Chapter 31
Chapter
Thirty-One
brOKEN HEARTS
Ella
“I’ll love you till my dying day.” – S
Y ou know that gut feeling that something’s off? It’s a sinking sensation that keeps you preoccupied with worry. I’ve had it since I woke up this morning, but I push through the odd feeling and focus on the day ahead, not wanting to ruin a good day with Shaw.
It might be my mind playing tricks on me; that sometimes happens. But then I think back to last night and how different Shaw was acting. He says he can recognize a fake smile from me, but I can do the same with him. He was forcing his smiles, and I feel helpless.
He says that if something is wrong, he will tell me, and while I trust him, I also know he keeps a lot to himself. He’s been doing it for a really long time because of the pain he’s endured.
Now it’s the next day, and I wake up alone in bed with Shaw nowhere to be found. I shouldn’t worry since he usually wakes up at the crack of dawn, yet the feeling in my gut intensifies. Poppy is also missing; lately, she’s been Shaw’s little shadow.
After a quick shower, I dress and descend the stairs two at a time, eager to find my grump and see his beautiful dimpled smile that makes me feel like everything is right in the world.
Instead, I find him standing near the main door, his expression unusually stoic, almost mechanical. He looks lifeless as if he is holding his breath. He looks just like he did the first time I saw him when he took me out of Uncle Benji’s hands. Even when he looked so cold, he was still the most beautiful man to me.
Confusion pricks at me as I approach him. “Hey…” I say softly, searching his eyes for the love I know is there. His usually warm brown eyes hold no emotion. “What’s wrong?” I ask, feeling anxious and… afraid.
He remains quiet, then looks away from me toward the other end of the room. I follow his gaze and see my twin brothers, Kael and Kyrin, standing next to Uncle Benji.
No. Please, lucky stars… let this be a bad dream.
But deep down, my heart knows.
While my uncle looks remorseful, my teenage brothers look angry. The atmosphere in my blissful bubble suddenly feels tense, heavy with unspoken words, grief, and anger.
I break the silence first, directing my words to my family. “Why are you here?” I know why. Of course, I know. Yet I still hope it isn’t what I think.
Kael speaks up, his voice monotone but laced with simmering displeasure directed at the quiet man behind me. “It’s time for you to come home,” he states bluntly, his eyes not leaving Shaw.
My heart sinks at my little brother’s words, but I put on a brave face and smile. “I am home,” I reply calmly, my voice tinged with a hint of defiance.
My other brother, Kyrin, who is a replica of our mother, shakes his head sadly at me. His emerald eyes, although angry, still hold a tinge of worry.
Confusion and hurt etch across my features as I turn back to Shaw, my voice barely above a broken whisper. “This is my home, right?” I walk closer to him. “We’re each other’s galaxy…” I choke out.
He meets my gaze, his eyes reflecting a storm of emotions — guilt, regret, and an unspoken plea for forgiveness. But his silence speaks volumes, confirming my worst fears.
He is giving up. He is letting go of us.
I know it the moment he tears his gaze from mine and looks at the men behind me, detached and uncaring. It’s so unlike the man I’ve come to know and love. “It’s time for you to return to your world, Miss Kenton,” he says, his voice sounding cruel.
I feel my heart drop, hurt piercing through me. But I refuse to believe him. He’s doing this because he thinks it’s what’s best for me.
I step closer until I am face to face with him, our breaths mingling. I try to search his eyes, hoping to find the man who, with one tender look, could make everything seem alright. But I am met with a wall of detachment. His eyes remain fixed on Benji and my brothers, as though he is unable or unwilling to meet my gaze.
Deciding not to let this break me, not yet, I whisper, “That’s no longer my world. You’re my world.” My voice trembles with sadness and desperation. I reach out tentatively, my fingers grazing his bearded cheek, trying to make him see me.
Still, he doesn’t.
He won’t look into my eyes, and his silence is deafening, a stark contrast to the torrent of emotions swirling within me. In this moment, I feel my entire world collapsing at my feet alongside my heart and every dream I had of us. He acts as if nothing matters, as if what we shared was so easily disposable and forgotten.
