11. Chapter 11
Ludiin
F ood. A warm blanket. His favorite scent curling through the air. And…Ludiin’s gaze dropped to the pleasuring bot he’d built on the bed like a secret he’d rather keep buried.
He hadn’t tested it yet. He hadn’t wanted to touch it outside of his heat. Making it had already felt like crossing a line. A line he hadn’t meant to get so close to.
You needed it, Ludiin told himself, shame thick and sticky in his throat. It wasn’t about pleasure. Not really. It was a coping mechanism, a crutch to get himself through his heat, because he couldn’t find an alpha of his own to save his life. Even if it made him feel like a sick perverted sicko.
“Okay… everything is ready,” he whispered into the stillness.
He moved to the lone chair in the room, dropped into it, pulling his knees up to his chest. Anxiety pulsed under his skin like a second heartbeat. He didn’t know how this was going to go. He just prayed his plan worked.
Eyes closed, he focused inward, on the first flickers of change. The faint buzz at the base of his spine, the slow heating of his skin, the shift in the rhythm of his breath. It was starting. And with it, the memories of how bad it had gone before. Then Tarymn had come…
He clenched his teeth, holding the panic at bay.
I have everything I need, he reminded himself. This time will be different.
But then a wave of need hit, slicing through him like a knife.
“Okay,” he muttered, pushing himself upright, body trembling. Ludiin walked to the bed and lay down. His hand trembled as they closed about the pleasuring bot, and he closed his eyes imagining that night…with Tarymn… in this very bed.
Oh shit, Ludiin moaned as he spread his thighs and ran his fingers over his hole. He was so wet. Dripping.
He pushed one finger inside, mouth dropping open on a soft moan. It felt so good.
Ludiin stared up at the ceiling, letting out another moan. Maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as he feared. Maybe, just maybe, things would actually work out. He pulled out his finger and brought the pleasuring bot to his hole. He pushed in. And—
“Ahh…” Ludiin gasped as he came on the spot. He hadn’t even turned the bot on yet. He buried his face in the pillow, as he came so hard his entire body shook. The tremors rippled through him, raw and uncontrollable, as if he were unraveling from the inside out.
With unsteady fingers, Ludiin turned the pleasuring bot on, and buried his face into the pillow as it started to thrust deep inside him.
It felt amazing.
Not quite the same as when Tarymn was inside him, but close. Close enough that he could almost pretend. Pretend the alpha was there, fucking him in deep, steady thrusts that had him on the fucking edge. Close enough to believe, just for a moment, that everything was going to be okay.
Then…everything started to go wrong. Heat flooded his body without warning, turning his skin feverish and slick with sweat. He was burning from the inside out, every breath shallow and ragged. Time lost all meaning. There was only the relentless, throbbing ache pulsing through him.
And it was unbearable.
He writhed on the bed, muscles locking with each wave of searing need. Tears blurred his vision, streaming down his cheeks as he sobbed. Desperate. He screamed until his throat burned, but the ache didn’t ease.
Nothing helped.
Tarymn. He needed him.
He really… really shouldn’t.
Don’t go to him. Don’t you dare!
But his limbs were already moving, dragging him out of bed, as if something else was in control. He barely remembered opening the door, barely remembered stepping out.
Tarymn’s door loomed in front of him.
Go back. You can ride it out.
But he didn’t turn around. His hand moved before he could stop it, pressed on the access panel and the door slid open.
And then, Tarymn’s scent hit him like a warm wave. Rich, dark, familiar. It wrapped around him, calming the storm in his body, if only slightly.
He needed more.
Ludiin crept to the bed through the dark, guided only by the pull of Tarymn’s lingering scent. Maybe being near it would soothe the storm inside him. Besides, Tarymn wasn’t home. He’d gone to speak with Deltta. He wouldn’t know. Ludiin slid under the covers.
Then…
Tarymn?
Ludiin froze. His heart slammed against his ribs as his eyes adjusted to the dim room. And there he was. Tarymn. Not gone. Not asleep either.
“What are you…” Tarymn began groggily, but then he inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring. A low, primal growl rumbled from his chest.
Ludiin’s throat went dry. “I…” he stammered, shrinking under the weight of his own shame and desire.
Now that Tarymn was here, real and so close, all the words he’d planned scattered like dust. He didn’t know what to do.
What to say. Only that he shouldn’t be here.
But God, he couldn’t stay away. Ludiin blindly reached for him and dragged him on top of him. “Please, Tarymn. I need you.”
