24. Darcy
TWENTY-FOUR
DARCY
“Oh my god, she’s here!”
Caleb laughs as I tear down the gravel walk to Brianna’s sedan, squealing more as her hand pops out the window in an emphatic wave-type-thing.
“brI!”
My best friend Brianna has come to my family’s Fourth of July barbecue with no skips since we were in the sixth grade. I’m glad this year is no exception because so many things have changed this year.
“I brought blessings!” she sings, holding a Baja Blast Freeze out the window for me.
“You only needed to bring you but I’ll take it!” I pull the cup from her hand as she turns off her car and gets out. We wrap each other in such a tight hug. “How was the drive? You miss Pittsburgh traffic?”
“Oh, it was fine,” she says, then whines. “It’s been awful without you, though.”
“I know. I hate not being able to text you. And sometimes having the internet would be nice, but not required.”
“Well, I have good news on that front,” she says, extracting a piece of paper from her pocket and unfolding it. “I made you a bulleted list in glitter pen of all the internet phenomena you’ve missed in the last five weeks.”
“This is beautiful and perfect and I love it.” I giggle as she hands it over.
“Come on, our Taco Bell’s getting cold,” she says.
“Wait, meet everybody first!” I drag Bri by the hand and introduce Caleb and Becca. Jake rides up on a four-wheeler with peaches in the trailer wearing a backwards hat. My stomach does a little flip flop thinking about how he kissed me wearing that hat.
“That’s the guy?” Bri mutters under her breath.
“Indeed.” I call over to Jake. “Hey! This is my bestie! This is Brianna!”
“Hey, Brianna,” he calls with a dimply smile as he swings his leg over the seat. He shuffles over to shake her hand. “I’m Jake.”
“So business-like,” Bri says. “Kissing up in front of the boss?”
Jake’s sigh is ragged. “Now there are three of you. Got it.”
* * *
Crunchwrap supremes consumed and Bajas blasted, Bri, Becca, and I stand in front of the long vanity mirror in Bill and Maggie’s room. We’ve got music cranking and are singing in all our off-key ways. It’s been too long since I had a proper girly pregame night, and it’s everything I need right now.
“I’m so glad you came to do girl get ready time with us,” I say to Becca. “I wish you lived out here. The boys are fun, but they’re not you.”
“Aw, sis, I wish I could split myself and do both.” She winds a section of her fine blond hair around a curling iron.
“Just stay a night here and there! You can stay with me and we’ll do girl stuff. Or the boys do host fun video game nights. Hell, bring Stone. I don’t care.”
“That’s sweet, but Stone only wants to share me under very specific circumstances,” Becca says, tapping the side of her nose.
Brianna leans in. “And what circumstances are those, pray tell?”
Becca giggles. “He has this thing where he wants to see someone else please me while I’m pleasing him.”
“Damn, Stone!” Bri shouts. “Love that for y’all.”
“Well, don’t love it too much,” Becca says. “It’s not like it’s happened yet.”
“Yet,” Bri says, fussing with her bun. I give her a warning glance in the mirror because I know what she’s thinking. That type of situation would be her exact cup of tea. I am 100% in support of my best friend’s sexual pursuits, but there was one time she visited me in Raleigh and hooked up with one of Rob’s friends. The friend, who we not so affectionately referred to as Gee-off he’s Geoffrey with a G, proceeded to get far too attached. Bri broke poor Geoffrey’s heart because she had no intention of sticking around—and had made that clear. I was on Bri’s side, but I had to avoid him at parties for the next two years. At least I’m out of that circle of friends and don’t have to carry that burden anymore.
Another benefit of being done with Rob.
“Gee-off,” I mutter.
“Gee-off was not my fault and you know it,” Brianna sniffs.
“He wasn’t, but don’t leave me holding the bag again,” I say.
“What are you two talking about? Who’s Gee-off?” Becca asks. “I love other people’s drama.”
“God, who doesn’t?” Bri laughs.
“Bri had one fantastical night with my ex’s friend and he got clingy,” I explain. “He pestered me about her for the next two years.”
“What she’s saying is, don’t fall in love with me, kid,” Bri says in an old-timey accent. “I owe you one, Darce. You should come visit me and haunt my friend group.”
“I think ol’ Boss has her sights set elsewhere,” Becca says. “She’s in love with Big Daddy Jake. I saw them k-i-s-s-i-n-g in the barn today.”
Brianna’s eyes turn to wide blue marbles. “Big Daddy, huh?”
