30. 30
30
Honey
T he Twilight Shop Night usually had me bursting with small town pride and excitement. The decorations that garnished the main street and people bustling along the footpaths made it feel like a second Christmas. But not this year. Even when a little girl ran past in a fairy dress, her freckled face alight with joy, I didn’t crack a smile.
If only Berocca also got rid of the shame that came with drunken endeavours. The encounter with Colton beneath the gum tree that held so many memories of us should’ve made me feel better, but I’d ridden Misty home feeling dirty. So dirty, in fact, that I’d turned the hose onto myself when I cooled her off. It was mere hours since Beau’s and my break up and there I was, hugging the bane of our relationship, even though Colton’s intentions had been purely kind. Or maybe I felt more guilty about the fact that when I’d hugged him, feeling his toned and strong physique against mine, I’d felt things indistinguishable to when we’d been together. I hadn’t wanted to let go. Because when he held me, those strong arms around my body, which lately felt like it was made of glass, I felt as though I was built from titanium. Colton had always been my safety net, my protector. I didn’t want to face the town alone. I wanted him to be by my side, so I could burrow into him every time the whispers got too loud and when the staring eyes darted away. But of course that would be pouring petrol onto an already raging inferno. For the town gossip mill, yes, but also my reawakened libido.
With the imprint of his abs against me, I was suddenly able to recount every single spicy scene I’d read.
Even Mrs Bickering, who I normally had to almost throw out of the shop from her constant chattering, had phoned earlier to say she wouldn’t be in to collect her latest order tonight. She would come during the week, when it was quieter. In other words, when there were less people around to witness her associating with me. I hadn’t even been able to say goodbye before the line had gone dead.
‘It was bound to happen sooner or later though, wasn’t it?’
From where I leant against the counter of The Honey Pot, my chin cupped in my hand, I rolled my head to look out the window at two women with prams moving along the shopfront.
‘With a past like hers, you can’t really blame her for having a meltdown.’
I groaned, dragging a hand down my face. Maddie approached me with a look of sympathy. ‘Do you think I’m as screwed up as much as everyone else thinks?’
‘You had a bad night,’ said the young girl gently. ‘People in the big cities wouldn’t blink an eye at a drunk girl making a fool of herself but in a place like this it’s the most exciting thing to have happened.’
‘Why couldn’t I have had my “meltdown” when I was at uni?’
I straightened Granny’s display of jams on the counter, not that any had been touched. My scandalous night out had resulted in a lapse of business. Thankfully Appleyard Farm jams were flying out the doors of the local supermarket, people most likely feeling the need to support Granny with a screw-up granddaughter like me.
‘Try not to worry about it. You know what this town can be like. Someone else will make an idiot of themselves soon and your scandal will be long forgotten.’
‘I appreciate your honesty but we both know there’s an invisible hall of fame for all major scandals around here.’
Maddie laughed lightly. ‘Well, I don’t pay much attention to it.’
I smiled, feeling grateful and pathetic at the same time to be confiding in a seventeen-year-old girl. ‘How’s Toby’s riding going? I hear he’s entered his first rodeo tonight.’
The young girl took a shaky breath, this time being the one to adjust the untouched jams. ‘I’ve barely slept since he put his nomination forms in.’
I placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘Toby is a good rider. I’m pretty sure his arse is made of velcro. Have faith in his skills.’
She twirled a long piece of hair around her finger. ‘I know there’s an invisible clause in my contract for me to resent him, but Colton was actually the one to help me feel okay with it.’
My eyebrows shot to my hairline. ‘Colton? How?’
Maddie shrugged, moving to flip the sign on the door. ‘When he helped out at the rodeo school. He was actually really nice about it. He said I had to trust in Toby’s abilities.’
‘Huh.’ I busied myself by shutting blinds and flicking off lights.
‘Did you really close your eyes every time he rode?’
I joined Maddie behind the counter to grab our bags. ‘He told you that?’
‘Maybe I could give it a try.’
With the shop locked up, Maddie and I parted ways. She was going to the rodeo with some of her friends to be Toby’s very own cheer squad. I was glad she’d found peace with her boyfriend’s career, even if Colton had been the one to give it to her.
I gripped my handbag like a weapon as I ventured into the busy main street. Although everyone was shutting up now to migrate to the rodeo, it was still an impressive sight. One saving grace had been my rush ordered decorations arriving. The glittery moons and stars decorated the shopfronts and strings of lights were wrapped around the poles of the verandahs. The tractor, which towed giggling kids in a hay wagon, continued puttering up and down the main road closed to traffic. The young country singer who’d played upbeat music from the stage during the night was now packing up, deserving a night of fun amongst the rodeo crowds. Stalls of home businesses that didn’t have a brick-and-mortar store were beginning to pack up the wares they’d been selling.
