Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter
Forty-Two
Beulah
The crisp, cool wine was as appealing as the meal. Stone explained that the filled dumplings were popular in Eastern Europe and told me about the process of making them. Geraldine had been taught by a Polish friend of hers when she was a young woman. I ate and listened to him talk. As the wine relaxed me, the sound of Stone’s voice became richer, thicker, and more appealing.
That was not a good thing. I knew it and fought against it until my third glass of wine made me simply not care. It wasn’t my fault Stone had a nice voice. I had to accept it and ignore it. Right now, though, I would enjoy listening to him talk. It wasn’t hurting anyone.
Once the food was cleared from my plate and my third glass was almost empty, any awkwardness or uncertainty I felt around Stone was gone. I didn’t need to be so nervous around him. He was honest and he wanted what was best for Jasper. He took care of Geraldine. He wasn’t always a bastard. He was a good man deep down.
“No, I’m not, Beulah,” he replied.
I frowned, wondering what he was talking about. Had I said something out loud? “Huh?” I asked, needing clarification.
“I’m cold, hard, indifferent. Don’t confuse my actions for anything more.”
I had said it out loud. He didn’t mention the bastard bit, so I apparently hadn’t said that. Words continued to pour out without my bidding. “I disagree. I’ve seen you with Geraldine. I know you have a heart. You protect her and care for her. You give her that smile that other women never receive. Then there is the way you protect Jasper from himself. You have your problems, but no one helps you or seems to care.”
I snapped my mouth shut, realizing I was saying way too much, and the wine was the reason. I didn’t want him to know that Geraldine talked about him and his life. He’d hate that I knew so much about his personal issues with his parents.
“Gerry and Jasper need me. I don’t need anyone.”
“Everyone needs someone,” I replied.
“No, Beulah. They don’t. Some don’t need another person to hold them together.”
No one was strong enough to need no one. “You need to be needed. You need Geraldine and Jasper to need you. That’s what gives you purpose. Maybe you aren’t weak by needing to be rescued the traditional way. But your being needed by others, that is what saves you.”
As I heard the words coming out of my mouth, I understood him better. Strange how a little Target wine can make you see things you were missing.
Stone stood and picked up both of our plates. “I believe that’s enough wine. Good night, Beulah,” Stone said as he walked inside with the empty plates. I stared at the door as it closed behind him. My butt was still planted firmly in the chair. I had made a very good observation, and he had dismissed me and walked off. Just like that. Had it angered him? Why did he get to say whatever he wanted and then walk off when something he didn’t like was said?
Was he not allowed to have a weakness? Even if he needed to be strong for someone else? It was still a need. We all had needs.
I stood up quickly, shoving my chair back as I did it. My balance was off somewhat, but I ignored that. I had a mission. He needed to be told that having needs was what made us human. He wasn’t a superhero. It was okay to have weaknesses.
I stalked toward the kitchen with determination. Storming inside ready to make Stone hear me. I was struggling somewhat with balance and my tongue felt a little thick but I was fine otherwise. I barely got inside when I blurted out my point, “It is human to need something. You are a human. Needing to be needed is ALLOWED!” I finished that with my hands firmly planted on my hips as I had to concentrate to focus my vision on Stone.
He was at the sink on the other side of the counter, where he had been rinsing off dishes. We stood there. His eyes locked on mine. No one said a word, and the time felt as if it was slowly ticking by, and Stone was never going to speak. But his gaze held me there. Immobile. He was a little blurry and the room tilted some. The dang wine. One glass would have been plenty.
Just when I began to think we would stand there all night in this staring contest, waiting for the other to break, or me to fall over sideways, he moved. He walked around the bar, and his long strides looked aggressive as he came toward me. I didn’t think he was going to hurt me, although the scowl on his face should probably concern me.
When I thought he would walk right past me, he stopped inches from our bodies touching. I inhaled sharply, preparing for whatever hard and possibly cruel things he was about to let loose.
“You’re right. It’s human to need. It’s part of our flaw. Or weakness,” he began. His voice was deep and dark. I shivered. “But that’s not a fucking need. It’s part of my life—a part I accepted a long time ago. I need. Yes. I need something I cannot have. That’s what I need, Beulah. What I need and want are two different things.”
His words were like riddles, but he smelled so nice, and the heat from his body was so close that I didn’t care about his confusing words. He could keep speaking riddles; I would keep listening. And smelling.
Stone closed even more of the tiny bit of space left between us. “Right now, I need you to go to your room and lock your door.” His tone was possibly meant to be threatening, but I wasn’t scared. A thrill ran through me. It seemed wine made me like bossy Stone. His telling me what to do and ordering me around was exciting.
He leaned in until his mouth was at my ear. I closed my eyes as the warmth from his breath brushed over my skin. That was really nice.
“Go to your motherfucking room. Now .” He hadn’t needed to raise his voice to get the point across. He was angry. I’d done something. What was it? I tried to remember. I pulled back and looked up at him.
He closed his eyes as if having to look at me was unpleasant. That did sting. I wasn’t numb enough it seemed. He could still slap me without touching me.
“I have asked little of you, Beulah. Do this one fucking thing for me. Please.”
Those were the words that sent me to my room. The words I couldn’t argue with because he had done so much for me. He had asked for nothing from me. He was always there to save the people around him. He was tired of my company. Our evening was over.
