43. Tears
Chapter forty-three
Tears
Moni
As soon as the door closed behind us, Lei pulled me into his arms.
Oh, baby.
His grip was tight and I could feel the tension radiating off him. “Moni, I can’t let you go—”
“You have to Lei—”
“Fuck no. We have to figure out a—”
“It’s one night. I’ll be fine—”
“You don’t know that.” Lei shivered. “You don’t fucking know that at all.”
Lei pulled back and I saw this haunting, heartbreaking despair in his eyes.
My breath caught in my throat.
His eyes were watering, on the brink of spilling over and my chest clenched, twisting with something I couldn’t even name.
My voice came out softer than I intended, barely a whisper. “Lei. . .I-I’ll be fine.”
He dropped his head, yet his grip was still firm on my arms like he couldn’t look at me. His body was shaking too. Tension radiated from every inch of him.
I could feel it all—the fear, the desperation, the weight of everything we had been through pressing down on him, on us.
Goddamn it, Leo.
Lei wasn’t just afraid.
He was terrified.
His voice came out shaky. “I can’t. . .let you leave. . .with him tonight.”
“You have to.”
“He might kill you.”
“He won’t. He wants a grandson named after him and I promised him I would do that. I’m the future, Lei. I fit into his plan.”
“Correct.”
“So. . .you understand?”
“Yes, but then, there’s the other thing that we have to consider.”
“What?”
He lifted his view to me and those tears were so close to spilling over his eyelids. “I can’t be without you. . .not even for one night.”
“Lei—”
“You’re my everything, Moni. I can’t. . .I won’t survive.”
His words hit me like a punch to the gut. Lei—the man who could stare down large groups of armed men without flinching—was trembling.
My heart pounded.
I knew he loved me but, seeing him like this—it was breaking my heart.
Lei looked back down. His hands tightened on my waist, as if he feared I would disappear if he let go. “We have to figure something else out. You’re not leaving the East with my father tonight. I don’t give a fuck about anything else.”
“Baby, stop.” I cupped his face, forcing him to look at me.
His jaw clenched.
“Lei, nothing’s going to happen. I’ll be fine. You have to trust me.”
“I can’t trust any of this.” His voice broke and a shiver ran through him. “You don’t know what he’s capable of—”
“Well. . .I’ve been paying attention and I think I do have an idea of what Leo is capable of.”
“He’s unpredictable—”
“I know—”
“The whole time with him you will be on the edge—”
“I know that too.” I sighed. “Honestly, I’m. . .kind of used to maneuvering around his crazy ass. I’ll be fine.”
“Moni. . .you can’t go. . .”
“I have to.”
“No. . .” The tears in his eyes glistened in the dim hallway light and for the first time, I saw the boy behind the Mountain Master. The one who had been shaped by pain and cruelty, but who still had a heart that beat fiercely for the people he loved.
Lei was fighting a war inside himself and it was killing him.
"Lei. . .” I pressed my forehead against his, breathing him in, feeling his warmth, his fear. “I have to go. We won’t let anyone die tonight just because you don’t want me to leave. That would be so selfish and that’s not who you are or who I am.”
He closed his eyes. “What if. . .”
“What?” I backed away from him. “What, Lei?”
“Maybe I should just let Dima and Rose die.”
No. No. No.
The confession sent a terrifying shock through me, freezing the air between us.
It was hard to fucking breathe, but somehow, I managed to do so.
Yet, my eyes widened and I saw the shame flicker across his face and the guilt begin to weigh heavy on his shoulders.
“Lei…” I didn’t know what else to say.
The thought of him even considering letting Dima and Rose die to keep me safe—it rattled me.
It wasn’t who Lei was, but it was a testament to how far he would go for me.
His love wasn’t just fierce.
It was terrifying in its depth.
"No.” I shook my head. “Hell to the no. T-that’s not even an option or. . .just no.”
Lei looked away in shame. “I know. I shouldn’t have said it.”
“No one else dies over me.”
“I know I’m wrong. . .but. . .I’m willing to. . .kill anybody, Moni,” Lei choked out. “Just to keep you safe.”
I could see the torment eating away at him, the internal battle raging inside. He loved me so much that he had been willing to cross a line, to betray everything he stood for, just to keep me at his side.
Fuck.
And I couldn’t let him carry that weight.
I shook my head. “Alright. We are both going to forget that you said that.”
His bottom lip quivered.
