Chapter 35
COWBOY IN PARIS
Ella
“There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t miss your smile.” — E
T he grand opening of Cosmic Chapters, my pink planetarium-slash-bookstore in Paris, was supposed to be one of the happiest nights of my life. It was the culmination of my dreams and a celebration of my love for astronomy and reading. Yet, I found it hard to breathe and keep a straight face. All I wanted to do was hide somewhere and cry.
That’s all I’ve been doing these past few months. During the day, I worked hard on my studies and on this dream place I’ve created, but at night... At night, I looked out the window toward the sky and cried silently for the life I miss more than anything.
I cry for the man who haunts my dreams.
I haven’t detached from life or my family, but at times it’s hard to pretend like my heart isn’t broken because it is, and it won’t ever be the same.
At first, I held on to hope that Shaw would pull his head out of his ass and realize that my place was with him in Canyon Creek. My happiness was there.
But as days turned into weeks and then months, that hope slowly died, along with all the dreams I had of a life with him.
I should be happy. I’ve been doing great at university, and this night has finally come. I created a magical space where boys and girls who love both the wonders of the sky and fictional worlds can come and experience the universe while losing themselves in a good book. There’s even a book-themed bakery inside the building for visitors to grab something sweet while they’re here.
It’s perfect.
My entire family helped, so this isn’t just my accomplishment but theirs as well.
Due to my family’s famous status, I couldn’t do a grand opening with the public, which is why tonight I only have my family and the press here. Tomorrow night, I will host a second opening for the public. I even got bestselling author Poe James to come and sign books for her fans. Since she’s still young, she’ll come with her parents and Aunt Kadra.
It’s crazy how she blew up. I had no doubt she would. Her book was brilliant, and I’m looking forward to the next one. I don’t doubt it’ll be another hit.
Yes, everything is going as planned, and my heart should be bursting with happiness. Yet, as I stand in the elegant foyer of the building, surrounded by the glittering lights and the buzz of excitement from my family members, my heart feels heavy with a different kind of emotion.
I’m heartsick.
I put on a brave face for the cameras and reporters outside while they capture every moment of the event for the world to see, but inside, I am struggling to maintain my composure and keep from crying. So I do what is expected of me at that moment. I smile, pose for cameras, and answer questions about Cosmic Chapters with practiced ease, all the while masking the turmoil brewing in my heart.
For so long, I am lost, and I find myself the moment I find him. I start to dream again with Shaw, and this dream is inspired by every second I spend with him in Canyon Creek. The pink tulips hanging from the ceiling and decorating every corner of this place remind me of our shared moments in his tulip field. The constellations projected on the ceiling and walls remind me of the freckles on his face that I love so much.
God, I miss him, and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop missing him, let alone loving the man.
I hope that if I pour my heart and soul into this project and give it all my time, once it’s done, I’ll have him back. But now, I am facing the reality of his reluctance to fight for the dream of us.
Is it all even real?
Does he really love me, or am I just a fool?
When the questions haunting my mind start to hurt, I move through the crowd of family members, my smile bright and my words gracious. Yet, my thoughts keep drifting back to him. Having had enough of pretending for one night, I walk away, needing a quiet moment.
I stand before a window overlooking the city lights of Paris. The twinkling stars above are as bright as the moon. “One, two, three…” I count the stars with no hope of him coming back. Taking a deep breath, I steel myself against the ache that threatens to overwhelm me. I can’t fall apart. Not here. Not now. I’ll do that when no one is watching.
Looking at the Paris skyline, I think of how this city means so much to my family. My father’s mother was born here, and my parents fell in love here. That is why I chose the City of Love for my first location.
My gaze is fixed upon the distant Eiffel Tower, shimmering under the night sky like a sentinel of love. The soft murmurs of admiration from the guests behind me are distant hums, overshadowed by the memories flooding my mind.
“Where are you, Shaw Bear?” I whisper, my gaze still fixed on the Eiffel Tower. “Why?” I choke out.
