14. Lyric
FOURTEEN
LYRIC
The drive home was a quiet one. I couldn’t deal with music.
What the hell had possessed me to do all that in front of him? Stripping down, crying like a child, and nearly begging him to have sex with me.
If the thought of a hole didn’t terrify me, I’d wish for one after tonight.
The rain had let up to a steady drizzle, and I was pretty sure snowflakes were mixing in with the rain. The steady swish of my windshield wipers actually settled me down a bit.
Our shared history was bound to open up some distorted feelings. And while my head felt fuzzy from the intense crying jag, there was a lightness in my chest for the first time in a very long time.
Like it had been a purge.
Jensen saving me again, evidently.
I sighed as I pulled into my space in front of my building. My sister’s car was in the spot beside mine.
Generally, I was happy to find her home. Both of us were pretty much homebodies, but I felt raw from all that crying, and I was quite sure the proof of it was all over my face. I flipped down my visor and gasped.
“Worse than I thought,” I muttered aloud.
My eyes were swollen and my chin and lips had beard burn as well as down my neck.
“Let’s hope Aunt CJ is working and won’t notice.”
Sheba gave me a happy bark, hearing CJ’s name. I climbed out and let her free. Crap, I’d left my bag at work.
Way too much had happened today. It would be safe in my office, but that meant I couldn’t go over any of the notes I had made earlier since I’d left behind my notebook at work.
At this point, I should probably just crawl into bed with The Princess Bride or something. I was going to be less than useless for the rest of the evening.
Sheba trotted up the stairs and I followed more slowly. My whole body hurt all of a sudden. Like all my limbs were too heavy, and my head was a throbbing tooth.
Sheba twirled around in front of our door. I unlocked it and she shot inside.
CJ’s voice floated out into the living room. She was working, so maybe I was in luck. Then my sister appeared in the hallway. She was wearing one of her oversized, cozy sweatshirts over a pair of leggings with various types of beakers on them.
Sheba was wiggling her butt like a maniac. As if she hadn’t gotten an abundance of attention today.
“There you are. I was wondering where you were. Did you get...” Her eyebrows climbed. “Did you have a hot date?”
I flushed. “Not exactly.”
“Rub your face into a scouring pad?” She came closer and touched my chin to turn my face. “Nope, that is some intense beard burn.”
I pulled away from her. “It’s no big deal.”
“Girl, you haven’t had so much as a...” Her amusement slipped away as she looked closer. “Were you crying? Who do I need to kill?”
I laughed. “Down, killer. It wasn’t planned and things got a little intense.”
“How intense?”
I pulled out one of the stools tucked under the kitchen island counter and slumped into it. “It was Jensen.”
“Oh...”
“Yeah.”
She’d taken a flight to get to me right after the fire. Jensen had stayed with me until CJ had arrived. I’d never been brave enough to ask about what they’d talked about. I’d been pretty out of it once they’d gotten me out of the basement.
The flames had gotten entirely too close. As careful as the firefighters had been, the precarious nature of my situation had been fraught with problems. They didn’t want the floor to come down any further, but they needed to get me out as quickly as possible. Finally, a brave guy had lowered a ladder and took the chance to come down to carry me out of there.
I never got his name.
And I’d been so lost to the recovery process, I’d never gone looking for it.
What did I say? Or do?
Make him cookies?
Thanks for saving my life, Mr. Firefighter.
Oy. I wasn’t going down that dark road right now.
“Jensen stopped in to see me.”
“Why?” CJ crossed her arms.
“Nolan opened his stupid mouth about A Place For All and it kinda spiraled from there. Jensen is an artist?—”
“Hot and artist? Oh, man.” CJ leaned on the counter, propping her head in her hands. Where my hair was curly and untamable, my sister’s was silky straight and only held a curl with a cabinet full of product, but our eyes were identical. She pushed herself back up and went around the counter to the fridge. “That’s not fair to the human race.”
I laughed. “Tell me about it. You should see his work. It’s incredible.”
She leaned back out of the doors with a jug of milk. “Did you go see his etchings? Is that why your neck looks like the Wolfman rubbed himself on your neck?”
I snorted. It wasn’t that bad. “No. We went to get some food and then he wanted to look at the space. He’s going to do illustrations for each of the vendor booths.”
CJ pulled out the fixings for one of her smoothies on the other side of the counter.
I spun around in my seat to face her. “He’s a muralist.”
She paused in slicing a banana. “Okay, even I’m going to pull out some la Perla from my bottom drawer for this guy. What the actual hell?”
I bent forward and pressed my forehead on my stacked arms and laughed so hard I was afraid I was going to end up crying. My sister was no stranger to men. She had a very active dating life since she’d moved to town.
However, even with her scientific and logic based brain she refused to date within Crescent Cove town limits. Instead she kept it to the Syracuse area. The lore of the baby magic in this town had been extolled far too much. Since my sister was data driven, being a programmer, the actual numbers were too staggering to deny.
Which cracked me up.
I didn’t believe in the baby curse. The town was expanding and so did the number of babies. One didn’t have anything to do with the other except for the fact that it was a small town and families were a part of life here more than most.
