Chapter 20 #2
“And how did… what did…” She dragged her teeth on her bottom lip and then whispered, “What happened, Liam?”
“The first time I found anything out was six months later, when her dad came to the house and asked me who we knew in New York.” I rubbed at my temple, the familiar thud of anger and sadness warring with each other whenever I thought of Mallory.
“New York? Like I knew anyone there? Back then Sweet Maple Falls was all I knew.
I'd barely been outside the state, let alone to somewhere like New York City.”
Charity's eyebrows almost disappeared into her hairline. So many questions behind her eyes as she stared at me.
“Turns out she'd taken a credit card out in her mom's name and built up thousands of dollars of debt.
The credit card company had tracked the spending to New York, so her parents figured she must be there.
They thought maybe I'd given her contacts or something, people she could stay with.” I let out a bitter laugh.
“As if I had connections in Manhattan when I'd never even left Sundance County.”
“I wanted to go and find her, but I was eighteen, had just started college and my mom and dad wouldn't let me go.
I mean I argued and screamed that it was unfair, but deep down I knew they were right.
Dad did offer to go with me for a couple of days, but I knew they couldn't really afford to pay for such a visit.
And two days wouldn't have been enough in a city that size. It was hard not knowing, worrying every damn day where she was, what she was doing, was she in trouble.”
“Did her parents go looking for her then?” She sounded like she already knew the answer. “They must have known she was desperate to do something like that.”
I shook my head. “They'd already wiped their hands of her when she fell pregnant.
I think they only asked me where I thought she might be because the credit card company insisted on it.
I don't think they ever had any intention of finding her once the card was blocked.” The memories made my throat dry.
“Another four months later we got the news she was dead.” It was a sentence I had never gotten used to repeating.
It had never eased. “Heroin overdose in a dirty back alley way.”
“God, Liam, I am so sorry.” Charity’s fingers crept across the carpet to mine, her pinky linking like it had the other day. “That’s awful. Had she had a problem with drugs before?”
“Never. Could barely get her to take a pain killer for stomach cramps.”
“That must be awful for you. I don’t know what to say.”
“It was a time in my life that’s haunted me ever since.” I gave her a well-practiced but resigned smile. “That’s why I’m a closed off emotional fuck up and have a black heart. I lost my son, and I couldn’t save his mom because I couldn’t see she needed more help.”
Charity shook her head, turning her body so she was facing me, her legs tucked to one side.
“No, Liam, it’s just like you said to me.
I’m not responsible for Faith’s choices, neither were you responsible for Mallory’s.
You and your parents took her to Mrs. Rodriguez, that’s much more than her own parents did.
You can’t be answerable for what she did after that. ”
“Doesn’t stop me thinking it.” I drew in a breath, ragged and weary.
“Doesn’t stop me feeling like I’m a walking disaster around people I care about.
” My laughter was empty because there was nothing amusing about the amount of pain untimely death brought about.
“So, I hope you know that there’s nothing about this between you and me that is even close to rejection.
” Wetting my bottom lip, I felt something rise in my chest. Something warm and positive.
Something brave. “I care for you, Charity. You’ve made me feel something I haven’t felt in a long time. I can see some light, feel some peace.”
The room was still, the gentle hum of traffic outside the only noise as Charity contemplated what I’d told her. And I waited. Waited to see if she thought it was worth the risk of becoming a part of the debris of my life.
“We’re not unlike each other, me and you,” she finally said. “Blaming myself for Faith, you blaming yourself for Mallory. Helping everyone else before we help ourselves because maybe if we do they might stay, might like us a little more.”
“That’s not why I’m helping you, Charity. I'm here because I want to be.” I reached for her hand. “I mean, I do hope you like me, but that isn't why I insisted on coming to Dallas with you.”
“Then why?” she asked softly.
“I want Faith to be safe, and I know you'll be worried sick until she is. That's my motivation for being here.” Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I knew I'd finally made progress after fourteen long years. Small, but still progress. “Because it's you, Charity. Because you matter to me.”
The mental and emotional toll of spilling my guts suddenly had me feeling exhausted, and as the silver glow of the moon shafted through the gap in the drapes everything felt heavy. I hadn't realized my eyes had closed until I felt a soft whisper against my cheek.
“Thank you for telling me.”
Her breath was warm and sweet, smelling of wine. When she moved to her knees, warm fingers brushed over my chin, lingering on the stubble as she looked closely at me. The silver hints in her eyes bright against the blue as she leaned closer, and I held my breath.
“I see you, Liam,” she said quietly and pressed another kiss to the corner of my mouth.
Then she stood, placed the almost empty wine bottle on the coffee table and moved to the door. Opening it, she paused, the light from the hallway a fluorescent halo around her.
“I feel very lucky to have you in my life, Liam. Don't ever forget that.”
“And I’m lucky to have you,” I whispered, sleep dragging me under as the door clicked softly. “You, Charity. My friend.”