I backed away then turned having to pause to steady myself before walking to my room. The reminder of the truth. Tonight, hadn’t been the start of something more for us. We weren’t suddenly friends. I was a burden for him that he took on for Jasper’s sake.
If I hadn’t drank so much, I could walk faster. Flee successfully. When I finally reached my door, I rushed inside as a tear rolled down my cheek. It was silly to cry. I couldn’t even pinpoint why I wanted to.
Leaning back against the door I slid down until my bottom hit the floor and I closed my eyes. I was never drinking again.
Stone wasn’t home when I woke up. I had listened for him as I got ready for work but heard nothing. The smell of coffee didn’t linger from the kitchen. When I left my room, I noticed his bedroom door open.
I didn’t go to the kitchen or look anywhere else for him, but I did stand at the door and wait in case he was lurking somewhere and decided to show himself. After several silent minutes, I opened the door and left the apartment.
Drinking three glasses of wine had been a terrible idea. I never drank because I was a lightweight. I remembered everything, but I worried that the alcohol hindered my memory. Had I offended him, or worse, said something embarrassing? Like, spoke my thoughts out loud. God, had I said anything about how he looked? Stone wouldn’t have found my drunken ramblings about his chiseled jaw, corded arms, or broad chest entertaining. It’s possible he’d hate me for it. Even if I was a female and it was impossible to ignore how he looked.
When I reached the bottom floor, I saw Mack wiping his face with a towel. He was sweaty and dressed in soaked running shorts and a T-shirt. A bottle of water sat empty on the floor beside him. Did everyone who lived here run? Was I the only one without an exercise plan?
He looked over at me and frowned, then smiled slowly. “You must be, Beulah.”
He didn’t remember meeting me. That was either embarrassing for both of us, or he was drunk that night, and I hadn’t realized it.
“Oh,” I said, thinking how to straighten this out. “Um, well, we did meet. The night of the party that Presley threw for Stone.” I wasn’t sure if that was rude or not, but acting like we hadn’t met seemed silly.
He chuckled. “No. I’d remember meeting you. A guy doesn’t forget that face. You met Mack. I’m Marty. We’re identical except for the birthmark on my left calf in the shape of a warped-looking heart. We tried changing our appearance to make ourselves look different over the years, but we outgrew it—no more piercings, weird hair colors, or glasses that aren’t needed. We just accept that we look alike and go with it. But I’m the smarter one. So, there’s that.”
Identical. Wow. I studied him for a moment and didn’t see anything that differentiated his appearance from his brother. Maybe I would find a distinguishing factor if I were around them more.
The entry door opened, and Fiona came in with a to-go coffee in her hands. She was wearing high-heeled boots that came to her knees and a skirt that barely covered her bottom. She looked like she’d just done a photo shoot for a magazine.
“Good morning, Beulah. Marty,” she said, knowing exactly which brother was standing in front of us. She had no problem telling them apart. There must be some trick.
“Morning,” he said less enthusiastically without sparing her more than a glance.
“Good morning,” I replied.
She smirked. “Be careful with him.” Then she headed up the stairs.
That got awkward fast. I tried to think of a way to end the conversation and leave.
“She hates me, ignore her,” he said, grinning as if that was amusing.
“You fucked someone else when we were dating,” she called from the second floor.
My eyes widened in shock. I really wanted out of this conversation.
“We were on a break! Jesus, Fiona. Let it go!”
“I was in Italy, you bastard. Our break didn’t mean we could fuck other people!” She then slammed the door, and I stood there wishing I was somewhere else. Just not here.
He sighed. “It was a year ago. I had asked her to marry me. She said she needed space and went to Italy for work. I took it as she was breaking up with me. I got smashed and slept with an ex-girlfriend. But hey, I was honest with her about it. I told her the truth. She didn’t take it well.”
I nodded. “Obviously.”
He chuckled. “Old news. Anyway, it was nice to meet you. Don’t be a stranger. Shay, Fiona’s sister, hangs out with us often. The door’s always open.”
“Thanks,” I said, glancing at the door. “I need to go. I’ll be late for work.”
He was still grinning when he said, “Have a good one.”
“You too,” I replied then hurried out the door and to my car.
Stone’s Rover wasn’t there. I wondered where he’d gone. Was he hiding at Jasper’s pool house again? This time it was from me instead of Presley. I didn’t want to run him out of his home. He’d had enough of that.
If my being here was going to keep him from being comfortable, I didn’t need to stay. I hadn’t mentioned leaving to him again. He’d been adamant about me staying before but perhaps he had changed his mind. My welcome had run out. I’d talk to him about it tonight.
The drive to Geraldine’s was short, but my thoughts bounced from Stone and last night to Jasper at Geraldine’s yesterday to Heidi and the fact I needed to visit her. Since moving into Stone’s apartment I had only called Heidi twice, grabbing time to speak with her while Geraldine napped. During our last telephone call, I’d promised yellow and pink cupcakes on my Sunday visit. I needed to get to the store for the ingredients and maybe Geraldine wouldn’t mind if I made them at her house.
I rolled up to the gate and buzzed Geraldine.
“Hello,” came her voice over the speaker.
“It’s Beulah,” I told her.
“Oh good! You must be here with the Chinese food I ordered. You know it’s been three hours. You need to work harder to make your delivery times.” The speaker cut off abruptly, and the gate opened.
My morning was going to start off interesting. Maybe when Geraldine came back around, I could ask if she wanted to join me for a surprise visit to see Heidi later this afternoon. Geraldine needed an outing.