Chapter 13
Chapter
Thirteen
LOVE CURSE
Ella
“He’s even better than fictional men.” — E
I lean back in the comfortable leather chair, staring at the glow of my iPad screen as I wait patiently for my astronomy class to begin. I can’t get enough of this class. When I first started college, I didn’t feel giddy or excited about any of the subjects I signed up for. It felt like duty, with no joy in it.
Now, it’s different. Everything is different. Every time I sit down to listen to the professor talk for two hours straight about the cosmos and everything that exists outside of Earth, I feel a lot of excitement and passion. This career path doesn’t feel like a duty. It feels like… me.
This is it. This is the start of the grand adventure of rediscovering the me I put away so long ago to please everyone else. That ended the moment I stepped foot on this ranch. Now I’m here, doing things I’ve always dreamed of but was too afraid to chase after.
Paying close attention, I listen to the professor’s voice streaming through my headphones, absorbing the wonders of the cosmos. Periodically, I pause to underline key points with my soft pink highlighter, meticulously marking the most intriguing details and adding notes of my own to help me study better later.
As the professor speaks, the visuals of his class appear on the screen, and the chat box hums with questions from other students. I pose my own question to join in, which the professor promptly answers, clearing up my doubts.
I don’t miss classes on campus. At times, being around so many people overwhelms me—not because of genuine connections, but because of the shallow niceties aimed at gaining something from me.
I’d much rather take my classes online and not worry about who is around me because they genuinely like me or because they want to use me.
“Miss Kenton,” the professor’s voice interrupts my thoughts, snapping me back to the present as I stare at the screen with a puzzled look.
Shoot. I quickly unmute the audio and blurt out, “I’m so sorry. What was the question?”
Professor Kelly doesn’t look all that amused. “I asked if you could tell me which Polish-born astronomer proposed that the planets orbit the sun and was later proved right.”
I don’t have to think long. I know the answer. “That would be Copernicus.”
There is a moment of silence after my answer. Professor Kelly seems surprised, as if she hadn’t expected me to know it. She nods once before continuing with the lecture. “Very good, Miss Kenton.”
Leaning back in the chair, I smile and then gaze out the window at the sunny sky dotted with fluffy clouds, watching tiny birds fluttering around. I don’t fault the professor for possibly thinking I’m just a privileged nepotism case; she might have encountered a few of those during her teaching career. I don’t feel the need to prove myself to her. I simply strive to do my best for myself, for my dreams. I’m only grateful she’s not one of those professors who are indifferent to their students and are there for the heavy paycheck. Judging by the passionate way she speaks about the topics with so much enthusiasm, it’s clear to me that she genuinely enjoys her job just as much as I enjoy astronomy.
The blissful feeling in my chest as I look out the window while listening to the lecture reassures me that despite the scary and challenging situation we’re in, and despite these not being the ideal circumstances, I’m on the right path. Maybe a really, really bad situation has a chance to become something epic. Something… beautiful.
My thoughts drift to memories of the ranch and Shaw. I remember the moment we agreed to a truce while he spoiled me with my favorite food, flowers, and gifts just to apologize. It was a sweet gesture from a man I believe hasn’t had a lot of kindness in his life. The thought makes me sad but reinforces my motivation to bring happiness to his life. Happiness and many smiles. We all deserve it. Most of all Shaw.
As the days turn into a week, Shawn and I find a rhythm of coexistence that works for us. Shaw became my silent guardian, always watchful for the looming threat my family still can’t quite define.
But happiness here is not just about him.
I find myself loving the rhythms of ranch life too. I started to appreciate the simplicity of getting up at the crack of dawn to help Shaw with the horses and the tulip field, and I look forward to the quiet and solace of starlit evenings. It is obvious that Shaw and I are worlds apart, but I can’t deny the few things we have in common. We both love being away from the world, far from the crowd and noise.