Amongst them was Mrs Bickering, who’d been selling her flower arrangements. Mr Bickering was currently helping her dismantle the trestle tables that had sold out of the floral displays. I couldn’t help but giggle a little, thinking of the conversation Maddie and I had all those weeks ago. I wondered if they really did have some sort of sex swing strung up somewhere in their home.
I was lurking in the shadows like a creep, searching for Kimberley and Ellie-May, who were joining me for the rodeo. I hadn’t expected anyone to see me. So when a familiar voice spoke behind me, I did a pathetic jump.
‘You look like a murderer preying on their next victim.’
I gasped, whipping around to glare at Colton, who was grinning down at me. ‘Ninety-nine per cent of the town hates me. I’m only practicing caution.’ I turned away from him. ‘You shouldn’t be seen with me.’
‘You really think I care about what these people have to say?’ Colton leant on the light-wrapped pole next to me, his eyes scanning the crowds, who were too worried about getting to the rodeo to notice the two of us. ‘I was actually wondering if you would be my bodyguard in case I’m spotted by a certain Kimberley Sparks.’
I couldn’t help but grin a little. The author had told me about her not-so-great tour over our lemonade. But I was like a cat with a ball of yarn watching the usual cocky Colton squirm a little. ‘Oh? Did the tour not go to plan?’
Colton dipped his head slightly, using the brim of his hat to shield his face when a dark-haired woman walked by. ‘You could say that.’ His posture suddenly became rigid. When he looked up at me, there was an uncharacteristic nervousness in his eyes. ‘There’s something I need to tell you, about Kimberley … and Beau.’
I swallowed roughly. I was still confused and hurt by the sight of Kimberley in Beau’s ute. But it wasn’t my business what he did with who anymore. I deserved to be punished. There was nothing Beau could do to me that would equal to what I did to him. ‘I know that Beau dropped Kimberley back to her cabin. I went to see her, to apologise, when they pulled up.’
Colton swore, his jaw clenching and unclenching.
‘It’s okay, Colton. What they did or didn’t do isn’t my concern. It doesn’t sting or hurt, although it should.’ I looked down at my boots and fiddled with the sleeve of my denim jacket. ‘Beau never had my heart, not really.’
I dared a glance up at Colton who was a breath’s distance away. Emotion swirled in his dark eyes amongst the reflection of the twinkling lights. I didn’t have to say the words out loud. I didn’t have to tell Colton breathlessly that he was the one who stole my heart a long time ago, and the bastard had never given it back. Because he knew. And I had a feeling that I’d taken a piece of his heart, too.
I startled at a squeal belting down the footpath, like a crack of a whip. Shakily, I turned to see Ellie-May jogging up to me with Kimberley in tow. I turned back to face Colton, only to see he’d moved off with the crowds.
‘Ta-da! I’ve totally countrified her!’ Ellie-May pounced into my eyesight, who was parading Kimberley like a new Cowgirl Barbie.
I roamed my eyes up and down Kimberley, from her cowgirl hat, tied shirt, flare jeans held up by a dazzling belt and boots. I forced a smile, hoping it didn’t waver from my pounding heart. ‘No more heels, huh?’
‘They would’ve sunk in the sand.’ While her facial expression remained cool, a knowing look passed between us.
‘Well the grandstands will be filling up fast so we best get a wriggle on.’
‘Yee-ha!’ cried Ellie-May.
***
I knew that Gumtree Valley’s rodeo was miniscule compared to the ones someone like Colton attended. But what it lacked in size and prize money, it made up for in character. The grandstands, where Ellie-May, Kimberley and I were smushed together, were full to the brim. So much so I wondered how much weight they could bear without them collapsing and crushing us all. The audience was lively, screaming and cheering at the top of their lungs each time a competitor would enter the arena. Most of them were locals, but there was also a decent splattering of tourists amongst them. Tourists who would’ve also been at the Twilight Shop Night pumping their dollars into our little economy. In fact, I think the tourists were the only ones who did spend a dime at The Honey Pot, oblivious to the owner’s drunken show.
‘You were right!’ Kimberley had to shout over the crowd as a girl ran her horse around the barrels. Her phone was poised in front of her, the camera clicking away for her mood boards. ‘You guys really do go all out!’
