Chapter 13 Ash
ASH
That evening, Ash packed up a backpack for Maya while she darted around the house, trying to decide which toys to bring to Allie’s house for the evening.
He’d been feeling good all day, and Maya’s happiness added to his own made him feel light as air. Knowing that the same person was responsible for both was almost unbelievable.
All week long, Maya had been coming home talking about how Miss Lawrence read to her and asked her questions, how they ran up and down the steps counting until they got to one hundred, and how much she liked school now.
And all week long the memory of that searing kiss tormented him. Every time he closed his eyes, he could feel Allie’s impossibly soft lips under his, and see the look of wonder in her eyes as he pulled back.
He was a grown man, and he wasn’t sure how an innocent kiss could drive him to distraction. But waiting all week to see Allie again had been torture.
And now he just had to get Maya packed up and the moment would be here.
He was beyond excited, but the thought of leaving his daughter behind gave him a twinge.
“Are you sure you don’t mind staying with Allie’s parents tonight?” he couldn’t help asking.
“I like it at the farm,” Maya said lightly. “We can feed the animals and sit by the fireplace and tell stories. And Miss Lawrence said her daddy has a sweet tooth, so there will definitely be dessert.”
He couldn’t help chuckling at her list of innocent pleasures.
“I’m glad you’re excited,” he told her.
“You’re excited too,” she said. “Right?”
“Yes,” he said, nodding.
That was an understatement.
“You can’t wait to see Miss Lawrence,” she said, with a funny little smile. “You’re in love.”
Normally his knee-jerk reaction would be to tell his daughter the truth and temper her expectations. He braced himself for a wave of guilt.
But it didn’t come.
Am I in love with Allie Lawrence?
“I like her very much,” he said carefully. “But I love you.”
Maya giggled as he scooped her up and covered the top of her head in the quick little pecks Maya called bird kisses.
When he put her down, she grabbed her backpack and began industriously pulling on her boots.
“You’re all ready, huh?” he asked.
“Yes, let’s go,” she said, going for her coat.
“Do you need help with that?” he asked her.
“No, Miss Lawrence gave me a ribbon for my zipper,” she said proudly.
Sure enough, she was tugging on a pretty red ribbon that Allie must have tied onto Maya’s zipper pull to make it easier for her to grab.
“What a great idea,” he said, impressed.
“Now it’s easy,” Maya said with a big smile.
He pulled on his boots and coat, and they headed out to the truck together.
The wind had picked up a little, sending snowflakes swirling before they touched the ground.
“It’s cold,” Maya said. “Will it always be snowing?”
“Not always,” Ash told her. “But it is colder here than it was in the city.”
“That’s okay,” Maya told him. “I have a fluffy coat.”
She gazed out the window while he drove the short distance from their little house to Lawrence Farm, and he wondered what she was thinking about.
Ash knew he was biased, but he thought Maya was very observant, and he liked the way she thought things through, often surprising him with her perspective.
“Here we are,” she said suddenly, perking up as he drove them past the sign and down the drive to the farm.
“You’ll be well-behaved, right?” he said. “And you’ll do whatever Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence ask you to?”
“Yes, Daddy,” Maya sang out, already squirming in her seat.
“Okay then,” he told her. “We’ll park a little far away from the house so you can run.”
“So we can race,” she corrected him with a mischievous smile.
“Okay,” he allowed. “So we can race.”
He helped her out and she was off like a shot, her boots crunching on the snowy gravel.
He jogged after her just fast enough for her to feel that it was a real race. No way was he not going to let her win when she was so excited.
“Well, hello there,” Maggie Lawrence said as she stepped out onto the porch, a big smile on her face.
Allie’s mom was beautiful with her warm smile and her pretty Christmas apron. Her long hair was pulled back, but Ash imagined that when it was down, she looked even more like her daughter.
Will I get to see if Allie looks like that one day?
He frowned, not liking how sentimental his thoughts were. He had made a decision to pursue things with Allie, not just a pretend relationship, but a real one too.
But that didn’t mean he was letting his guard down, not after Libby. It was one thing to have a calm, adult relationship. It was another to spend the whole week dreaming about a kiss, or picturing himself with the woman thirty years from now.