Here, at the ranch, it feels like we’re both in our own little world, and nothing from the outside can touch me since he is here to protect me from outside forces. What I also can’t deny is the connection we’ve formed during my stay here. It’s evident in the shared glances over breakfast or the rare smile exchanged during dinner; each interaction reveals layers of Shaw’s character I hadn’t anticipated but am starting to become addicted to.
As I return my focus to the present, I realize how my time here has slowly but surely shaped my perspective on what happiness really means. Once, I thought happiness meant finding love and being with your family, but happiness is also about finding your way in life and what gives you purpose. And here, I’m starting to get a taste of it. One sweet and gentle moment shared with Shaw Banning at a time.
Professor Kelly calls on another student and asks him a question he doesn’t know the answer to. When the professor notices, she doesn’t humiliate him for it, and that’s when I’m sure our professor is in it for the love of teaching and the cosmos.
My concentration on the lecture is interrupted by the familiar chime of a video call. Glancing at the notification, I see the names “Willow” and “Raiza” lighting up the screen. With a smile tugging at my lips, I quickly mute the lecture’s app microphone and accept their conference call from my little cousins.
“Hey, you two!” I greet my cousins warmly as their pretty faces appear on the screen. Raiza, my younger cousin from Aunt Kadra and uncle Vitali, is the spitting image of her mother. She has long, brown hair that cascades down her shoulders in soft waves, almond-shaped eyes that hold a hint of mystery, and she always appears exotic and otherworldly beautiful at just sixteen. While my aunt and uncle are quieter and more reserved, Raiza is extroverted, funny, and charismatic—a total contrast to the Solonik family.
“Ella,” Raiza exclaims, pressing her gorgeous face to the screen with a relieved expression. “Good, you seem fine and breathing. There are a bunch of conspiracy theories about your disappearance from the public eye, and Papa wouldn’t tell me what was going on! Until I had enough of the secrecy and threatened to marry one of the Sandoval boys—that did the trick. Papa sang like a parrot.” Raiza immediately starts talking animatedly while using sign language, as we always do when communicating, while Willow, always more reserved, smiles shyly and waves.
“I don’t think that’s how the saying goes, Rai,” I remark.
She rolls her eyes dramatically. “Oh, who cares. You understood me, right?”
I laugh at that. “I am fine, as you can see. I’m sorry if I worried you.”
A brief look of sadness crosses her face before she masks it with her perfect, blinding smile.
Although Raiza is the light in a family that typically wears all black and prefers to go out at night like vampires, she does share many traits with them. One specific trait that the entire Solonik family shares is difficulty expressing their feelings as easily as mine and Willow’s family does. Aunt Kadra, Uncle Vitali, and Raiza’s older brother, Azariel, mask their feelings with threats and rough exteriors, while Raiza hides behind humor and avoidance.
Something she does next.
Never wanting to push her or any of my cousins or siblings, I simply let them be themselves around me, something I hadn’t done in a while because I had hidden my troubles and fears from them to spare them worries and sadness. They’re younger than me, and they shouldn’t worry about my issues.
So, as she talks about the days I have missed, I listen intently, my heart warming at the sight of their sweet faces. I love my cousins dearly and consider them as much sisters as Ambrose, Haven, and Everly. Despite the distance between us, moments like these remind me of the tight-knit bond we share as family.
We grew up surrounded by love and protection.
Something our mothers didn’t have at our age. Their childhood was marred by sadness and heartbreak. Mom doesn’t like to speak to us about the darker side of her past, but I know that she and my aunts endured a terrible upbringing. Their father used to hurt them all until Aunt Kadra decided to put an end to his abuse and end their suffering by helping Mom and Aunt Mila find happiness, which eventually led to them meeting my father and Uncle Riagan. Aunt Kadra found her happiness in my Uncle Vitali and his son, Azariel. Mom says they were the ones who brought my aunt back to life.
Despite their life stories beginning with blood and tears, they conquered the villain and found their happy ending.
Our family is the reason why I believe in happy endings and why I believe that love and acceptance can save someone’s life, bringing them back to life.
