Chapter 18
Chapter
Eighteen
ANOTHER ROUND AROUND THE SUN
Shaw
“She slowly invaded my heart until I could feel nothing else. Nothing but her.” – S
M ost kids at school make a big deal out of their birthdays, but I don’t understand the fuss. To me, it’s just another day. While they get showered with love and presents, it’s simply another day for me. I don’t mind not having a big party or many gifts; all I need is my Ma to be happy and here with me.
When I woke up an hour ago, I found her looking down at me with a solemn expression. Even when she smiles, Ma always seems sad. She gives me a figurine of horses for my birthday, and though her smile is wide and her touch warm, she still looks so sad.
Now, I’m kneeling on the floor, surrounded by a miniature herd of wooden toy horses, their polished surfaces gleaming as I arrange them in a makeshift corral. I play with them, making soft whinnying sounds as my fingers guide them through imaginary fields. I only stop when I feel Ma’s light, affectionate tap on my shoulder. Looking up, I see a cake with a flickering candle casting a soft glow.
My face lights up in a smile that matches Ma’s. I feel a pang in my chest as I see her eyes sparkling with a special kind of excitement when she offers me the small cake, decorated with colorful sprinkles and a single lit candle.
Discarding the toy horses, I quickly stand up, my small hands reaching out to touch the cake, while my heart swells with joy at seeing my mother so happy after weeks of looking like the living dead. My Ma has more bad days than good ones. Today must be a good one since she’s out of her pajamas and cleaned up. Although there are still dark circles under her pretty brown eyes, she looks like my happy mom.
“Happy birthday, my golden boy,” Ma signs before she bends down to kiss me and push my hair back, lingering for a moment before smiling.
Ma can’t speak, or at least she chooses not to because she once tells me she doesn’t like the sound of her voice. I love her voice. It brings me comfort, but I know that it only brings bad memories and pain to her. So, she communicates with sign language, which I’ve known since I can remember.
“I love you to pieces,” Ma signs again.
“I love you, Ma.” I place the cake down next to the wooden horses and hug her around the waist. Her gentle hands rub my back before she kneels down to my level.
Ma is beautiful, the most beautiful woman in town with her long wavy blonde hair, the same shade as mine, and lovely brown eyes. I notice how men look at her, but she never pays them any attention. She never returns their greetings. Besides me, I don’t think she talks to anyone. She once tells me I am all she needs to be happy, and I believe her, but sometimes I wonder if I’m the reason she smiles less often.
“Shaw,” Ma signs, catching my attention. I follow her hand movements. “You’re a big boy, and soon you won’t need me as much.”
“I’ll always need you, Ma.”
She smiles prettily. “I hope the day comes that you don’t, my heart.” Her eyes grow sad. What did I say? My heart clenches inside my chest as I watch my mother’s entire demeanor shift from happy to... melancholic. “You’ll thrive in life without a dark cloud over your head.” She signs sadly, then pokes my nose with frosting. Her fake smile appears again, making me angry.
I don’t like it when she does that, and she’s wrong. I’ll always need her, even when I’m six feet tall.
Feeling a painful constriction in my chest, I throw myself at my mother and cling to her, needing to hear her heart beating against my ear. That’s how I always know Ma is here with me and not lost in her scary head.
I know that her smile will eventually fade and she might lose herself completely, but I hold on, hoping for the best while being unaware that worse times are coming.
After that birthday, we don’t celebrate anything else. Not birthdays, not Christmas, nothing. Our life slowly loses its color until one day it turns completely gray.
Then came her.
Then came pink.
As I approach the ranch house in the fading light of the evening, exhaustion weighs heavily on my shoulders. The day is long and tiring, spent under the hot sun repairing the remaining broken fences and tending to the horses in the stables while also working on the fields.
It’s getting difficult to handle the ranch by myself, but I’m still hesitant to hire help. I don’t trust easily, and now with the girl here, I can’t risk hiring a complete stranger. Perhaps when she’s no longer here…
Crack.
The moment the thought crosses my mind, a burning in my chest spreads out.
Damn.
The thought of her being away from my life is getting harder and harder to assimilate. Her sad smile flashes through my mind as I tell her one day she will make someone else happy, but that someone isn’t me. It hurts like a dagger to the heart, but it needs to be said.
Wiping a bead of sweat from my brow, I let out a weary sigh, looking forward to a cold shower and a beer. I push open the front door and step into the house. To my surprise, the air is thick with the sweet fragrance of pink tulips—Ella’s favorite flowers. The same flowers she spends all day plucking from my fields.
Confusion flickers across my face as I take in the sight before me.