But suddenly, a hush falls over the room, and I sense a shift in the atmosphere. I can’t explain how I know it’s him before I even see him. Maybe I feel his soul, or maybe it’s just a crazy thought. All I know is that my attention is drawn away from the window. Turning slowly, my broken heart starts to beat faster as my eyes meet a figure standing at the entrance of the room—a figure clad in a striking black suit, his silhouette illuminated by the soft glow of the planetarium’s lights.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
It’s him.
He’s here.
The man I love with all my heart, the man I left behind at the ranch after he broke my heart by letting me go. Confusion and a rush of a thousand emotions sweep through me as I struggle to breathe.
My family parts, allowing him room to walk toward me. I tear my gaze from Shaw and look at my family members. They all wear different expressions on their faces. My sisters are all smiling wide, including Ambrose, who hasn’t had a reason to smile lately. My brothers look uninterested, but that’s nothing new. The three of them don’t care much for theatrics, and besides, Shaw isn’t someone they particularly care for.
Uncle Benji stands back with his wife and baby boy, looking at me with a knowing smile on his face. Then he winks. I can almost hear him saying, Told you so.
My aunt Mila and Willow are basically swooning over the scene while Raiza rolls her eyes with a smile on her lips, as if the scene makes her sick. That’s expected, though, since she believes love is a disease.
My uncles and cousin Azariel stare Shaw down as if he were the disease.
Then there are my parents. I’m shocked to find smiles on both of their faces. Mom’s smile is wider, while Dad looks almost relieved to see Shaw here.
Their gazes then leave mine and focus on the man I’m still sure is a figment of my imagination. Turning my face, I look at Shaw.
I close my eyes and open them, trying to decipher if it’s all a dream and if I’ve finally lost it.
“Moonshine,” the moment the words I’ve longed to hear again fall from his lips, my hand instinctively reaches for the window frame as I anchor myself against the wave of emotions threatening to consume me with just a simple word.
Moonshine.
He really is standing there, his brown eyes locked onto mine with emotions swirling in them that mirror my own. The air between us crackles with unspoken words and months of longing and regret.
I can’t deny the wild fluttering of my heart and the rush of love and pain mingling within my chest at seeing him here, surrounded by all my dreams come to life. Despite the hurt and the months apart, he is still the dream I treasure most.
“What are you doing here?” I manage to ask as I hold tighter to the window frame, trying not to fall. My heart beats faster, barely beating at all these past few months, as Shaw walks closer to where I stand.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Is this really happening, heart?
Is there still a chance for our love to bloom anew?
I try to calm my racing heart as he approaches with a determined stride. His beautiful brown eyes, once guarded and distant, now shine brightly. The last time I saw him, he was distant, and his eyes were cold, but that’s not the man standing in front of me now.
Shaw stops in front of me, close enough that I can feel his warmth and the faint scent of his cologne. Oh, how I missed his warmth when all I’ve felt lately is cold.
“I’m here to get the color back into my life,” he whispers huskily. Then he looks down at something in his hands. Following his gaze, I notice he’s holding a slightly lopsided box. Inside are homemade chocolate cupcakes adorned with colorful hearts and streaks of pink frosting. “They’re messed up,” he admits with a sheepish grin, offering me the box. “But trust me, each one’s made with love. Mad, mad love, baby.”
Mad, mad love.
My heart flutters as I take the box from him with shaky hands, my eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I... I can’t believe you’re here,” I whisper, still afraid this is all a dream and he isn’t really here.
Although he seems confident, I can see the nerves betraying him. “Couldn’t miss the grand opening of your universe, could I?” His voice is soft, filled with the tenderness that always makes my knees weak. “Besides, I couldn’t do it anymore, cupcake.” He croaks out.
“Do what?” I am almost afraid to ask.
I look into his eyes and see the constellations we once admired together reflected in them—tiny sparks of love and hope. “Spend another day without you. I thought I could do it, but I was slowly dying inside, Ella.”