I try to think of what could have possibly brought this on, but I can’t come up with anything. We had grown closer over the past few days, and I truly believe that when the time came, he would never have pushed me away like he’s doing now. I have always believed that my love for him could withstand any storm, yet now I see it might not be the same for him.
“Sis, come on. Don’t reduce yourself to the likes of him,” Kyrin says.
“Quiet, Ky,” I snap, looking over my shoulder at my baby brother. “You know nothing.”
He doesn’t.
Shaw is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Even now, he still is, even when he’s so easily giving up on me.
My brothers exchange knowing glances, their expressions hardening. I look at the other man who means the world to me. Uncle Benji’s gaze softens briefly when it meets mine, heartbreak in his eyes before he turns away, most likely unable to bear witness to the heartache unfolding before him.
I swallow hard, a tear slipping down my cheek. I let it fall and didn’t wipe it away. I let myself feel everything. I have never felt more broken, more alone, than I do in this moment of shattered dreams and unspoken truths.
Taking a deep breath, I turn to Shaw, ignoring everyone else. “I love you,” I murmur softly, my eyes pleading with him to stop this nonsense. “Don’t you love me?”
There. I said it.
I said what I have been feeling long before I ever knew what the word meant.
I love him, and now I’m losing him.
He hears me. I know he does, and yet he still seems distant and guarded. His jaw clenches as if he is struggling with conflicting emotions, but he holds onto his silence like a shield. When he says nothing, I feel the rejection that shatters my heart.
My breath catches in my throat, tears welling in my eyes as the reality of this moment sinks in. I have bared my soul to him, not just now but every day spent here with him, only to be met with this cruel indifference.
Broken and ashamed, I feel the room closing in around me, suffocating in its silence and heartbreak. I take a step back, shaking my head in disbelief at how everything has gone to hell so quickly.
What do I do now?
Shaw
“Don’t you love me?”
I never imagined a pain greater than the one I felt after losing my mother, yet what I feel now, breaking the heart of the woman I love, comes a close second.
As I stand here, my gaze fixed on Ella, my heart is torn between love and the painful necessity of letting her go. At this moment, as she looks at me with tear-filled eyes, I know I won’t be the same after this.
I love Ellaiza Kenton.
I fell madly in love with my client.
And it is a love that has grown from the depths of my tattered soul, a love I once believed would never be for me. A love that makes me want not only better for myself but for her. That’s the only reason I’m not dropping to my knees and begging for her forgiveness for hurting her this way when I promised her she would always be safe with me.
Fuck.
Love isn’t enough. It should be, but it isn’t.
As I watch her fumble before my eyes, it takes everything I have not to pull her into my arms and make her pain go away. I love her fiercely and I will love her for the rest of my life, in silence and from afar. But I know what she doesn’t.
One day, she will look back at me as just part of her story and realize I was a painful lesson—or maybe, with her sweet heart, she’ll remember me as a beautiful chapter.
But her life isn’t here. Her school and her dreams all belong to another city, while Montana is it for me. I’m not young anymore. I’m not chasing dreams or trying to reach the sky. My place is here, where I can breathe freely and wake up to the quiet beauty of nature instead of the busy streets and flashing lights of a city I no longer crave.
Ella, though, belongs to beautiful cities filled with interesting people where she can thrive and pursue her dreams. As much as it tears me apart inside, I believe that letting her go is the only way to ensure her happiness and her dreams, even if it means sacrificing my own. Because that’s exactly what Ellaiza Kenton is to me—my dream.
“Do you love me? Do you love me?” Her question plays through my mind in an agonizing loop. Looking into those deep blue eyes of hers, I feel suffocated by the pain reflected back at me. I can’t do this. Fuck, it hurts. It hurts to even breathe. More tears fall from her eyes.