I scoff. “Becca and Caleb call him Daddy because he’s always trying to take care of me. And we’re not in love.”
“Hot,” Bri says. “Go on. Does Big Daddy take care of you?”
“Yes,” Becca cuts in. “He spoonfed her back to health yesterday. Fussed over her half the day.”
Heat rushes to my cheeks and Bri cackles. “Darcy’s blushin’,” she sings.
I fan my face and press my lips together. “He’s really nice to me. It’s weird.”
Bri’s face goes sympathetic, making big puppy dog eyes. “Aw, you need somebody nice.”
I shake my head. “I don’t really need anybody—” I start, but I’m cut off by two enthusiastic boos.
Bri adds a hiss to her booing. “No! Stop that! You need people!”
“Especially a big tall hot guy who’s nice to you,” Becca adds.
I giggle. “You really love talking about how hot he is.”
She tosses out a hand, but doesn’t take her eyes from the mirror where she fluffs her eyelashes. “I mean, have you seen him? They don’t make ‘em like that anymore.”
We all laugh, and a horn honks outside. “Daddy’s waiting!” Bri says.
We thunder down the steps, slip on our boots, and bound out the side door of the house where Jake’s truck waits.
Brianna opens the passenger door with a loud, “Hey, Daddy,” her jean shorts halfway up her ass paired with a black tank top, her hair piled on top of her head, and cowboy boots. Jake looks terrified.
“Shut up,” I hiss, unable to believe Bri’s sold all my secrets out for cigarettes already. I hip check her into the door and climb into the middle seat. Jake’s truck is old and still has a bench seat, which is especially convenient right now when I want to touch him.
“Hey, uh, there’s only three seats,” Jake says. “You girls are either going to have to squish or somebody’s getting cozy.”
“You can sit on my lap!” Becca volunteers, looking at Bri.
“Okie!” They goof off and carry on as they get settled. I turn to Jake.
“Hi,” I hum, struggling to extract the middle seatbelt.
Jake leans across me, pecking my cheek while he’s in my bubble. “You smell nice.” He clicks my seatbelt into place. “And you look gorgeous. I love this dress.”
My little short-sleeved red dress is a staple from my closet, dressed up with strappy sandals or down with my cowboy boots. It dips down perfectly in the front, making the girls look their best ever without completely hanging out.
Jake’s eyes catch on my cleavage. “You just like my boobs,” I say.
His eyes rise to my face. “Nah. The whole package.”
We go in for a quick kiss and I can’t believe any of this is happening. This man, this hunk of meat in the seat next to me, is giving me sweet little kisses just because. “Was I good enough today?” I hum.
“Ew, Dad, it’s hot in here, turn on the damn truck!” Brianna whines.
“Yeah, Dad,” Becca adds, “Quit flirting with Mom and get me some air.”
We all laugh and Jake starts the truck, resting his hand on my thigh with his fingers casually stroking the inside of my knee. I put my head on his shoulder and he presses a kiss to the top of it.
Bri puffs her lip out. “Fine. Y’all are cute.”
We bump down the gravel road and Bri and Becca chatter back and forth like they’re long lost best friends. Jake eyes me with a smirk. “Glad they get along.”
“Me too,” I say. I feel warm, and almost like it’s my birthday. My three current favorite people are in the truck, and the fourth is meeting us at the bar. I feel spoiled, surrounded by the people who get me.
A couple minutes after we hit the hard road? * , my phone buzzes.
And buzzes. And buzzes.
Rapid fire.
It’s normal for messages to pile up when I don’t have signal, then all come pouring in at once as soon as my phone connects with the outside world again.
“Ha, those are probably 40% me before I remembered you can’t see them,” Bri says.
My stomach is in knots because I don’t want to consider what the other 60% of the messages might be.
My family knows I’m on the farm and will call the house phone if they want to talk.
This isn’t my family.
It’s Rob.
I must have aggravated him by not responding anymore, and now he’s back with a vengeance.
I’m no longer leaning on Jake, instead sitting upright with every muscle tensed. Bri and Becca have gone quiet. Bri leans to try and see my phone screen.
“Everything okay?” Jake asks.
“Is it him?” Bri murmurs.
I nod, feeling like every bit of blood has drained from my face.
Bri takes my hand and pats my forearm.
“Does he know where you are?” Jake asks.
“I don’t know,” I mumble.
“Who?” Becca asks, having the sense to dim her bubbly mood.
“Her ex,” Bri mutters.
I open my messages and do a quick scan of the words.