His words hit me like a flood of love and heartbreak all at once.
When words fail me, he extends his hand and gives me what looks like a matte pink plaque. Putting the cupcakes down on a nearby table, I take the plaque and see a silver moon adorned with delicate sparkles. I look down at it in awe of how beautiful it is. “I wanted you to have this,” he says softly.
“What is it?”
“Look closely.”
I run my fingers over the smooth surface of the plaque. The moon phases are intricately etched around the silver moon at the center. Beneath it, in elegant script, are the words: “This is what the moon looked like the day you were born.”
My breath catches in my throat as I absorb the meaning behind his sweet gesture. Tears well up in my eyes as I trace my birth date engraved on the plaque.
I notice another date below my birthdate. “What does this one mean?”
Shaw leans forward, towering over me, and traces the second date while I hold my breath, focusing on the way my heart races at his proximity. “This date marks the day I realized I loved you.”
“I... I don’t know what to say,” I manage to whisper, my voice trembling with emotion.
“I’m sorry,” he begins, his voice tinged with sadness and regret. “I was stupid to let you go. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I convinced myself that you needed a life filled with adventure and glamor—a life where you traveled the world and experienced things I couldn’t give you. I convinced myself that you should have a chance to be young and find yourself. But the truth is, although I wanted all that for you, that wasn’t the only reason why I let you go.” Shaw reaches forward and brushes a loose curl from my face with a sad smile. “The main reason is that I was scared, Ella. I loved my mother to death and look at how that ended. She left me, and I was never the same until you. You, cupcake, have the power to annihilate me with a single glance. Imagine what it would do to me if you ever woke up on my ranch and realized that you weren’t happy with that life and that it wasn’t enough. But I realized, with a little help,” he glances behind me toward my mother and then back at me, “that I can’t live without you. A life without you, Ella Kenton, is no kind of life. I don’t want to be the man who grieves your love. I want to be the man you come home to. The man who puts a ring on your finger and a baby in your belly. I want to be the man who paints the world pink for you, just like you do for me, baby.” More tears fall from my eyes, and he wipes them away as I search his gaze for sincerity.
“I missed you,” he continues, his voice wavering slightly. “I miss your smiles, your laughter, your magic. You bring life and color to my dull world, princess. I need you to color my world pink again.” His words echo the longing I have buried deep within, the ache of missing him despite the hurt he caused my heart.
Without a word, I reach out and place my hand on his, feeling the warmth of his skin against my own. I take a deep breath, steadying myself as I look into his eyes. “You hurt me,” I begin, my voice trembling. “You gave up on us, on me. Walking away from you shattered me. All because you made the decision for me. You decided this life is what I wanted—what I needed. When all I wanted was a life with you in that perfect little town where I was the happiest. That’s all I wanted, and you took it away.”
Shaw’s eyes look so sad, his expression filled with remorse. “Baby…” he replies softly, his voice thick with emotion. “I was a fool and I was wrong. I know I fucked up and made the worst mistake of my life by pushing you away as soon as you walked out of my door. But you have to know, Ella, that not a day goes by that I don’t miss you or wish I could turn back time. It took everything from me not to get on a plane and come find you. Because you, Ella, are the beat of my heart. You are the reason I wake up every morning, wanting to be better, and now I stand here hoping for another chance to make things right, to show you just how fucking much I love you.”
“I don’t know what to say…” I whisper, overwhelmed by the intensity of my emotions.
Shaw gently touches my cheek, and I close my eyes, breathing deeply at how much I missed his touch. “You don’t have to say anything,” he murmurs, making me open my eyes to meet his gaze. “I just want you to know that I love you more than anything in this world and that you are the moon and every star in the sky to me. No matter what happens, you’ll always be that to me.”
“Oh, great. Look what you’ve done, El. Now I want a cowboy.” I hear Raiza say from somewhere in the room.
“No, you don’t.”
That’s Uncle Vitali.
