Chapter Thirty
Shai
The past week has been a whirlwind. They’ve had a lot of shit to do with the mob, which is a weird-ass thing to think, so I’ve been home with Ollie a lot.
It’s wild to me that these guys balance going to college and selling drugs, arms deals, and murder, and I must admit, I’m jealous.
I want to be allowed further into their world, want to be the one who gets to go with Rory when shit goes down, want to learn how to protect him, to be exactly who he needs me to be in every way.
I know I should feel lucky I’m here at all, and I do, but as much as I enjoy my time with Ollie, sitting at home and waiting for them isn’t me.
Everyone is going to school this morning, and I’m off work, so not for the first time, I’ll be alone in the house. We’re all up together now, sitting in the kitchen, everyone eating before they leave.
“Do I really have to go?” Rory asks Ollie, fluttering his lashes dramatically.
“Yes. Seriously. You have a quiz.”
“Did you think he’d say something different?” Cillian asks. “If I have to go, so do you.”
“You literally get out of class at noon today. I think you’ll be fine,” I tell Rory, stuck in this weird place between agreeing with Ollie because Rory has been given an incredible opportunity a lot of people would kill for, and also agreeing with Rory because it’s not like he’ll ever use his degree. We all know what his future holds.
“We need to get Shai enrolled next year,” Rory says.
Ollie and I have been studying for my GED this past week, my skills sharper than I thought they’d be. He says I’m doing well, and Ollie isn’t the type to lie, so I believe him.
“If that’s what he wants, we’ll make it happen,” Tiernan answers. I don’t know the whole story there, but from bits and pieces I’ve heard, he has the dean in his pocket, and there’s not much Tiernan can’t make happen at Ashford if he wants it.
“I already told you, Cherry—I’m not letting you pay for me to go to college. But I appreciate that you would.” That all of them would make that happen for me.
“And I already told you I’m doing it anyway. It’s part of my charm.” He grins, and I can’t help but do the same. Damn him.
“You’re all already in your third year.”
“Not me,” Dean says.
“Or me,” Ollie adds.
“So you’ll transfer to Boston when we all leave.” Cillian shrugs as if it’s that easy.
Could it really be? Could I have this?
“We’ll look into it when I get back.” Rory shovels a bite of his second bowl of cereal into his mouth.
“We’ll be home late. We have shit to deal with,” Tiernan says, my pulse jumping only to plummet because it’s not as if I’ll be a part of that.
“I want Shai to come.” Rory pushes his bowl away.
“No.” Tiernan doesn’t bother to say more than that.
“Why not? Dean does shit with us,” Rory argues, and as much as I agree with him, I don’t want him to fight with his family for me.
“Cherry…”
“Fuck you,” Dean tells him.
“Fuck you back,” Rory counters.
“Jesus.” Tiernan rubs a hand over his face, clearly frustrated. “You’re all like a bunch of kids sometimes.”
“Yeah, well, that’s coming from a fifty-year-old in a twenty-one-year-old’s body.” Cillian winks at him.
“He can do this,” Rory presses.
“He hasn’t proven himself yet.”
“How does he do that if you don’t give him a chance?” Rory shoves to his feet.
“Hey, it’s fine. Don’t argue over me.” I reach for Rory’s hand and try to pull him back to the chair.
“Leave it alone.” Tiernan stands too, bringing his bowl to the sink.
“Leave what alone?” Rory asks.
“Rory,” Cillian says but gets ignored.
“No. What is it? I want to know.” Rory follows him over.
Tiernan looks hesitant but also like he’s over this conversation.
He sighs. “Last time the two of you were together, we had to come in and fix it. Shit happens. I get that. But I don’t know if you’re ready to be out there with him yet.
If something goes wrong, if he’s in any danger, you’ll lose control. ”
“And you wouldn’t if it was Dean?” I can hardly hear Rory over the blood rushing through my ears.
“No,” Tiernan answers simply. “I would worry, yes. I would do whatever I had to do to take care of him, and I would kill any fucking person who laid a hand on him, but I wouldn’t lose control.” The room goes silent. I’m not sure anyone is even breathing right now.
“Fuck you, Tiernan,” Rory says again.
“I’m not trying to be a dick.”
“So you’ve said.”
Tiernan rolls his eyes. “You can be mad at me all you want, but I’m saying this because you’re my brother.
I won’t lie to you, I won’t sugarcoat shit for you, and I’ll always do what’s best for you.
I want you and him safe, and neither of you is ready.
” Rory tries to turn away, but Tiernan stops him, his hand on Rory’s nape, holding him in place.
“Are you hearing me? I want you both safe, and I know you want the same thing.”