“What the hell…” I breathe out.
A pink explosion.
The interior of my home, usually marked by lifeless simplicity and a sense of solitude, is now awash in vibrant pink blooms. Ella— it has to be her. Vases of varying sizes and styles, each brimming with fresh pink tulips, adorn every available surface.
My gaze moves from one bouquet to another, taking in the delicate petals and the splash of color they bring to the room.
On the grand piano next to the fireplace, a large ceramic vase holds a grand bouquet, its elegance and beauty a total contrast to the worn wood around it. The fireplace mantle is graced with a modest yet strikingly beautiful arrangement of tulips.
A smile tugs at the corner of my lips as I step further inside, the scent of the tulips mingling with the familiar aroma of baked goods. I notice a handwritten note tucked into one of the vases. Curiosity piqued, I retrieve it and see the sketch of what seems to be a constellation—one recognizable by its distinctive pattern of seven bright stars and one I know too well.
Ursa Major. The Great Bear.
Under the constellation doodle, there is a message that reads: For when you get lost… My lucky stars will find you, every time. Love, E.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
She’s been chasing stars all her life, and now she’s here, being the brightest one in my dark sky.
I slip the note into my jeans pocket and continue to survey the room.
I’m ashamed to admit that my heart thuds wildly in my chest as I follow a trail of white confetti scattered from the living room all the way to the kitchen.
Today is an ordinary day, just like any other. Not special, at least to me.
But it can’t be a coincidence that today of all days she would do all of this… could it? My thoughts are cut short by the sweetest voice.
“Surprise!” Ella’s voice rings out from the kitchen. I turn to find her standing there, beaming with a mixture of excitement and anticipation. She wears an apron splattered with flour, and her face and hair are smudged with the white powder as well.
She looks like a mess. An adorable and happy one.
I stand in silence as I take in the dining room—the table is adorned with small desserts ranging from brownies to cheesecakes, complete with white candles casting a soft glow over the room, and a birthday cake at its center, decorated with pink icing and flickering candles.
There are chocolate cupcakes with pink frosting as well.
I notice a white banner hanging from the kitchen island that reads, “Happy Birthday, Shaw.”
Thud.
Thud.
There goes the organ inside my chest again, chasing up a storm.
“Happy birthday to you, Shaw bear!” Ella exclaims, smiling from ear to ear as she approaches, wiping her hands on a dish towel.
I find myself momentarily speechless, my mind struggling to understand how she could know that today is my birthday. I don’t even think my own cousin remembers, so how could she? “How did you know?”
“How could I forget?” she replies softly, her eyes tender. “Even when you were busy catching stars, I still celebrated your day with a delicious cupcake.” She points toward the cupcakes on the table.
I frown at that. “Busy catching stars?” I am confused. I know she would count stars waiting for her mother to come back, but what does that have to do with me?
Ella’s cheeks flush red. “Never mind.” She laughs shyly. “Besides, I couldn’t let your birthday go by without celebrating. What kind of friend would I be?”
There’s that dirty word again.
Fucking friends.
But I set the terms, so I can’t say anything about it now.
Instead, I push down the disappointment the word “friend” stirs in me and glance around the room, taking in the effort she put into decorating the place for me. The kitchen, usually boring and minimal, now looks warm, happy, and… pink.
Just like her.
“You didn’t have to do this, Moonshine. It’s just another day,” I finally manage, touched by her thoughtfulness. I don’t care for birthdays or the big circus most people use to celebrate them. To me, it’s another year—a year we’re closer to death. Morbid? Yes. True? Also, yes.
“I did have to do it, and no, it’s not another ordinary day,” she says gently, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “On a day like today, you were born, Shaw. Today is a magical day.”
Today is a magical day…
It really isn’t.
But I don’t say that because it would be ungrateful of me, considering she went out of her way to do all of this when she didn’t have to.
She went out of her way to decorate, cook, and celebrate a man who’s been unkind to her and who just a day before told her he couldn’t be what she wanted—what she needed.
I have no words.
So instead of opening my mouth and risking saying something that will make her feel less than perfect, I nod, a lump forming in my throat. Here she is, going out of her way to make me feel special, despite our differences and my behavior. I don’t deserve it, yet I’m grateful regardless.
Ella smiles brightly at me, then turns toward the table. “Sit! Let’s have cake.”
Together, we sit down at the table, Ella serving me a big slice of birthday cake, its candles flickering in the soft glow of the evening light. She sings “Happy Birthday,” her voice angelic and sweet. She’s actually a good singer.
Is there anything this perfect creature can’t do?
