Chapter Twenty-Seven
Rory
Aislin grabs another shot and downs it in a quick gulp. “Fuck, that burns!” She slams the glass onto the table again.
“You suck at this game.” Zuri wraps an arm around her and kisses her cheek. Ash grins at her like everything is right in the world. Does she love Zuri? I think she does.
We’ve smoked a whole lot of weed tonight, played probably too many drinking games, and while I’m having fun, I can’t stop thinking about what Shai said to me earlier. “I love you, don’t you know?” Like it’s so easy, like it’s something everyone should see or know or feel.
I don’t get why he loves me or how he knows he does, but I’m glad for it. I want it. I hope I don’t screw it up.
“Be nice to me,” Ash tells her, nuzzling in.
“The two of you are staying the night,” Tiernan says, going all daddy on them.
“I know, brother.” Ash looks at Zuri. “He thinks he’s responsible for everyone.”
“I am responsible for everyone,” Tiernan counters. “And the everyone keeps growing,” he mutters, making us laugh.
“No more drinking games,” Cillian interrupts. “Let’s just chill.”
Ollie is the only one completely sober, but he’s had a good time watching and laughing at the rest of us.
“I’m down,” Shai says, and Cillian gives him a nod.
I didn’t plan what happened earlier. Did I know it was a possibility when I hid in their room?
Yes, but I didn’t know what would happen or if Cil would send us away.
I haven’t had that—what I do with them—in a long time, not since the night I watched them together, then video called Shai, so tonight, having Shai in the room had gone to my fucking head like nothing else ever has before.
We grab food and bottles of alcohol and head to the living room.
We made dinner together earlier, all of us eating in the kitchen, then smoked, played beer pong and other games, and just had fun.
It’s not often we let loose like this. Even when we have parties at the house, Tiernan is always on edge, on guard, and it’s usually just me doing my thing.
Tonight it was safe—our family and the people who are most important to us.
Shai and I sit on the floor at the coffee table, Tiernan and Dean together in one of the large armchairs, Ollie and Cillian on one side of the couch, and Ash and Zuri on the other.
Cillian gets the bong going, passing it around the room. “What are you going to school for?” Shai asks Zuri. He seems more interested in it than he wants to admit. I hope he takes Ollie up on his offer to help him get ready to get his GED.
“I’m pre-med.” She beams. She doesn’t have the purple in her braids she did before. They’re all brown, and she has them tied up in a ponytail.
“She’s fucking smart.” Aislin looks at her all soft-eyed.
“Oh, you’re down bad,” I tease her.
“And you’re not?” she tosses back.
I can’t say she’s wrong.
Tiernan takes the bong, inhales deeply, then signals for Dean to get closer. He exhales the smoke, Dean pulling it into his own lungs.
“Don’t hurt her,” T says.
Aislin rolls her eyes.
“I won’t, but I’m pretty sure Ash can take care of herself,” Zuri defends.
“Oooh,” we all say as if we choreographed it.
“I’m not trying to be a bitch. I’m just saying,” Zuri adds.
“We know,” Ollie says. “We just all like it when people talk back to Tiernan. It always turns Cil on when I do it,” he jokes.
Tiernan flips him off. It’s nice to see T relax, to see how much more he’s relaxed since Dean came into his life.
“You’re just sticking up for your girl,” Shai adds, and Zuri nods, then bumps fists with Shai.
I like her. She’s a good choice for Ash…the way Shai is for me.
“I love you, don’t you know?”
I reach into my pocket for a fidget spinner, but of course I don’t have one, and then both Cillian and Shai hand me one, like they keep them on hand now for me, and…fuck, that does something to me.
“This one can be for next time.” Cillian pulls his hand back, letting Shai be the one to give it to me, and I see that for what it is—Cillian showing Shai he’s accepted him, that he knows Shai is mine and he’s okay with it.
“You should play guitar for us,” Aislin says.
“You play guitar?” Zuri asks.
“Yeah. I’m down if that’s what everyone wants.” When Shai says he’s down for anything, he really fucking is.
“Cillian plays piano,” Ollie tells Zuri.
“Do you guys ever play together?” She slides her fingers through Ash’s long black hair as she speaks.
The room goes quiet. Even Shai doesn’t seem to know how to respond to that. What the fuck would it be like to see Shai and Cillian play together, to do this thing they both love so much, that they both feel deep inside them.
Cillian looks at Ollie, then me, then Shai. I see the internal struggle, part of him wanting to do this, while the other part is scared of what it might mean, especially after what we shared earlier.
“Did I say something wrong?” Zuri asks.
“I think we’re just trying to figure out what kind of playing you mean,” I tease, hoping to lighten the mood.
Dean sits forward. “Wait, have you guys all fucked?”