“Yeah,” Rory replies. “Yeah, I hear you.”
“We good?” Tiernan loosens his hold.
“We’re good.”
Rory sits down, and I scoot closer, cheek against his, mouth close to his ear.
“He’s right. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.
I’m not as good at this shit as the rest of you, and I would fucking die if you were hurt because of me.
” I hate speaking each and every word, but they’re true.
I’m inexperienced, and Rory is a loose cannon, especially when it comes to me.
“I know. Fucking sucks, though.” He turns to Tiernan. “Can we at least go rob someone or something? Just me and Shai.”
“Jesus, Ror.” Cillian shakes his head.
“You two need something?” Tiernan asks.
“It gets us off,” Rory explains.
Tiernan cracks a rare smile. “We’ll figure something out.”
“I’ll take an Uber out to see my mom.” I feel guilty. I haven’t been there in over a week. I hate the freedom I feel. That’s not the way it’s supposed to be. She’s my mom.
“Fuck that. Take my car.” Rory tosses me the keys.
He kisses me, and then they file out the door. Ollie lingers, giving me a sad smile and a hug. “He’s doing this because he cares about you both.”
“I get it.”
“We’ll find something fun to do later.”
“We better,” I tease.
Once the house is empty, I turn on music and clean the kitchen, then go up to our room. I play guitar for a while, then shower. Just as I’m about to leave the house, the door opens and Ollie comes in.
“Hey, Ollie. You’re back early.”
“Like I said, we’ll find something fun to do today. I only really needed to go to one class. It won’t kill me to miss the others.”
“Ollie…”
“No arguing.”
“I really do need to go see my mom.”
He shrugs. “I can go with you. Or I can wait here until you’re done.”
Rory is the only person I’ve ever brought home, and in the beginning, I didn’t even bring him home. He just showed up. It feels normal to bring a friend to meet your mom, something most people have done, and as shitty as it is, there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to be alone with her.
“You can come. She’s…a lot. A fucking trainwreck if I’m being honest.”
“I don’t care. We all have our stuff.”
It’s cute that he rarely curses. “Okay.”
We chat the whole drive to Mom’s trailer—and when did I start thinking of it as hers and not home?
The house is a fucking mess when I arrive—alcohol bottles everywhere, coke on the table. It smells like trash. “Fuck.” My heart drops. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Ollie squeezes my hand.
No, it’s really not. “I need to clean this place up. I’ll bring you home and come back.”
I try to move toward the door, but Ollie doesn’t budge, his feet rooted to the floor. “I’m not going home, Shai. Come on. We’ll get this done a lot faster if we do it together.”
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t, and…you’re family. This is what family does.”
“In my experience, this is what family does.” I motion around the room.
“Not us. We take care of our own.”
I nod, unable to find the words to thank him. “I’ll be right back.”
I head to her room and find her passed out in the bed. A woman and a man are sleeping in bed with her, and I pull the door closed, then go meet Ollie in the living room.
I’m grateful we have rubber gloves. I get those and trash bags, and we start cleaning.
There’s mold on the plates and on half the food in the fridge.
With each plate I scrape, each thing I clean, the guilt eats more and more of me.
We’re supposed to be together. We’re supposed to take care of each other, yet I’m too busy playing house with Rory. But…I deserve that, don’t I?
Ollie and I laugh and chat, just like we do at home, and it helps distract me from how fucking shitty this situation is.
Ollie’s shared with me a lot about how close he and his dad are, how close he was to his mom before she passed away.
I know the death of their mothers is something he and Cillian bonded over.
I like listening to Ollie speak while we work, and he does, nonstop, about simple things, earnest things. He doesn’t complain or look down on me, and I’m so fucking grateful.
It takes us three hours to clean the house. Ollie is vacuuming when my mom and her two fuck buddies come out, the guy naked, dick swinging. I’m in the kitchen, so they run into Ollie first.
He turns off the vacuum.
“Who are you?” Mom asks him.
“Ollie,” I say, pushing my way into the room. “Put some fucking clothes on,” I tell the guy.
“Who the fuck are you?” he says, stepping toward me.
Mom snaps out of it and squeezes between us. “Dave, this is my son, Shai. Shai, this is Dave.”
“Get dressed,” I tell him again.
“Fuck you, kid.”
We’re looking at each other over my mom, neither of us willing to back down.
“Come on, baby. We need to go anyway,” the other woman tells him. He stares me down for another moment, trying to intimidate me, but it doesn’t work, and then he’s letting her drag him down the hallway.
“Real fucking nice, Mom.”
“Who are you again?” she asks.