Chapter 20
BEAU
Iwas fairly certain that I’d fallen in love with Lea.
Maybe I’d been in love with him from the moment we’d met. It felt like I’d known him a lifetime, and yet, it had only been two and a half months.
Every time I looked at him, my heart raced, my chest felt tight, and my hands got clammy. Every time he looked at me, I couldn’t even breathe.
Every moment with him was like some hazy dream. The real world fell away, blurring at the edges, and there was only him. I wanted to etch these moments into eternity, to keep them somewhere they could never be defiled or grow dimmer.
It was true that I had no one else to compare him to, as far as romantic interests went. But I knew in my heart that he was incomparable. No one would be able to hold a candle to how Lea made me feel.
But on the other side of this dazzling coin was the bleak reality that Lea would never feel the same way about me. There resided a shadowy, vague future where I would exist one day…without him.
I would be alone again.
“Why the face?”
“Hm?” I glanced over at Lea to find his eyes on me.
The way he’d been looking at me since this morning—like I was the only one in the room, the only person that mattered—was everything to me.
No one had ever looked at me like that before.
Maybe I was just projecting, but the intensity in his gaze made me feel like I was becoming someone special to him.
I wasn’t. Maybe he liked me here, in this moment. But the moment would pass.
“What face?” I asked. The glow of the TV painted shifting patterns of light over one half of Lea’s face as he studied me.
Judy had been watching TV with us, but about twenty minutes ago she’d jumped off the couch and said she was going dancing, leaving in a flurry of subtle perfume and excited declarations when she’d been lounging in her pajamas five minutes before.
She was really unpredictable.
We stayed on the couch, me at one end, him at the other, our legs tangled together in the middle. An intimate and comfortable sharing of space that made me feel accepted. Wanted. Like I belonged here with him.
Earlier, after we’d gotten back from the bar, Judy wasn’t home so we’d taken a shower together.
It had been…vulnerable and sexy and beautiful.
We’d washed each other, explored each other’s bodies.
Lea seemed endlessly fascinated by my freckles, and for once, I didn’t resent them.
I was glad they were on my skin for him to look at. To love on.
Because as much as he loved my freckles, I loved all the parts of Lea that added up to the whole of him.
How his hands felt gliding all over my body.
How his lips felt as he pressed soft kisses to my shoulders, my chest, my arms, my stomach.
How the nearness of him meant that I wasn’t alone.
That someone had chosen to spend their time with me.
And that had been the best part of all of this. That Lea wanted to be by my side. That, for whatever reason, he enjoyed being with me.
For now.
“That face. Right there,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me.
He pushed himself up and got on all fours, crawling over me and settling his long body down on top of mine, tangling his fingers in my hair.
My racing heart was pressed against his as he kissed my cheek and murmured, “You look sad, darling. I don’t like it. ”
I stroked one hand down the back of his head, letting my fingers wrap around his nape. Slid my other hand down the curve of his spine and over his ass. It was still unbelievable to me that I could touch him like this. That he was letting me. That he liked it, even.
“I’m okay,” I lied.
Lea trailed kisses across my jaw until he reached my mouth, capturing my bottom lip in a gentle tug that had heat pooling in my groin. “I don’t believe you,” he whispered.
Instead of responding to that, I took his lips in mine and tried to show him exactly how he made me feel.
That my morose thoughts wouldn’t get in the way of being with him right here, right now.
Lea moaned into my mouth as our tongues slid together and rolled his hips, thrusting his hard length against mine.
There was only one thing I hadn’t been able to get out of my mind for the past few days.
“Lea, I…I want to make love to you,” I panted, drawing back to see his eyes. My cheeks were burning, the tips of my ears on fire, but I was determined to not let my timidity get the better of me right now.
Lea groaned and dropped his forehead to mine, then laughed softly. A flood of heat to my chest and face followed the swift humiliation that came with his laughter, and I started to shove him off me, feeling overly insecure and a little hurt that he would laugh at that.
“No—Beau, babe, I’m not laughing at you,” he said, pinning me down by the shoulders.
“Fuck, you’re so goddamn sweet. I’m on a perpetual sugar high with you.
” His eyes darted between mine as he vehemently reassured me.