I can’t help but laugh. My heart feels light as it swells with love as I look up at Shaw. The world seems to fade into the background as we hold each other’s gaze.
“My heart was broken, and when you came into my life, it started to beat again.” Shaw smiles a dimpled smile at me, and suddenly, the sadness I felt just moments ago disappears.
He says that I give color to his life, but to me, he is the light. My light. All the shining stars that chase away the dark.
“Don’t ever do it again,” I whisper so only he can hear. “I won’t survive it.”
“I’d rather cut my heart out than lose you again,” he whispers, his words echoing through the large room. “I’ll love you till the moon stops shining.” As he speaks, he drops to one knee. Gasps of surprise and whispers ripple through my family, but his eyes don’t leave mine. With a trembling hand, he pulls out a small white box and opens it to reveal a stunning ring with a pink diamond.
“Ella,” he says, his voice almost shy. “Will you marry me? Will you give me the chance to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, showing you every day that you’re the reason I look forward to tomorrow?”
Tears stream down my cheeks as I gaze down at him, my heart overflowing with everything I feel for my beautiful man. Knowing that I, too, can’t live a life where he isn’t part of it, I drop to my knees in front of him, wrapping my arms around him tightly. “Yes. A thousand times yes,” I whisper. “Yes, I will marry you.”
Shaw’s expression changes from fear of me saying no to a wide smile that lights up his face, and then he laughs. “Fuck, thank you, baby,” he says before grabbing my face and pulling us close until our noses touch.
“It was always you, Shaw,” I tell him before our lips meet in a passionate kiss that seals our fate amidst the cheers and applause of my family.
Shaw pulls back and swiftly gets on his feet, pulling me up with him. We hold each other tightly. “There’ll never be anyone but you, moonshine. You’re it for me. You’re every fucking thing.”
“Right back atcha, cowboy,” I grin.
He then kisses me once more, and I melt against him, knowing that as long as I have him, everything will be okay. After all that has happened, I still believe that home is not a place. Home is Shaw.
Someone clears their throat, and Shaw and I shift our gaze to find my father standing there. Mom stands behind him with her hand on his shoulder.
My father has always been my number one man and my rock, my guiding light through life’s twists and turns. This moment must not be easy for him. I have always been his little girl, cherished and protected, and now, I am stepping into a new chapter that inevitably means a shift in our relationship.
Although I love my father with all of my heart and will always be his little girl, I have Shaw now, and he will be the one I run to first.
Pulling back from Shaw, I turn to my parents and take my father’s hand. “Dad,” I murmured softly while staring into eyes the same shade as mine. “I love you. I will always be your little girl.” I lean closer, kiss his cheek, and whisper the words I know he needs to hear.
Dad looks down at me, his eyes glistening with tears, but he manages a small, bittersweet smile. “I love you, my heart.” Then he turns to my fiancé and offers him his hand. I hold my breath, watching the interaction between my father and the man who will soon become my forever.
Shaw stares my father in the eye for a second before shaking his hand.
“You’re a better man than I was,” Dad whispers, confusing me a little. What is he talking about? My father is a good man—one of the best. I turn to Mom and watch her wipe a tear before leaning in closer to Dad and whispering something in his ear that makes him smile.
“I’ll take good care of her, sir,” my beautiful man says as he pulls me closer to his side, then looks down at me with so much love that it takes my breath away. “She’s my heart as well.”
“I have no doubt that you will,” Dad murmurs before stepping back, leaving us alone once again.
“Hey, grump.” I look up at Shaw with a grin on my face.
“Yeah, cupcake?”
“Are you happy?”
“I’ve never been this fucking happy, cupcake.” He squeezes me tighter against him and kisses the top of my head before whispering in my ear, “Thank fuck for your lucky stars. They led you to me.”
I beam happily up at him while he smiles back.
I think back to everything that led me here—a stalker, a friend’s betrayal, fate. It all leads me to him.
My beautiful and perfect green flag, that I wouldn’t change for the world. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
My very own grump with a heart made of gold.