Chapter Eighty-Five
Chapter
Eighty-Five
Stone
I stood outside the hotel in Beaufort, South Carolina, where Jasper had said he’d take her. When he called me earlier today, I didn’t want to answer his call. My father had just sent word from his lawyer to mine that if I continued my course of action, I would regret it.
He knew I was going to fight for Wills, so he sent him away. Wills wasn’t at a boarding school; I had found that out quickly enough. He was staying in my father’s newest house in London. The boarding school had been a smokescreen.
I answered the call because Jasper was with Beulah. I hadn’t expected him to call me when he was with her. I fully expected him to take advantage of the situation to try and win her back. His calling had concerned me as much as it had relieved me. But I’d not wanted him to know that. My pride was suffering from her leaving me when I loved her so goddamn much.
I greeted him by saying if he couldn’t take care of her, I’d send someone else. Which was a fucking lie. What he said next, however, had brought me here.
“Sending someone else to take care of the woman carrying your child that she believes you don’t want—and you called a mistake—has to be the biggest jackass move of your life.”
As if someone had released a dam, the surge hit me so hard it took my breath. Everything that had happened, the answers to why, what I had done, all of it crashed over me.
“Do you hear me, you cold motherfucker? She’s pregnant. She’s not running from you. She left to protect her baby, whom she thinks you don’t want. That’s what I am dealing with here. I had to pull over while she vomited on the side of the interstate. I had to force her to let me pay for her meal so she’d eat more than a damn salad, and I had to threaten her with telling you to get her to stay in a hotel tonight. Because she’s slept in her CAR at a fucking SERVICE STATION for the past two nights. Is this all sinking in?”
Horror, anguish, complete and utter panic, didn’t begin to describe what I was feeling. “Where is she?” I asked as my chest constricted from the weight of what I’d done.
“I’ll text you the location of the hotel I am taking her to. If you don’t show up, I’ll step in. I’ll be what she needs, and in time, she’ll love me again. This is my peace offering. Come get her if she and your baby are what you want. If you think you can’t be a father, let me be one. I had a shit example too, but because of it, I know what not to do. And so the fuck do you.”
He promptly ended the call.
I ordered a private plane without contacting my lawyers, without thinking about my next steps with my father—that would have to wait. Finding Beulah and getting her home wouldn’t.
During the flight here, I’d replayed all the words I’d said that last night we’d been together. I remembered how I had gone on and on about us not having a baby. How getting her pregnant would be a mistake I didn’t want. Each fucking memory was like a knife stabbing me in the heart. To think she had stood there and listened to me, knowing our child was already growing inside her. Knowing how much my words hurt her was a vice around my lungs. It was painful to breathe. Every second I was away from her she was thinking I didn’t want her or our baby.
My perfect girl hadn’t said a word. She hadn’t cried. She’d held it all in. Because she had grown accustomed to defeat. Having her life turned upside down just when she thought she had found something secure.
I texted Jasper. “What room number?”
He didn’t respond, so I stood there waiting. Just when I was ready to walk inside and demand to know where she was, Jasper appeared. He walked out the front entrance and came toward me—a scowl on his face. I thought I was about to get another dressing down about how I had failed the woman we both loved. But that wasn’t it…
“What I did before, it was wrong. I was hurt and bitter, and I was desperate to win her back. But I lost something else. Something I hadn’t realized that was more important—my best friend. The only real family I have. This,” he said, pointing back at the hotel. “This is me asking for forgiveness. I was tempted to keep her secret. To be the man she needed. To be the hero. But I couldn’t.”
His apology was unexpected. Jasper was the one person I knew about as well as I knew myself. We were different, but we’d both lived similar childhoods. We had made it through tough times, depending on each other. And he wasn’t being completely honest right now.
“You called me because you love her. It wasn’t all about me. Or us. It was about her, too. You chose what you knew would make her happy instead of what you wanted.”
He chuckled softly, but there was no humor in it. “Maybe.”
I held out my hand, and he looked at it for a moment, as if unsure what to do. Finally he took my hand with a solid shake, and then he stepped forward and hugged me briefly.
“Room 202. Here’s the extra key. Go fix your fucking disaster. And next time, think before you go rambling off at the mouth.”
