Chapter Twelve Vivian
Chapter Twelve
Vivian
If I thought being underneath Memphis was a thrill, I can safely say that riding him is even better.
My hands are twisted in his, and he braces me above him where he lies back on the couch, his cock deep inside me as I bounce up and down.
“Fuck, you’re so deep,” I tell him, struggling to continue, my body shaking every time he hits that spot when I take him all the way in.
I release his hands and then place mine on his chest, gyrating my hips in a way that gives my clit some extra attention. But Memphis regains control, gripping my hips and raising me up before yanking me back down again.
I cry out, the sound of my voice echoing loudly around us.
“Shit,” he groans, slamming me down again and again and again.
My voice grows hoarse. I’m nearly to tears, the pleasure overwhelming in the best of ways.
And then that familiar white heat races down my spine before it explodes outward, my mouth dropping open and my eyes slamming shut as I fall apart.
“Look at me,” Memphis says.
I force my eyes open again. He thrusts two more times, his eyes locked on mine, before he groans with his own release.
My muscles shake from the exertion. Collapsing on top of him, I try to catch my breath.
“Jesus Christ,” he says, his hands against my back. “You’re going to kill me.”
I giggle. “What a way to go, though, huh?”
We lie there for a few minutes, and I close my eyes, breathing in the scent of him. Sweat and sex and a hint of that cologne he wears, though I can’t tell what it is. Something toasty and delicious.
My body is light in a way it hasn’t been in weeks. Months, even. A kind of bliss that, sure, can be attributed to the orgasm I just had. But it’s more than that.
There’s been a restlessness in my bones for a long time. This feeling that the very core of who I am—this ballbuster, playful, silly Vivian—is wrong. Wrong for existing, wrong for playing, wrong for being exactly who she is.
Toward the end, Theo made me feel that way. Like my very existence was a nuisance. Like I needed to be less of me in order to deserve his love.
And when you’re faced with that, day in and day out, you start to wonder ... Am I too much? Should I change? Do I deserve to be loved just like I am?
But lying here, in Memphis’s arms, I’m so at peace.
Because the person Memphis knows is nuts. She’s crazy and sassy and wild and unapologetically herself.
And he still wants her.
Me.
He still wants me.
And it feels so fucking good to be falling ...
I freeze, my eyes flying wide when I realize what I almost thought.
Almost.
Almost.
I didn’t think it.
But I almost thought it.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
That is not supposed to happen.
I sit up quickly, pushing off Memphis, very careful not to look him in the eye.
Because to be honest, I don’t know what he’s going to see there.
“Well, thank you for the ride,” I joke, keeping my voice light and jovial as I grab my clothes off the floor and begin to put them back on.
Memphis pushes off the couch and slips his boxers back on. He grabs the blanket he laid down on the couch and wads it into a ball.
“You okay?”
I lick my lips, then turn and give him the most genuine smile I can muster.
“Yeah, why?”
He shrugs. “Just checking.” He pauses. “Wanna make sure I wasn’t too rough.”
My shoulders fall, and I shake my head. “Not at all.”
I make quick work of putting my clothes back on, and I’m fully ready to go as Memphis is tugging on his jeans.
“I’m gonna head out.” I aim my thumb toward the door. “See you later?”
He gives me another assessing look before nodding. “Yeah. Have a good night, Vivian.”
I give him a little wave and then turn, heading out through the door, into the cooling evening air.
My feet move me quickly along the path that leads back through the vineyard to the Hawthorne house, and my car still parked out front. I almost trip a few times in my haste, but I don’t think about how fast I’m moving. I just go.
It almost feels like I’m running.
And who knows?
Maybe I am.
I’m sitting in the coffee shop waiting for Murphy, earbuds in, a recording of the melody I’ve been working on playing in my ears, when Theo drops down into the seat across from me.
I audibly gasp, shock ricocheting through my body at his sudden presence in Rosewood. In front of me. Smiling and casual as if him being here is the most normal, natural thing in the world.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I whisper, pulling out one earbud.
“You wouldn’t come talk to me. So I’m here. Trying to talk to you.”
The look on his face is fucking smug. I want to slap that smile off, yank him out of that chair, and send him packing.
Theo has always presented himself like he’s charming, like he’s the great guy any mother would want dating their daughter.