“I would never laugh at you. Okay? You just keep—” He squeezed his eyes shut and sighed.
When he opened them again, they were hot and intense.
“You keep saying things that no one’s ever said to me before and it’s hard for me to get used to that. ”
I bit my bottom lip as I stared at him, still feeling unsure. But he looked so…genuinely happy right now. Soft and warm and like he was truly content.
With me?
I cleared my throat, sliding my hands up his back. “So…”
Lea framed my face with his hands, his thumbs brushing along my cheekbones as he said, “It would be my pleasure to…” His lips curled up in that smile I liked so much.
“…let you fuck me, Beau.” He rolled his hips into mine on the word fuck, making me gasp at the shot of heat that burst through me.
“I’ve been waiting very, very patiently…
” he said softly, kissing his way down my neck.
“…and I’d like my reward now.” He licked a long, slow line back up my neck and bit down gently on my chin.
I was throbbing in my shorts, so sensitive that if he rolled his hips again I was pretty sure I’d come.
“Lea,” I warned when he started grinding into me. I grabbed his hips and sat up, breathing hard.
I was right on the edge.
Lea pushed himself up with me until he was perched on my thighs. “Hold on. I won’t—” I was about to say ‘last’, but then Lea grabbed my face and kissed me so passionately that every word in my mind disappeared.
When he pulled back, he rubbed his nose against mine, sending a tidal wave of deep affection crashing through me. “Come on,” he whispered, climbing off me and dragging me toward the bedroom.
Oh god, this was it. I was really going to share this with Lea. My heart was racing so fast I could barely breathe, and excitement came in a burst of nervous energy that made every part of me tingle.
Lea shut and locked the door behind us, grinning down at me. “I’m going to ruin you, Beau. In the best way, of course.”
Yes. Yes, a thousand times yes, I wanted him to. “Okay,” I whispered, staring up into the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. I trusted him to lead this, to show me how it was done, to give me something no other person possibly could.
To ruin me.
I thought maybe he’d already ruined me. There was no coming back from a man like Lea.
His fingers danced across my pecs, down my stomach, and grabbed the hem of my shirt, pulling it up and over my head and arms. He threw it to the floor and dipped his head, clutching my waist as he sucked my nipple into his mouth.
“Ah,” I gasped, my fingers delving into his soft pink hair.
Lea moaned as he suckled my nipple, swirling his tongue around the sensitive nub and grazing his teeth across it.
My nerves were on fire, all my heated blood going straight to my cock and making it pulse and thicken with so much pleasure that it bordered on pain.
“Fuck,” Lea panted, nibbling up my chest to suck on my neck. His arms tightened around me, one hand coming up to cradle the back of my neck. When he lifted his head, his cheeks were flushed. “Beau, you taste so fucking good,” he murmured, then captured my lips with his.
I held onto his shoulders, a whimper escaping me as he slipped his tongue into my mouth, and when he started stroking my dick through my shorts while thrusting his tongue in and out of my mouth, I had to rip myself away before I came.
“Lea, I need—I—”
Lea pressed his mouth to mine, slowly slid his tongue past my lips, then drew back. “I know, baby. I’ll give you what you need. Come here.” He wrapped long, elegant fingers around my forearm and led me to the bed. “Lie down for me.”
I pushed myself back into the pillows, leaning up on my elbows to watch him. He was so damn beautiful, and when he yanked his shirt off, his gaze intent on me, I was lost.
Lea pushed his shorts down, revealing blue lace panties that hugged his hard cock. The outline of it against the silk was obscene and gorgeous and I wanted to lick it.
“You like this?” he purred, his voice husky and low, wrapping around me like a tangible thing. He slid his fingers under the waistband, teasing me with a slow reveal of soft skin, a hint of dark blond curls. The head of his cock peeked out, a glimmer of liquid leaking from the slit.
“F-fuck,” I whispered. My own cock was painfully hard, throbbing with an intensity that felt like a hand squeezing me. “Come here. Please,” I begged.
The long lines of Lea’s toned body flexed and shifted as he prowled to the bed, crawling on all fours over to me, making his way up my body until he gripped the headboard and was straddling my chest. I grabbed onto his ass, slipping my fingers underneath the silky underwear and squeezing his flesh.
“You want to taste me, Beau?” he whispered.