My chest tightens at the sight of her so happy just because she’s singing “Happy Birthday.” So simple and so damn sweet.
“Make a wish, Shaw Bear.” She pushes the cake closer to where I sit.
“Ah,” I chuckle awkwardly as I stare at the flickering candles, then back at her.
Her plump bottom lip sticks out adorably. “Please. It’s your wish. Everyone is entitled to their birthday wish, so go on,” she urges.
Her eyes look so happy and so bright that I find myself unable to deny her.
I hope you have the world, Ellaiza Kenton, and that you never have a sad day in your life. I make my wish and blow out the candles.
I don’t need anything. I’m used to the ugliness of this world, but she deserves all that is good—all that is magical.
Ella deserves so much more.
“What did you wish for?” Her smile turns wicked, and my heart thuds at the sight of it.
“If I tell you, then it won’t come true, will it?” I tease.
A soft gasp escapes her pink lips. “You’re totally right. Don’t tell me. We can’t risk your heart’s wish not coming true.” She sits back, looking serious as if the idea of my wish not coming true truly affects her.
Damn. How could someone so sweet and kind exist? I sometimes wonder if she’s just a figment of my imagination.
But she’s not. She’s real and here with me.
As we sit quietly enjoying the cake she baked, I can't help but marvel at the way she manages to make this day—this birthday—the best I've ever had. Before today, the day would come and go each year unnoticed. Now, there’s no doubt in my mind that it will be a warm memory for the dark days ahead when she’s no longer here with me.
Looking into those blue eyes of hers that I’ve come to love, I thank her. “Thank you. For all of this.” I look around the room with a small smile on my face.
Her eyes meet mine and soften. “You never have to thank me, Shaw.”
“I do,” I whisper back.
She has given me something I thought I would never get back: laughter. Warmth. She has turned this ranch that once seemed like a prison into a warm home. It’s been a while since it has felt like that, and she did it. This sweet little thing has worked her magic not only on me but on this desolate ranch.
As we savor the last bites of birthday cake and cupcakes, I notice a subtle shift in Ella’s mood. Her relaxed posture seems slightly hesitant, and her blue eyes occasionally flicker towards me nervously, as if she has something to ask but isn’t sure if she should.
Curiosity piqued, I set down my spoon and leaned forward slightly, studying her closely. “Is everything alright, moonshine?”
Ella bites her lower lip nervously and twists a pink curl before finally meeting my gaze. “Um... there’s something I want to ask, but it’s nothing, forget it.” She laughs it off, embarrassed.
My brow furrows slightly, unsure of what’s going through her head right now. “Go ahead, Ella. You can ask me anything. You know this, darling.”
She takes a deep breath, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her napkin. “Well, I was thinking... since it’s your birthday and all... would you like to go on a birthday slash friend date with me?”
I blink in surprise, my mind racing to catch up with her unexpected proposal. A mix of emotions washes over me. “A birthday slash friend date?” I mumble.
She nods, her cheeks still flushing pink with embarrassment. “I mean, just as friends, of course. I thought... It would be nice. To spend some time together outside of the ranch and... celebrate your birthday properly.”
I have never seen her this nervous, and I must confess it’s a beautiful and enchanting sight.
A smile tugs at the corners of my lips. Since she’s been under my care, she has always been direct and unapologetically herself. Yet, sometimes she lets me see her most vulnerable sides. Like now. It only makes her more endearing and addictive to me.
I remain silent for a few seconds, savoring the moment as she looks nervously yet so sweetly at me.
“If it’s a birthday slash friend date that you want, then you got it, princess.” I rise from the chair. “Go change.”
Relief washes over her lovely features, her perfect smile brightening. “Oh, yes!” She fist-pumps the air. For most people, her exuberant personality might be obnoxious, but never for her. She’s perfect just as she is.
Ella gets up and turns to head out of the kitchen, but suddenly she stops and pins me with her gaze. I stand there without saying a word, my chest tightening with each passing second.
Then she breaks the silence, and what she says not only melts the last piece of ice around my heart but also makes it beat stronger than it ever has before.
“You’re officially the best friend I’ve ever had, Shaw Banning. My lucky stars brought you back to me.” Her smile widens. “I never doubted them. Just like I never doubted you.”
Fuck.
Unable to find words, I just nod.
“I know you feel the same way. You don’t have to say it.” When she shoots me a grin over her shoulder, I once again ignore the terrifying tug in my chest.
If she only knew just how true her words are.
She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and the best thing that will ever happen to me. Because nothing will ever compare. No one will ever compare to Ellaiza Kenton.
Nothing.