“Fuck, Ludiin,” Tarymn moaned, his weight settling on him.
Ludiin sighed in relief.
This is the last time , he told himself as he felt Tarymn’s cock nudge his hole. The crown slipped in…and the fucking world turned to paradise as Tarymn sank deeper. He held still for a few seconds, and then he was moving. Fucking him.
“Harder,” Ludiin begged.
“Fuck,” Tarymn groaned, but he did as he asked. He snapped his hips, fucking him deeper and harder.
Ludiin wrapped his thighs around Tarymn’s waist and hung on.
No more uncontrollable need, anxiety and pain, just bliss.
It felt wrong, and yet utterly right. Like this was where he was meant to be, where every part of him craved to remain.
As if the ache inside him had finally found its cure.
Ludiin closed his eyes, letting the warmth wrap around him, surrendering to the intoxicating rush of pleasure and comfort flooding his senses.
And when Tarymn knotted him… he wanted to scream his lungs out, but he bit his tongue and held it in. It felt so good.
And his cum…
“Oh shit,” Ludiin mumbled as he felt the stream of cum deep inside him. He squeezed his ass instinctively wanting more. And Tarymn gave it him. He filled him up with his cum, until he felt it dripping out of his hole.
It was filthy, but so fucking good.
Ludiin closed his eyes and gave himself to the pleasure, the moment.
For the first time since his heat started, his body wasn’t screaming. He wasn’t fucking losing his mind. He felt amazing.
He must have drifted off, because when he opened his eyes again, the room was bathed in soft morning light. Tarymn lay beside him, turned on his side, breathing slow and even in sleep.
Ludiin’s gaze lingered on his face. His chest ached with the longing to lean in and press his lips gently to Tarymn’s. Before he could let the temptation take root, he slipped out of bed, his heart pounding, and hurried to his room.
That didn’t happen. He pressed his back against the door, whispering the lie to himself as shame coiled tight around his chest. His pulse roared in his ears.
Ludiin rushed to the washroom and scrubbed every inch of his skin until it was red and raw, until he couldn’t smell any trace of Tarymn’s scent clinging to him.
Then he got dressed and threw himself into cleaning his room, trying to erase the memory.
Ludiin’s eyes landed on the pleasuring bot resting on the bed, a flicker of disappointment tugging at his chest.
It had started so well. Then something had gone wrong.
He sighed as he picked up his connector, thumb grazing its smooth surface, his mind already racing through possible ways to fix the bot.
Then his gaze flicked to the clock. A sharp gasp escaped him.
Last night had been the final night of his heat.
All this time, he’d believed the first wave had been the beginning.
If he’d just held out a little longer, he could’ve made it on his own.
A spark of excitement surged through him, banishing the last traces of shame clinging to his skin.
He bolted up to his den, his heart hammering, fingers itching to start again.
The pleasuring bot was close to being perfect.
He could feel it. If he just adjusted a few things, he wouldn’t need Tarymn or any other alpha.
He got to work, stylus flying over the screen of his e-reader as he modified the bot. Time slipped by, hunger gnawed at his stomach, yet Ludiin ignored it too absorbed in his work to care.
A while later, hurried footsteps echoed up the stairs, growing louder with each passing second.
Someone was coming up.
Ludiin stiffened, forcing in a breath as he turned toward the sound. His heart pounded violently in his chest. He wished he could delay this moment indefinitely, but deep down, he knew it was inevitable. He couldn’t avoid Tarymn forever. He had to face him.
Was he going to apologize again? Swear it wouldn’t happen again?
He didn’t know. He just… Fuck.
“Ludiin?” a familiar voice called.
Ludiin’s shoulders sagged the moment Luci came up the stairs. Relief went through him, even though he knew it was temporary. Tarymn would come eventually.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, noting how exhausted Luci looked. His oversized lounge top hung loosely, slipping off one shoulder, and his hair was a chaotic mess like he’d spent the night yanking his fingers through it.
“It’s getting worse,” Luci muttered, making his way to the workbench and leaning against it, as if his legs could no longer hold him upright.
“What is?”
“Oh, I forgot you were in heat while the fucking planet was falling apart,” Luci snapped, his voice heavy with sarcasm and panic. “Shit. What the hell are we going to do now?” He began pacing, his bare feet thudding against the floor with every step, arms flailing in frustration.
Ludiin said nothing. He turned away and stared at the sketch on his e-reader.
“Do you think everything will be fine?” Luci asked, his voice a little quieter now.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ludiin replied, not looking up.