“Guess what,” Raiza exclaims suddenly, breaking through my thoughts. “Azariel got me the best present ever for our Sunday tea party. Meet Narcizo.” Through the iPad screen, I watch Raiza’s face glow with excitement as she cradles a baby panther swathed in a rich, blood-red sheet. The small panther’s sleek fur contrasts beautifully against the vibrant fabric, and around its neck gleams a diamond-studded collar adorned with the letter “N.” Raiza’s eyes sparkle with joy as she gently strokes the panther’s head.
“Narcizo?” How very rare and very Raiza.
My cousin nods, her smile tinged with a hint of mischief.
I smile, then glance back at my laptop screen, where the astronomy lecture is still ongoing, before turning my attention back to my cousins.
“So, you finally got your brother to get you that panther you always wanted, huh?” I tease and laugh. “What did you do this time? Threaten to become a cop?”
Raiza’s eyes grow big. “Oh, that’s a good one! Papa will surely love that!”
No, he won’t.
I look at Willow, and she’s clearly thinking the same as me.
“No, but for real,” Raiza continues, petting the panther’s head lovingly and smiling wide. “I told you Aza would. My big brother loveeeeees me,” she sings.
“And?” I prompt, sensing there’s more to the story. Aza wouldn’t give his beloved sister a wild animal without a compelling reason.
“Okay…” she rolls her eyes again. “I gave him a compelling argument.”
“Which was?” This time Willow asks, using sign language.
Raiza kisses Narcizo’s snout and whispers, “I told him that if I had a panther, I’d feed it all the people who dare hurt me, especially the boys.”
“And that’s more like it.”
We all laugh after that.
But she’s right. Raiza can’t do anything wrong in her big brother’s eyes. My cousin, Azariel, is nine years older than Raiza and since she was born, he has taken the role of brother more than seriously. He would do anything for her and his family.
That is who he is.
Nothing is off the table. Murder included.
“He does love you, sweet girl,” I agree, matching her smile. “What surprises me is that Uncle Vitali agreed to it.”
Uncle Vitali is fiercely protective of his kids, but he’s especially protective of his baby girl. Last I heard, he was adamant about not getting his little girl a wild beast, as he calls it. What’s hilarious to me is that he swears he abhors animals, yet his most loyal companion lately is my aunt’s cat, Greta.
That cat has as many lives as my uncle, I swear.
“Mommy convinced him,” Raiza says with a knowing grin on her lovely face. A face that is an exact replica of her mother’s.
No wonder Uncle Vitali can’t tell her no.
“I’m sure she did.” We all smile, then continue chatting about Narcizo and Azariel for a few more minutes while I occasionally glance at the lecture slides to keep up with the class discussion.
“What about you, Low? How’s your day going?” I ask Willow.
Willow’s animated signing vividly portrays the gripping details of a true crime show about a kidnapped girl in Montana, capturing my attention with its intense and gory storyline. It turns out the girl tells her parents she’s going to the mall with her friends, but she never returns. Eventually, she ends up in the basement of a psychopathic married father of three.
Her fascination with crime and murder shows is concerning. I have no doubt that if Willow ever murdered someone, she would get away with it—not only because her father is a crime boss but also because she enjoys those shows as much as I enjoy romcom movies.
“ How well do you know that man? He might have demons ,” Willow signs with a worried expression.
My first reaction is a cringe, triggered by the sudden shift from bloody entertainment to questions about my bodyguard. “Cool it with the crazy people shows,” I sign, while teasing her gently.
Willow frowns. “ Says the girl who is being stalked .”
“Technically, her entire family is being stalked by a creep,” Raiza points out, still playing with her panther. “And don’t we all have demons?”
“I guess we do,” I whisper, a rush of sadness creeping in as I look at my little cousins. I know better than to think problems come only with age. Despite their loving homes and financial stability, they aren’t spared from the harsh realities of growing up.