And he ticks all the boxes at first glance. He’s classically handsome, with thick dark hair and bright eyes. Confident and well dressed. Successful at his job.
It took me far too long to realize that he’s actually a selfish, egotistical asshat.
And that smile is nothing more than a mask that covers up the truth of who is underneath.
“News flash. When someone says they don’t want to talk to you, and then they fly to another place to get away from you, and you show up uninvited, that’s called stalking.”
And not the good kind. Not like what Memphis and I have joked about a few times since I’ve been here.
No. This is the unwanted kind.
The kind that goes completely against my wishes.
And possibly a few laws.
“How the hell did you even know where I was?”
He sighs and holds up his phone like I’m an idiot. “You didn’t turn your tracking off,” he says.
As if that’s a normal response.
“Jesus, Vi. You act like me being here is some crazy thing.” He reaches out and puts his hand on mine. “You know you’re gonna forgive me. I’m here to grovel, okay? So just ... tell me I’m a prick or whatever and I’ll apologize and then we can go home.”
“Oh my gosh. Theo?”
The sound of Murphy’s voice draws my attention, and I find her standing a few feet away, an awkward smile on her face.
With Memphis at her side, an unreadable expression on his.
“Hey, Murphy!” Theo says, letting go of my hand and standing.
He gives a big smile before tugging her into a hug.
“Hi, Theo,” she says, watching me with wide eyes over his shoulder, patting his back before stepping away. “What are you doing here?”
“Came to visit Vivian. But it’s great to see you. It’s been a while.”
Murphy nods, that same strange look on her face as she glances at me, then up to Memphis.
“Well ... that’s great,” she says, before her voice dips slightly and she adds, “I think.”
Murphy turns then, gesturing to the man standing behind her, his expression like stone.
“Theo, this is my brother Memphis.”
I know what’s about to happen before it does, and for whatever reason, I’m helpless to stop it.
Theo gives Memphis that same not-so-charming smile and extends his hand. Memphis takes a beat or two, but eventually he mirrors the behavior, reaching his hand out as well. The two shake briefly.
“And Memphis, this is Theo,” Murphy continues.
“Vivian’s boyfriend,” Theo adds.
I see the flare of surprise in Memphis’s eyes, and I’m on my feet immediately.
“ Not my boyfriend,” I grit out, finally finding my voice. “My ex -boyfriend, who came here even though I said I didn’t want to talk to him.”
Memphis’s eyes flick between us, assessing the situation, his jaw going tight.
“Oh, uhm ...” Murphy lets out an uncomfortable laugh.
“Come on, Vivian. These people don’t need to know that we’re in a rough patch, okay?” Theo turns to me and steps closer. “I told you, I’m here to grovel, right?”
“I don’t need you to grovel, and we are not in a rough patch,” I declare, my voice strong and unwavering. “This relationship is over, and I told you that already. So ... go home. I’m not fucking around.”
Theo puts his hands on his hips. “Vivian, this is getting ridiculous.”
“I think she communicated how she feels, and pretty clearly,” Memphis interjects. “So ... how about you give her some space.”
His tone is light, but I can see on his face that he’s not asking. He’s telling.
But Theo is a shithead who doesn’t know when to call it quits.
“Look, bud. I get it ... the whole chivalrous guy thing ... but this really isn’t any of your business.”
Memphis takes a step forward, so he’s standing right at my side, his eyes like ice as he stares my ex down.
“It actually is my business.” His voice is tight, brooking no argument. “So, like I said, maybe it’s time to back up.”
Theo stares at him for a second, then looks at me, a cold smile creeping onto his face. Then he points at Memphis.
“You really started fucking some wine country bumpkin?” he says, his voice callous.
“It doesn’t matter what I’m doing or who,” I answer, my eyes narrowed. “We aren’t dating anymore.”
Theo ignores me again and puts his hand on my arm, his grip tightening as what little patience he has left begins to fray at the edges. “Jesus, Vivian, just fucking ...”
But his sentence cuts off as Memphis grips him on the back of his neck and yanks one of his arms behind him.
“It would be great if you’d learn to listen,” he growls at Theo, then drags him out the door.
Embarrassment rolls through me as I see how many people are looking our way, and I wonder how much they saw. How much they heard.
