Chapter 43
Charity
Honey – Taylor Swift
The three boxes sat on the bathroom counter, staring at me—judging me a coward for not taking the test. It would be pointless anyway, because how would I see the results through my tears.
Dropping my head back against the tiled wall, I took in a breath.
My chest heaving with the effort of lifting the heaviness of disappointment.
I’d expected Liam to be shocked, maybe question how it had happened, but the disappointment, the fear. Him running away? That I hadn’t expected.
The drip, drip, drip of the tub’s faucet was the only sound and my heart was finally starting to slow in time with it. The rapid beat of sorrow subsiding.
Looking over at the counter, I knew I needed to take the test—tests—but I didn’t think I had the energy.
All I wanted to do was get into bed and hide under the covers and hope that when I woke up everything would be sorted.
Did I want to be pregnant when I woke up?
I had no idea. Children hadn’t been in my immediate plan.
I mean I wanted them eventually, but now?
And with Liam? My feelings for him were getting stronger every day, I couldn’t imagine not seeing him or speaking to him.
I shivered every time I thought about how things might still be if he hadn’t finally agreed to host the dinner.
But having a child with him so soon, it wasn’t great timing was it?
Lifting my knees to my chest, I rested my forehead against them, breathing slowly and considering what to do next.
When the doorbell chimed, I didn’t move, preferring to sit and wallow in my misery.
Then it chimed again, followed by a banging on the door.
Whoever was there wanted me to answer. What if it was Dad about Mom?
If it was Pru about corporation business then I would be furious at her worrying me for nothing.
Heaving myself to my feet, I wiped at the sticky wetness on my cheeks and practically flew down the stairs, the bell still chiming, the banging still loud.
When I flung open the door, Liam was not who I expected to see. My heart and stomach looped as one.
“Charity, I’m so sorry.” He stepped inside without any invitation, pushing past me and grabbing my hand as he did. I just had time to close the front door before I was dragged along the hallway into the living room.
He placed his hands on my shoulders, bending at the knee to look me in the eye. “I shouldn't have run like that. I just panicked. I was cowardly, and stupid, and I'm so sorry, so damn sorry.”
He moved to pull me closer, but I put a hand against his chest. “No, Liam. You don't get to do that. You don't get to run out of here like you're being chased by a mountain lion and then come back a couple of hours later and think sorry will cut it.”
His expression fell, pain shadowing his handsome features. “It was just a shock. A real shock, but I know I was wrong to leave like that. Please believe me, I'm here for you. Whatever you need. For you and the baby.” His hand hovered around my stomach as his eyes shone with unshed tears. “I swear.”
“A shock?” I stepped back, anger flaring fresh. “Liam, I was terrified. I handed you that box because I was too scared to face it alone, and you threw it back at me and ran. Do you have any idea what that felt like?”
The man had been closed off for years. A walking shell of the man he should have been because of his grief, because of the loss of his son. I should have known that the news would freak him out. It had freaked me out.
“I understand your panic, I really do. But understanding doesn't make it hurt any less.” I wrapped my arms around myself. “You left me standing there holding a pregnancy test, feeling like the worst thing that could happen to you was having a child with me.”
“That's not—”
“Let me finish.” My voice was sharp. “I do understand, Liam, I do, but I needed your support. I deserved your support.” I trust my hand against my chest. “Do you think this was on my bingo card? Having a baby with a man I've only been dating for a few weeks.”
“Five weeks,” he said. “Five weeks and two days.”
I gasped, surprised that he knew exactly how long we'd been together. Sure, I did, but I hadn't expected Liam to.
“Five weeks and six days if you count our first kiss, even if we were mad at each other when it happened.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I know I'm a dick, Charity, but I do care. I want to be a part of this,” he waved his hand between us, “me and you and whatever life gifts us with.”
“Words are easy, Liam.” I shook my head. “What happens the next time you get scared? When things get difficult? Are you going to run then too?”
“No, I—”
“How do I know that? How do I trust that?”
“You can. I swear I’m not going anywhere. You’re too important to me.”
Tears pricked my eyes as I gazed into his green gaze, full of luster and honesty. “If I’m pregnant, Liam, we need to be in this together even though I know you’re scared. I’m scared too.”
“You don’t need to be.”
“I do, though, about so much. We’re so new and I don’t know if we’re even going to work out. Then what? I could end up a single mom. And then there’s how this affects you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, honey, you. I know how losing Ezra has changed your life. And the idea of another child must be petrifying for you. Your head must be all over the place. Wondering whether it might happen again, whether you’d feel the same about another child.