I took the key. “Thanks.”
Jasper nodded, turned, and walked toward the parking lot.
“Where are you going?” I asked, knowing he had no car here.
“I had a rental sent here after I called you. I knew you’d show up, and I want to continue my road trip.”
I watched him walk away before heading inside. We weren’t what we had once been, but that was the first of our mending the damage done. One day, I knew we would have that again. It would be when I knew he wasn’t looking at my wife wanting her. He’d have to find his own happiness first. I was only so understanding.
Heading to the entrance, I held the key in my hand, and my steps grew longer as my pace quickened. The need to see her was pounding inside my chest and I wanted to break into a run. I wanted to hold her and reassure myself she was safe. I walked past the elevator taking the stairway as I gave in to my need to run, and I was outside her door within minutes.
Taking the key, I tapped the lock and was relieved when the red light didn’t flash because she had bolted it. Knocking on her door would have been more difficult. If the lock had been engaged, there was a good chance she wouldn’t wake up, and I’d have to sit out here until morning to see her.
Stepping into the dark room, I closed the door quietly behind me. I turned on the bathroom light and cracked the door to give me some visibility. When she opened her eyes, she needed to see my face, so she didn’t think a stranger was in here with her.
She was curled up in the middle of a king size bed. I could see her pink pajamas peeking through the little bit of her that wasn’t covered up. She seemed so fragile right now. I wanted to carry her around in bubble wrap and keep her safe from the world. Keep them both safe.
I sat down on the edge of the bed and reached over to touch her arm. Letting her sleep would come later. I couldn’t allow any more time to pass with her believing I didn’t want our child.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she gasped. She started to sit up when her eyes locked on me. She froze and stared as if she wasn’t sure I was real. She blinked again and rubbed her eyes then squinted to see if I was still there. It was adorable, but it also broke my heart. She’d gone days thinking that I wouldn’t want our child. That I wouldn’t love it. That the stupid words I’d said while upset about Wills were true. If I had only known…
“Am I awake?” she whispered.
“Yes,” I assured her.
She sat there thinking about it a moment more.
“Jasper told you?” she said it like a question more than a statement.
“He did.”
She frowned. “What did he tell you?”
“That I was a bastard that needed to think before I spoke.” She didn’t stop frowning. She was being careful. Although I deserved it, her distrust of me was like a punch in the gut.
“He also told me that my future, my happiness, and the woman I loved were in Beaufort, South Carolina, and she was carrying my child.” I reached out and cupped her face with my hand. “I’m sorry, Beulah, for saying what I did. I was upset about Wills. I was saying shit without thinking. Things I didn’t mean.”
She looked at me nervously. “I can’t…I can’t let my baby ever feel as if it isn’t wanted. I, I love you. I will always love you. But if you don’t want it. If this is too much, please leave. Don’t force something you don’t truly think you can deal with. It will cause harm I can never fix.”
Leaning down so that our faces were only inches apart, I made sure she could see my eyes clearly. The truth in every word I was about to say.
“I want you and our baby more than my next breath. I was scared I couldn’t be a father. But someone unexpected pointed out that I knew exactly what not to do. That I knew what a kid needed because I never had it. I want you, I want our child, and I want both forever. I’ve wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you, Beulah. And that has only grown into something very fucking powerful.”
Tears filled her eyes. “You sounded so sure,” she said as her voice shook. “I don’t want to force a family on you. It wasn’t planned-”
“If you say anything else I don’t think I can take it. You’re killing me, baby. Please, believe me. Forgive me. I swear I will spend my life making this up to you.”
I wiped the tears off her cheek with my thumbs. Her bottom lip trembled as those eyes that had owned me from day one stared up at me. I wasn’t sure she would ever understand the depth of what I felt for her. “Come home with me,” I pleaded. “Let me take care of you and our baby. Give me another chance.”
Her lips pressed together, and she sniffled then nodded her head. “Okay, if you’re sure.”
I wanted to laugh but I didn’t. If I was sure? God, I’d fucked up if this woman didn’t realize how I needed her to take a deep breath. “Beulah, without you there, it’s not home. You’re my home.” I placed a hand on her stomach. “And so is the child you’re carrying and the one I will fight for until he is with us.”