That does it. I’m dying inside, but I can’t let her leave without at least knowing that her love wasn’t wasted. My gaze softens as I reach out, brushing a stray tear from her cheek. “I’ve never loved anything or anyone more than I do you, Ella,” I whisper hoarsely, my voice thick with heartbreak. “But I can’t give you the life you deserve. You’re young, moonshine. You still have so much to do and see. You deserve so much more than what I can offer here.”
Her teary eyes search mine desperately, pleading silently for me to end both our pain, to keep her. Hardening my heart, I tell her, “Leave.” My voice is harsh, even cruel.
Crack. I can feel my heart breaking, and I can only stand back and let it bleed dry. “Coward,” the sweetest creature I’ve ever known whispers with tears in her eyes, breaking me further.
She’s right. I’m a fucking coward.
With a heavy heart, I step back and watch as she stands there, looking so beautiful but breaking before me. She looks down, wiping the tears from her face, and I have to bite my tongue to keep myself from shattering my unfeeling facade.
“One day,” her voice trembles with anger and heartbreak as she lifts her tear-streaked face to meet my gaze, “you’re going to wake up alone in a colorless and cold world without smiles and laughter, and you’ll miss me. But most of all… you’ll regret ever letting me walk away.”
Her words knock the wind out of my lungs and hang heavy in the air because she’s right. Tomorrow, I’ll wake up alone without her smile and light, and I’ll grieve for her love.
A moment of painful silence passes before one of her brothers steps forward and gently places a hand on Ella’s shoulder. “Ella, you should grab your things,” he says quietly, though his eyes burn with anger at seeing his sister in pain.
The kid is the quiet one with the permanent scowl on his face. Kael.
“I don’t want anything. Throw it away,” Ella says, then takes a deep breath and hardens her gaze. I deserve it. I deserve her anger and so much more. “Can I take Poppy with me?” she asks quietly, her voice betraying her.
The goat. Of course she would want to take her.
“Of course. She’s yours.”
Ella stands still, nodding silently as if she’s waiting for me to say something more, but I don’t. So she turns her back to me and walks towards her brother and my cousin but stops halfway. “Kiss Peppermint, Geraldine, and Peanut goodbye for me and tell them I’ll miss them,” she murmurs softly over her shoulder, her words feeling like a knife to my heart.
With a final, lingering look at me, Ella straightens up and follows her brothers towards the door. Each step she takes away from me tears my heart out and shreds my soul into tiny pieces until I can’t see her anymore.
She leaves. She fucking leaves, and the ache in my chest feels like I’m having a heart attack. My knees will soon give out on me. Motherfucker.
“You’re a fool, just like her father was when he let the love of his life walk away,” Benjamin mutters, his voice low but filled with accusation and disappointment.
I clench my jaw and bite my tongue, my own turmoil mirroring the storm brewing in my cousin’s eyes. I know Ben has always been protective of Ella; he’s like a second father to her. He has loved and protected her since she came into his life when she was only a few months old. He has every right to be pissed off at me. If someone had hurt someone I loved like I’ve just hurt Ella, I would have reacted the same way.
Looking my cousin in the eye, I say through gritted teeth, “I know I fucked up. But goddamn it, I’m trying to do what’s best for her. Her father was right. She deserves better than me.”
Benjamin shakes his head slowly, his expression unyielding. “Fuck you, man. Do you truly believe this is what’s best for her?” he challenges, his voice rising with frustration.
I hesitate, my gaze drifting towards the door through which Ella has just departed.
“I don’t know,” I admit finally, the words heavy with uncertainty. “All I know is that girl has my heart.”
My cousin’s expression softens slightly, a flicker of understanding crossing his features. “You’ve already lost so much, man,” he says quietly, his tone gentler now. “You deserve to be happy, too. Fuck what anyone thinks. Love isn’t always easy, but it is always worth it. And let me tell you something… that girl will always be fucking worth it. I just hope you don’t realize that when it’s too late.”
With those parting words, my cousin exits my home.
I swallow hard, the weight of Ben’s words sinking in, but it’s too late. The color of my life has just left with my heart.