I lean forward in my seat. “You both know that you can always confide in me. I’ll never judge you, and I’ll always do my best to help and bring a smile to your faces.”
There is a moment of silence. Willow nods, smiling but with sadness in her eyes, while Raiza initially looks angry before masking it with a smile of her own.
How did we all become so good at masking what troubles us that fake smiles now come so naturally?
“We know,” Raiza says aloud, while Willow signs the words simultaneously.
“Good,” I smile sadly at them both. “And trust me. Shaw won’t let anything happen to me.”
It’s true.
Time has passed, but one thing remains certain: Shaw Banning doesn’t play when it comes to his job. Right now, I am a job.
My Uncle Benji trusts him with my life, and so do I.
Willow nods, still not looking all that convinced. “ Okay, okay, ” she signs with a grin. “ But if he fails you, trust that Dad will handle him. ”
“Mom and Dad too,” Raiza chimes in, signing as well so Willow won’t feel left out. “Although I don’t think there’ll be much left of the hot bodyguard after Auntie Arianna and Uncle Bastian are through with him.”
I chuckle softly and sign in agreement. “Oh, I know.” I grimace. “But trust me, guys. Shaw is…” I want to say a million things, yet I think it best to just say what first comes to mind. “Shaw is unlike anyone I have ever known. He won’t let anything happen to me. Besides, I think he’s…” I pause and then say: “He’s made of steel.”
“Oh no,” Raiza slouches in her seat with Narcizo still in her arms, looking distraught. How dramatic of her. “Did you catch that, Willow?” She lifts herself from the seat and presses her face to her screen. “We’ve lost her!”
I smile at the thought of him. He’s made of steel. He must be. How else can it be explained how badass he is? I remember all the times he deals with threats, how strong and fierce he looks, as if he fears no man. Willow blushes and smiles prettily at us. “ Love is not a curse, Raiza. Love is everything.”
Love? Butterflies invade my belly at the thought of it, because love for me has always had a face. Shaw’s.
“You two are saps!” Raiza teases. “Don’t you know that the moment the love bug bites us in the butt, it’ll be our downfall?”
“Oh hush, Raiza. I can’t wait for the day boys start piling at Uncle Vitali’s door,” I tease.
Raiza rolls her eyes at that while Low shakes her head, looking concerned at the thought of our little cousin falling victim to love. We both know that Raiza, though sometimes intimidating, has a soft heart. Whoever the guy is that wins her heart will be the luckiest.
We then move to lighter topics, Willow and Raiza teasing each other and sharing more about their days while I update them on life at the ranch. I tell them about the animals and the tulip field, and they both listen with genuine smiles on their faces. Willow appears particularly excited about life on the ranch.
After chatting for a while and catching up on their lives, I know I have to refocus on my class before missing something important. “I need to get back to class, but I’ll call you both later, okay?” I promise, earning nods and smiles from Willow and Raiza.
With a final wave goodbye to my little cousins, I end the video call and unmute myself in the online class. Despite the sudden interruption, I can’t help but smile wide at how my family brightens my days with their love and silly antics.
As Professor Kelley carries on with the lecture for twenty more minutes, she eventually assigns us our first assignment, one that I’m very excited about. However, I don’t think I have the necessary equipment here. I’ll have to ask Shaw. Maybe he could take me into town so I can buy a microscope.
When the professor ends the class, I feel a wave of exhaustion from sitting for so long. I’m not used to sitting for extended periods; I’m usually moving around and staying active.
Restlessly, I wander over to the window. Outside, I see Shaw standing in the distance with another man who is dressed similarly to him, except for the cowboy hat. The man is a few inches shorter than Shaw and muscular. Even from a distance, I can see he has sleeves of tattoos on both arms. His neck is covered, too. He doesn’t look like your typical cowboy.
They seem engaged in a serious conversation, their voices carried away by the wind. Not wanting them to catch me peering through the window and thinking I’m a creep, I decide to occupy myself until I can see Shaw again.