Betrayed.
Irrational.
Hurtful.
Inconsiderate.
Immature.
Grow up.
“Can you block his number?” Jake asks, and bile rises in my throat.
I draw a shaky breath, my hands starting to tremble. “It’ll be worse if I do that.”
Bri knows I’m a professional worrier, and that I often doubt myself. It’s like she can read my mind right now. “You did the right thing leaving. Don’t let him convince you otherwise.”
I feel stupid, embarrassed. Everyone around me knew Rob was a piece of shit, but they let me go on like he wasn’t. They didn’t even know the full scope of it. I hid a lot of his more cutting critiques behind smiles and good-natured laughs, when really I was breaking inside.
And now, I’m left feeling broken.
“Why didn’t you say something?” I ask, tears brimming. “You knew he was bad and you let me get engaged to him.”
Bri shakes her head, her round Cindy Lou Who eyes going watery. “You weren’t ready to hear it. The best I could do was support you in whatever decision you made.”
I know what she’s saying is true, and that my stubbornness wouldn’t have let me walk away. I’d have rebelled if people told me to ditch him.
And the thing I didn’t realize is that having a bad partner affected my friendships too. There were so many things I never told Bri, ways I pulled away.
“He didn’t like it when I talked to you. He didn’t like how close we are, so he drove me away from you,” I whisper. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let him.”
Bri leans out of Becca’s lap to hug me tight. “We’re good, honey. We’re always good. But now we need to get you back to good.”
I fight bigger tears. This is probably a discussion we should have at the end of the night, or over coffee tomorrow morning. We’re headed out to party at a bar, and I’m having an emotional reckoning with my best friend.
But it’s not just her supporting me. Jake’s hand lightly pats my knee, and Becca snuggles my arm. “Sorry, boss,” she whispers.
Bri and I pull apart, and I hold my fingers under my lashes to sop up any spilling makeup.
“Is it him you’re running from?” Becca asks, and it’s the most serious I’ve ever heard her.
I nod. “We were getting married in September. But he messed with stuff at my job and that was the last straw.”
“Ew! Fuck him!” Becca cries, and it brings a little levity back into the air. We’re at a red light and Jake leans to kiss my temple. I’m sure this is awkward for him, talking about my shithead ex while we’re just getting our feelings for each other sorted out. But he’s trying, and that means so much.
“You girls need anything to eat?” Jake offers. “Last call before we’re there.”
I laugh and get out my lip gloss. “Always feeding me.”
“Well, I’m not going to let you go to a bar hungry and then get all trashed and sad,” he harrumphs.
“You’re so mad about it,” I tease. What he doesn’t know is there’s no way I’m getting drunk tonight. Rob’s continued attempts to contact me, my spiral yesterday when I was sick, and having an emotional moment with Bri are enough to send my anxiety off the chain. Booze is not going to help.
“I’ll make sure she has fun, Dad,” Bri says and his jaw flexes. Bri giggles as she slides off Becca’s lap and onto the gravel parking lot. “You’re right. It is easy to push his buttons.”
Jake pulls us right up to the door of the bar. “You girls be good,” he says, winking at me when I whip around to chastise him about it. Before I get out, his warm hand returns to my knee. “For real. Have fun. You deserve it. You’ll be alright?”
“I will. You’ll be back soon?”
“Yeah. Probably just an hour or so once I get there,” he says.
“‘Kay.” I bite my bottom lip and he tracks the movement.
Jake lowers his voice to a husky rumble. “Don’t forget about me in there, alright?”
“Give me something to remember,” I say, as he draws closer to me.
His lips barely brush mine, a smile on them before he dives back in. Our motions are slow, savoring each other.
I am so royally fucked.
I’m caught between two worlds: one where I know I’m damaged goods and should probably take some time alone to heal from Rob, and one where I throw all that away and just let myself be happy. It’s hard to do the latter with the former in the way.
The confusion has me pulling away abruptly. Jake doesn’t say anything but his eyes search for an answer. I swallow and force a smile. “See you after while.”
“Be good,” he says again.
“I do what I want,” I taunt. I scoot away from him and slide off the seat and onto the gravel parking lot. “Don’t forget your hat when you come back, cowboy.”
Jake’s dimples flash. “If that’s what you want, boss.”
“Ugh, sickening! Come on!” Bri whines, grabbing my hand and dragging me away from Jake’s truck. Becca holds the door to the bar with the reverence of someone ushering us into a castle.
* ? Term for a paved road rather than a gravel road