. It was me who was supposed to do that.
“Beau,” I said. “Can you look at me?”
He finally raised his eyes to mine, looking so confused and ashamed that all I wanted to do was hold him.