Chapter 19
LEA
Anytime you want.
I kept my face buried in his neck and let his words sink into me.
If it were up to me, that would be every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I was starting to think I wouldn’t ever get tired of Beau, and that should have terrified me. I should be running away from these kinds of feelings.
But I wasn’t. I wasn’t afraid and I wasn’t running anywhere.
I kept seeking him out, needing more and more of what he had to offer. Every time he touched me or looked at me like he couldn’t believe I was real, like I was some kind of god or angel, the world narrowed down to him and only him.
I hadn’t lasted more than an hour out on that couch after I’d lied my dickish asshole ass off. And while I had no fucking clue what I was doing with Beau, all I knew was that once I’d laid down on the couch, I couldn’t get his anguished expression out of my mind.
God, I never wanted to hurt him like that again.
It was unbearable, how crushed he’d looked.
I’d almost said ‘fuck this’ right then and there—and I should have.
Because I couldn’t stop thinking about how every word out of my mouth had been a miserable, cowardly lie.
Couldn’t find any valid reasoning that would justify lying to him like that. Hurting him like that.
When I told him he would find someone as lovely as he was, I’d wanted to throw up. I didn’t want him to be with anyone else. I didn’t know how to explain any of this craziness, but I couldn’t deny the simple fact that I wanted him all for myself.
But…this was where I was the most selfish prick on the planet.
I didn’t want a relationship with him. I didn’t want that with anyone.
Too much was at risk, and I wasn’t ready to put myself out there like that again.
But I truly liked him as a person. He made me feel comfortable.
Content. I liked teasing him, liked making him blush—fuck, I really liked making him blush.
I wanted everything he had to offer. His blushes, his sweetness, his innocence.
His deep voice and his kind words. His cock in my mouth.
Inside me. His company. I just wanted to be with him.
And as much as it scared me, I couldn’t stop myself from gravitating toward him. So for now, I was just going with it.
It was exhilarating that I was the one helping him discover what he liked. I was the only one who’d ever heard his soft sighs and desperate whimpers. I loved the way his breath hitched when I touched the right spot. How he watched me with an intensity that only made my dick harder.
Fuck, he was addicting.
“Where in California are you from?”
Beau’s quiet question had me lifting my head. His eyes immediately fixed to mine and his lips were curved in a soft smile. He was adorable.
“Crescent Lake. It’s near Oregon. Right on the water.”
“What made you come here?”
I shifted down a little so I could cross my arms on his chest and prop my chin on my hands.
“I wanted something different. Got into the University of Delaware and decided to go there, then met your brother and Riley and Monroe and they kinda became my second family. We all wanted to stay together after graduating, live near the water, so we chose Blue Harbor. I love it here.”
“You don’t miss your family? Or your hometown?”
I shook my head. “Not really. I mean, I love my family, don’t get me wrong, but they’re…a lot. You’ve met Judy. Now just imagine three more of her. They mean well, but it’s too much for me. And after…” I shut my mouth and averted my eyes.
But Beau was too perceptive and knew exactly what I’d been about to say. Damn Judy for mentioning Lyle to him. He began threading his fingers through my hair, starting at my temple and running slowly to the back of my head, his blunt nails scraping softly on my scalp. It felt fucking incredible.
“After Lyle?” he asked softly.
I swallowed past the sudden lump in my throat. “Yeah,” I said, closing my eyes as he continued stroking my head with those amazing hands. “After that, they smothered me way too much. I know they were trying to help, but honestly, I just wanted to be left alone.”
It was quiet for a few minutes, and then he whispered, “You know I’d never hurt you, right?”
My inhale got caught in my throat, making me choke on nothing as my heart pounded in my chest. His utter sincerity was unlike anything I’d ever gotten from another person—outside of my friends, that is.
I wanted to tie him up and keep him forever, hear him say things like that to me every single day.
He was one-of-a-kind, the most genuine person I’d ever met, and it was doing things to me.
Making me feel a lot of things I hadn’t felt in a long time, if ever.
I looked up at him, at his gentle eyes and soft expression. But there was a determination there, too, and fuck, it was hot. “Yeah,” I said, offering him a smile. “I think I know that.”
What I didn’t say was that I’d probably end up hurting him, no matter how much I didn’t want to.