“I’m not sure what to do here. Jensen is so enmeshed with the fire, CJ.”
“Or, he’s the one guy who would understand that part of you completely.”
I sighed. Now she sounded like him. “Some days it feels like it. But he’s younger than me.”
She made a mountain of bananas and strawberries and scooped them up, dumping them into her scary blender. “So? Unless he acts like a punk.”
“No.” I made myself think it through. He really never had acted like a typical young idiot male that had come into the store. “Honestly, there’s something different about him in the year since the fire.”
She added protein powder and milk then shoved the top on. “I’m sure there is. It changes people.”
“I know, but I can’t put my finger on what it is exactly. He literally looks like he’s put on forty pounds of muscle.”
“So he’s even hotter?” She switched on the blender, shouting over it. “Okay. I’m failing to see where the tears came in here. In fact, I think the coming part should be paramount and that’s about it.”
I laughed. “You would say that.”
She switched it off. “So, did you get an orgasm out of the deal at least?”
“Not yet.” Because he wanted to be a gentleman. How was this my life? I finally wanted to get naked with someone and he was the one holding back. “I showed him my scars.”
She paused in the middle of pouring. “Wow.”
“I know. Which is what started the crying.”
She snapped the blender glass jar onto the counter. “Excuse me.”
“Relax, big sister. He didn’t make me cry, well, not that way.”
“In what way?” Her voice was ice.
“In the way he was so gentle. That he made me feel beautiful.”
CJ hurried around the counter and hauled me into a hug. “Of course you’re beautiful. Anyone who would make you feel anything else can answer to me.”
I hugged her back. “My fierce CJ.”
She pushed me back, her eyes flashing. “I wish you could see how strong you are. Your scars are just part of the new you--period.”
My eyes filled. “Thanks. I’m trying to remember that.”
“Remember that places where you mended had to become stronger and harder.” She went back around to the blender and poured two glasses. She shoved one over to me. “Now drink up.”
“I don’t know if I can fit it.”
“Oh, right. You went on a date with him.”
“It wasn’t a date. It was just two people eating together.”
“Yeah, like a date.”
I rolled my eyes, but took a sip. It wasn’t half bad and I hadn’t had anything sweet after all the savory goodness of El Ray’s food. “Did you know we have food trucks?”
“Of course, I knew. How did you not know?”
“You didn’t tell me.”
“More like you’ve been so wrapped up at your new bee-bee.” She lengthened out the cutesy version of baby.
“I guess. Well, now that I know they’re there, I will be over there all the time. Have you tried El Ray?”
CJ slid a hand over her middle. “Marco...”
“I hate you so much that you didn’t share this with me.”
“There’s a reason I’ve been upping my yoga practice. I swear I have an extra ten pounds in my ass since he parked over there.”
I laughed. “You always look great.”
“Sweatshirts hide a multitude of sins. Especially since the dating apps have been utterly shit lately. I’m so damn bored with everyone. Either they want to just hook up or they are creepy as hell.”
“I thought you liked the hook ups?”
“I did. But now it seems like so much trouble to shave everything only to get a sub par orgasm.”
“Well, if you kept a guy around long enough to figure you out, you might get a better one.”
“Unlikely.” She took a long swallow then spun around to the cabinet where we kept our stash of ramen. She flipped on the electric tea kettle and dropped the dehydrated noodles into a bowl. “They would actually have to know how to find a clit. And they’re too worried about getting their dick wet than to have me get off.”
“Tell me how you really feel.”
She snickered. “The first few guys were so fun that I think it was the thrill more than actual sexual prowess.”
“What about the professor you liked at SU?”
She shrugged and sidled over to the kettle to grab it and poured the water over the noodles then emptied the packet over the top, then pushed it away for the hot water to do its work. “He was pretty cool, but then he went to his high school reunion and resparked with the cheerleader who never noticed him when they were kids.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
She waved it away. “It wasn’t a big loss. He told me all the cool stories from Egyptian history anyway. He was starting to repeat himself and if you can’t get creative in the bedroom, I’m out anyway.”
I laced my fingers around my glass with a laugh. CJ always had a fascinating point of view when it came to her various dates.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever been overly excited about getting physical with men even before the fire. Sex was nice, but I didn’t yearn for it like my sister. I was more excited to give her yarn for a new sweater or blanket than I was to find out what position Steve, John, or Stephen had put her in.
Because yes, of course my sister had two versions of Steve in her dating history. Pretty sure it was in the same week.
Sheba nosed my thigh and looked up at me with expectant eyes.
“Oh, shoot.” I slid off my chair and picked up her dish on the way to the fridge. “Sorry, Sheba.” I portioned out her food and set it into her raised bowl rack. “Jensen threw off my whole evening.”
CJ pulled out a pair of chopsticks and stirred the now soft noodles. “He should throw you on that big king sized bed of yours and make the headboard rock.”
“Thanks for the image.”
She smiled around a bunch of noodles and waggled her eyebrows.
“I’m actually beat. I’m going to take a shower and crash with my book.”
“Make sure it’s a spicy book,” she called after me.
I didn’t need anymore spice in my head, that was for sure.
I had more than enough.