“He’s such an asshole.”
I hear what Murphy says, but I’m busy watching Memphis and Theo outside, a couple of feet from each other. Theo shouts something. Memphis stares him down and says something quietly. Then Theo finally turns and flips me the bird through the window before storming off down the street.
I shouldn’t be surprised that he wouldn’t listen to me when I said we were done. That he wouldn’t let my answer be enough to leave me alone. I’ve seen it before, the way he can’t seem to let things go when he doesn’t get his way. Just another example of the stupid things I’ve ignored about Theo that are now so glaringly obvious.
Memphis comes back into the coffee shop, his eyes still wild, looking like he could light the world on fire. But he takes one look at my face and something settles.
“You all right?” he asks me, his tone gruff but caring.
I nod but don’t say anything, my throat tight.
He licks his lips and turns to Murphy. “I need to take a walk.” Then, before she can even respond, he turns and storms out of Rosewood Roasters. Back on the street, he heads away from where Theo went.
Letting out a long breath, I drop down into my seat. An emotional swell builds in my chest as I begin collecting my things.
“Can we hang out another day?” I say, the reality of dealing with Theo making me want to go back to the hotel and crawl into bed. “I’m really not in the mood ...”
“You don’t have to explain anything. I’ll call you later, okay?”
I sling my bag over my shoulder, but Murphy doesn’t let me slip away. She wraps her arms around me and gives me another big hug.
“I love you.”
“You, too,” I tell her, before hightailing it out of the coffee shop.
The tears begin to fall only seconds after I’ve pushed outside. I bat them away, hating how they streak down my cheeks and onto my neck.
I rarely cry. Mostly because I don’t think there are that many things in my life that have been cry-worthy. But also because I’m usually one to laugh away my discomfort instead. This, though ... this was a completely different monster.
Maybe it’s foolish of me to cry right now, when I haven’t really cried yet. Over any of it. Not the cheating, or the end of our relationship, or purging everything of his from our home.
But him showing up here was a violation that was somehow worse than the cheating.
Being in Rosewood has been ... such a balm on my soul. A true opportunity for me to take a break from the real world and the real problems going on in my life. And him being here felt like a baseball bat to the back of the head.
A reminder of everything I’m trying to escape.
Him being here shoved my face back into the mess I was trying to avoid thinking about, and what little peace I’d begun to feel is now rattled.
I glance both ways and then walk quickly across the street, the Firehouse coming into view in the distance.
It makes perfect sense, though. That Theo would come here to try and make things work out the way he wants them to, putting his own desires and preferences ahead of mine.
It’s always been that way.
And it’s just more proof that being with him was a mistake.
One I’m more than happy to be moving on from.
“Vivian!”
I stop at the sound of Memphis’s voice calling out to me. I wipe away the tears as best I can as he jogs over. He comes to a stop in front of me a little ways away from the Firehouse.
“Hey. Are you all right?”
“You already asked me that.”
“Yeah, but I was angry when I asked before,” he says, giving me a tight smile. “And now I’m asking for real.”
A few fresh tears roll out from my eyes. “It might not seem like it, because I’m crying, but I’m actually a lot better now than I was before.”
His head tilts to the side as his eyes flick across my face.
“I knew I did the right thing, ending my relationship with Theo. We weren’t meant for each other. But sometimes you just need ... something to confirm it for you. You know?” I shake my head, surprised at the honesty as it rolls out of me. “Him showing up here? Acting like that? That might have actually been exactly what I needed.”
Memphis’s hands flex at his sides. “Can I walk you back to the Firehouse?”
Something warms in my chest at his words. We can literally see the inn from where we’re standing, so it’s completely unnecessary. It’s not hard to see that Memphis, Mr. I’m-Busy-All-The-Fucking-Time, is going out of his way.
“I appreciate that, but actually, I think I’m gonna go on a drive,” I tell him. “Sometimes driving and music help me clear my head.”
Memphis watches me for a long moment before he speaks again. And when he does, he surprises me.
“So then ... let’s go for a drive.”
Thirty minutes later, we’re sitting in the bed of Memphis’s truck, our backs against the cab with our legs stretched out in front of us, overlooking a beautiful valley.