I grinned, joining the crowd in screaming my lungs out when the horse whipped around the final barrel and galloped for home. The junior events had been first for the night and while they weren’t as adrenaline pumping, everyone loved watching the little humans who thought they were adults give it their all. The barrel racing was the final senior event before the broncs and bulls kicked off. The events that the spectators really came for.
After the MC had announced the last rider’s time, the arena lights dimmed before a line of rodeo girls galloped out on their horses. Sashes were worn across their dressy arena shirts, displaying the title of whatever competitions they’d won. The one at the front was the reigning Miss Gumtree Valley Rodeo Queen. Each of them held onto a flag each; the Australian, the American and the National Rodeo Association’s. After doing a synchronised display with their horses, they parked up in a line. The crowd got to their feet and cheered when the young country singer who’d been singing in town earlier came into the arena with a guitar slung across his body.
After a medley of well-known country songs to get the crowd even more amped, the singer gave a wave and jogged from the arena. The horse girls did another performance before galloping out of the arena, bringing the show to an end. But everyone’s attention was already focused on the broncs being run into their chutes, tossing their heads and whinnying.
Cowboys rode like their lives depended on it. Some made the eight second buzzers while others were flung from the bucking creatures’ backs. The crowd cheered for the winners and hissed for the losers in unison. Kimberley’s phone didn’t stop clicking away. Ellie-May filmed her reactions to the rides live on Instagram. With the first heat of the broncs over, the bulls came into the chutes behind them. The brute animals brought a whole new excitement to the arena with them. I looked to the riders warming up behind the chutes, trying to pick Toby amongst the padded vests, hats and helmets, only for my eyes to freeze on a familiar bull rider.
‘What the hell is he doing behind there?’ I felt like I was seventeen again, my voice taking on a panicked shrill.
Ellie-May followed my gaze. ‘He’s been helping with the rodeo school, right? Maybe he’s just behind there to give them some pointers.’
It wasn’t my business to know why he was behind there. God, he had every right to be behind there. The guys were probably loving having rodeo royalty rubbing shoulders with them. But there was a nervous feeling in my stomach, a feeling which told me he wasn’t only behind there to help.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys! Before we kick off our finals for the broncs and bulls, I’ve just had an exciting announcement come in!’
I froze at the MC’s words, Ellie-May’s nervous gaze catching mine. Kimberley remained oblivious, soaking in every part of the rodeo.
‘Our very own hometown hero, Colton Hayes, will be giving us a dose of nostalgia lowering himself onto the back of a bull!’
The crowd around me jumped and roared. Some even stampeded from the seats in the grandstand to get a spot by the fence. I felt like I was in a bubble though as they rushed around me. All I could hear was the heaviness of my breathing, the rapid thudding of my heart. The bull was in the chute, stomping and thrashing around. Colton, now geared up, was lowering himself onto its back. No, no, no . A gloved hand primed the rope. The music stopped. The entire arena fell into a baited silence, like we’d all taken one last breath before holding it. There was shouting around the chutes as they prepared to open the gate. Ellie-May’s hand gripped mine across Kimberley. The rodeo clowns were fanning out, their eyes locked onto the beast about to be unleashed.
With the rest of the crowd, the breath I’d been holding in whooshed out of me with the opening of the gate. I willed myself to close my eyes, like I always used to, like Maddie would be with Toby. But I couldn’t move. My gaze was locked onto Colton riding that angry bull, saliva whipping around with every toss of its head. White walls, fluorescent lights, beeping machines. Granny’s arms around me. My sobs in the hallway. Holding Colton’s hand stabbed with IV needles, warm but so still. Willing for his eyes to open, for him to speak to me. The bull in front of me continued doing its best in flinging Colton off, but he held steady with a hand in the air. Blue eyes fluttering open. Smashing the assistance button next to his bed. Crying with relief.
‘Don’t cry, baby. You know I hate it when you cry.’
I gasped, heaving in quick and shallow breaths when the sound of a buzzer brought me back to the present. A hand was gripping mine and I followed the arm connecting it, eventually finding Ellie-May’s smiling face.
‘… did it!’
The sounds around me rushed in, making me stagger slightly. ‘What?’
Ellie-May pointed to the time board which showed a full eight seconds glowing in red. ‘He made it!’
I moved my eyes down to the arena where Colton did a short celebration before clambering over the rails back to the chutes. Slowly, robotically, I joined the crowd in a standing ovation. A relieved smile filled my face, one which had my heart swelling and tears blurring my vision.
Kimberley bumped me gently. ‘Those flames are burning more than ever.’