Pull it together, Tailor, he scolded himself.
Maya reached Maggie, who bent to wrap her arms around her, and Allie stepped out from behind them just as Ash made it onto the porch.
He’d found her beautiful from the first time he saw her, as much for her intelligence and kindness as for her outer attractiveness.
But tonight, she was beautiful on a whole other level.
“Wow,” he heard himself say softly as he took her in.
She was wearing a blue sweater dress that brought out her eyes. A soft-looking suede belt cinched her small waist, and her golden hair was down loose around her shoulders.
“Hi,” she said softly, her cheeks so pink he figured it had to be from his schoolboy-ish wow and not the cold wind.
“You look lovely,” he told her, doing his best to pull himself together.
“Thank you,” she said. “You too.”
Then she giggled at her own awkwardness and Ash laughed too.
Maya laughed right along with them, even though he was pretty sure she had no idea why they were laughing.
“Come on in, Maya,” Maggie said. “Let’s get you settled. And you kids have fun. Drive safely.”
“We will,” Ash promised.
He waited while Allie ducked back inside for her coat and purse, and when she came out, he offered her his hand.
She looked a little surprised, but she took it, and they made their way carefully down the steps to the driveway.
“Sorry I parked a little far from the house,” he said.
“Don’t be,” Allie said. “It’s nice to stretch our legs. How was your day?”
“Oh, uh, fairly busy, but in my business that’s a good thing,” he told her, realizing no one had asked him that question in a long time. “How about yours?”
“Oh, it was great,” Allie said happily. “And Maya had a really good day too. She’s such an enthusiastic learner.”
“She has a great teacher,” Ash said, letting go of Allie’s hand to open the passenger door for her.
“Thank you,” she said softly as she got in.
There was something so sweet about the way she reacted to him complimenting her outfit and opening the truck door.
In his experience, a lot of women automatically expected a man to make a fuss. But Allie didn’t seem to take anything for granted.
It feels good to do little things for someone who actually appreciates them.
He was smiling as he walked over to the driver’s side.
“Your truck is so clean,” she said.
“Well, thank you,” he said. “Although it might not be such a good thing. I should probably be getting it dirty doing more things around my place.”
“Like what?” she asked.
“I’m not sure,” he admitted as he started the engine. “But we’ve got plenty of land. I’d like to have a vegetable patch, and maybe build a play set for Maya.”
“Those are great ideas,” Allie said. “What about a flower garden?”
“Do you even get enough sun here for that?” he teased before pulling out.
“Believe it or not, we do,” Allie said, laughing. “You should plant sunflowers. Maya would like that.”
“She would,” he said. “Maybe you can help us.”
“I’d be happy to,” Allie agreed.
They drove on in companionable silence. When they reached the covered bridge, he tapped his horn before proceeding.
“You already know the drill,” Allie said approvingly.
“My real estate agent explained it,” he told her. “And I know not to honk too early or late in the day because of the Johnsons.”
“Wow, you’re really one of us now,” Allie said, laughing. “Did you know I used to be terrified of this bridge?”
“Really?” Ash asked. “You strike me as the fearless type.”
“I do?” Allie asked, looking pleased.
“Definitely,” he said. “I’ll bet you told ghost stories around the campfire and everything.”
“I definitely did that,” she told him.
“So why were you afraid of the bridge?” he asked.
“There was one just like it on the cover of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” she said, looking a little sheepish. “I was a little bit afraid that if I walked through that bridge by myself, the headless horseman would get me.”
“You know what?” Ash said. “I actually think that was probably valid. It is a little spooky to be in a covered bridge, especially at night.”
“You’re just being nice,” she teased. “I’ll bet nothing scares you.”
Everything scares me now.
The thought flashed through his mind before it had time to fully register.
“I would have agreed,” he said. “Until Maya.”
“You worry about her?” Allie guessed.
“I think every parent worries,” he said.
“Anything specific?” she asked. “Or just an overall feeling?”
“Both, I guess,” he chuckled. “I used to worry that someone would try to snatch her, or that she would get sick when she was too little to tell me what was wrong.”