“No,” Cillian answers, then to Shai, “We can if you want. The music, I mean.”
Ollie’s smile tries to take over his face, and I’m fairly certain mine is doing the same.
Shai seems dumbfounded for a second, like he can’t find the words to respond, before he clears his throat. “Yeah, that’d be cool. Let me go get my guitar.”
He runs upstairs, and while he’s gone, everyone starts turning the furniture around so we can sit and watch. I scoot close to Cillian, the two of us far enough from the rest of them that we won’t be overheard.
“You sure?” I ask.
“Yes.” He nods. “He’s good to you. You’re happy.” Cillian shrugs. “I like him.”
I chuckle. A month ago, I couldn’t have imagined him saying that. “He told me he loves me.”
“Did you say it back?”
I shake my head.
“Why not?” His brows draw together.
“I’m still confused.”
“You do,” he tells me, threading his fingers through the back of my hair, pulling me close, our foreheads touching. “You do, Ror. You’re just afraid, and I get that, but it’s in there, and one day, you’ll just know it.” He seems to hesitate, then says, “I thought he would take you away from us.”
“He won’t.”
“That’s the only reason he’s still breathing.”
There’s no doubt in my mind he’s telling the truth.
Shai comes back, and Cillian kisses my forehead before taking a seat on the piano bench. They pulled up a chair beside it for Shai.
“This is big, isn’t it?” Shai asks me.
“Yes.” Cillian once told me that when he talked to Tiernan about Ollie, T told him that Ollie was ours because he’s Cillian’s and Cillian is ours.
Tiernan has been showing us that he feels the same about Shai.
Cil too, and this is another step in that direction for him.
But even more than that, Cillian being willing to play with Shai is cementing that Cil has his own connection with Shai.
Because Shai is mine, because he loves me, because I don’t think a world could exist where my and Cillian’s lives aren’t completely entangled, which means the lives of the people we claim must be as well.
“I love you.” Shai presses his lips to mine, then walks over to the chair and sits. He and Cillian talk quietly for a moment, I assume settling on something to play.
Cillian starts, a tune I can’t place drifting up from the piano.
Like many things he plays, there’s a sadness to it, a deepness.
It takes a few minutes for Shai to join in, eyes closed, like he’s feeling the music.
He doesn’t open his eyes when his fingers begin plucking at the strings, moving along the frets.
While Cillian is reading music, Shai obviously isn’t.
He seems to be feeling out what Cillian is playing, matching him as best as he can but adding his own spin on the melody.
It’s angsty and sad, but somehow not, like there’s a build-up from this deep, dark place and the music is climbing higher and higher.
And they fit together, like the song is supposed to be played this way, one highlighting the other—my best friend and this man who has changed my world, who’s made me want things I never thought I would want, a relationship when that had never been in the cards for me.
I never thought I would want someone that way, and I certainly never thought someone would want me that way, but he does.
They do this through several songs, synchronized like they’re dancing, like they’re writing music together. The couch dips beside me, Ollie nuzzling close. I wrap my arm around him, kiss the top of his head, watch Shai so lost in what he’s doing, one with the music.
“They’re beautiful,” Ollie tells me, echoing what I told Shai about him and Cillian.
“They are.”
When they finish, Cillian playing his last few notes, Shai lingers, finally opening his eyes, looking at me, watching me, as he continues creating his own music.
And when I smile, he does too, my heart doing this weird…
how do I even word it? Like it’s not under my control, like it’s trying to float away. Is that it? Is that what love is?
When Shai finishes his last chords, Ash and Zuri clap. Cillian rolls his eyes, but he’s pleased.
“Good job, man,” he tells Shai, then wraps an arm around him in a one-armed hug, which Shai returns.
“He’s perfect for you,” Ollie tells me, and yeah, I think he’s right.
“That was really fucking good,” Dean says. “But I’m peopled out. We’re going to bed.”
“Oh, are we?” Tiernan cocks a brow, though we all know that alone in their room with Dean is where he wants to be.
“If you want to fuck me, we are,” Dean says, then without another word, turns for the stairs.
“You know how I like to give him his way,” Tiernan teases.
“You do? I thought the two of you got off on antagonizing each other,” Cillian teases back.
“That too.” Tiernan pumps his brows in this playful way that’s rare for him, then follows Dean upstairs.
“Sometimes I wish we didn’t have to share everything in this family.” Ash turns to Zuri. “Sorry about that.”
“No need to apologize. You guys are kinda incredible.”
“Fuck yes we are.” I stand, tug Ollie to his feet, then go to Shai. “On that note, my pet and I are out too.”
I take Shai’s hand, the man who loves me, the one I’m obsessed with, and lead him to our room.