He nodded. His eyes shifted to my ear, where he was tracing the shell with a gentle finger. “Did you always want to own a bar?”
He wanted to know more about me, and why did I want to tell him everything?
“Oh…ha, I mean, no, not always,” I told him, shrugging.
“Monroe and I both got business degrees and when we came here the previous owner was selling Blue’s Brews.
I think we both fell in love with the idea of running a bar, especially because the alternative of wearing a suit and sitting at a desk all day was not very appealing to either of us. ”
Beau’s hand paused, then resumed its movement. What did I say?
Oh, shit. Beau sat at a desk all day.
“Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting to do that, it’s just not for me,” I quickly added, glancing up at Beau. He was staring up at the ceiling now, and I wondered if I’d hurt his feelings.
Fucking again.
“No, you’d be suffocated with a job like that,” he said, stopping my heart. I stared up at him as he looked at the ceiling with an expression of quiet contemplation. That he knew me well enough to make an observation like that had a peaceful warmth spreading through me.
“I like my job,” he said, eyes trailing slowly back to mine. “I’m not very good at dealing with people. I think it would get pretty—pretty overwhelming for me if I had to go into an office, though. I’m glad I get to work in my own space.”
Wasn’t he lonely, though? Always by himself, day in and day out. Before he’d moved here, had he had any friends? Did he spend time with people besides his asshole of a mom? God I hoped so. Otherwise…
“What?” Beau asked.
“Oh—nothing,” I lied, grappling with the need to know everything about him and staying within reasonable boundaries so that he didn’t get the wrong idea.
But still, the thought of Beau being all alone in this world for so long made me sadder than I wanted to be.
Made me want to do something about it.
With a deep sigh, I sat up, and his hand fell from my head—which I hated instantly. I wanted to lay here all day, being petted and stroked and rubbed by this sweet, gorgeous man. But we both had to work, and my feelings were becoming messy and uncomfortable.
“We should clean up. Get ready for the day,” I said, and I didn’t miss the flash of disappointment in his eyes before he licked his lips and nodded.
I would make it up to him tonight.
“Good boy. You’re doing great, Beau. Yeah, just like that. I’m gonna let go now, okay? But I’ll be right next to you,” I said, sliding my fingers across his chest. There was a bit of panic in his eyes, but he nodded and tried to stay calm as he floated on his back.
I got off work early so I could take Beau down to the ocean and start teaching him how to swim. He was nervous, but it was already a plus that he was comfortable in the water. Loved it, even, in spite of what had happened that first day.
And thank god Judy was hanging out with Riley tonight, although I did feel a little sorry for him—but they weirdly got along. It was karaoke night at the bar, and he was granted as many free appetizers as he wanted as a thank you, so hopefully that covered her craziness.
“Won’t sharks think I’m a—a seal? Or something?” he asked, a small quaver in his voice.
Ugh. My heart. I just wanted to snatch him into my arms and make him feel safe again, but that would defeat the whole purpose of doing this.
With a low chuckle, I shook my head. “There aren’t a whole lot of sharks that come this close inland, not with all the people constantly splashing around.
” I leaned closer until my lips brushed his ear.
“The only creature that thinks you’re a snack right now is me.
” I bit the shell of his ear, letting my tongue lave over it.
He groaned, and I didn’t miss the way he shivered. “God, Lea, don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what?” I asked innocently.
I moved behind him as he floated on his back, sinking lower into the water as I pressed my left cheek flush with his right.
“You’re doing so well, babe,” I murmured, then turned my head and smacked a loud kiss onto his wet cheek.
When I started nibbling down his neck, he made a little growling noise in the back of his throat and holy fuck, my dick really liked that.
He rolled out of position and planted his feet back on the ocean floor—we were only waist deep—and aimed a ridiculously sexy glare my way.
I couldn’t help wading toward him and kissing those pouting lips, and he moaned as he grabbed onto my biceps. I drew back a few inches, watching his eyes open slowly. His long lashes were fringed with tiny drops of water, and the dreamy look on his face made my heart flip.
But when he smiled and his dimples appeared, he stole the breath right from my lungs.
“I love how playful you are,” he said, his fingers trailing soft lines up and down my arms. I was caught in his gaze, snared by that smile. I moved closer to him.
“Oh yeah?” I asked.