” Moving to the sofa, I flopped down , suddenly exhausted.
Like I’d been awake for forty-eight hours straight. “And I don’t want you to feel trapped.”
Liam joined me, sitting close and taking my hand in his.
“I won’t feel trapped. I don’t. And you’re right, I am scared about how I’ll feel, but not about our child, but about Ezra.
I’m petrified that I’ll forget him. Forget how he felt in my arms, forget the pain of losing him because that pain now makes me realize the good I have in my life.
” His palm cupped my cheek, his thumb rubbing gently.
“And that good is you, Sunshine and I don’t want to lose that.
Lose you.” He swallowed. “So, are we having a baby?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea. I didn’t take the test, any of them.” He frowned. “I bought three just in case.”
A slow smile lifted his lips. “Nothing like being sure.” Taking a breath, he linked his fingers with mine. “Let’s find out then, shall we?”
“What happens if it’s positive?”
“We plan for the future. Whatever that will be, whether that’s two or three of us.” Leaning forward he dropped a soft kiss to my forehead, breathing in deeply as he did so. “We’ve got this, Sunshine, trust me.”
Three minutes had never taken so long. It felt like hours that Liam stood leaning against the bathroom countertop, holding me against his chest with his arms wrapped around me.
“I can feel your heart pounding,” he whispered against my ear.
“I think I might be sick.” Breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, I tried to remain calm. One of Liam’s hands came to my belly, rubbing it gently. I have no idea whether he was trying to quell my nausea or showing his support and concern for who might have been growing there.
“Whatever happens, we’re going to be fine.” Liam rested his chin on my shoulder, his steady breath whispering against my skin. I had to wonder how he was remaining so calm.
However, when his phone alarm started to shrill, I felt him tense behind me. He didn’t move, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around me.
“We should check the test, honey.”
“Yeah, I guess we should.” He let me go and then gently guided me toward the other end of the counter where all three tests waited for us to find out our fate.
My fingers shaking, I picked up the first test and looked at Liam who gave me a reassuring nod. He was with me whatever happened.
My breath left me in a rush, as I burst out the word, “Negative.”
Liam’s whole body sagged as he stumbled back against the counter and reached for my hand, his hot and clammy as it clutched mine.
“Is it bad I’m relieved?” I asked, reaching for another test just to prove we hadn’t been lulled into a fall sense of security.
“No, Sunshine, not at all.”
I showed him the second test, threw it to one side and then picked up the third. All negative.
It felt like I’d been buried alive and just dug my way to the surface. Like I’d been freed from prison or finished school for the summer. When I looked at Liam he was smiling widely, his chest heaving.
“Are we bad people?” he asked. “For being glad we haven’t created something incredible.”
Moving into his arms, I nestled my cheek against his chest, breathing in his cologne and the fabric conditioner of his t-shirt. Feeling warm and safe and happy.
“No, honey, we’re not bad.” I looked up at him. “We’re just not ready for this, yet.”
Quizzical brows furrowed. “You think you will be one day?” He wet his lips, eyes cautious.
“I do,” I replied instantly. “Do you?”
It was a huge question, with a huge answer. If we didn’t want the same things then maybe this wasn’t us just being lucky. Maybe this was the universe telling us we weren’t meant to be, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that either.
“Yeah, I do.” He kissed me softly, his fingers lacing through my hair. “This has made me realize there’s nothing to fear. You’ve made me realize that I want more than a husk of a life.”
I swallowed, not sure I should ask, but too afraid not to. “With me? You think you’d like that with me one day?”
A soft breath whispered through his parted lips as he nodded, his eyes grazing over my face. “Yeah, Sunshine, I do. Abso-fucking-lutely, I do.”
“I didn’t mean to pressure you and if you think it’s too soon then—”
“It’s been the biggest surprise of my life,” he interrupted me, a finger against my mouth, “but I love you. Probably have since you stood up to that guy in the bar in Dallas if I’m honest.”
Giggling, I let the tears come. Tears of happiness and relief all mixed together. “I love you, too. Probably since you told my sister to show me more respect. Definitely since you fixed her apartment and we both admired your ass while you did it.”
Laughing from deep in his chest, Liam wrapped me in an embrace. A full, warm hug that told me we were going to be okay and that one day we’d create that miracle of life and be beyond happy doing it.