“That was one second of a thought, Lei. So. . .you’re not going to feel any guilt. You didn’t let Dima die. That’s what matters. So forget about it.”
Lei blinked and one tear slipped from the corner of his eye, trailing down his cheek. “I love Dima.”
“You do.”
“I. . .don’t want him to die.”
“I know you don’t.”
“I just don’t want to regret letting you leave with my father either.”
“You won’t regret it.”
“I hope not.”
My heart clenched painfully at the sight.
Lei—the man who never broke—was cracking open before me.
“I can’t lose you, Moni,” he whispered. “You’ve become my whole world. I’m. . .nothing without you.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You’re not going to lose me. We’re in this together, always.”
"When you’re away from me. . .and with him. . .listen to whatever fucked up shit he says.”
“I will.”
“He wants you to finish his fucking teachings. His twisted trainings.”
“Okay.”
“I’m sure that. . .he has a plan for you and wants to make sure you know every step. Listen to his fucking insane ass and just don’t argue with him.”
“Okay.”
“It’s close to his death so he won’t be patient with his lessons. Do whatever he wants and—”
“You think he will want me to actually do something?”
“Yes. Something that I wouldn’t allow if I were around.”
Shit. What the fuck could it be?
He exhaled shakily. “Just do it. Whatever the fuck he wants. If you waver, he might think you don’t fit in the plan and. . .”
“He might kill me.”
“Maybe.”
I thought about the bodies on the ceiling above us and even Yan’s chopped head in that gift box. Lei was right. I should not play around with Leo at all.
Lei spoke, “I’ll take care of your sisters tonight.”
“Oh fuck. It’s their first night here. No.” I looked up at those gory bodies above us and then shook my head. “They can’t stay here with all that up there—”
“They won’t. I’ll take them to the Palace.”
I blinked. “Okay but they should have family with them for their first night. Have Banks stay too please.”
The line of his jaw twitched, but he nodded. “Alright. I’ll make Banks and whoever else he wants to remain. . .stay in the Palace with your sisters.”
“Oh thank God.” My bottom lip quivered. “If my sisters have familiar faces around them, they will be fine. Plus Jo and Chloe are cool with your aunts now. So maybe have Aunt Suzi and Aunt Min around.”
“Once my aunts hear about this, they’ll be glued to your sisters.”
“Good.”
“They’ll be fine. I don’t want you to worry about your sisters. When you are with my father, you need to focus on him and what he is saying.”
“I will.” I trembled. “Lei. . .”
“Yes?”
“Tell my sisters why I left. They were already upset about my being gone for so long and not knowing all the information. Just tell them everything this time.”
“I will.”
“But don’t have them stressed about it either.”
“Okay.” Another tear left Lei’s eyes.
“And. . .you have to get your sleep tonight and then train early in the morning.”
“I won’t be able to sleep without you—”
“Then have the doctor give you something because you need your rest. Tomorrow isn’t play-play time. You need to be ready.” I pulled him closer, wrapping my arms around his neck and for a moment, we just stood there, holding on to each other like the world could shatter around us and we wouldn’t let go.
His breath was warm against my skin and his heart thundered against my chest.
I whispered, running my fingers through his long hair and trying to soothe the storm inside him. “We’re going to get through this. You and me.”
He pulled back just enough to look into my eyes. “I love you, Moni. Do you understand that?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll take care of your sisters. I’ll have all of Rowe Street Mob in the Palace if necessary. I’ll take something to sleep tonight to get that rest. I’ll train all day tomorrow. I’ll be ready to fucking kill him at that feast.”
“Good.”
“And you will listen to my father?”
“I will.”
“Don’t give him any reason to. . .” More tears left his eyes. “You are the major key to his plan. Remain in that position. No arguments. Not too many questions. Just fucking do it.”
“I will be the dutiful daughter-in-law—the very fucking essence of whatever plot he needs executed.”
“And then tomorrow night I will fucking kill him.” A sneer spread across his face. “And that will be the end of this.”
“Correct.”
“And you will never be gone from my side.”
“Never.” I wiped the tears off his face.
The door opened.
Song stepped out into the hallway. “If you want to say good bye to TT, then you will have to go in the room while Lei stands out here. We don’t want TT to see. . .”
Song pointed up to the ceiling.
“Okay.” Sighing, I kissed Lei really quick and then left him. I didn’t even look back because if I did, I knew the sight of his pain would break me in two.
Jesus.