We haven’t said much since we hit the road, the two of us simply enjoying the quiet and the breeze and cooling weather outside as we drove.
But now that we’re sitting here, I can feel Memphis’s attention on me. I don’t doubt he wants me to share what the deal is with Theo. I’d definitely want answers if I was in his shoes—if I was sleeping with someone who suddenly had some woman coming to town claiming to be his girlfriend.
But once I start sharing, I’ll have to face some facts about myself that I haven’t necessarily been ready to address.
Not everyone is ready to look themselves in the mirror and accept all the things they see. I’m not sure whether it’s that I’m finally ready, or whether it’s the ease I feel around Memphis ... regardless, now feels like the right time to finally come to terms with the reality of my relationship with Theo.
“We were dating for three years. And he cheated on me.”
I can see him in my peripheral, looking my way. He doesn’t say anything, but I know he’s paying attention.
“It might not seem like the most catastrophic thing in the world. People get cheated on every day.” I lean my head back against the cab and close my eyes, trying to enjoy the sun on my face as it breaks out from behind a cloud. “But it upset me so much because I wasn’t surprised. And knowing that ... knowing that I’d stayed with someone for that long when I knew in my bones what he was capable of ...” I trail off.
It’s embarrassing.
I see women in the media all the time, or people I’m friends with in real life, and I wonder why they would ever stay with a someone who treats them so poorly. Someone who treats them like they’re disposable.
But it’s not so cut-and-dried.
“When you start to build a life with someone, even if you’re just dating, there are so many things that become intertwined,” I tell him. “Routines and friends and housing. Not to mention the emotional investment, the years of being there and putting up with things and seeing little hints at progress. It’s like you can’t help but hope.”
Tugging my legs to my chest, I wrap my arms around them and then put my face in my knees.
“Of course you had hope,” he says, his voice warm and comforting.
I turn my head to the side, and his soft eyes meet mine.
“When things are hard, all you really have is hope .”
I sigh, tucking my face away again, and finally decide to say the real truth. “It’s just ... so embarrassing.”
Memphis reaches out and rests a hand on my back, rubbing in calming circles.
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about. It sounds like you gave your partner the benefit of the doubt until he confirmed who he was.”
We sit like that for a long moment, Memphis’s hand continuing those comforting circles on my back, me with my chin in my knees staring straight ahead, my mind a mess. Thinking over the little things that I’ve been avoiding since I’ve been in town.
All the ways he showed me exactly who he was, and how I rationalized each one.
How highly critical he was of everyone we knew, even the people he supposedly cared about, which should have been enough for me to know he was probably just as callous about me when I wasn’t around.
The sneaky, underhanded way he approached things.
His inability to deal when he didn’t get his way.
The concerns I had about how flirtatious he was with other women.
In the beginning, I didn’t say much because I felt like I was still getting to know him. And then the longer that time went on, the more I tried to excuse the things I didn’t like by highlighting the things I did. The parts of him that made him the guy I accepted a first date with.
But eventually, those things became negatives as well.
Today is a direct example of the fact he doesn’t know how to listen when someone gives him an answer he doesn’t like. In the early days, I said he was tenacious, like me.
In truth, he’s just a child who didn’t know how to accept when things didn’t go his way.
“I can’t believe he actually came here,” I say, shaking my head. “That he tracked my phone and flew here after I’d already told him we were done.”
Memphis is silent, his jaw flexing as he stares out in the distance.
“I’m sorry he came,” I say.
His head turns to me quickly, his eyes widening. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“You looked ... upset, though. Before.”
Memphis rubs his hand over the stubble on his face, then chuckles.
“I’ll be honest, I was surprised when he said he was your boyfriend. But I believed you the minute you said he wasn’t. Most of my anger had to do with the way he talked to you.”
I feel a little bit of disappointment at that, but I try to tamp it down.
I shouldn’t feel anything but relief at Memphis’s explanation for why he reacted so strongly to Theo. Especially considering my own visceral reaction to how I felt yesterday in the tasting room.
I should be glad he wasn’t jealous.
I should be happy that he was defending me out of common decency.
I should be thankful that his reaction wasn’t a revelation that his feelings for me are rooted deeper than he originally planned for.
I should be all those things.
Too bad I’m not.