“What should I do?” I glance around the room, my eyes settling on a sleeping Poppy next to my slippers, then I turn my attention to the room’s door. Intrigued, I decided to explore his home. My footsteps are silent on the hardwood as I walk down the quiet hallway. Thoughts race through my mind about Shaw’s life during the years he was away, his relationships and family, and the sadness that clings to him like a second skin.
Walking cautiously down the long corridor, I find myself drawn to Shaw’s library. The door is slightly ajar, and I decide to enter. My breath catches in my lungs the second I step foot inside. It is a lovely sanctuary of knowledge, lined with shelves of books that seem to hold secrets of their own.
The room is bathed in warmth, the light accentuating the rich mahogany shelves, which stretch from floor to ceiling, laden with books of all sizes and colors. Each shelf seems meticulously arranged, creating an atmosphere of order. How perfect…
I breathe in the aroma of aged paper and leather bindings. I keep looking around, noticing the furniture that seems tasteful and inviting—a pair of leather armchairs nestled near a fireplace, a sturdy oak desk adorned with antique frames.
As I wander deeper into the library, my fingers lightly trace the spines of books. I can’t help but marvel at the wide range of classics he owns. The Aeneid by Virgil, Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes, Moby-Dick by Herman Melville, and One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez are some of the books I find there.
My eyes grow wide when I notice a book titled Cosmos . I make a point to check that one out later. Does Shaw enjoy learning about the cosmos and astronomy like I do? I wonder.
On a coffee table amidst stacks of journals and novels lies a solitary book that stands out— The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. I open the book, and a photograph slips out, fluttering softly to the floor. It is an old picture of a young Shaw, his face soft and his smile wide, standing next to a stunning woman with love shining in her eyes—eyes the same color as Shaw’s.
My fingers tremble slightly as I turn over the photograph, revealing a pattern of tiny dots on the back that resembles a constellation in the night sky—one of those beautiful patterns that light up the sky at night. My eyes widen with curiosity. What could this mean? I made a mental note to find out more about it.
The classic novel isn’t tucked in with all the others on the bookshelves, and it has a photo of a young Shaw. It has to mean something more to him. Deep in my gut, something tells me that the photo is connected somehow to why the beautiful man no longer smiles. Shaw’s handsome face flashes through my mind, and a pang in my chest leaves me momentarily breathless.
His whiskey eyes look so sad. His lips twitch but don’t bloom into a full-blown smile. As if he has somehow forgotten to smile. As if he no longer finds humor in life’s silly little things. I’ll piece together all your broken pieces, Shaw. Just you wait.
Without hesitation, I tuck the photo back between the pages when I notice another book on the table: Introduction to Braille by Nadia Burg. Braille? How strange.
Picking up the book, I examine it more closely. Why would Shaw have this in his library? Curious, I flip through its pages and notice a familiar pattern among the symbols—a sequence I know by heart now. It is identical to the sequence Shaw doodled for me when he left me the apology gifts.
I read through the text that explains the meaning of the dot sequence and am taken aback by its meaning. “Beautiful…” I whisper to the lonely library.
My mind races with the revelation that Shaw has communicated to me using Braille to tell me he thinks I am beautiful. Warmth floods through me, contrasting with the cool calm of the library around me. I can’t help but feel a thousand lovely emotions hitting me at once. What this man triggers are no longer tiny, beautiful butterflies but a kaleidoscope of them.
There is no doubt in my mind that the man he used to be is still there. Perhaps a little bit bruised and broken, but he’s there. Maybe, just maybe… I’ll get to discover a side of him that I didn’t get to know when I was just a little girl with a crush.
My thoughts race to find a way to brighten his day as he has brightened mine countless times since arriving here. Suddenly, an idea sparks in my mind. Placing the book exactly where I found it, I hurry out of the library, my steps quickening with excitement and determination.
I’ll save you, beautiful man. I’ll give you your smiles back.