Allie nodded, her eyes serious, and it felt good not to be laughed at for his fears.
“Now I worry about whether she’ll catch up in school, and behave herself, and have lots of friends,” he said. “And whether she’ll grow up to be happy.”
“I can tell you that she will absolutely catch up in school,” Allie told him. “And she already has lots of friends.”
“That’s good to hear,” Ash said.
“And she wants to behave well,” Allie said. “It’s more of a challenge for her than for some kids. But that energy will serve her well later in life. And she’s not the only one in class who struggles. She’s just working against a really unfair double standard.”
“What do you mean?” Ash asked.
“Well, if she were a little boy, I don’t think there would be such a fuss,” Allie said.
“When a little boy causes a disruption, shoulders are shrugged and people just seem to think, boys will be boys, even if they don’t say it out loud.
Girls are the only ones who have such heavy expectations on their shoulders when they’re still so little. ”
“Wow,” Ash said, thinking about it. “So, she’s really not the only child in your class who has a hard time sitting quietly?”
“Not at all,” Allie said right away. “I’ve got one little boy who will just start yelling and marching around when he gets excited.
He’s gotten into a few tussles during recess too, I’m told.
But no one ever complains. He’s doing really well with the extra movement activities in class too, by the way, and that’s thanks to Maya. ”
“Wow,” Ash said. “That’s great.”
“It’s why I got into teaching,” Allie said, her eyes dreamy. “I had a hard time myself, and then my second-grade teacher really helped me a lot. I wanted to be just like her.”
“That’s so cool,” Ash said.
“What got you into making drinks for people?” Allie asked, winking when he glanced over.
He smiled at the reminder of how Maya had described his work.
“I was close with my grandfather,” he told her.
“But he was always too busy working a real job to do anything with his hobby except make small batches for family and friends. I was always business-minded, and when I got out of school the job market wasn’t great.
I decided to start something of my own and marketing Grandpa’s cream soda and root beer was a natural choice.
I just wish he’d been around to see it.”
“He didn’t know?” Allie asked.
“I asked him, of course,” Ash said. “I wanted us to be business partners. But he told me the recipes were mine, he just wanted to sit by the fire. And then we lost him before I even got into production.”
“That’s so sad,” Allie said, her voice full of sympathy.
“I’d like to think he knows,” Ash said.
But the idea that had always comforted him now made him wince.
What would Grandpa think of the Turbo Tailors?
Thankfully, he was turning into town now, and there was no time to worry about it.
“It’s so beautiful, isn’t it?” Allie asked, gazing out the windows at the glowing lights of the little town. “It’s always so magical at Christmastime.”
“Do they decorate differently each year?” Ash asked her.
“No,” she said with a smile. “It’s always the same. I mean they’ve added a few things over the years. But we’re creatures of habit here, that’s for sure.”
“That’s nice,” Ash said, finding that he meant it.
In his experience, the ever-changing world might be improving in some important ways, but it was also exhausting. There was something comforting about holding onto old traditions.
He turned onto Bear Avenue and found a parking spot near the end of the block.
“Perfect,” Allie said with a smile. “And I’m sure a ton of people will see us here tonight. This was a great idea.”
Her happy words cut him a little and he felt some of his earlier joy deflate. While he was thinking about how to transition this fake engagement into something real, Allie clearly wasn’t even considering it.
But if the corporate world had taught him anything, it was how to fake it ’til you make it.
And Ash was feeling more determined than ever to make it.
He hopped out of the truck and opened the passenger side door for Allie, offering her his hand to help her down.
“Thank you,” she said, as she took it and gracefully descended.
He felt another rush of appreciation for her beauty, inside and out. It would be a pleasure to be by her side tonight.
He only wished he could be certain she felt the same—that he was getting under her skin the same way she was getting under his.
Ash knew he was a good-looking guy. In the city, there had been plenty of women expressing an interest subtly and not-so-subtly after his wife left.
He’d caught Allie blushing at his words maybe once or twice. But she didn’t seem to be hung up on his looks or money the way a lot of women were.
I’ll have to win her over in other ways, he told himself. I didn’t get where I am by giving up easily.